You didn't post what you are getting from this relationship. Is he basically a good guy who treats you well and this is your one, ahem, bone of contention?

I admit to a bias as an animal lover, but I feel that you should DTMFA because he sounds like a jerk, frankly. Not because he doesn't like dogs, but because he's being downright selfish and passive-aggressive about this. He's refusing to consider your point of view, he doesn't want to put himself in your shoes; he's... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 12:54 PM on July 22, 2008

I'm finishing up an internship (only it's called a "supervised field experience practicum"). The first few weeks are ALWAYS the hardest. I love my work and my supervisor now, but it did take me a couple of weeks to really find my feet. Don't give up after just two days!

Take the attitude that this is a learning experience where you will forge connections and get your feet wet on the job - this isn't a trip to Disneyland. Be friendly and cheerful to all you meet.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 2:06 PM on July 10, 2008

T was an abuser. You were in an abusive relationship.

Please, please get yourself to a therapist. Anti-depressant medication might also help in the short term - not saying you will need meds forever but they can be a godsend in getting you back on your feet after a traumatic experience. Therapy will help you build up your self-esteem and give you tools to avoid another abusive relationship in the future.

A good book to read is... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 1:54 PM on July 10, 2008

What Punctual said. To me this isn't a sexuality issue, it's a "he's jerking you around" issue.

James is teasing you and playing a cat-and-mouse game. Even if he were to come out of the closet tomorrow, he's not good relationship material. If James were Jacqueline, I'd tell you the same thing. This person is playing you like a yo-yo and will suck you down a never-ending quicksand of drama, because HE needs help. James needs a therapist and to do some work on... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:11 AM on July 8, 2008

Nthing the suggestion of a tube feeder. Also, many places that sell seed, birdfeeders, etc. sell special tube feeders designed to discourage "big bully birds." These are feeders that have a weight mechanism that allows smaller, lighter birds like finches to perch and eat, but the weight of a pigeon or other heavy bird makes the perches drop and shuts off access to the seed.

Here is an example of the kind of feeder I'm talking about.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 5:29 PM on June 29, 2008

A warm bath about an hour or so before bed helps me a lot. I put LUSH bath bombs or bubble bars in the bath - Flosty Gritter is my favorite, it's lavender and vanilla; other good ones are Dreamtime and Waving not Drowning. All are made with combinations of essential oils that help induce sleep.

Also, rubbing lavender oil on my temples (just a teeny tiny bit, you DO NOT want to get it in your eyes) can speed me off to the land of Nod.

Finally, I... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 7:46 PM on May 29, 2008

I know a man who is allergic (don't know how severely, though) and manages to live with two Devon Rex kitties.

Here is some more information on cat allergies - it appears that female cats and light-colored cats may be less allergy-producing. Perhaps a light-colored, female Rex cat would be just the ticket for you.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 12:36 PM on May 22, 2008

One I love is Natalie Angier's Woman: An Intimate Geography, written by a science journalist.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 3:13 PM on May 21, 2008

Nthing the spend money on good quality products. I've recently switched to a jaw-droppingly expensive foundation - By Terry Light Expert - and it is Worth. Every. Considerable. Penny. It makes my skin glow and looks as if I am not wearing any foundation at all.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 1:58 PM on May 16, 2008

In my own experience, it's easier for two cats of the opposite sex to get along with one another. You probably want a young, female cat or kitten with a calm and sociable temperament.

If you live in a 1-bedroom apartment, it really really helps to have a cat tree or kitty condo to take advantage of vertical space and give the cats something to climb and scratch. I've known two-cat families that live happily in studio apartments and the kitty condo is crucial.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 1:55 PM on May 16, 2008

Agreeing with Uxo. By sharing his sexual fantasies about you not only with you but with his current girlfriend, he's made it VERY hard to continue the friendship as it was. Either he's VERY socially inept, or he's a manipulative jerkwad who is enjoying having two women on a string.

If he's as good a friend as you say, AND his problem is social klutziness and naivete, it might be a good thing to talk to him and say "Look, there's such a thing as... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 5:49 AM on May 7, 2008

Nthing "it sounds as if you made the right decision." In particular, great coworkers and a short commute go a long way towards making a good workplace and a happy you. "Glamor" jobs are usually not all they are cracked up to be; been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Career coach Marty Nemko once noted that pleasant coworkers, a short commute, good pay and benefits, and bosses who treat you well make up the vast majority of what makes a job... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 11:59 AM on April 25, 2008

You've had a string of bad luck. However, it's far too soon for you to just give up and resign yourself to a lifetime of secretarial work.

