Thanks so much for all the helpful advice, everyone - it sounds like a new work visa will be my friend's best bet for staying in the country for the present while she concurrently begins the process of applying for something more long-term. Towards that end, looking through the CIC site (and based on my experiences with other countries ... plus just plain ol' common sense I suppose) I'm assuming that one must have a job offer in order to get a work visa or an extension on an existing work visa,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 8:18 AM on May 21, 2008

I totally agree with missmagenta about not responding during a period you've already said you'll be busy. Every time she sends out a "you must think I smell ha ha" note and you -react- to it, all you're doing is teaching her that she CAN get a response from you - even during those times you've said you'd be too busy - by sending you a message like that. As other folks have already said, it's not your responsibility to "manage" whether or not she takes something personally,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 12:48 PM on May 16, 2008

I've never used the stuff myself, but I've had friends who've had good things to say about 'Color Oops' as a fairly gentle and effective way of undoing hair coloring ... you can get it from Walgreens and it's pretty inexpensive; might be worth a try?
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:03 PM on May 9, 2008 marked best answer

Neatorama does this a lot as a contest - I just went there and searched for "What Is It?" to get back a list of about 60 of them. Apparently they're all taken from a site called (natch) What Is It, which has even more such objects - but personally I prefer the ones on Neatorama because the accompanying posts there are usually updated to give you the answer to what the danged things are, once the contest is over ...... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 7:08 AM on May 9, 2008

Nthing the opinion that it's healthy and normal to want to hold back until you feel better able to voice your opinion, but I would also add that perhaps instead of asking your boyfriend to leave you alone, or sitting there while he begs you to tell him what's wrong, take a more active stance and remove -yourself- from the situation temporarily. As Space Kitty suggested, voice your feelings much as you did here - but finish by saying you want to take a walk, or go off by yourself for a while -... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:50 PM on May 7, 2008

Hmm, sorry for the additional post but another thought just occurred to me: sometimes lately I've realized that when I feel the way you describe, it's in part because I'm actually quite afraid of my negative feelings ... it's like I don't trust myself with extreme emotions, like somehow I think my anger is more "toxic" than other people's and that as such I'm under obligation to repress it and never express it unless I've completely brought myself back under... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:01 PM on May 7, 2008

Depending on how sentimental your mom is, she might like an audiotape of you (and if possible, any siblings you might have) reminiscing over the 'good old days' of your childhood, talking about family vacations, things you guys used to do/discuss at dinnertimes, maybe little things you remember that she might have forgotten ... maybe you could talk a little about stuff that meant a lot to you even though maybe she didn't realize it, or whatever else you think might mean a lot to her.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:57 PM on May 6, 2008

According to most of the linguistics classes I've been in, you want to pronounce the /j/ in Beijing like a hard g - so, more like "giraffe" than the g in "massage" ...
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:31 PM on May 4, 2008

My Sandisk Sansa can be easily opened, and the battery is certainly removable with no problem - I've had two, and was thus able to swap the battery from my first with the battery of my second with no problem when I needed to. I like this device quite a lot, but I -would- warn that - despite its many pluses - it does have an irritating 'minus,' too, in that after a while the headphone jack gets a bit wonky ... on both of my units I've ended up with a situation where it'll pump music into one ear... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:29 PM on May 4, 2008

You might try figuring out what specifically you'd like from a group, and then putting out a meetup announcement on Craigslist - I did that in Chicago when I moved there and wanted to meet people with great success (specifically, I made my own "(Sci-Fi) Books and Beer Club," and got plenty of interest from people similarly interested in geekiness and beer within a day of posting it). I suspect that a lot of times, whatever interests you have are usually things that many other people... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 7:41 PM on May 2, 2008

(ugh, talk about lousy phrasing - I meant to say that I "did that in Chicago with great success, when I moved there and wanted to meet people" ... bad, bad syntax!)
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 7:45 PM on May 2, 2008

At some point, something valuable and/or sentimental is going to be broken beyond repair.

