My guess is that they weren't properly fit. Try tipping your glasses so they are more vertical (might have to slide them over your ears). If that improves things then they were definitely badly fit when you got them. In any case, I would go back and try to make sure you get an experienced person to do the adjusting.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 8:44 PM on July 24, 2008 marked best answer

I'm guessing most couples don't work it out in a formal x times a week way. The more important conversation to have is what sex means to each of you, what you would like from other (like, not demand) and a willingness to explore some compromises. Then as it comes up, sometimes you say no because you really don't feel like it and he accepts, sometimes you say yes because you know it makes him happy and sometimes you offer something else.

John Gottman, in his books about... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 7:38 PM on July 24, 2008

I am assuming that this change will involve very long hours on your part. Your family needs you too. How does your wife feel about this? Would this leave to be a single parent? Are you willing to miss the chance to be part of your little one's life?

Having been on the wife side, my one requirement was that I really needed my husband home and work free from 6-9 pm - dinner and bedtime for the kids. If he went back to work at 9, that was fine but we all really needed him... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:03 AM on July 24, 2008

Light reflecting off of water
A leaf that looks like something else
the number "3"
a shadow that looks like an animal (or a specific animal)
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 7:45 PM on July 23, 2008

a picture of people wearing clothes with the Stanford logo - pictures can ranked afterwards by the # of people in a single photo that are wearing Stanford stuff - the most people, the maximum points.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 7:49 PM on July 23, 2008

My doctor recommended the Superfeet inserts for flat arches. My daughter has not turned her ankle since she started using them. (In California, you can also find them at REI)
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:59 PM on July 22, 2008

Try asking without using the word "love". To do this, you have to think about what loves mean to you and what it would look like if he did love you.

Then tell him that this is the relationship you would like to have with him and does he feel the same. If he says he doesn't or worse that he can't then you know you have a serious relationship problem.

If he does agree, then tell him that sometimes you are different. Just like he needs... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 4:06 PM on July 22, 2008

I do have an MBA from a high ranked school and, more relevant to your question, I interview high school students who are applying to alma mater. What I think they would be looking for is
- do you put your passion in practice? If the action is reading, how much have you read, how do you decide what to read? have you gone out of your way in some fashion to pursue this passion?Do you have a favorite school of philosophy? why?
- are you able to think and talk about why you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:41 PM on July 22, 2008

By very best suggestion: At that age, I read "Dealing with Dragons" out loud to my daughter. It is a long chapter book about a strong princess who runs away to become a dragon's princess to avoid marrying a stupid prince. Dragons aren't used to princess volunteering but one of them take her on. She has exciting and funny adventures, fending off princes and saving the new King of Dragons. And the new King of the Dragons is a female. (There is a title of Queen but nobody wants it.) My... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:05 PM on July 22, 2008 marked best answer

Sleeping Ugly is another fun anti=princess book by Jane Yolen targeted at early readers (age 4-8) although I might get it from the library rather than buying it. In fact, anything your library has in the early reader section by Yolen is worth taking home or Red Sun Ben and Blue Sun Girl by Mazollo.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:13 PM on July 22, 2008

Try a mix. If you want to replace all of them, I would go 2/3 compact, 1/3 regular making sure there is a regular bulb closest to sink. (the compacts take a minute or two to warm up) If you want to leave a few spaces empty, try 3 compact, 3 regular, 3 empty - gives you reasonable light, especially when you first turn it on with good energy savings.

If you have to replace the ugly fixture in a year or two, I would do it now so you can get some enjoyment from the new fixture.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 2:48 PM on July 22, 2008

A related data point - we have two iphones(edge, not 3G) and one traditional cell phone on the same family plan with no problem.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:11 AM on July 21, 2008

Exploratorium in San Francisco!!!!
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:10 AM on July 21, 2008

Some schools have an issue with recommending any specific tutor (especially if costs money). Handing out cards in the parking lot or at PTA/PTO meetings is great as long as it doesn't violate school rules (it might)

I would start by asking your girlfriend to introduce you the parents of her student, recommend you for the job and you can let her know that you are looking for students. Contact anyone else you know (or your parents know) who has a middle school... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 6:05 PM on July 20, 2008

