September 27, 2001

9:21 AM

Star Trek-Enterprise Yes, last night was the debut of the latest Star Trek Saga.. the tale of the first shape..the first Enterprise. Rather then sitting through the fan boy never ever seen a woman necked that was in 2D opinions over at slashdot, I decided to sort through some (sic) intelligent statements. So what did you think.. more inside.
posted by crackheadmatt (98 comments total)

Was english your first language?
posted by revbrian at 9:25 AM on September 27, 2001

I actually enjoyed it. By far it has the highest production level of any Trek show yet..then again it has technology that others didn't have. The show also seems less..... cheesy the other trek shows. I think with this one Paramount is going after a wider audience then the hardcore trek fans. This will tick off the trekkies.

Talking about trekkies.. how long until some one photoshops Jolene Blalock's (the female vulcan) clothes off.
posted by crackheadmatt at 9:30 AM on September 27, 2001

Taliban, Suliban.....hmmmm....coincidence?

There's already enough naked pix of Jolene Blalock floating around the net that nobody needs to photoshop anything. The "grease me up, Scotty" scene was embarrassingly gratuitous.
posted by briank at 9:34 AM on September 27, 2001

Sorry I am using assistive technology aka voice recognition. I am phsyically disabled and cannot use a keyboard.
posted by crackheadmatt at 9:35 AM on September 27, 2001

crackheadmatt: seriously? what software? and how well does it work?
posted by o2b at 9:43 AM on September 27, 2001

same crackheadmatt that said "kill all the tards" call rcade, i smell a troll.
posted by newnameintown at 9:50 AM on September 27, 2001

What the HELL was with that "Richard Marx Wannabe" theme song??!!!!! >:P
posted by metrocake at 9:52 AM on September 27, 2001

yeah same one. you lying sack of shit. if you were MI then I'm Nero. Most would ignore you but i'd like to...Prove you where MI, you dink. If you were MI, What is an "ink well"
posted by newnameintown at 9:57 AM on September 27, 2001

The theme song was irritating and the Vulcan soft porn gratuitous, but I liked it. I think it shows far more promise than Voyager and Deep Space Nine's pilots did.
posted by waxpancake at 10:03 AM on September 27, 2001

I really enjoyed it. The only thing I thought was funny was how good looking the ship was, and in 100 years, they will be so ugly and plastic looking. (Yes, I know. You're talking 30 years difference in special effects technology.)

And the only reason I was able to watch it on out low-power UPN affiliate was because the cable system added it after a 10 year fight with time warner cable. Its similar to the fight nationwide as low-power UPN affiliates are blocked out of the cable systems of their rival. But that is a whole other issue.

I thought the whole cast was wonderful in their portrayals, and I thought the inclusion of the clip of Zefram Cochran was pretty neat too.
posted by benjh at 10:09 AM on September 27, 2001

I thought the theme song and opening imagery was an interesting departure from what could have been yet another grandiose instrumental set to a starship cruising around.

I agree that the production values are impressive, and the whole thing has a more real, metallic feel to it than the previous series.

Bakula, of whom I wasn't a big fan, does a fine job.

And the grease-me-up scene was fabulous.
posted by Tubes at 10:14 AM on September 27, 2001

I read through most of the comments on Stile's Forum about an hour after the show, and then later on Slashdot. The only thing I got from them was that the Title song needed to go. While I agree, I really liked the video montage that went with the credits.

After that, I think the Action! and Excitement! started too soon. I can't have five minutes of childhood development in a 96 minute show before some guy with a Kill-O-Zap gun destroys a convenient silo? A tower by the way that was sitting in the middle of a corn field and apparently used for storing liquid oxygen. (I think it was actually methane gas, presumably from the unseen cows somewhere on the other side of the huge corn field.)

There were a few timing and camera things I would have liked so see done differently but...

Overall, I liked the show. It returned some of the cheesiness that the first show had. I liked TNG, watched a few Voyagers, and was told there was another Trek show that I never saw. (?) I look forward to catching the re-runs whenever I'm bored enough to turn on the TV.
posted by Hexaemeron at 10:14 AM on September 27, 2001

Can someone please explain to me the turtlehead / no turtlehead / back to turtlehead chronology of the Klingons?

Or were the Klingons that Kirk et al. encountered a subspecies of Klingon male models? Kol = Kool = Zool = Zoolander? Is that it?
posted by mimi at 10:27 AM on September 27, 2001

I really enjoyed the new series, it pleases a broader palette of people.

I was flipping in between West Wing and Enterprise during the second hour of it all ...

I missed the build-up to why miss. vulcan was rubbing the guy and vice versa ... Anyone want to help me out as to what happened?
posted by a11an at 10:30 AM on September 27, 2001

Grain silos are actually quite flammable; all that fine dust makes for excellent fuel. I can imagine that a Klingon disruptor would superheat the contents of the silo, making it go boom./nitpicky dork

...