How valuable and/or sentimental is your relationship with your mom and stepdad? I don't mean to be flip - I realize you're not posting this question on a whim - but from what I read it sounds like you're going from giving your stepdad "gentle pointers" to now banning him from your home. Have there been any steps you've taken in between?... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:03 PM on April 23, 2008

My mom took me seriously, and talked to me like a human being - despite what a spaztastically dweeby and neurotic little kid I was. This was so important to me during those junior high years in particular, where it seemed like the entire rest of the world was in existence for the sole purpose of making sure I realized what a dork I was. She always set aside one-on-one time with me - I used to look forward so very much to our weekly "soda at the mall" sessions... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 12:40 PM on April 23, 2008

In terms of going elsewhere for frames, I think the biggest thing to remember is that you are a customer. Think of them like you'd think of, say, one of those folks selling magazines door-to-door, or a used car salesman, or what have you. Sure they're going to give you a hard sale - it's nothing personal, that's just their job. But that doesn't mean you're under any obligation to yield to that hard sale - being firm about what you want and what you'd prefer to get elsewhere is - again -... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 10:45 AM on April 23, 2008

I think misteraitch and gjc are on the right track in terms of noting that you really can develop a long-term and difficult to "cure" aversion after a major drinking binge, but in my experience it seems like it's usually limited to the particular type(s) of liquor that you binged upon. So for instance, I have no problem with whiskey or tequila, but could not drink anything that tasted of vanilla vodka if you paid me.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:28 AM on April 23, 2008

I quite like bloviate and bibulous (and they go so well together - the more bibulous the evening, the more likely folks will be given to bloviation don't ya know) ... I also occasionally like emetic when I don't want to outright SAY that something "makes me want to hurl" ... all three of those, though, I'd mostly use in a quasi-silly manner - not to try being "impressively wordy" or anything so much as enjoying a bit of amusing effect. Still, quite useful words when the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 2:23 PM on April 22, 2008

Hmm, everyone seems to be assuming that 'the little missus' doesn't have a job or anything, and thus would be stuck in the yurt all day - but IS this the case? I don't see that detail in your original question, but it's entirely possible I've missed something along the way ... well, anyway, I just wanted to point out that some of the -more- dire warnings might not -fully- apply, I guess, if she's out doing her own thing all day long, too, and the yurt really IS just a place for you both to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:13 PM on April 21, 2008

Hmm, I can understand why she'd want that - after all, subletting can be a risky business itself - but on the other hand I completely see why this would seem sketchy to you, too ... it DOES sound like you'd be taking a chance here. Maybe she just doesn't realize that banks disregard post dating, maybe you could talk to her about that in explaining why you're uneasy about the whole thing?

Otherwise, if you're sure you want to live there, could you perhaps arrange to have... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 9:41 AM on April 20, 2008

Aww, what a beautiful baby! What types of things are you into? Are you looking for people-names for him, or can they be other things, too? I always thought 'Smeagol' was a cute name for a French bulldog or a pug, or else 'Grond' if he's gonna grow up to be a stout little powerhouse ... but then again I suppose those are only apt if you really like LOTR ... If you're looking for a French word, maybe 'Corbeau' would suit (means raven, doesn't it? Good, perhaps, for a little black pooch?) ...... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:51 AM on April 20, 2008

I agree with UrineSoakedRube* - let your readers do the genuine scaring themselves, your biggest job is to set up a situation in which that can happen. As soon as you reveal too much, your story becomes specifically about you and what you find scary, rather than about what the reader finds scary. Some of King's novels illustrate this nicely - I won't name the title lest I spoil it for anybody, but I'm specifically thinking of the one where the "monster" turned... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 9:45 PM on April 19, 2008

I was born in 1975, and both of my parents sang to me (and to my younger sister, born in '77) ... my dad sang to me more when I was REALLY young, but even when I was growing up he'd still sing silly kid songs in my presence and for his amusement and mine even if he wasn't necessarily singing directly TO me (hmm, I think it'd take a lot more words to make this distinction clear as I'm seeing it in my mind, I'll spare you the blather ;)) The one song I most specifically remember of his went... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:31 PM on April 19, 2008

