If the point is really the costume, could you also just alter it?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 1:22 PM on October 9, 2008

I second the Everett Fox. As far as I know it only exists for the first five books, but it's something really special.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 10:14 AM on October 8, 2008

This happened to me. I gave the dog back. I cried. I would do it again - I did it because it was the right thing to do.

Your friend has to figure out what the right thing to do is here, which will make him/her more like the person they want to be. It doesn't have to do with the law.

(and I'm not saying it's as it was in my case - it seems like there are important differences... Those owners gave up their dog because they had a new baby and life... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 3:11 PM on October 5, 2008

Talk to someone who knows what they're talking about. As far as I understand, this is the kind of thing insurance is for. I once banged up my foot at a friend's house. I didn't realize how badly till (much) later, but her parents (ie the people who owned the house and paid for the policy) were a bit upset that I *didn't* tell them about it because they could have claimed it from their insurance and helped me with the costs.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:18 AM on September 28, 2008

This seems like kind of a weird idea, since how well can any of you know a one year old... I think I would go for some embarrassing anecdote about their parents that a ten year old could be expected to find hilarious.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 4:34 PM on September 27, 2008

Orthogonality,
From having been in Hungary lately and trying to stay on a budget, that sounds WAY off to me. The prices were equivalent to Montreal prices, if not higher. I would pay what you'd pay a graduate here, converted to forints if they prefer it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 5:30 AM on September 22, 2008

Even though I can't afford anything right this second, I'm super excited to get a smartphone and have done a bunch of research.

I expected to loooove the iphone (I'm mainly a mac person) but after playing with a couple of my friends and actually texting on it etc, I wasn't as covetous as I expected to be. Granted this is w/o comparison to a blackberry or whatever. I found the typing not great and the interface a bit slow and the battery life bad. It's still would no... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 6:37 PM on September 17, 2008

Playing By Heart
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 5:15 PM on September 16, 2008

Something about your description makes me think about a friend of mine who has absolutely no charisma. He's fantastic, smart, reliable, integrity till forever, but no charisma. And that kills.

I think whatever else you do, you need to work on your charisma/social skills. I've heard some positive things about the Carnegie Institute. (I think that's what it's called). You need to find someone who will be brutally honest with you and you need to be ready to hear it.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:08 PM on September 15, 2008

I think you didn't read the 'previous recent question' very carefully.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 6:49 AM on September 13, 2008

For long term happiness, I think a person who's happy and proud of themselves is a lot better bet than someone whose inner critique never shuts up. If she's in her early twenties, she (like you) can probably get away with crappy eating with only a couple of extra pounds to show for it (as opposed to diabetes, cholesterol, etc). If she's enjoying her life, working on loving herself as she is, doing what makes her happy, doesn't have any obvious diet related problems that she's ignoring for the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:25 AM on September 6, 2008

Is this just a friend, or is this a 'friend' that you may be interested in, theoretically if not practically (given the distance?) I'm asking because the friends I have, the true friends, that are close enough that I'd spend thousands of dollars on their pet are also close enough to talk with and share money and not need to worry about (or ask strangers about) indebtedness and awkwardness.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:00 AM on September 6, 2008

You need to share yourself and there's no way to start but to start. I know lots of people who think that there's something about them that's different and that wouldn't fit in with their peers. My friend who works at a law firm and thinks she can't be 'intellectual' with her colleagues because they wouldn't be interested, etc. Mostly it's not true. The reason she can't be intellectual with her colleagues isn't because of them, it's because of her not feeling comfortable enough with her... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:13 AM on August 24, 2008

If Belgium is too far, you could check out coming to Canada for a nova-t. It's non hormonal but smaller than the paragard that they use in the states. (Also, not approved for as long a time, unfortunately!)

Also, a second opinion never hurts.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:10 PM on August 23, 2008

I really want to come! I've never been to a meet up before and I'm a bit nervous...
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 8:19 PM on August 21, 2008

This fairness thing is so strange. It's not fair that the physical and health risks of pregnancy (and abortion) fall *entirely* on women. We could use the law to partly make up for that - say, extra taxes on men (maybe only men who've impregnated women) to support extra health care for women; have the father be half responsible for any of the costs related to pregnancy and abortion (including disability, lost work, lost capacity, etc); You still couldn't really equalize it because even if the... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 9:59 AM on August 3, 2008

If you're going to count in her benefit the decreased breast cancer RISK, you also have to count all the increased RISKS that come along with pregnancy, whether or not she actually experiences blindness, etc, and all the increased RISKS that come with birth (disability, permanent changes to her body, etc). It's going to be hard to come out ahead in that one, but mainly just impossible to count.
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 7:16 AM on August 11, 2008

A two-link chain of "inactions" on the woman's part leaves the man with no opportunity to take up paternal rights and responsibilities: don't disclose the pregnancy and don't list a father on the birth certificate.

It's really really hard to hide an 7-9 month pregnant belly. All he would have to do is find her and look at her. Yeah, he won't know for sure that it's his, but he'll know he can take steps to find out once it's born. Her entire... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 8:18 PM on August 18, 2008

I think it is irrational and there are boys who have such big hearts and are great with kids and capable of great responsibility and compassion.