A futon folded in thirds would give him a small climb up that he could safely jump off of once his standing balance is good. 2nd cushions (we got couple of large floor cushions, in addition to the sofa cushions. Plus the large cushions (plus a tablecloth) are good for making a fort when he gets to be older (3-4) and the futon can double as a mat for saumersalts (again when older)

If he likes to crawl through things, you put a row of chairs on their sides on floor... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 4:22 PM on July 20, 2008

I don't know if this part of the problem but where I live, what you need is usually called a day care center, not a preschool.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 1:55 PM on July 20, 2008

Thanks for the link to the book from me too - looks like a fun read.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 1:05 AM on July 19, 2008

I don't think Gottman's book or anyone else's will do any good if you are such a tough couple.

I don't have a suggestion for a therapist but if since you and your partner are living apart, you might find the following book very useful for how to handle the situation with your son. it is called Mom's House, Dad's House.

Finally, I respect your commitment to trying to make your marriage work instead of giving up. After all, even if you do divorce,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:37 PM on July 18, 2008

If people are saying "I like your accent" then it is probably not as unattractive as you think. You might want to check this with a couple of good friends and ask them what images or sterotypes go with your voice.

It sounds like what you really need from us is a good answer that ends conversations without sharing more information than you want.

If they say "I like your accent" the best response is "Thank you" and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 12:21 AM on July 18, 2008

You might also want to consider making gift in his/her own to Kiva. You can give a gift certificate to Kiva to your benefactor (they start at $25) and he or she can then loan that money (along with others) as a microloan to people who can make good use of it. That way you are paying to forward as well as paying it back.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:52 PM on July 17, 2008

How often is "every once in a while"? How much is a lot of suffering? Maybe you can talk with her and ask her what it is like for her when this happens. Is it a problem for her? If she feels like it isn't that often and isn't that bad (in other words, not interfering with her general overall enjoyment of life) then there is the option of deciding that it is OK that this happens. Yes, be supportive and everything but instead of thinking "Oh my g-d, she is miserable, somebody do... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 8:35 PM on July 17, 2008

I think first you have to decide if you want to give up snoozing or not. It sounds like you enjoy it so I think you need to go with the two alarm clock option - one for snoozing and one that means get up. I can recommend clocky. I bought it for my daughter and it really worked for her. After a few tries she turned off the rolling around feature - just the noise is enough to get her awake. (It makes a variety of R2D2 noises (loudly) so it is harder to ignore then a gentle beep-beep-beep.) She... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 8:08 PM on July 17, 2008 marked best answer

You can make almost any school work for you if you go in with a positive attitude.
Live on campus - easier to meet people, easier to hang out with them, less time needed between alarm and first class
Join a few clubs and/or intramural sports teams and/or a frat
Remember to study and to show for class (at least if they take attendance)
Pick at least some classes based on who are the best teachers - a good teacher can make almost anything interesting... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:24 PM on July 17, 2008 marked best answer

First question is if your grandfather owned the copyright to his book. (It might be owned by the publisher) That should be indicated in the copyright notice on the book. The second question would be if your grandfather owned the rights, who they did the pass to on this death. The copyright would be part of his estate so you would need to find out what his will said. Assuming it wasn't mentioned specifically, I think it would go to who shared in the residual of his estate. So, if your grandmother... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 11:44 PM on July 16, 2008

The fumes aren't as bad as the oven cleaners - it just smells like burnt cheese (well, in my oven, that is usually what it is. But it's nothing chemical so even if it is unpleasant, it won't kill you or even scar your lungs.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 6:49 PM on July 16, 2008 marked best answer

upbeat Carpenter songs from the 70's. "Sing A song" jumps to mind but they had a bunch.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 6:39 PM on July 16, 2008

It takes courage, but you need to talk to her about it. k8t gave you one script. Another alternative is to start with how much you like her and the physical stuff is different than other relationships but instead of asking if she is comfortable doing more, is to just let her know what you've been worrying about: "I've been wondering if you just wanted to take it slow or if you just aren't into me that way." That opens the door for her to say what might be hard - that she just wants to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 11:33 PM on July 15, 2008

In California, at least, a Master's in Counseling Psychology would be good preparation for what you want to do. (PsychD is doctorate so it has large research component, the master in counseling is focused on counseling skills.) Some master's programs are targeted to recent graduates, others are at least 50% older (35+) students. I would recommend one with a mixed age students - you can learn a lot from your classmates.