When you say it's "too late in the hiring cycle" for you to find a job in your field - I'm assuming you mean this year (if your industry hires only at certain times of the year). This is a temporary setback, not a permanent bar. Can you find temporary work that might give you a foot in the door? Many times,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:01 AM on April 21, 2008

In addition to Flunkie and AmyH's excellent comments, consider this: What happens if you marry this man and have a child, or children, with him? A man who is emotionally detached and incapable of empathy or closeness will NOT, repeat NOT, make a good father. Things that a mature woman can put up with in a relationship can be devastating to a child. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking they are unlovable because "Daddy doesn't love us?" Also, if you are the one doing all the giving... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:07 AM on April 18, 2008

No, you are not a tease, and no, you didn't do anything wrong. Speaking as a fellow "I prefer to wait a bit" gal, you want a guy who is on the same page as you regarding sex and values.

This guy may or may not be a libertine looking for a booty call (though the fact that he stomped off after you didn't have sex with him makes me think he wasn't into you for the long-term) - but it doesn't matter, because he doesn't share your values or timing. So he isn't right... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 3:46 PM on April 15, 2008

December - if he was an "intense and fast" kind of guy when you were dating, then dropped you like a hot potato when you didn't have sex with him - it sounds as if you dodged a bullet there. Most times, guys like this are more into the chase than the relationship. Good for you for following your gut instinct.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 4:02 PM on April 15, 2008

- Nthing pet food. I buy expensive, organic food made with "human-grade ingredients" for my kitty and am rewarded by a happy, healthy kitty with thick, silky fur - and a MUCH less stanky litterbox.

- Cat litter (speaking of the litterbox). Instead of El Cheaparoonie Generic Clay, I splash out on the more expensive kind made from wheat. The vast reduction in dust is so worth it, as is the absorbency and P.U. control.

- Pastured... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 4:56 PM on April 13, 2008

I forgot to add haircuts...and hair color. My hairdresser is worth every dollar I pay her; in fact, even after moving to a different city I still make the trip to see her. Especially with very wavy or curly hair, a Supercuts haircut will look it. And a more expensive, professional dye job is also worth it when you've grown up and beyond your gawth faze and want your hair to look natural, or if you're covering gray.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 6:20 PM on April 13, 2008

Squirrels are a definite possibility. So are jays (scrub jays most likely). I once lived in a garden apartment, and would leave food outside for my indoor-outdoor cat; the jays LOVED the dry cat food, and I had a neighbor report "the strangest thing...there is cat food in the eaves of my roof." The jays were cacheing it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 2:59 PM on April 9, 2008

IANAL, obviously, but I want to add that if Person B is elderly or incapacitated in some way, there might be "abuse of a dependent adult" charges as well; especially if A is a caretaker or family member.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 12:28 PM on April 9, 2008

Bite the bullet and tell him that he needs to go to the clinic, stat. It sounds like he has some kind of infection. Untreated "crotch rot" can sometimes lead to a urinary tract infection, which is serious business.

And if he's too embarrassed to go - well, medical professionals have seen just about everything under the sun. It's part of their job to discreetly and professionally deal with embarrassing things like crotch rot. Dude needs to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:12 PM on April 8, 2008

Just IME, the young, slightly stanky types tend to freshen up real quick once they realize it's getting in the way of romance. Women tend to be more fastidious, and once the twentysomething unwasheds find a girl they are serious about, they will shower if only for her sake (and the sake of their sex lives). "Get the hell out of my bed, Stinky, and don't come back until you've showered and scrubbed with soap!" has a salutary effect on personal hygiene.

Of course,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 10:10 AM on April 8, 2008

Two things here:

One, your not having anyone at your graduation ceremony. I don't blame you for feeling lonely, and resentful, because this is a major milestone in your life. (And, as someone who is working towards her MA, I say congratulations and well done!) Washburn has a great idea - focus on your friends, and if you can invite them to your graduation and perhaps throw a party or have a get-together at a bar or club later on, you can surround yourself with people who... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 3:00 PM on April 5, 2008

Thanks for the answers! I have to wonder, who comes up with these "best jobs" and what are their criteria? Because it doesn't sound like the HR manager job is all it is cracked up to be. I'm glad to know, though, before I actually invest heavily in my career.

Sargento29 - I'm so glad to hear the greatness of the I/O field. I'm a psychology and social science junkie, but wanted to actually earn a decent living without a PhD. Thus, org psych. I'm having a great... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 7:16 PM on April 3, 2008

My cat went through something quite similar - one of her eyes was watery. There was also mucus, in her case. I took her to the vet and got some antibiotic ointment and in a few days she was fine. It turned out to be a bacterial infection.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 6:58 PM on April 3, 2008 marked best answer

I bought a Balmshell brand lipgloss, whimsically named "Who's Your Caddy?" off of the Sephora website. It's lightweight, moisturizing, non-sticky and worth every considerable penny I paid for it. Balmshell has about ten different shades, many of them light and sheer.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 5:00 PM on April 2, 2008

Are you married to this person? Do you have children together? Have you made vows "for better or for worse?"

