In complete and total seriousness, though, this is not a question that's answerable in any authoritative -- perhaps even useful -- way. A collection of traits does not a person make. We don't know this guy...maybe he's a truly awesome dude but never, ever leaves the house and hence meets no one, or maybe he's only attracted to women who are wildly inappropriate for him so it never goes anywhere, or maybe he's secretly gay and has been in a successful relationship for years but doesn't want to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 6:44 AM on June 24, 2008

Fire her.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:14 AM on June 23, 2008

You're being paranoid, and very possibly annoying the crap out of your roommate (if you're sharing these misgivings), who is showing you a great deal of courtesy by not smoking inside what is also his home.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:27 AM on June 13, 2008

Not smoking in the home you share with a nonsmoker isn't courtesy, it's minimum decency.

Oh, fuck that. She, I assume, knew he smoked when she moved in with him. If it's gonna be a problem, then don't, you know, move in with the guy. This is not complex.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 12:07 PM on June 13, 2008

And I would assume they negotiated the issue when they agreed to live together, none of which changes the fact that electing not to subject an individual to a serious health risk merely because one has a lamentable addiction does not rate in my book as "a great deal of courtesy." Decency is not the same thing as obligation, anyway, but of course opinions of what rates as decency will vary, I'll stick with mine and you stick with yours.

Well,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:22 PM on June 13, 2008

If you're finding ass, you're doing better than most folks I know in DC - where'd you look? As you may have guessed, my sympathies are pretty much completely nil, but it does seem to me that you're on the right track - maybe the problem is your outlook (i.e., that said ass would actually be good relationship fodder were you not so dismissive in your attitudes)?
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:09 AM on June 12, 2008

George R.R. Martin's fantasy-novels-for-people-who-hate-fantasy-novels, the Song of Ice and Fire series (start here), take place in a kingdom where winter goes on for decades. So. You know. And are they hefty? Oh my.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 9:26 AM on June 10, 2008

Yeah, it's definitely not the Meat Puppets. Thanks, though.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:19 AM on June 9, 2008

That's the band, yeah.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:15 AM on June 9, 2008

That would not seem unlikely, but I'm pretty sure they're a more contemporary band (I'm familiar with the Plasmatics by rep, but that's about it). Lake of Fire skips around a lot in time (early '90s to quite recently), though, so could be.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:36 AM on June 9, 2008

The above to box, obviously...and rokabiri, as far as I could tell, the band was uncredited. I sort of doubt they were thrown together just for the film, but you never know....
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:38 AM on June 9, 2008

Yeah, you're doing pretty damn well. I don't wanna say quit whining, but pretty much, quit whining. Your needs are being met. But you obviously still have too much time to dwell on what you've lost. Get out of your own head and pursue some (non-romantic) interests. There's more to life.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:14 AM on June 5, 2008

DTMFA

(I am not your doctor)
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:06 AM on June 4, 2008

Oh, dear.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 6:10 AM on May 30, 2008

I'll second The Orphanage. If you're into horror, obviously.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:36 AM on May 23, 2008

It definitely sounds like a Heavy Metal feature to me. But that's all I got.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:25 AM on May 15, 2008

Start by cutting out the fast food. You'll be amazed by the results of that alone.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 2:02 PM on May 14, 2008

Is it unfair to a man to sleep with him if I'm not planning any further contact?

No.

Anything you can tell me about pulling fantasy fans?

You'll have most unattached guys in this setting at hello. Do not overthink it.

I know the basic stuff about getting off with people in general, making eye contact et cetera.