Good God, I have become Comic Book Guy. Worst. Theme Music. Ever.
posted by RakDaddy at 10:30 AM on September 27, 2001

It was okay. The gratuitous body shots of the Vulcan chick while she greased herself up were, well...gratuitous. Metrocake: I thought "Bryan Adams" when I heard the song, but Richard works, too.

Was anybody else a little surprised at the "Son of a bitch" right near the end? Trek has always been pretty family safe--which is probably why a lot of Klingon goes untranslated *grin*
posted by Su at 10:30 AM on September 27, 2001

Mimi: The only time I know of that it was addressed was during a time-travel episode in which a group from either TNG or DS9 went back to the old tribble episode and someone noticed the same thing, almost asked Worf about it, and he pretty much said, "We don't discuss that with outsiders."
So your answer is: We have better makeup artists and technology now.

I brought this up to my roommates when we were watching, and they said there's already been a big stink raised about it from hardcore Trekkies, but the producers decided it would still be best. Note that there's also a Cardassian doctor in the show. I don't think the Cardassians were introduced until DS9.
posted by Su at 10:34 AM on September 27, 2001

I thought Enterprise was all right - despite the cheesy theme song.

I mean - it was a little far-fetched and clueless at times - and Scott Bakula didn't play the tough guy I expected him to. But all in all it was okay - I'll watch a few more episodes before I pass total judgment. The track record for Star Trek spin-offs hasn't been that great - DS9 and Voyager both started strong and then trailed off into mediocrity by the time their first seasons were out. Message to Captain Janeway: show more erect nipples next time. Of course this series is certianly a return to the basics of Star Trek - what with it being called Enterprise and all.

Speaking of sexism - it seemed as though they were almost over doing it on the whole, "Let's see how Kirk-esq we can be." There was a discussion of 3 breasted alien women, then there was a scene where the crew members were goggling the pink and blue alien chicks, and then they climaxed with the Vulcan oil wrestling scene... it seemed like a little too much baiting. They packed in more sexual innuendo in 2 hours than all of Trek has in 30 years. I hope that's not a sign of a lack in the writing department - but it probably is. Of course some of that could just be UPN – who knows a thing or two about attracting fanboys (and fangirls). They are the Buffy network now, after all.
posted by wfrgms at 10:37 AM on September 27, 2001

Thanks. I've seen pictures of that but not the episode (couldn't get into ds9) and noted that Worf's face makeup was the same but that he was wearing a big hat to hide the turtle. Well, if they're not providing explanations, I'm stickin' to my Supermodel Klingon theory! No wonder Kirk was so hot for them, and too bad for us! :(
posted by mimi at 10:40 AM on September 27, 2001

I would like to state now on the record: I am FOR rubdowns of Vulcan sex goddeses (she was pouty too!).
posted by owillis at 10:41 AM on September 27, 2001

Hex... the other show was Deep Space 9 (DS9).

Chronologically...

Enterprise
Star Trek
TNG
DS9 (Overlaps with both TNG & Voyager)
Voyager
posted by silusGROK at 10:42 AM on September 27, 2001

I was actually pleasantly impressed with everything in the episode except for the theme song ... egads! What were they thinking in that regard!

This despite the fact that Scott Bakula makes me cringe ... but maybe, in retrospect, it was Tommy Thompson directing Scott Bakula that made me cringe.

I'm surprised at the charges of gratitous sex in the "grease me up, Scottie" scene ... I actually thought it was rather well played, considering that they are having an argument at the same time.

Not a trekkie (outside of a brief two year period during the Next Generation, when I really got sucked in by the quality of the script writing) but I'll tune in again.
posted by bclark at 10:43 AM on September 27, 2001

Owillis: She was damn PERKY, too. It must have been cold in the decon room.
posted by Su at 10:48 AM on September 27, 2001

Anyone want to help me out as to what happened?

The female vulcan and the male human happened to be the only two members of the away team who were carrying some alien infection or something, so they had to rub each other down with the gel to kill the infection.

I thought it was interesting that their underwear apparently protected certain parts of their bodies from infection, you'd think they'd just wear longjohns and avoid the annoying gel hassle.

I liked the show. There were flaws, and a whole lot of character development needs to happen, but overall it was the strongest Star Trek pilot I've been alive to experience.

I really like the comparitively low-tech environment. Using alien species for medical purposes, rather than glowy beams, the bars with yellow-and black hazard stripes guarding the warp core, "Stun seems to work" and stuff like that. It's going to be a very fun tech level, I think.
posted by cCranium at 10:51 AM on September 27, 2001

They are the Buffy network now, after all.

