Really. I just remember thinking "Jeez, this sucks."

Yeah, but that's all you ever remember thinking about anything.

And I was, like y'know, alive then.

A note for anyone who might be confused by this: "Alive" is the word that jonmc uses to mean "shitfaced drunk".
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 2:43 PM on October 6, 2008

Just shows you how far ahead of his time Sir Mix-a-Lot was.

Brother, you ain't kiddin'.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 4:45 PM on October 6, 2008

It's really kind of amazing how strongly the death of Biggie has stayed with some people. Two years ago my then-girlfriend and I were attending a party at the Petersen Automotive Museum. When the ex told her mother that we were going there, she received the following warning:

"Be careful; that's were they did Big."

I thought that she had to for sure be joking. The likelihood that Biggie's assassins were still hanging... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:21 AM on October 6, 2008

This is pretty short notice and I'll probably be exhausted from the Apocalyptic High Homecoming the night before, but it is in my neck of the woods, so I might be able to make it Sunday morning, depending where you're planning on holding court.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 3:24 PM on October 3, 2008

It took half an hour before this kid was stopped. That's half an hour where this seven-year-old evaded his parents, and in the meantime he was scaling fences, evading alarm systems and bringing wave after wave of silent death.

I'm sure that I'll be outraged eventually, but at the moment my emotional abilities are being completely dominated by the fear that Australia is raising an army of tiny ninjas.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:46 AM on October 3, 2008

Yeah, you kind of have to wonder how it would have ended if he could have gotten to the croc.

Based on everything else in the article, I'd wager that it would have ended with the kid snapping the crocodile's spine and calmly moving to his next target, his hands silent engines of death.

Later, he and Devin Funck could team up and use their collective reptile-slaughtering skills to rid us of the menace of Godzilla once and for... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:50 AM on October 3, 2008

And I'm completely oblivious for a long moment, thinking, "Dang, I never knew this about Timbaland! Coleridge means a lot to me too!"

I made a similar mistake a few years ago. The Ol' Dirty Bastard died two days after Yasser Arafat, but I was still taken by surprise when my brain connected the newspaper headline Rapper ODB Dead with the smaller article Arab World in Mourning.

I... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 1:13 PM on October 1, 2008

Was she arrested for a Mooooving Violation?

Here all week, folks.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 3:23 PM on September 30, 2008

Remember to listen to a seven year old because you just have more words and life experience, not necessarily more wisdom.

Me: So, got any wisdom for me?

Seven Year Old: I fed my dog a gold crayon, and now he makes gold poop from his butt!

Me: As I journey through life, I'll try my best to keep that in mind. Thank you.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 2:29 PM on September 26, 2008

Although my love of reading is strong, I think its disingenuous to disregard the role of TV in this magical age.

I was thinking the same thing about music videos. Growing up, my parents didn't allow television in the house, but one of my friends had MTV and it strongly shaped the person that I eventually became.

The most important video in shaping me was without any doubt Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back, which more... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 2:22 PM on September 25, 2008

I know that this thread is going to be nothing but people crying "where's _____!?", but...

No Richard III?

Also, talk to me about Voldemort again twenty years from now. As a villain, I'd guess that his staying power will be about equal to that of Skeletor.

On Preview, CPB steals my thunder, making him the #1 villain on my list.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 3:27 PM on September 23, 2008

Well, that's it. Everything is ruined forever.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 1:38 PM on September 23, 2008

Everything you need to know about Biblical teaching is readily available at Back of the Bible.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 5:03 PM on September 18, 2008

Los Angeles is a big city. Any idea what part of LA you're thinking would be ideal for your meetup?
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 3:32 PM on September 17, 2008

Wow, a lot of hate for a post that asks why Christians are hypocrit...oh, right.

Except that, as was pointed out in the thread, most of the people who thought that it was a crap post aren't Christian.

Jesus told me: Love the crap poster, hate the crap post.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 12:11 PM on September 16, 2008

I've met Jessamyn. She was nice. I imagine that Mathowie and Cortex are also good people.

Plexi, why would you do this to them?

Despite the fact that I agree with a lot of what was written in the editorial, it's still an op-ed that isn't doesn't really add much to the debate. Which is to say, I think that this post could have benefited from some serious supporting links and perhaps some alternate views.

As it stands, it's... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:37 AM on September 16, 2008

The Vermont and Santa Monica stop will place you within easy walking distance of Scoops and Pure Luck, which are two of my favorite place to eat in Los Angeles.