Then... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 9:33 AM on May 13, 2008

Well, if the sun were really absolutely blocked, that would be a little worse than perpetual night; we'd be pitched into absolute darkness and would freeze to death. This would be a real drag, and only the most psychotic villain would try such a thing (unless s/he didn't actually live on earth), as it would result in his/her own death as well. In a true perpetual night situation, reflected sunlight (i.e., moonlight) is still in play, and presumably Superman would be able to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 1:54 PM on May 9, 2008

Well, because they set the rules, and don't have to compromise. There's no need for the party to meet these states halfway. Everybody else followed the rules. Sorry.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:32 AM on May 9, 2008

Wrnealis, that sounds like it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 6:09 AM on May 9, 2008

Battle Royale seems similar to what you're looking for. The "tournament" isn't at all as organized as gladiatorial fighting would be, but the premise is definitely the same.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 6:32 AM on May 7, 2008

It's not your problem. Let it go.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 11:21 AM on May 6, 2008

But if he can't do the full scenario, even for your happiness, I don't agree that he would be a douchebag, as some else has suggested. You certainly wouldn't be a horrible bitch for, say, not playing into some guy's rough domination fantasies if that deeply bothered you. If his gentleness goes all the way through him, that's just who he is.

Um...this is what I'm trying to say. However awkwardly. Thanks, w_a.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:58 AM on May 5, 2008

Seconded. Its sentimental value is probably a lot higher than its gold content. You'd be lucky to get back what you paid for it. Really not worth it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 9:11 AM on May 2, 2008

You obviously have the most understanding girlfriend of all time, and you probably owe it to her (if not to yourself) to bring this up to a therapist. In the absence of physical causes, and in light of your having mentioned stress as a possible cause above, the only thing I can guess is it's a physical reaction to unease you're not otherwise dealing with.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:54 AM on April 30, 2008

(On review: Boy, did I misunderstand the central premise of this question. On second thought, your girlfriend isn't necessarily that superhuman in her understanding...um...ness, and talking to a therapist is probably not an urgent need. Atreides and jessamyn are both much more on point.)
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:04 AM on April 30, 2008

I hate to say DTMFA, but DTMFA. Not only should this not be okay with you, but the fact it's okay with him says that something is going on with the two of you that is flatly not okay. This is "Christ, what an asshole" territory if I've ever seen it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 11:32 AM on April 22, 2008

I hate to put it this way, but there really is no set Wiccan tradition, and it is not uncommon to find that a practitioner's beliefs are a melange of some shitty Llewellyn books, key episodes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and/or "Charmed," some "Sandman" issues, and whatever s/he happened to pull out of his/her ass that morning. So it's extraordinarily difficult to understand what Wicca "means" to a particular Wiccan by reading any book, website, etc.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:07 AM on April 22, 2008

Oh, I also should have mentioned (rather then just infered) that part of the reason she isn't sharing too much is because she's under the impression (whether correct or not) that there is much about what she does Wicca wise that isn't to be shared with "outsiders".

New one on me.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:30 AM on April 22, 2008

This fits the "a" half of the bill -- and I believe it's based on a short story that, for all I know, may even fit the "b" half -- but I must confess, it's really pretty bad. Almost certainly better for you than the National Treasure movies, though.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:56 AM on April 22, 2008

The print version of the story I mentioned upthread is in here (if it exists online anywhere, I can't find it). The "Masters of Horror" episode drawn from it is frankly awful, but per your specifications, I think "George Washington ate people!" is about as shocking as (fictional!) revisionist history can get.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 9:18 AM on April 22, 2008

Anal retentive grammar rules don't really apply to novels, and name brands are fine. You see them all the time.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 12:35 PM on April 21, 2008

I'm not promising this will be funny, but here's one I remember from about fifth grade:

A priest, rabbi and a minister walked into a bar. The nun ducked.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:35 AM on April 17, 2008

Just keep the money. If he realizes you never split the promised bonus with him, it might help him to figure out that you really aren't that into him. Plus, you get paid. Win win. Unless he's really petty or really broke, he's not gonna call you out on it.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 6:18 PM on April 15, 2008

Seconding doing your taxes electronically, via TurboTax or something similar. It costs, but for the math impaired (like myself, and maybe like yourself), it's worth it. It should take maybe half an hour, if you're just working from a W2 and maybe some receipts or whatever.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 11:36 AM on April 15, 2008

I think you should know, carrying fancy cigarettes with the intent of looking cool and not actually, like, smoking them, is likely to convey one of three impressions: (1) Fop; (2) vending machine; (3) foppish vending machine. "Infamous gentleman" will probably not figure in. That aside, I second the recommendation of Silk Cut. But sorry, bro: You kinda have to smoke 'em yourself. Looking cool -> lung cancer? I say yes!