However, counseling is incredibly personal and... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 11:14 PM on July 15, 2008 marked best answer

the depression would come and she would save me from myself by taking me back
It seems like the only reason you are still together is that you don't know how to manage the depression of a break-up. While it is great that she is there for you, it is not great that you have no other way to manage the depression than by going back to her. In a successful marriage, each partner needs to have the strength to stand by themself. You want your loved one in your life but... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 6:37 PM on July 14, 2008

What helps me the FlyLady's mantra - "You can do anything for 15 minutes". Set a timer (don't just look at the clock - really set a timer - it helps) and then just do it, reminding yourself that even if it is boring, you can do anything for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you have the option of either cleaning up and stopping or you may find that you are enough into the activity that you just keep going.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 12:19 PM on July 14, 2008

"alls-in-free" - what we used to yell when the seeker had given up on game of touch-tag. (Actually we yelled "oxen-free" but I think "alls-in-free" is what it was supposed to be.

I haven't taught my dog that command yet but that was what I was planning to use.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:42 PM on July 13, 2008

I'm guessing you are right - confronting him won't do any good. However, talk to him and see if any of this has scared him and/or made him think about changing. Tell him you love him and you are scared and when he is ready to change, you will do anything you can for him. If he seems a little shaken, then follow up with real stories about people you know who went down the drain.

I don't know how much you can do as a brother, but as a parent, I would be hoping for a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:39 PM on July 13, 2008

If you want to stay together (and it sounds like both of you do, at the moment). You need to set down with her and tell her that you finally understand that it is important to the health of your relationship that she has more space and you would like to do what you can to make this work better for both of you. Then ask her "I would like to brainstorm with you how to save our relationship. For now, don't worry about my feelings. What would you like out relationship to look like? What kinds... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 5:37 PM on July 12, 2008

The one thing that I don't see in your second response is talking to her about what she means when she says "she needs space". You're staying out of the cabin to give her space - is it the space she needs or does she think you are just pouting or withdrawing? It sounds like keeping yourself busy with other people or in the gym would help distract you when you are not with her.

In terms of trust, have a discussion - it sounds like it would be reasonable for you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 12:12 AM on July 13, 2008

It looks like it would be really easy to get a friend deputized to perform your ceremony and then you could have it anywhere you wanted. The one thing that was unclear was if one of you needs to be a resident of the county for it to work - be sure to ask if you go in that direction.

Also, if either of you have ties to a particular faith, you might be able to find a gay-friendly clergy to perform the ceremony for you. This works best of you have a local clergy who can... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 11:32 PM on July 11, 2008

Can you call the vet and see if he can move up your appointment? That would at least reduce your worry.

Beelzbubba's advice sounds like the kind of answer that would come from an experienced dog trainer/owner - I would go ahead and start that process immediately. If he still won't eat regular food after, say, three days, then I would consider it worth an emergency visit. (However, I've owned a few dogs but I'm not an expert.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:13 PM on July 11, 2008

Think of the person that you think would be super cool, confident, experienced driver. (James Bond) Whenever you start to get anxious, just pretend you are that person. (You might want to practice this in your head before hand so it is easy to remember the feeling of being your alter-ego.) My mother hated freeway driving and this really helped her.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:00 PM on July 11, 2008

Candy
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:55 PM on July 11, 2008

I think game warden has excellent advice. Commit yourself to doing something that under circumstance would be pleasant and then just do it and let it be what it is. Sort of like "fake it until you make it" but without the pressure.