Vermont and Sunset will place you at the corner where the Weekend Shuttle to the Observatory in Griffith Park picks up passengers.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Parasite Unseen at 1:23 PM on September 15, 2008

How ded babby joke is formed?
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 4:34 PM on September 11, 2008

I couldn't bring myself to listen. Now the Wesley Willis is dead, the dream that the perfect Super Mario Bros. song might someday be written is over.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 4:26 PM on September 11, 2008

As the age range gets older, it looks like the number of single women gets significantly higher. There are a lot of single grannies out there, from the looks of things.

This is good news for Skwisgaar Skwigelf.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 12:52 PM on September 10, 2008

I'll just say that without AskMe disposing of all these corpses really would have been a chore.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 10:52 AM on September 10, 2008

Have you had straight sex? Gay sex? Had a kid? Started watching Gossip Girl? Been to Burning Man? Gotten a tattoo? Smoked weed? Joined a gym? Bough a pair of Crocs?

In order: Yes. Yes. Maybe. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You're a pervert to even suggest such a thing.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:52 AM on September 9, 2008

Umbrella today? Yes. Umbrellas every day, my good man!

What we really need is a website that can tell me what sort of umbrella to carry. For example, my henchmen and I have planned to lift a rare poison-beaked hummingbird from the Gotham City Zoo. It's a certainty that that meddling winged rodent, the Batman, is likely to attempt to interfere. What umbrella to best handle him?

Should I use the old standby, the knockout-gas... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 2:20 PM on September 8, 2008

I was really hoping the the final page would reveal that the ants hadn't actually gotten any larger, but that everything else on Earth had gotten smaller for some reason.

Because I am M. Night Fucking Shyamalan.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 3:42 PM on September 5, 2008

And there were a lot of Entitled Founding Americans who also risked and even lost their lives to break laws against free speech to help us get it that way.

Those same Founding Americans had some interesting ideas about what to do when some clown from across the ocean wanted to tell them how to live. If James Powderly wants to impose his worldview on people living on another continent, he should take that into consideration.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 4:33 PM on September 3, 2008

Cats with wings, you say?

When pigs fly!
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 4:48 PM on August 28, 2008

Cap'n Crunch
As a Kid: Crunchy Sugar!
As an Adult: A bowlful of razors!
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:22 AM on August 26, 2008

Spoiler: Obama announces via text message that his choice for Vice President is Rick Astley.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 2:53 PM on August 22, 2008

Does humanity have a responsibility to save an orphaned baby whale, or is our duty to let nature take its course?

Whales worldwide would get a grim chuckle indeed at the notion of a human suggestion of humanity "letting nature take its course", since we've utterly failed to allow nature to take its course with whales for so long that many species are now facing likely extinction. Well, they would if whales had any capacity for gallows humor, anyway.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 3:46 PM on August 20, 2008

As the article pointed out, if this were a baby shark near the shore looking for its mama, the public would have a remarkably different reaction to it.

My reaction would, yes, be quite different. I'd be a bit surprised, since baby sharks aren't normally raised by their mothers. Watching a baby shark attempt to suckle on anything would almost certainly be a story worth following, since every fish about which I've ever read has lacked mammaries.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 4:24 PM on August 20, 2008

Any parody of Lovecraft's writing that doesn't end the final line of each entry in italics doesn't hold water with me. For it was in this style that he wrote!
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 9:01 AM on August 20, 2008

I used to live down the street from the Doggie Diner by the San Francisco Zoo. It really was a cultural landmark for that portion of the city. It didn't matter where someone in San Francisco lived, as long as I began my directions by saying "start at the Doggie Diner" they'd be able to find my house without any difficulty. Everyone knew that place.

It was almost enough to make living down the street from the zoo worth it. Almost. God damned... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 4:12 PM on August 18, 2008

Miss Lynnster, what part of Los Angeles are you habitating at the moment? It's a big city, after all, and I'm sure we can find somewhere to drink in your little slice of heaven.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 1:22 PM on August 18, 2008

I can understand choosing not to own a car, definitely. And I can understand choosing not to own a cell phone. Went down that road myself for a long while. But I can't really understand choosing not to own either one.