(...*cough*)
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 6:19 AM on April 15, 2008

Night of the Hunter, in both book and film form, is pretty much the granddaddy of all evil preacher stories.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 9:10 PM on April 5, 2008 marked best answer

Nothing leaps out from IMDB -- no common writers, directors, producers. If I had to guess, I'd speculate that either someone at "Life" is a "Deadwood" fan, or just that all these people were pounced upon en masse by the same casting director as soon as s/he heard a critically acclaimed show had been canceled.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:55 AM on April 4, 2008

He'll probably crawl right back into your house, or into somebody else's.

That said, if the spider is neither poisonous (and he's probably not) nor situated somewhere inconvenient, you may consider just leaving him be, if you're that worried about him. I credit my spiders -- well, and my cat -- for my mostly bug-free home. Spiders don't eat my food, don't make any noise, and are largely content to pretend that I don't even exist. They're not pests; they eat pests.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:34 PM on March 30, 2008

Ah hah! Wow, that'd actually be a lot simpler than I thought...mostly because I was imagining this exotic mouth-as-a-deadly-weapon apparatus that probably just about no one would ever have in real life, and failed to consider that people pretty much already wear these (even if they're typically gold and aren't...usually?...used to bite people to death). Thanks, all!
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:02 PM on March 29, 2008

They also dont magically cut through steel cables.

Well, I imagine you'd have to be The Incredible Hulk to bite down that hard. I figure that must have been a pretty fun myth to bust, but I should think it was a foregone conclusion! I was really more interested in the practical aspects of such teeth in and of themselves -- that is, how you'd make them, how comfortable they'd be to wear, et cetera. Like I said above, it didn't occur to me that people... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 10:39 PM on March 29, 2008

I usually get The New Yorker on the Wednesday before the publication date (which is always a Monday); e.g., this past Wednesday (3/26) I received the issue coverdated March 31.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:26 PM on March 29, 2008

Oh, and I'm in the Washington DC area.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:27 PM on March 29, 2008

The big obvious one is Jacob's Ladder. I'm also guilty-pleasure fond of Soul Survivors.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 5:56 AM on March 28, 2008

And on the I'm-a-fictional-character! tip (SPOILERS, naturally):

- Grant Morrison's Animal Man, in which the protagonist discovers he's in a comic book character...

- The Filth, by Morrison and Chris Weston, in which pretty much everyone eventually discovers they're fictional characters of one kind or another...

- This adaptation of Clive Barker's short story, "Valerie on the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 7:07 AM on March 28, 2008

It's entirely possible your boyfriend is just...stupid. I think you'd know that, though.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 8:26 AM on March 27, 2008

In Nathaniel Hawthorne's "Young Goodman Brown," he either reveals the hypocrisy and generally satanic nature of everyone, ever, with the possible exception of our hero; or he messes with our hero's head and slowly turns him into an antisocial paranoid. You make the call!
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 12:35 PM on March 21, 2008

There are certainly plenty more likely causes of liver damage, including excessive consumption of Tylenol (!). Mind you, kfb = not a doctor, but it's looking like herpetic liver infection is unlikely if the patient doesn't have some immunodeficiency, so my guess is that her liver ailments are caused by something more common.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 12:28 PM on March 21, 2008

You can preorder the paperbacks from either of those places, or really from just about any bookstore.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kittens for breakfast at 1:15 PM on March 18, 2008