You said it yourself: you are too old to be taking orders, even kindly well-intentioned ones, from your parents. You're an adult, and they cannot "force" you to do things that make you feel unhappy and uncomfortable unless you allow them too. But that won't be true until you accept it and act accordingly. When they ask you to get involved with a matchmaker (which does sound like a mild consensual version of arranging a marriage) or contact people your parents have dug up for you,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:24 PM on May 27, 2008

Yeah, you do want to avoid the pre-move declaration. If I were moving to, say, Fairbanks, and a good friend who already lived there made this sort of confession beforehand, I would neurotically start to think, "Oh geez, now if I move there, am I sending a particular message about reciprocating when I may or may not want to? Or did I inadvertently already send a message that I'm moving there because of this person when I'm not, and now (s)he thinks (s)he... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:29 PM on May 27, 2008

I'll second Robert Benchley and add S. J. Perelman. There's something absurdly, subversively whimsical (rather than ha-ha knee-slapping horselaugh) about them that is in the same ballpark as the Handey vibe.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2008

Cosmo.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:39 AM on April 20, 2008

Let me just echo number9dream and DarlingBri by saying that you can kiss, snog, cuddle, grope, pet, and makeout all you want, solely for its own sake, and stop whenever you want to, without being "prude" or a "cocktease" or "leading someone on." I am so sick of this nonsense that all sexual play exists only as a warm-up or prelude to THE MAIN EVENT of penile-vaginal intercourse and that engaging in any non-intercourse sexual activity constitutes a contract or... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 7:25 PM on April 15, 2008

IANAD, and this is purely anecdotal, but the past few months in Ontario (as in Michigan) have been wintertime, when our bodies try really, really hard to make us pack on the insulation. Or at least mine does. And this winter has been a tad relentless, which seems to exacerbate the issue. I briskly walk 5 miles every morning, in every season, and so you'd think my appetite and metabolism would be pretty steady, but for whatever reason, I feel sluggish and starving every... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:37 PM on March 30, 2008

The problem is that nearly all the examples you see in textbooks or anthologies of "good essays" are examples of good classic, belletristic or periodical prose, which are not the same as a good academic essay, and this is my chief complaint about college writing textbooks. Belletristic essay writers (like Orwell, Annie Dillard, yata yata) tend to be idiosyncratic in style, more meandering or at least associational in organization than the conventions of academic... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:26 PM on March 30, 2008

First of all, everyone comes with "handicaps" when they look for partners, and dating is all about getting to know, gradually, who people are and whether they're compatible with you. Granted, the points you mention are ones that many conventional women will consider negatives, but there are lots of unconventional women out there who wouldn't be fazed one bit by your "dealbreakers" and actually might consider them major benefits rather than drawbacks.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:42 PM on March 23, 2008

I'm glad you're OK! As everyone else said, you're already aware that you need to recover not just physically and are taking constructive steps. Based on my experience with serious (but not life-threatening) surgery, I'd add that it's very, very early yet. The physical trauma just hit you a few weeks ago and, as you heal, is still going on -- your body, and your sense of self, are just going to feel out of whack for a while, which is very unsettling. And even the very positive steps you're... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:48 PM on March 16, 2008

Well, you could go with the whole airline vibe as part of the party theme: dress as a pilot or flight attendant, serve drinks in little plastic cups, have bags of honey-roasted peanuts and pretzels, etc.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:18 PM on March 16, 2008

She's not a roughing-it survivalist, so it's not exactly what you want, but May Sarton wrote the wonderful Journal of a Solitude in celebration of, well, solitude.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:08 PM on March 16, 2008

There are a lot of variables here. How much weight has she gained, over what period of time, on what general size body/frame? I mean, there's a big difference between a little middle-age spread and morbid obesity -- and having a better sense of that would undoubtedly help us give better advice about how you can broach the subject.

One thing you might want to consider -- do your own eating habits influence your wife? You say you "eat well," but bear in mind... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 8:59 AM on March 16, 2008

P.J. Proby -- Niki Hoeky
Mickey and Sylvia, Love Is Strange
The BroJays (i.e., Brothers Johnson) -- Strawberry Letter 23
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 2:25 PM on March 13, 2008

P.J. Proby -- Niki Hoeky
Mickey and Sylvia -- Love Is Strange
The BroJays (i.e., Brothers Johnson) -- Strawberry Letter 23
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 2:27 PM on March 13, 2008

Yeah, probably a dealbreaker in your case since it's causing major anguish, but in general, some couples do manage to make some sort of compromise work despite being wired differently about relationship style.