It seems like you might be (yes, irrationally) worried about abuse, possibly sexual?

Did you try talking to his sister? Siblings are often more aware than parents of what goes on in a family, and what one another is really like. Ask her some open ended questions about her brother, what she thinks,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:56 PM on August 14, 2008 marked best answer

I wonder how old he is?

Also, I think you really need to seek other ways of taking care of yourself. Your boyfriend cannot be your entire support in this - he couldn't be even if he were more able to give you what you feel you need, and right now he especially can't be. Try to take the energy you're putting into stressing about your bf and turn it towards taking care of yourself, finding what you need to feel comfort. Otherwise I think the pressure on the relationship... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:48 AM on August 14, 2008

It makes no sense to order from US companies to ship to Canada. You always pay for it in the end. Canada IS a different country with different taxes/shipping, etc. You also can't roam into Canada on a US cellphone, there's no such thing as free roaming and long distance within Canada on a Canadian cell phone. Different countries...

Pay more, or ship to a friend in the states.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:56 PM on August 10, 2008

I'm glad to be corrected! (and especially for the specific tips such as J. Crew - though there's still customs on purchases of over $20, no?)
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 6:21 PM on August 10, 2008

There's a trope of saying how great the bride is to put up with the groom. To me it's really dumb. I think if you say one or two sweet memories of him as a dad and how he's a role model for you, and one or two sweet stories about meeting her or seeing them together, and wish them lots of happiness, and keep the whole thing at around 3-4 minutes, you'll be in great shape.

There can be teasing funny, but the teasing should be about something he's secretly proud of, if... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 5:48 AM on July 4, 2008

For me, the Main is as good as Schwartz's, and no waiting. It's right across the street. Smoked meat, chopped liver, yum!

I like the poutine at Frite Alors (since Mondo Fritz closed :( ). It's a chain, there's one on St. Laurent close to Sherbrooke. Also great, and 24 hours for after drinking, is La Banquise. I think it's on Rachel and... St. Hubert maybe?

Chu Chai, on St. Denis above Duluth, has amazing amazing delicious Thai vegetarian food.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 1:55 PM on May 31, 2008

Criminal law has a certain definition of rape/sexual assault. That definition changes through time (it used to be impossible for a man to rape his wife, for example). Criminal law is an imperfect compromise with plenty of room for improvement. It tends to define rape from the perspective of the perpetrator: if the he thought at the time that he was raping, then he was, if he didn't, then he wasn't.

Whether your roommate thought of himself as raping you or not has... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 11:35 PM on May 30, 2008

I'm pretty upset at some of the responses here. There is a tendency in our culture to assume that a woman is always saying yes unless she's screaming no. That's wrong and ridiculous. Consent doesn't mean a lack of dissent, consent is an actual active thing.

A man who isn't a monster won't just want to be careful to make sure he can't be held criminally liable for rape (because then really, there's not much difference between choosing a vulnerable and young victim who... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 8:17 AM on May 31, 2008

People feel bad for a female head of household who can't earn enough

Right, what rock have you been living under that you've never heard of the welfare queen stereotype?

And, when you are the approach-er, there is a small but non-zero chance of the rejection being pretty harsh. Behaving that way is a privilege of the 'pursued'.

Actually, many men feel totally free to make harsh... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 6:28 AM on May 30, 2008

Did anybody send you wedding gifts yet? If not, hopefully you're fine and they'll send combined wedding/graduation gifts, if they send at all. But are you planning on sending marriage announcements to people who got graduation announcements but not wedding invitations? That might take some sensitive wording, because that could look over the top.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 10:38 AM on May 28, 2008

The best bet may be to get in touch with someone who runs teen programs. They're used to dealing with parents and knowing what's going on with risk. See what material they have and even if you could get someone to talk with him.

Everyone has different levels of risk tolerance, so I don't want to undermine what others in the thread have said (especially since it's probably what your friend's dad is thinking) going on and on about facts, statistics, and anecdotes. I'll... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 9:50 AM on May 25, 2008

I'm a woman. I often carry what I refer to as a purse, and what other people would refer to as a purse. My wallet is in my pocket. Where I choose to put my wallet doesn't affect purse-ness, imo, otherwise, my bag would be a purse when I'm wearing pocketless clothes and a bag when I'm not. How does that make sense?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 9:10 AM on May 25, 2008

Theoretically all Jews are eager and waiting for the messiah to come, but currently some Jewish groups make a bigger deal of it than others.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 10:20 PM on May 23, 2008

I think it's helpful to ask yourself what you really want from the interaction.

The classic example of what not to ask/talk about it is your partner's 'number' of past lovers. I think the reason it's a no go is because of the motivations for asking it. If what you really want to know is whether your lover's values about sexuality match up with yours, whether they find you truly satisfying as a lover, whether you're really special for them, etc, those are all all right... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:17 AM on May 23, 2008

I can't really think of any 'flaw' that it's helpful to have pushed in your face, especially in the very moment you're trying to address it.

Like say you *finally* respond to that e-mail from your close friend that you've been meaning to get to, because really, you want to be in better touch with your friends.

