Agreed that if you're not getting hot and sweaty under the covers enough to make you throw them off for the blissful sting of cooler air, you're doing it wrong.

Yeah, this.

I honestly don't understand how under the covers can mean "boring." Yes, your field of vision is restricted, and there are a few positions that won't work, and sometimes your feet get tangled up. But you are still having sex.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 6:28 AM on October 5, 2008

I'll nth the frozen vegies suggestions.

I deal with the spoilage problem by only buying fresh vegies that I have iron-clad plans to use in the next day or two. I don't buy some cucumbers "because they are healthy" — they only go in the shopping cart if there is an actual plan for their use.

The practical meaning of this is that I keep plenty of frozen vegies in the freezer, and swing by the grocery story a couple of times a week to pick... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 9:14 PM on October 4, 2008

How do I healthily express and engage my sexuality without dating or casual encounters?

I think many, if not most, people have had to grapple with some variation of this question. Personally, there was a time when I recognized that casual sex was not for me, and it can take a while to find the right person. So it's a pretty normal sort of thing to try and come to terms with.

A really large part of the answer comes from being... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 8:55 PM on October 4, 2008 marked best answer

If your friend is adamant about helping Africa with shoes, keep talking to people until you have found a specific school/orphanage/charity in Africa which is asking for shoes. Seriously: let them decide what they need, then offer it wholeheartedly.

I couldn't agree more.

Really, the best approach would be to not put the cart in front of the horse, which is what you are doing. You have found a hammer (shoes!) and are looking... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 8:33 PM on October 4, 2008

I think b33j's advice to slow down is spot-on. You know, "haste makes waste" and all that. You are trying to do too much, and to be perfect at all of it, and as a consequence you aren't doing well at any of it.

You find the space to slow down by ruthlessly culling stuff, and by performing triage on what you need to get done. Yes, physical stuff — keep the bare minimum, and only things that are nice enough to be worth taking care of. But more importantly, cull... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 8:04 AM on October 2, 2008

Yes — I patronize two, in fact. Be aware, though, that it is tough work, and every older butcher I've ever met has serious finger joint issues from the repetitive cutting and the cold. And scars, too.

In my experience, the small-scale butchering world is bifurcated. There's the high-end, fancy organic/grass-fed/etc shop, like what you are describing, and then there is the everyday slaughter/cut/wrap places that make their money processing cows, pigs, goats, sheep, and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 5:53 AM on October 2, 2008

A lot of people do go to cafes and other places in part for sociality. Sometimes I just want to bury my nose in my book, and I will signal that by giving short answers and not making eye contact if someone starts talking to me. And sometimes I'm open for talking and will start chatting with whomever is at the next table.

But I think you are getting knotted up too early in the process:

I honestly can't distinguish the receptive from the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 9:17 PM on September 30, 2008

The caveat here is that I am "attached" taken

I swear, I can flirt better than I can type.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 9:20 PM on September 30, 2008

It sounds to me like you're doing your best to be friendly and try to make friends--good for you. And as softsantear said, it seems like you've met a lot of people with bad manners.

I sort of agree (but would hasten to add that there is a strong thread of social dissonance in all the OP's questions, and none of these will be solved without addressing that underlying problem with social interactions).

But rather than blame it... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 3:31 PM on September 30, 2008

You need to do two things. First, communicate very clearly (either directly to them, or via your fiance, whatever is more comfortable) that you and your family are financially divorced. There is no support coming from them, and you do not support them, either.

Second, you need to immediately and visibly get with the program. What program, you ask? This one:

Her parents are minimalists far beyond what their daughter is. ... They just... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 5:22 PM on September 29, 2008

I wonder if some overt gestures of responsibility (i.e., buy them some gifts, take a more active role in helping them manage their finances (there's a LOT to do there, and it's mostly the mom who gets stuck running all the errands)) wouldn't help show them I'm visibly with the program.

I think we have different understandings here of what the "program" is.

My reading of it, in what you wrote and in my own experience,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 6:45 PM on September 29, 2008

I thought that was the cheesiest and falsest story I've read in a long time, so I skipped the thread.

I'm all for inspirational and uplifting stories, but that one was just hokey.
posted to MetaTalk by Forktine at 4:04 PM on September 29, 2008

What about beans and legumes, especially lentils and dal in Indian recipes, split-pea soup, minestrone, feijoada, and so on?