(Just as a followup - I did end up getting a flat iron back in mid-February, and have been using it nearly every day since then ... and I absolutely LOVE it =) I do use a heat-protective spray beforehand but that's all that I do, and yet as far as I can tell it's done no harm at all to my hair - actually, I think I'm getting -less- breakage than I used to get from trying to wrestle my hair into submission with a blasted hairdryer every day ... So again, to everyone who offered their advice - my... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 10:58 AM on April 19, 2008

Honestly, I don't think it hurts to offer an out. If it make it easier for you to send her the request in the first place, then go for it. As a fellow guilt-ridden person I tend to do that, too, and I've never noticed it hurting my "turn-down rate." Just makes me feel better, and sometimes I think that's important, too. Just make sure your email is "politely curt" as pedmans says above, and make sure you're clear that what you want is to ask some photography-related... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 1:41 PM on April 18, 2008

Ugh, I've had that experience with coworkers, too. My take on the matter was that these were folks for whom "complaints about work" was really the only common ground they shared - sort of the equivalent of talking about the weather with a perfect stranger, it's just kind of easy for some folks to automatically slip into. Deliberately trying to talk about positive things can (I think?) be tough for some people, simply because it might sound like bragging in their... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:34 PM on April 17, 2008

FWIW, back in those days when chat rooms were relatively new, I had a few occasions where I backed out of a burgeoning friendship when the other person asked if we could meet - not because I thought they might be a pervert or otherwise dangerous, but because (at the time*) my self-esteem was pretty crappy. I was certain that if we met face to face the other person would find me completely disappointing and unappealing - the likelihood of rejection loomed so large in my mind that I just couldn't... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:42 AM on April 17, 2008

I wonder if there was anything in the way your friend was acting that made the customs agent just ever so slightly suspicious? I know you said your friend "forgot about it" after sticking the ham in his bag, but maybe it was still tickling the back of his mind just enough for him to look a little bit iffy to an experienced customs agent? FWIW, I've been sent for secondary inspection before without having anything inappropriate on me at all, the original customs... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:15 PM on April 14, 2008

Ah, thanks very much, both of you, for clearing that up - much as I was hoping otherwise, in retrospect I suppose the idea that I could claim a tax credit on money I didn't have to pay taxes on was way too good to be true. Definitely a bummer, but way way less of a bummer than it could have been had I claimed it inappropriately!

Thanks again!
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:50 PM on April 14, 2008

I'm not an expert but I did a lot of research before getting my cartilage piercings, and two of the things that I read repeatedly is that a) you should most definitely not squeeze it like a pimple (anecdote above notwithstanding, odds are that you'll only exacerbate the problem in a pretty major way) and that b) hydrogen peroxide is likely to dry that sucker out, again not exactly a good thing. Again, this is just based on what I've read, I'm not a piercing professional but I did get a little... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 11:55 AM on April 14, 2008

If for any reason you don't -want- to do the bell thing (fwiw, my aunt and uncle do that with their Maltese and it works for them, too, but he also uses it a lot of times just when he wants to go play or whatnot), you should still be able to potty train your pooch even if she doesn't bark - heh, to be honest, when I first read your question I couldn't for the life of me figure out the connection between a dog's tendency to bark and one's ability to potty-train him/her ... my muttster has never... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 10:17 AM on April 14, 2008

Depending on where she is in her life, if she's able to not only take a class or two but to actually enroll in college full-time (either as an undergrad if she's not yet done so, or in a grad program if she has) that ought to be able to both "keep her busy" and do so in a way that could genuinely improve her life overall. Currently I'm in grad school and between papers for classes, grading the work of the undergrads -I- teach, hanging out with my classmates... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:42 PM on April 13, 2008

Personally I -like- the cheap (well, Scott) toilet paper ... that's just me, though. I'd definitely spend the extra buck or two to get decent beer (far better to drink less good beer than any quantity of vile frat-party beer, any day). And if you eat eggs, the free-range eggs actually are a good deal tastier than the cheap store brand.