Your email system: "You're a bad friend!"

Say you have anger issues, and you're about to sit down with... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Salamandrous at 10:15 AM on May 22, 2008

Check out Leon Uris.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 8:25 AM on May 22, 2008

when you rant and rage and shout and carry on,

If you say this, it makes her sound like she's having a temper tantrum. Is that true? Because if it's NOT, don't say it. And even if she is, if she's your friend with temper tantrums, it's not going to help.

Rather, if you intellectually feel her anger is legitimate (which it sounds like you do) you need a way to communicate that both to her and to yourself.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 4:42 AM on May 22, 2008

One good one is "Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to Be Wanted", by Polly Young-Eisendrath.

My general response:

Women's sexual agency has tended to be strongly limited and controlled by men. That means that women are subject to the same social pressures as men, but often with even more economic and cultural force.

Thus I'm not sure it's possible to really distinguish the near-universal (?) preference... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 2:49 PM on May 21, 2008

I've tried both RGP and soft lenses and ended up sticking with the soft lenses. Budget definitely factored into that ($200 once vs. $250 per year), but I also find them very comfortable, don't worry so much about occasionally leaving them in over night, and like that they help stabilize my vision.

If I had the budget for it though I would definitely check out the new leave in for a month at a time disposable contacts!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 9:24 AM on May 19, 2008

I meant, I ended up sticking with the RGP contacts, oops!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 9:25 AM on May 19, 2008

How long were you planning to stay in IL? Because in some states, a name change is MUCH cheaper. (Like $40 total) Updating passports and so on is usually free, but a hassle.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 6:13 AM on May 14, 2008

It bothers me when people get upset that the name they've chosen is popular. It didn't make me less of an individual when I started meeting other people with my name. Having a unique name seems like a pretty weak thing to build into your identity. I like knowing how my name reflects my parents' tastes, background, values, etc. That's not something that diminishes with popularity.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:48 PM on May 12, 2008

There are a lot of cool innovations happening in family law now. People who use variations of mediation and arbitration tend to much happier with both the process and the results. It's a good idea for her to know her 'rights' so she can't be taken advantage of, but depending on the situation and their characters, she might want to explore alternatives to the conventional antagonistic legal model.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:29 PM on May 12, 2008

I studied in Israel in 2001-2003, the height of the second intifada. During one week, there was a terrorist attack on a civilian target almost every day. A lot of my classmates didn't ride buses or go out on Saturday nights. At one point we were waiting for the government to start issuing gas masks to tourists (never happened). Even then, except for that one week, your risk of being killed or seriously injured in a car accident was greater than in a terrorist attack (crazy drivers though).... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:14 PM on May 12, 2008

I've done a lot of long drives and generally really enjoy them.

I find that coke works better for me on the road than coffee (normally I love coffee and never drink soda). Even better, sometimes, is grapefruit juice, and definitely water. Did you ever have an evening class where you could barely keep your eyes open? That's how I discovered grapefruit juice. Think what worked for that.

I find that usually the first hour is the worst (checking the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 11:44 AM on May 11, 2008

Grumblebee, I don't think you get it.

I'm wary of even trying to explain further and I'm not sure I'll be able to make any difference.

But to use your example.

Did you fall down the stairs if you were pushed? Either you were pushed or you fell. Yeah, you *could* say you fell by mode of being pushed, but when did you fall, exactly? If your 'falling', ie, the moment when your feet lost stable contact with the steps,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Salamandrous at 2:44 PM on May 9, 2008

And say someone came along and said, it looked like a fall. Sure, there was a hand against your back, but that's moot. Your experience, the lost contact with the ground, the flying through the air, the banging along the steps, that was all a fall. Why should that hand determine your experience more than everything that happened after? And calling it being pushed refers to your subjective experience of the hand against your back and its pressure, etc, but the fall itself is an objective phenomena,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Salamandrous at 2:51 PM on May 9, 2008

'Notary' in the USA and 'notary' in Columbia might mean different things. In Quebec I would get a stamp from a commissioner of oaths, quick and cheap at a bank or something, and not a notary, which is a legal profession and would be expensive and probably take an appointment at least.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 7:31 AM on May 9, 2008

I love Nussbaum's writings on pretty much everything she's ever written about, so thanks for this!

My favorite part isn't the book reviews so much as her summaries and analysis concerning Antony and Cleopatra, Othello, and Romeo and Juliet, and the different ways of loving that can be portrayed and learned.
posted to MetaFilter by Salamandrous at 7:39 AM on May 6, 2008

It makes sense not to stay with him. If for no other reason, than that if there is a chance for you and his wife to become friends, it sounds like that's not going to facilitate it even a little.

You should probably find some compassion for her. Hopefully your mom won't have to die for you to apprehend what an impact that can make.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Salamandrous at 12:28 PM on May 5, 2008

I would love to come but the 17th is exactly the weekend when I can't! How about Saturday the 11th?
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 2:36 PM on May 3, 2008

Hmm, that date doesn't exist, sadly... Sunday the 11th?
posted to MetaTalk by Salamandrous at 2:37 PM on May 3, 2008