I think what I'm suggesting is starting to use meat as a flavor base for more dishes, drawing on more cuisines (eg Indian, Italian, Latin American), and swapping out some of those flavored rice boxes (which get old pretty fast) for things like lentils that are more adaptable and really cheap. You can make a fabulous dish (enough for several meals)... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 5:51 AM on September 28, 2008

I think all the hating on frozen vegies is really misplaced. I buy them on sale, so they are really cheap, and definitely cheaper than fresh vegies when you account for spoilage, trimming, etc. For a single person especially, frozen vegies are nice because you just use the amount you need and put the rest back in the freezer for later, so there is no wastage at all. Nutritionally they are fine, maybe not as good as something organic that you eat five minutes after it is picked but compared to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 8:08 AM on September 28, 2008

So you are about 26 or so, yes? What you write sounds pretty normal for someone in their late twenties/early thirties, who has always moved around, but is now finding it both harder to settle where they are and also harder to scratch the "need something new" itch.

For most people, in my experience, this resolves itself with time. Give it a few years, you either start putting down some roots, or you find a way to make moving work for you.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 5:43 AM on September 26, 2008

Thanks for really telling it like it is, Cool Papa Bell. I'm going to look into a subscription to a women's magazine straightaway.

I think you are missing the point of his (?) post, if it's that easy for you to dismiss.

If something happens once in a while, you call it bad luck or fate or whatever. But if it keeps happening, and keeps happening, and keeps happening, while other people have different results, at some point you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 5:31 AM on September 26, 2008

First, I'm pretty sure that the people saying that it's something like SAD that's causing your mood shifts, and not your penis shrinking, are correct. Your penis shrinking from cold, and your penis retracting from stress, have different causes — your body is not confused about why it is retracting your little guy.

Second, I have found that this is not related to outside temperature, but to my inside temperature. So I can be in a really warm room, but feeling chilled, and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 7:15 AM on September 25, 2008 marked best answer

I would skip Negril, Ocho Rios, and the tourist strip in Montego Bay, since you are coming from a similarly touristed area. The small towns along the north coast, though, have some really nice bays for snorkeling and diving, if you are a water person.

With that short of time, though, I'd suggest really immersing yourself in the Cockpit Country, including its history, the caves and sinkholes, the food, the music, etc. The author Russel Banks, for example, has at least... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 7:07 AM on September 25, 2008

The whole thing smells to me like a joke. It reads sort of like a dating ad crossed with a character in an Ayn Rand book or something, more than a serious search for a sperm donor. But she (assuming she is real, not a fake identity) will get thousands of replies, and either get a lot of laughs out of it, or maybe even find a boyfriend. Stranger things have happened.
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 6:37 AM on September 24, 2008

The couple who built this small house put the initial cost of materials at about $6,000, not including land; I think that they've put more money into since the initial build. Building materials have gotten more expensive since then, and they were building in an area with little (or no) oversight — so they avoided a lot of administrative and permitting costs you would have to pay in some other places. They saved big money by not putting in a real foundation; many (if not most) houses around the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 6:37 PM on September 23, 2008

First, there absolutely is a bunch of "stuff" that might help: cushions, swings, etc, all of which can be used to support one or both parties during sex. Here is the assortment of cushions sold by Blowfish, for example; basic google searches for "sex cushion" and "sex swing" will turn up more results than you can shake a stick at.

Second, I have to agree with konolia that there are a lot of other positions (and more importantly, variations... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 2:35 PM on September 23, 2008

Is he/she your boyfriend or your husband?

"Boyfriend" sounds like you are 16 years old and need to be home by curfew; "husband" only applies if you are legally married and even then carries baggage that "partner" doesn't.

So yeah, people use "partner" for all kinds of reasons — precision or ambiguity; privacy or openness; sometimes it implies solidarity with marriage-deprived-gays and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 9:00 PM on September 22, 2008

I know that one answer is to just up and kiss her, but somehow I feel conflicted, as if she perhaps wouldn't appreciate it, and that to do so would be ignoring counter-signs worth listening to

Is she an old friend, or someone you work with, or someone you will otherwise have to see and interact with for years to come?

If not, there isn't much to lose by making a move. Worst case is she gets angry, tells you she's not into you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 6:57 AM on September 22, 2008

knowing what I know, and taking a little more time to look inside and see what's there, I think there isn't much more conversation to have with this individual, at least in trying to move in the romantic direction. Looking back at our past conversations, so many of the roads I know to intimacy have been peeked at from over the hedge, with no real ensuing spark of chemistry, or encouragement to move forward. And even if that wasn't an inevitable outcome, maybe it's okay to accept it as... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 4:13 PM on September 22, 2008

The reason you can't (easily) use the generator to heat the cabin is that a running gasoline engine produces carbon monoxide, which will kill you in a confined space. A running car in a closed garage will do the same thing, which is why people have committed suicide that way. Every hurricane season several people kill themselves by running a generator indoors — please don't do this.