To further your search, here's a link to a Lifehacker post in which folks answered the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:10 PM on April 13, 2008

Sometimes when I'm torn about what to do regarding something, I find it helps to stop and look at the "best possible / worst possible" case scenario I can imagine for each option. For instance:

- If you DO tell her how you feel, the best case situation is probably that you build up a bit of much-needed practice in standing up for yourself, you can feel good about having done so, AND your friend might be a little more considerate in the future. The worst-case... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 4:46 PM on April 13, 2008 marked best answer

Suggestions for substitutes welcome.

Hmm, these are fairly well-known these days so odds are probably good you've already considered (and rejected?) them, but just in case you haven't, you might want to look into the Moleskine notebooks. Their Large Ruled Notebook seems to meet your criteria, they tend to be carried by most major booksellers these days, and while they can be a bit pricey you can sometimes find them on sale ... Personally I use the... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 12:13 PM on April 13, 2008

Here's my suggestion, given that you've just said there aren't enough hours in a day to get the project done by Friday: if you're the primary worker on this sucker, and you've been at it now for a while, you're probably the one who should be best able to estimate when you think you COULD have it done by. Even if you don't feel 100% comfortable doing that, still make an effort - you're only ever going to get decent at estimating skills by trying them. Remember that timeline estimates are only... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:48 PM on April 9, 2008 marked best answer

Another thing that occurs to me, although it's not really going to be of help until after you get through this current fire drill and can set aside a little bit of down-time: if there are skills you don't yet have but that you need to acquire to succeed in your role, are there any training programs your company offers that could help you gain these skills? I used to be a corporate training designer so I can tell you that (at least in some organizations, especially the larger ones) there's... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:03 PM on April 9, 2008

Depending on the job (for instance, if you're part of a team on some long-term project and the manager needs to take people's availability into account when figuring out the schedule), I think they might actually -appreciate- the heads-up - I know -I- would have, back when I was working at a "corporate" job. Even if that's not the case, though, I really don't think it makes you look bad - at the VERY most it could make you look like you're not yet sure just how things work there in... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 11:47 PM on April 8, 2008

Well, what would you consider the standard selection of toppings? Personally I love toasted pine nuts on my pizza but I'm not sure how common that is these days? Artichoke, sheep's-milk feta, fresh garlic, and some nice kalamata olives are pretty good, too ...
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:23 PM on April 8, 2008

Hmm, it's been a while since I've been there but I used to like La Teresita, in the West Shore area (3246 W Columbus Dr) - it was always crazy-cheap, and even my Cuban friends said it tasted pretty authentic ... I generally got takeaway rather than eating in so I can't comment a whole lot on the service, but they made some mighty tasty Cuban dishes.

Can't wait to see what other people suggest, I'll be down in Tampa myself in a few weeks ...
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:19 PM on April 8, 2008

Wow, I really have to add to the tide here - you would do very, very well to find a different psychiatrist ... if you need any comparison, I've been talking lately with a friend who's just started seeing a therapist who told her in her first session that, even if the place she's working for goes under and she ends up without insurance (which is looking sadly possible, I'm afraid), so long as she's living in that town he'll work out a way to continue seeing her ... THAT, to me, is the sign of a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:56 PM on April 6, 2008

Heh, I can empathize, I get the same vibe from my family and I, too, would identify as "more or less straight, unless the right woman came along" ... it's a weird position to be in, because you can't really say you're "definitely NOT gay" if you think it's possible you could end up with another female, but then on the other hand it feels (to me, at least) like I'd be overblowing things if I came out and "announced" that I was bisexual or gay ... so in the meantime... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:59 PM on April 5, 2008 marked best answer

Start documenting these incidents - keep a file on your computer so that every time one of these incidents happens, you write down how you felt, what he promised and what you ultimately hoped for or believed when you agreed to stick together. Sometimes it's easier to see or evaluate a long and unchanging pattern once you write it all down (I speak as an idealist/optimist who is also prone to hope that this time things will be different, really they will!).... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 6:23 PM on April 2, 2008

Hot sauce on waffles (ideally, multi-grain but any will do) or pancakes.