I don't own a car or a cell phone. I have chosen not to own them, not in order to make a statement, but because I don't really have the need for either of them, and I would rather spend my money on other things.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:57 AM on August 18, 2008

Once again I've posted a meet-up that I won't be attending. I'm such a cad.

A combination of medical problems and finances (impacted by the aforementioned medical problems) will be keeping me off the Playa this year.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 10:18 AM on August 18, 2008

Classy guy. Got dressed up in a tuxedo and everything.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:45 AM on August 15, 2008

My father was (and still is) a trickster. You could always count on him, but you couldn't ever really trust was he was doing.

One day my sister and I had been especially wild, and so at dinner time my father announced that we had clearly had too much sugar, so we would have to eat double servings of our vegetables, and we weren't going to get any dessert. We protested loudly, as kids are prone to do, but we didn't really see... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Parasite Unseen at 12:48 PM on August 12, 2008

How long until PETA links this story to bus beheadings?
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:38 AM on August 7, 2008

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man, look at those cavemen go
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 2:56 PM on August 1, 2008

I'll be really excited to see this revisited in a few years when Europeans are posting to AskMe looking for dollar-bill toilet paper to buy as a gag gift. I bet the American contingent on the site gets super huffy THEN...

I'm an American, and I already use US money to wipe my ass. It's not the most comfortable way of doing things, I'll admit, but there's a certain amount of personal satisfaction that I gain from it.

Not so much... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 1:25 PM on July 31, 2008

I live in a relatively low-income neighborhood of Los Angeles (K-Town, y'heard!), and I'm a little bit confused about what the problem is. Good, cheap food is available in abundance around my apartment.

Not enough fruits and vegetables? There's a cart on every fucking corner where some friendly gentleman who speaks precisely enough English to get your order right and wish you a nice day will cut you up an enormous bag of fresh fruit for a couple of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:50 AM on July 31, 2008

You can always cash a check at the bank that issued it though, without having an account, right?

Usually. Although if it's a payroll check most banks will charge you a fee for cashing it. When I was without a bank a few years back I know that Bank of America was charging five dollars per paycheck that they cashed. That's still significantly less expensive than cashing with a check cashing service, but it's still a bit of a bite. Of course, if there are... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 12:45 PM on July 31, 2008

Speaking of things that rhyme, did anyone else see the name of the site and immediately think the following?

(Ooh, Write Rhymes!) Vision dreams of passion
(Blowin' through my mind) And all the while I think of you
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 8:40 AM on July 29, 2008

Do you find it insulting when white characters only date other whites?

Yes. It doesn't reflect on my experiences, and it contributes to a culture where dating outside of your race is considered somehow remarkable (in either a positive or negative light, both of which cause problems).

I've noticed that the what little I've watched of BBC television appears to have a much higher rate of interracial couples that you see on... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:46 AM on July 23, 2008

Oh My God, The Baby!
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:25 AM on July 23, 2008

I understand that you love your dog. Not as much as some people love their children, but a lot. I don't plan on having children, and I do enjoy companionship, so I understand the draw of a dog. Many of my favorite memories involve dogs with whom I've lived over the years.

Having said that, if I was dating someone whose child was constantly trying to lick my face, I would ask them to move their child away from me, no matter how much they loved that child. Particularly if... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Parasite Unseen at 3:12 PM on July 22, 2008

The thing about needing coffee to get through the day is that most people didn't need it to get through the day before they started drinking it. In much the same way that Vonnegut mentions that the only stress that cigarettes relieve is the stress that's caused by not having a cigarette, most people who need coffee to stay awake and alert only need it because they've trained their bodies to depend upon it.

This is not to say that I wouldn't drink caffeine if I could.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 10:32 AM on July 22, 2008

I just got out of a two-year monogamous relationship that came close on the heels of a five-year monogamous relationship. I'm single, and I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time.

Not everyone is meant to be partnered, and I've come to realize that I have neither the skill nor the desire to be someone's boyfriend. Being single might not be for everyone, but if you're the sort of person who thrives on it, you will do no favors to yourself or the people around you... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Parasite Unseen at 9:08 AM on July 22, 2008

only for the purposes of my role-playing fantasies

I put on my robe and wizard hat.
posted to MetaTalk by Parasite Unseen at 4:24 PM on July 21, 2008

They named the friggin' thing TYSON and they thought that they could contain it behind a quarter-inch of glass?

FAIL.
posted to MetaFilter by Parasite Unseen at 11:06 AM on July 21, 2008