If the answer is "no," you might want to think about what you DO get out of this relationship. Is it basically good except for his bad moods, stomping and grumbling? Because I wonder if it's really worth it to continue in a relationship with someone who is dragging you down and will not do anything to change.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 6:36 PM on April 1, 2008

Nthing the suggestion of an older dog. Puppies can be as much work as babies! Older dogs are often much easier.

I grew up with dogs and cats in the same household. It definitely can be (and usually is, in fact) done. What you want to avoid is getting a dog with a high prey drive. Especially given your work circumstances, an older, mellow, couch-potato dog will be your best bet.

A good shelter or rescue (not the warehousing,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 11:20 AM on March 31, 2008

I would disclose, with an addendum. You don't want to give them an excuse to fire you later.

If disclosing means that the company refuses to hire you, despite the addendum and explanation, do you really want to work for them? Unless you live in an area, or work in an industry with high un-or-underemployment, where employers use mega-picky screening just to thin the herd - someone who won't give you a chance, or overlook the circumstances, surrounding your citation isn't... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 11:12 AM on March 31, 2008

He presented you with a laundry list of "things that you were doing wrong?" He says "It's over!" every time you fight? He's keeping you at a distance with noncommittal text messages?

Dee Tee Emm Eff Ay. He is jerking you around and treating you like crap. You deserve better, "faults" or no. Kick him to the curb, cut off all communication with him, eat your ice cream, watch your Jane Austen movies, go on a shopping spree, hang out with your... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 4:20 PM on March 30, 2008

I'm 5'2" and short-torsoed, so I sit on a cushion. I just went to the discount store and got a cheap one. It makes a world of difference, especially when I'm trying to park in a tight space and really need to see over the dashboard/car hood.

Having "child-bearing hips", I doubt I'd fit into a booster seat, but if you can it might be worth a try.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 6:07 PM on March 29, 2008

I am so sorry for your loss, Miss Lynnster.

Right now, your priority should not be the money or your sister - it's YOU. Mygothlaundry's checklist is a good one.

Drive slowly and carefully down to San Diego - don't try to rush. Do not attempt to pull a "drive-a-thon;" get plenty of rest along the way. Maybe even break the trip up into two days and stop at a nice bed and breakfast or hotel along the way. Eat well and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 2:39 PM on March 26, 2008

In addition to keeping the place clean and using a reed diffuser, be sure you open up your windows and let the (hopefully) fresh air from outside circulate through your place, on nice days. If you keep the windows shut day in and day out, the air inside your apartment gets stale, and starts to smell stale, too.

And if you have pets be sure they are kept clean, their bedding washed and the litter boxes scooped every day.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 7:45 AM on March 26, 2008

Housing, gasoline and taxes are all fairly high here in CA. However, good fresh produce absolutely abounds and is comparatively less expensive (because so much produce is grown in CA, and we are at the forefront of the local food movement). Organically raised chicken, beef, etc. is also easy to obtain.

Santa Cruz is beautiful, the weather is nearly perfect, you're near the ocean, and altogether it's a great place to live, especially for a PhD. student.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 7:13 PM on March 25, 2008

I'm thinking we might have the same credit union - I have an account with the exact same terms. IMO, it's worth using the check card for twelve purchases per month in order to get the higher interest rates.

Lockle has good advice in finding something that you can bill to your check card monthly. I also use my check card instead of writing checks - at the grocery store, etc. In fact, between my check card and online bill paying I haven't written a paper check in many... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 7:08 PM on March 25, 2008

Without at least a high-school degree, your friend's options in the corporate world are limited. Seconding the idea that she might be best off as an entrepreneur, especially since she seems to be artistically gifted. Lots of people love handcrafted things and are willing to pay for them - could she do jewelry-making, commercial art, or the like?

I would also suggest graphic design, except for that pesky little "lives in the boonies and has no car" thing. Could... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 5:05 PM on March 25, 2008

Wow, so many helpful answers - thanks! Majick, I had no idea about the sunless.com website. Thanks for the link.

Junkbox and MostlyMartha, I LOVE Bobbi Brown products in general (you can't look like a streetwalker in her makeup!). I have a Shimmerbrick in Rose Quartz that I use as a highlighter. I'll try her Beige one. Apricot is probably too warm for me.

Tigerbelly, I will try the brand bronzers you mentioned. I can sample them at Sephora, and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 1:19 PM on March 24, 2008

Jane is, indeed, accumulating major karma points. Good on her for being such a help to your aunt and family.