For instance, I know some folk who have carved out a workable (for them) "don't ask, don't tell" system, i.e., "I'm perfectly OK philosophically with your having other involvements and with knowing vaguely that they exist as long as I don't have to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 3:25 AM on March 7, 2008

I believe this is standard with all Sub Pop vinyl releases now. Recently on that or other labels: The New Pornographers, Bishop Allen, The Shins, Iron & Wine.

With Wilco's Sky Blue Sky, for a couple of extra bucks, there was a CD stuck in with the LP.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:25 PM on March 5, 2008

Oh, yeah, The National.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:26 PM on March 5, 2008

Bret Harte -- invented a ton of Western story/movie clichés.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 11:18 AM on March 5, 2008

Unlike Jimbob, I don't know this guy, but it's completely obvious that he has a birthmark on his left knee, can hold his breath for 4 minutes, is double-jointed, speaks fluent Swahili and is allergic to shellfish.

Because, come on, he's working at a cosmetics counter, and all those guys are, y'know, that way.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 7:18 PM on March 4, 2008

This is Matilda before she got her pink collar.

Oh yeah, all sorts of people who don't have much (positive) experience with dogs could easily think she was a fighting breed at first glance. Our dogs don't look to strangers as they look to us.

(As someone with a Mathilda + 4 other large mongrels, I think Matilda's adorable).
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 3:32 PM on February 25, 2008

in the examples given, "an orange and two bananas" is not the subject. It is the predicate. The impersonal "there" is the subject.

No, "an orange and two bananas" is not the predicate; it is the predicate nominative, and therefore the linking verb agrees with it, as thinking woman noted. When you have a plural predicate nominative used with present or past "to be," it's always going to be... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:49 AM on February 25, 2008

I don't care if she's new in town from Alpha Centauri -- if it was so very important to her to have a reliable place to stay, she wouldn't have treated it like a dump. This is not some teenager learning how to be an adult; it's an adult who is either so self-involved or out of control that she can't manage to exhibit basic courtesy and responsibility. Why would you let her continue to mess up your home, stress you out and prevent you from getting a decent night's sleep (especially when you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 1:34 PM on February 23, 2008

Skip October -- there are so many October birthdays (for this, we can thank the snowbound tedium of January) that yours will get lost in the shuffle. I'm "October birthday #4, yawn, what an anticlimax" in my extended family.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:50 AM on February 23, 2008

I'm glad you didn't eat the pork, but I have found that all pork tenderloin, no matter how fresh and non-toxic, smells relatively hideous. I think it's the horrific carcinogenic mutation-producing genetically-modified antibiotic radioactive preservative goop they soak it in or something.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:28 PM on February 14, 2008

OK, I have no idea what this is, but I'll probably now hear rustling tonight when I go to bed. Anyhow, if I were you, I would immediately clean all the books, papers, and any other rustly clutter out from under the bed -- get that floor completely clear, as well as any other spots in the room that seem to be saying "Welcome, vermin, move right in!" Have a big can of bug spray, some paper towels and a wastebasket at the ready, and shake out each book or paper as... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:43 AM on February 10, 2008

The more I think about this -- and I'm just so thrilled to be thinking about it frequently today, thanks -- I have to agree that it's probably mice, and they're probably in the walls rather than in your room. When I've had mice in my plastered walls before, the scritching did sound rustly, and it also sounds exactly as if it's on the human side of the wall sometimes when it's not.

About borrowing a cat, make sure you borrow one that has solid,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 12:00 PM on February 10, 2008 marked best answer

I've got a Ph.D., and I'm the same big dumb donkeygirl I ever was in most ways. Moreover, nearly all my colleagues are even bigger donkeyfolk than I am. Trust me, many of these guys would be undyingly grateful to you, a regular person, for deigning to spend time with them. Most regular people tend to think, rightfully, that we academics are weirdos and often talk to us in that reassuring tone usually reserved for feral dogs and jumpy people holding detonators.

What... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:55 PM on February 8, 2008

It very much depends on the individual dogs. In this case it depends mostly on how well the three year old dog has been socialized up to now to accept and interact positively with other dogs. Some elderly dog owners can be sort of isolated and can't get their dogs out into the wide world, and the result is a little pushy territorial suspicious "one-person dog."

At three years, Older Pup is an adult with established behavior patterns, and as an "only... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:44 AM on February 8, 2008 marked best answer

Whoops, if you do take on Dog #2, then it's even more essential than usual that both dogs be neutered in order to coexist peacefully. In fact, if the three year old female is not neutered already, I'd probably take a pass. But owning two intact females of a spunky breed? Bad, bad, bad idea.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:52 AM on February 8, 2008

Action
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:05 PM on February 2, 2008

I guess I wouldn't say "reading" a book if I had listened to it; I would say "listened" just for accuracy. But jessamyn has it: one doesn't count for more than another -- they just take different sets of skills and amounts of time, and perhaps create somewhat different experiences since they use different senses and brain chemistry. It's certainly possible to read passively without real engagement whether using eyes, ears or fingertips. Engaged digestion of a text via any... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 3:43 PM on February 2, 2008

I think that the reason that you're backing away from her is not that she has "served her purpose" but that she is stalking you. I'm not sure how you handle it; you ought to be able to calmly explain that though you value her friendship, you need to scale back the time you two are spending with one another (in person and via e-mail, IM, etc.) because it's overwhelming for you and other parts of your life need more attention. A regular close friend would be able to hear and accept... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 3:28 PM on February 2, 2008

Yes, that is quite foolish, and if he's 33, I would (sort of) expect him to have outgrown that sort of sophomoric romantic-comedy silliness by now, except that many people seem to take even longer to come down to earth.

I'm sure you are shattered since this only just happened, but bear in mind that (at least based on what you say here) you have a much more well-adjusted, mature view of how mutually enjoyable relationships work. The sad but true part is that there's... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:59 PM on January 11, 2008

(why are there not more women in this thread?)

You rang? Keeping door shut (a constant problem on a college campus where KidsTheseDays keep busting the locks and the cheap-ass administration is lax about fixing them) -- lean forward and press fingertips of non-dominant hand against door. Or if you still feel insecure or that angle isn't, um, conducive to helping with the activity you're engaging in [hey, I'm a broad; what do I know from boyzone... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:38 PM on January 11, 2008

Don't discount the mental fitness benefit. It may just be a placebo effect, but the less sluggishly sedentary and more on-the-go (in an upbeat, not nervous way) I am, the better my attitude, emotional stamina, and sense of general well-being. As long as you're paying attention to your driving, bopping and singing and being in motion is probably a great way to fight off the ennui and stress and pissiness of commuting, and that certainly can only help your immune system and longterm outlook.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:02 PM on January 10, 2008 marked best answer

Does the local TV news station(s) in the nearest city have one of those "Consumer Watchdog" or "We're on Your Side" deals, where consumers call in to complain about how they've been ripped off and then the intrepid reporter does a cheesy investigative piece designed to generate community outrage and "right the wrong"?

Most local podunk news outlets have those segments, and this is JUST the sort of thing they love, at least here in Michigan.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 4:30 PM on January 4, 2008

I'm not sure this provides enough note-taking space for your needs, but I'm convinced that I'd probably die if I were deprived of my 8.5x11 Academic Time:Master from Payne Publishers. Each day, including weekends, gets one of those big long columns. There is a 5-line smaller box above each day's column for notes, more notespace running horizontally underneath the entire week, and another full-length Things to Do/Notes space next to Sunday on the right.

I have loved the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:48 PM on January 1, 2008

Oh, the Time:Master also includes a two-page calendar for each month, with ample "goal listing" space, a two-page full academic year calendar with little spaces for major goals or deadlines, and a second two-page "forward planning" calendar for the upcoming year.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:51 PM on January 1, 2008

My LP soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz (1939, but the album was made in the 1960s) was like that, featuring either the entire audio track of the film or notable chunks of it before/after songs.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:59 AM on December 30, 2007

This is definitely a problem of people who read a lot and who operate by analogy -- as you did with "heifer." You pronounced the "ei" as you would in "stein," which is totally logical. And if English hadn't absorbed words from 4,000 different languages with different pronunciation rules, it'd be simpler for us all. Basically, any words that look as if they should follow one pronunciation convention but follow a different one are the big... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 6:38 AM on December 30, 2007 marked best answer

P.S. If you wanted to keep with the island theme but still wanted to do the mixed tape thing, you could make an "island music" CD.