So the generator needs to be outside (and not in a location where the exhaust fumes will... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 2:16 AM on September 22, 2008

So as to convey the message that I am a sensuous and passionate woman in the traditional sense and not a promiscuous whore either.

I'll be honest and admit that I'm not entirely sure what "sensuous and passionate in the traditional sense" means, completely. How is that different from non-traditional passion and sensuality?

The way to avoid this kind of confusion, I think, would be in careful and descriptive writing.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 4:34 PM on September 20, 2008

Play dumb.

This is excellent advice. Don't go looking for trouble — don't call the building department, don't mention anything to the appraiser, don't call the lender.

I've gone through a few appraisals. It's no doubt different in different places, but the appraisers I've dealt with came in with very little information about the place they were looking at, aside from the basics (square footage, number of bedrooms, year built,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 3:28 PM on September 20, 2008

How could you have forgotten the detachable penis song?

Lady Saw covers the NSFW side pretty well: she lets loose on pretty pussy, and bemoans a live without dick. Don't like what she has to say? Chat to mi back.
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 3:16 AM on September 20, 2008

Searching for body parts songs turns up some unexpected things, though — I was looking for a song I vaguely remembered about ears, and found a whole set of videos explaining how to do at-home draining of cauliflower ear. Wouldn't you know it, someone even has a song about cauliflower ear.
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 3:34 AM on September 20, 2008

So this guy has been around for a long time! I remember seeing a site, I'm pretty sure it was his, back in the early days of the net. It was much the same thing - his web design has improved somewhat (no, really) and he didn't mention BDSM at all.

This was 10 years ago, I made a search but of course didn't find it. But I'm sure it's the same guy.

Yeah, my first thought was "I've seen this before somewhere." Maybe on... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 2:54 AM on September 20, 2008

First, check that you connected the new battery correctly (+ / - terminals to the correct wires). Reversing this can do bad things.

Second, check that the battery you bought is indeed correct for the bike. Call the manufacturer, ask on a brand- or model-specific forum, or just figure it out with Google.

Third, check to see if you blew any fuses (or breakers, or however your bike is wired; there can also be fusible links, etc; a repair manual... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 2:30 AM on September 20, 2008

Some of the videos on the Bullshido site are hilarious — the poor capoeira guys seem to do particularly poorly.

It's a sport with rules and given those rules, the Muay Thai/Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu combination best emphasize what's allowed.

This is key, I think. If you watch MMA fights, you will see endless examples of them leaving their groins, throats, and eyes totally unprotected, because those are off-limits to attack. They... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 7:06 AM on September 19, 2008

This was very, very slightly amusing when it started. I guess I'm a humongous cock of unfunniness, because I'm sure not feeling the love for what's starting to feel like overmuch repetition.

I think you'll look back on this with all the pride one feels for having danced the macarena, or whatever the fad of the moment was. (But it is also a really clear example of how humans are such exquisitely social animals — there is nothing so stupid that doesn't become fun when... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 8:52 PM on September 18, 2008

Could be cheating. But could be out drinking with friends, or something else that is both innocent and (perhaps in his way of thinking) not really your business.

But even so, that he felt the need to lie says something is really wrong in the relationship — he feels he can't trust you, or isn't supported, or just doesn't want to tell the truth.

Anyway, it's a conversation that you need to have in person, not on the phone. And it's the big picture... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 10:45 AM on September 18, 2008

I'm occasionally the contrary voice, but not this time.

Dude, she wanted another guy, not you. She ditched you in order to do the horizontal mambo with him. When you talk, you argue. She still likes him a lot more than she likes you.

This is not a good match, you know?

There are clearly strong feelings on both sides (because if there weren't, you wouldn't keep having sex and you wouldn't argue and you wouldn't still be... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 9:25 PM on September 17, 2008

I gather that bad concrete contractors do fun things like taking the deposit and disappearing into the night, or getting halfway through the project and disappearing into the night, or actually finishing what appears to be a good product that turns out to start cracking into pieces a few months down the road. What steps can we take to minimize the risk of this happening?

By finding a good contractor, who is local, well-established, and has a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 3:07 PM on September 17, 2008

Yeah, that was a tough part of the certification for me, too. I did it by closing my eyes and just focusing on the breathing, and tilting my head just a little bit when I breathed out (like mr_silver suggests). It wasn't easy at all, but I only had to make it through the test and then it was done.

Can you practice in the bathtub with a snorkel?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 3:02 PM on September 17, 2008

Yeah, don't overrate — wood stoves like to burn at capacity, and won't be as happy always having a small and smoldering pile of wood inside. Do you have a good wood stove store you can talk to about the size of your house and it's actual insulation?