As far as your aunt is concerned, do you know if she has a power of attorney, care directive or any of that stuff? Her sister, your grandmother, might be her next of kin in lieu of Sal.

Your State office on aging should have an ombudsman available. That person might be able to be of some assistance.

Good luck!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 10:33 AM on March 24, 2008 marked best answer

The question you should be asking yourself is not, "Am I too old to be in school?" but "Do I really want to go to law school, and be a lawyer?"

IANALstudent, but I am a non-traditional one - I got my BA in my 40's and now am shooting for my MA. And I'm in good company. Higher education is often wasted on the young. Mature students who have outgrown their paaaarrrrtaaaaayyyyy! phase tend to be more interested in hitting the books and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 10:26 AM on March 24, 2008

In regards to your first question, you didn't do anything wrong. You could not be expected to know that someone had a peanut allergy; nor could you be expected to know someone was severely allergic to smoke - without them TELLING you. I am always happy to accommodate people with allergies as best I can, but I can't possibly do that without the allergic person saying something. Your party guest should have told you, "I'm allergic to peanuts, can you please have nut-free foods available for... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:35 PM on March 23, 2008

I lived in the Mission once upon a time, and I had a habit of walking home from SOMA or Haight Street or wherever I was. At night (LATE at night, as in 2 AM). By myself. And I'm a small woman. And I lived to tell the tale. Nothing bad ever happened to me except for the usual obnoxious catcalls.

Now I wouldn't advise doing what I did - but San Francisco, as cities go, is not that dangerous. In particular, I don't think the Mission is dangerous during the daytime, and if... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:30 PM on March 23, 2008

Minicloud, I feel for you.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I had much the same thing happen to me. He needed his "space" in order to have his "creative pursuits." He then proceeded to avoid me, not return my calls, basically act like he was single - yup, I was dumped. And in a very passive-aggressive, roundabout, chickenshit way to boot. Being in that limbo was the hardest thing!

So, while it may... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 10:27 PM on March 17, 2008

If these people are not really friendly with anyone, then they're probably socially awkward. In that case, just write it off as "the way these people are."

If, on the other hand, they are friendly and funny in the company of others but cold and monosyllabic just to you, well...that also says a lot about what kind of people they are. And, unless there's very good cause - it ain't pretty. Especially if they're snubbing you because you are a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 12:47 PM on March 17, 2008

Another wear-makeup-to-the-mailbox girl here. I've never found going without foundation to improve my skin. However, the wrong kind of foundation is certainly bad for your skin and can cause clogged pores and breakouts. Foundations have gotten better and better, IME, since I was a teenager back when Ayla invented foundation. Most no longer contain problem ingredients like isopropyl myristate.

MAC makes good foundations. However, if you feel the urge to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 10:34 AM on March 17, 2008 marked best answer

You also might want to check out the reviews of mineral makeup on makeupalley.com. This way you can look for other women of color who use mineral makeup and find out what works for them. The market for mineral makeup has exploded over the past couple of years, and Bare Escentuals (which doesn't work for me, either, btw - all the shades are too yellow) is no longer the only game in town. Some really great stuff comes from small retailers or drug stores.

And Ole Henriksen... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 12:25 PM on March 17, 2008

Something you might try are those "doggie diapers" they sell at Petco and similar places. If you could get her to wear one, that might keep her from licking/chewing/rubbing the irritated area and give it a chance to heal.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 9:47 AM on March 17, 2008

My hunch is that you're not going to be hassled about renting a future apartment over this. If you're worried that it looks like you're in a crisis right now, make a month or two of on-time (even minimum) payments. Landlords are probably looking for court judgments and such against you, things that might prevent you from prioritizing your income towards making rent payments (over credit card payments).

Gimonca is correct, in most cases. In my... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:28 AM on March 17, 2008

You'd be surprised at how many older, non-traditional students (grad and undergrad alike) are out there. Though many are not into hanging out at the traditional student watering holes, so you might have to make more of an effort to seek them out.

And there's always online dating.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 7:52 PM on March 16, 2008 marked best answer

If you have pets, don't forget them! Keep a supply of canned food (with pull-tops, of course) and enough water in the kit for humans AND animals - as well as photographs of the pets which will serve to identify them should they escape.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 8:29 AM on March 16, 2008

The one time her weight came up in conversation and I hinted at something along the lines of "losing weight would be a good thing" she got extremely defensive and promised to show me just how much weight she could pack on.

I'm going to assume you brought this up in a tactful way. Most women are incredibly insecure about their weight. However, her defensive, "I'll show you!" reaction hints that there might be other issues afoot in... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Rosie M. Banks at 10:11 PM on March 15, 2008