Most people I know strongly recommend exercise. I found activities that require focused concentration were good for me. (I took a beginning art class - I had to show up and draw for 120 minutes twice a week plus do the homework.) It... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 7:08 PM on July 11, 2008

I'm curious about how she handles your other over-night trips. If she hadn't told you during the birthday fight that they caused "instability", would you have known? In other words, does she always freak out when you leave overnight or does she usually feel uncomfortable but handles it herself? If it is the second case, then I would respect her judgement about this one time being too much for her handle. If she gives you a hard time each time you leave, then you both have a big problem... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 6:44 PM on July 11, 2008

I want to third feckless - you are probably mentally and physically and emotionally exhausted from holding everything together to get your thesis finished and get yourself out to CA. You have going all out on really important project for 12 months and now it is finally over. All of your symptoms could be explained just as a post-stress reaction without adding in the internship issues. (Personally, I always got gruesome migraines the weekend after finals - same thing, different symptom.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 5:04 PM on July 10, 2008

With that many people I would go for a rental house - easier to hang out together, can save $ by buying breakfast and snacks at the grocery store. I have had very good luck finding places on vrbo.com. Just take a careful count of the number of beds in the property. Sleeps 8 may mean only 4 beds, which may be more intimacy than your friends are interested in :)
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 4:56 PM on July 10, 2008

We recently got several dinners from sous-kitchen. One nice feature was that we could keep the meals in the freezer until the day before we wanted them. The food was pretty good but it will depend on how old the children are. For example, last night we had sesame-ginger beef stir-fry with rice. My children wouldn't have eaten anything but the rice until they were in middle-school.

Another thing that might help with kids is to give her Safeway gift cards and introduce her... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 11:04 PM on July 9, 2008 marked best answer

It's obvious why she should dump the guy. It's not so obvious why she doesn't. I would ask her what she is getting out of the relationship. What does she like about him? Why does she stay? How does being in the relationship make her feel about herself? (if she is aware that the relationshp is making her act in ways she doesn't like that might be a powerful incentive to change.) Obviously, some of his behavior bothers her. Is it OK if things continue this way for years and never change? Does she... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:36 PM on July 9, 2008

In addiiton to the positive, supportive things mentioned above, make it clear that you did not break-up with her because of (or solely because of) her behavior after the rape. You could also thank her for letting you know since it will help you better understand what was happening the relationship at the end.

You might also want to let her know that while the relationship is long in the past, she was an important person in your life. Specific examples like "I still... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:10 PM on July 9, 2008

Making a list of little things to do each day or certain days the week can help get you up and moving as well as letting you know that you accomplished something. Small and detailed is good - Get out of bed, take meds, brush teeth, shower, get dressed, start coffee, make bed, eat breakfast. So that would be 8 things accomplished in the first half hour. Offer to run errands for the family at least twice a week (having specific errand days will make it easier to make yourself... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 9:47 PM on July 9, 2008

Yes, write the letter. His mother will appreciate knowing how much her son touched your life.

You might also want to find out where (if) he is buried. For me, at least, when I visit the gravesite, I can talk to the person in a way that I can't anywhere else. (I know it's not logical, but emotionally it works for me.) There is a Jewish custom of leaving a pebble when you visit a gravesite so I will keep my eye out for interesting pebbles that I can use the next time I... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:49 AM on July 9, 2008

Therapy is a great idea - hopefully it will help him see that pot is interfering with other things that he wants in his life as well as exploring other issues that are effecting his decision.

In the meanwhile, here are a few ideas:
Check and see if your school has a program(s) for bright kids that aren't making it. You will have to check out to see if engages these kids or just warehouses them but if it is good, it might make a big difference to your son.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 10:38 PM on July 8, 2008

For some people, there is a kind of magical thinking that if I do x enough times then some bad thing y won't happen. You might to try an experiment - pick something where you know you feel the urge to extra-check. Decide how many times it is OK to check and then resolve NOT to check again. Pay attention to your anxiety as it rises and falls. Can you do it just with willpower or do you need to distract yourself? Most importantly, did anything bad happen because you didn't check. Keep a record of... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 7:16 PM on July 8, 2008

I believe that HSA accounts are designed to be used with very high deductible health insurance plans (like $1000+) whereas FSA is set up your employer and works with any health insurance option.
posted to Ask Metafilter by metahawk at 3:49 PM on July 8, 2008