You may need to add more insulation around the pipes, if the furnace is what is keeping the under-floor stuff from freezing. Or maybe your furnace can be set to recirculate the air, without heating it?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 2:59 PM on September 17, 2008

I think they are really prevalent. Every woman with whom I have had a long-term relationship has had them, as probably did some or most of the short-term ones (it was never a subject of conversation, so I don't know). I've gotten them ever since I was a small child; every single person that I know of in my extended family has had them since they were young. A lot of friends (male and female) get them, too, and many of them are in relationships, so it's not a dealbreaker for them, either.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 2:55 PM on September 17, 2008

These are great. Bollywood movies are fun, because I can watch one without subtitles, understanding not a single word, and still understand absolutely everything that is happening. The music is really syncretic, too — they happily pull in rap, rock, country, and any other genre that happens to come too close to the tractor beam.
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 8:39 AM on September 17, 2008

In the US, a concealed carry permit (not even needed in some states if you are just keeping the gun in your car) is the right answer. But the asker shows a non-US location, where the gun laws are in many ways more restrictive, so that's probably not a very helpful answer.

If you are large, and strong, and brave, and willing to risk some very serious personal injury, the next best thing would be to start hitting the dog as hard as you can (while yelling for help, of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 5:56 AM on September 17, 2008

Dogs recognize sticks and most will stand down if threatened with them.

Only if they have been hit with them before. That's why in poor rural areas and in most developing countries stooping down as if to pick up a rock will make almost every dog back off — they have been hit with rocks often before. But if you tried that with a threatening dog in this neighborhood, it would think you were offering to play fetch.

The... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 6:41 AM on September 17, 2008

My general rule of thumb is that shaving is okay if you do it often enough not to leave stubble.

Yes. Hair is ok, bare is ok, but stubble is just plain awful.

Anyway, be careful with the sweeping generalizations. I just asked Ms Forktine about manscaping, and her reaction was "ewww, that's not very masculine." So there's one very much non-hippy vote against, at any rate. Different (razor) strokes for different folks.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 9:02 PM on September 15, 2008

Buy generic brands when you can. Avoid prepackaged stuff. Pay attention to unit prices when you're comparing products. Buy produce that's in season.

This, exactly.

Unit prices really, really matter, and I'm always surprised how few people know to squint at the small type and compare them. The differences can be huge, particularly when you compare different versions of the same thing sold in three or four locations in the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 2:50 PM on September 15, 2008

Living on the west coast of the US, I'm surrounded by people who swear by their colonics, crystals, aura-cleansing, and any other kind of "alternative" semi-medical practice you can think of.

They all give glowing testimonials about toxins, living a more balanced life, energized, and so on. So the positive reviews are not hard to find — move to Hippyville and ask around.

Certainly modern medical practice is imperfect and limited — any... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 10:06 AM on September 15, 2008

That particular song was good, but some of the other songs on that page were really nice. I've had it playing in the background all afternoon. Good stuff.
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 7:03 PM on September 14, 2008

DFW's writing never spoke to me, and he is not on my personal list of great writers. But this thread is surprisingly moving — his writing clearly meant a lot to many people here, in a very deep way.

Whenever I read about a suicide like this, I think about the article I read a while back (perhaps in the New Yorker?) about bridge-jumpers, and how survivors who were interviewed described regretting jumping the moment they stepped over the edge. What a sad phenomenon.
posted to MetaFilter by Forktine at 6:33 AM on September 14, 2008

Dry bags and duffels for clothes, sleeping bags, and anything else that needs to stay dry.

Cooler for keeping things cold if it is a short trip.

Bag and rope for hanging food if bears are in the area (a wooden chest won't slow down even a small black bear, but it will probably help with raccoons).

Plastic bags (ziplocks are good) for trash (best to keep inside a dry bag in case of dumping); smelly trash should be hung... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 7:57 PM on September 13, 2008

I'm not familiar with his pie crust recipe, but many (though not all) pie crusts can be made ahead and refrigerated in lumps (not rolled out), wrapped in plastic. The cut up apples will turn an unattractive brown if made ahead, though, unless you add lots of lemon juice (which can affect the final taste if overdone).

Ok, I just googled one of his pie recipes. It's an odd one, in that he wants you to cook the filling twice — once in a pan and a second time in the crust.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 12:08 PM on September 13, 2008

She has told you very clearly what she wants from you — to stop talking about being with her, and to respect that she is not ready for a relationship with you at this time.

So first, you have to (if you are serious about making her happy) chill out on the heavy talking, and chill out on pushing her to answer "are you ready yet?" kinds of questions.

But that doesn't mean that you should give up and go home. What you can do is to be there... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Forktine at 8:25 AM on September 13, 2008