Even if you don't do the mix CD, download the delightful song "On a Coconut Island" (lyrics) and play it when you give him the gift. The Louis Armstrong version is fabulous, and I believe you can download the track (or listen to a sample) here.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 2:44 PM on December 25, 2007

For heaven's sake, please do NOT adopt a dog (as SpecialK suggested) in order to "try out" your readiness for parenthood. First of all, parenting and dog ownership involve very different skill sets, rewards and challenges, and more important, the only person who should adopt a dog is someone who seriously wants one and is ready to make a permanent commitment to caring for one.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 2:30 PM on December 25, 2007

OK, you've said this is an informal gathering, so maybe the solution is to make the meal casual, buffet-style, "eat when you feel like it," where people fill plates and then go sit here and there chatting rather than gathering as a group around a set table at one time. That de-formalizes the proceedings and could discourage ritualistic displays. If the in-laws get their grub, look around, and realize everyone else is doing their own thing in little clusters,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:07 AM on December 25, 2007

IANArepresentative case, but I was a nerdy girls with a healthy interest in casual passionate sex in my 20s and 30s, and here are what I see as the key problems in your case:

1. Online advertising has killed all the joy of casual hook-ups. Good casual sex is all about immediacy and chemistry and clicking whereas Craigslist and OKCupid and all that are about auditioning, making what amount to cut-and-dried "appointments to fuck" and otherwise removing all the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:45 PM on December 18, 2007

Ah, a fellow tome-lover! I'm one volume into Proust's gargantuan A la recherche du temps perdu, and it's just great; after all the off-putting "it's a very challenging Work of Art" comments I'd heard over the decades, I was surprised at what a page-turner it was. Meandering, idiosyncratic, beautifully written. The only bad part is that it gives you chronic headstick of the Monty Python Proust competition sketch.

Also, I'm just starting... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 8:02 PM on December 17, 2007

I was raised in Illinois, US, and we always had them around the house, but I don't really remember being made or taught to use one, specifically, especially once I was old enough to take showers. I believe my mother bathed me with a cloth when I was little. Nowadays, I use bare hands or those scratchy exfoliating gloves.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 7:04 PM on December 17, 2007

we put them out for guests, but they never use them, either.

Oddly enough, I will sometimes use a washcloth (or at least make it look used) if I'm staying at someone's house and one gets put out for me, depending on the host -- ancient auntie? oh yeah. It must be some bizarre "when in Rome" table manners thing, like using a shrimp fork the same way the other diners do so that you don't look like a slovenly rube.
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 7:50 PM on December 17, 2007

IANAdogexpert, just a dog owner. The aggression is coming from stress and fear, and yes, if Pup's past behavior has made it so you're also tense and nervous now, then that's feeding into it. This is probably going to take longterm behavioral reconditioning on your part, but here are a few things that may help:

1) Take Pup for a long, long, brisk walk before going to the vet, to tire him out -- and calm you down.

2) Practice with the muzzle at... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 5:25 AM on December 16, 2007 marked best answer

Strongly recommend you call the hospital and talk to an on-call ER nurse rather than wait for the OB/GYN's office to open.

You might as well wait for the office to open because ER personnel are not going to dispense medical advice or diagnostic info over the phone. Around here (and probably everywhere), they won't even say "yes, you should come in for that" or "no, you shouldn't" because the hospital's legal counsel will take... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 9:17 AM on December 13, 2007

The one most important thing? After all the bullshit and frustration and worry, after bankers throwing around phrases like "give or take a thousand dollars" as you breathe into a bag, after stupid counteroffer haggling, after finding out there's a leaky gas station fuel tank 50 feet from the house you nearly bought but didn't, after your friends freaking you out by regaling you with tales of the six expensive things that immediately broke when they bought their houses, etc., etc. . . .... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by FelliniBlank at 1:41 PM on December 12, 2007