Grated summer sausage and cottage cheese, together on a sandwich - bonus points if you make the sandwich in one of those "sandwich press" things so the outside gets nice and crispy and the summer sausage/cottage cheese mixture gets good and warm.

Chopped green olives (sans pimentos) and peanut butter on toast ... man oh days, that's one of my favorite comfort foods ever ...
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:58 PM on April 2, 2008

I agree 100% with all of the folks who've pointed out the importance of not being clingy and needy - but ... you don't sound like you've been clingy to me, at least not based on what you've described in this post.

- HE sends texts to say he's tired/not ready to talk
- Even when you got that movie, you merely told him you'd like to see it with him "at some point, and that you'd "leave it up to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 8:41 AM on March 30, 2008

"a long conversation where he told you what he thought was wrong with him, without acknowledging that it takes two people to raise problems in a relationship?"

Dang it, I of course meant to write "what he thought was wrong with you," not him. Just wanted to clarify that.

Furthermore, it occurs to me that if you are going to read any self-help/relationship books, you might get more benefit out of one... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 9:27 AM on March 30, 2008

FWIW, I've known folks who've been stopped and asked their opinion on topics and subsequently had their name/face in an article with said opinion, so I can say that these "average joe" sound bites are true in at least some cases - but on the other hand, the cases I'm referring to have all been for local newspapers (or in one case, a college paper), so I can't vouch for anything more "big-time" than that ...
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:03 PM on March 26, 2008

Not sure I could offer a specific response to this person that would be better than some of the ones posted already, so all I want to add is that while being direct may seem harsh to you as a person who (very admirably) wants to be nice, in the long run it actually most likely IS kinder to tell her you're not interested, soon, and in a way that offers no hope for some possible relationship in the future. The problem is that being more indirect or fuzzy - even with the intent of sparing her... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 2:46 PM on March 23, 2008

Ever heard of 'psychology student syndrome'? Sounds like your friend has a case of 'psych student syndrome by proxy'. Just because some of your behavior matches what she's seen in a documentary doesn't really mean much; I'd imagine ANY of us could flip through the DSM-IV and pick out a slew of disorders whose symptoms sounded alarmingly like things we do (as a psychology undergrad I think I "diagnosed" myself with 3-4 new disorders per semester - if even half of what I fretted about... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 10:17 AM on March 23, 2008

I once cut -off- a mole I had on my neck (um, I'm not advising this to anybody, of course), and it, too, bled like all get-out. I think that's just what moles do when they get cut. It's certainly alarming - how the heck can something so small bleed so much?? - but at the end of the day it doesn't seem to result in anything particularly horrible.

As such, I'd nth the advice to keep it bandaged and clean, and not worry overmuch about it otherwise unless it starts... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 3:46 PM on March 19, 2008

zeph, did it grow back?

(I hope it's okay if I answer this, now that the OP has responded with a resolution to their quandary ... glad to hear all is well, btw =) That mole I cut off of my neck actually did NOT grow back, believe it or not - much to even my surprise given the number of people who told me at the time what a fool I'd been for opening myself up to all kinds of injuries and infections despite the likelihood that the mole would grow back... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 8:14 PM on March 19, 2008

I agree with tomcooke that this might not be the "abandon ship!" signal that a lot of other folks feel it is (though take that with the appropriate dosage of salt, as I must admit I do tend to be rather naive about these sorts of things ... nevertheless I do suspect people in general have far fewer "hidden agendas" than other folks often assume they do). No matter what, though, I think the important thing now is to figure out what exactly you plan on... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zeph at 5:18 PM on March 17, 2008