As they reminded us ad nauseam in every single frickin' commercial break for two hours.
posted by briank at 10:55 AM on September 27, 2001

They also had to push a button to open the ship's doors, instead of the doors opening automatically.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:03 AM on September 27, 2001

Hey does anyone know if they will replay the pilot anytime soon?
posted by crunchybird at 11:09 AM on September 27, 2001

Don't get me wrong, though. I actually liked it quite a bit and will watch at least the first half dozen episodes to see how it develops. But could her nipples BE any harder?
posted by briank at 11:11 AM on September 27, 2001

Okay, I have to ask, having a somewhat broad audience - does anyone speak Klingon? I was wondering what the intentionally untranslated "thank you" near the end actually said. I know, it's geeky, but I'm curious.
posted by kokogiak at 11:11 AM on September 27, 2001

I was thoroughly pleased with this premiere. It's the first Trek series i've been excited about since TNG, and it seems like it may be even better than that series. I believe the reason for this is simply because they actually have a means for new material now instead of the whole "meet bad alien, defeat bad alien, get home" crap that's been going on in Voyager. And don't even get me started on DS9... what a farce!
posted by fusinski at 11:19 AM on September 27, 2001

I thought I read somewhere that one of the crewmembers was going to be gay...They didn't bring it up in this one, but my bet it's the black guy.

The other housemate thinks its the British one, but I don't think they would do that...seems done before..or maybe he already acts prissy..

And that theme song has to go.."Rockin on the Ennn-ter-prise... spreadin' America to the star-r-rss!!"
posted by schlomo at 11:22 AM on September 27, 2001

They also had to push a button to open the ship's doors, instead of the doors opening automatically.

Can't we already do that at WalMart?

I've been a big Trek fan for years. My favorite (for being character-driven and for having excellent writing) was DS9 (though I didn't care for the whole war with the Dominion plot of the last couple of seasons). I liked Enterprise just fine, but for the following: OH-MY-GOD-HOW-CHEESY theme song (written by cheesy-song writer Diane Warren), Vulcans seemed to have too much attitude (I seem to remember somewhere in trekdom that the Vulcans got their emotions under control close to a thousand years ago), a DOG on a submarine...er... starship?, and lastly (and though I'm going to hate myself for saying so) T'Pol didn't have enough clothes on at ANY point in the show. Vulcans (including the others in Enterprise) are always wearing big piles of robes everywhere they go (unless they're wearing Starfleet uniforms). I always assumed it was because Vulcan is so freakin' hot and they get cold everywhere else, but that's just a theory. I also didn't care for the genetically-modified but still pretty boring Suliban and the whole "Temporal Cold War"-pay-no-attention-to-that-man-behind-the-curtain crap.

Otherwise, I quite liked it. I've always like Bakula; the doctor (NOT a Cardassian, btw --- we don't know what he is yet) was sorta funny, though underused; I liked Hoshi; and the engineer and the navigator?/security? guy both had good senses of humor (though I had a hard time telling them apart physically at first). I also liked the Cochran speech (and it was cool that Cromwell made the cameo).

I'll watch it.
posted by sjarvis at 11:24 AM on September 27, 2001

It sure was cold in that decontamination room, wasn't it?
posted by aaron at 11:24 AM on September 27, 2001

ad nauseam in every single frickin' commercial break

i watched each one attentively. i'm counting down the days.

Klingon disruptor would superheat the contents of the silo, making it go boom

you wouldn't even have to superheat it, necessarily. a hot summer day can be enough to make it go boom. i lived in a small town with a big grain thingie (not just a silo. also where they filled railroad grain cars) a block down the street, and it exploded one not-too-hot summer day. who knew a grass could be so dangerous.

I am FOR rubdowns of Vulcan sex goddeses

i could have done without the nipply-Vulcan-in-sports-bra thing, but would have been pleased as punch to have Cmdr Trip and Lt Reed rubbing each other down.
posted by tolkhan at 11:31 AM on September 27, 2001

It sure was cold in that decontamination room, wasn't it?

Ok, here goes. I'm trying to spread a phrase throughout the world:

"It's a titty bit nipply in here . . . "

Pass it on.
posted by po at 11:37 AM on September 27, 2001

Am I the only person in the world who finds that Vulcan woman horribly unattractive? All the comments I have seen are either "She sure is hot but that scene was a little bit gratuitous" or "She sure is hot but that scene was a little bit gratuitous and I liked it."
posted by donkeymon at 11:40 AM on September 27, 2001

Am I the only person in the world who finds that Vulcan woman horribly unattractive?

I also really don't care for something about her. Nice bod but there's something about her face that makes me go blea.

The show overall was just fine. not great, not bad, just fine.

I hope they address the Klingon Lobster Head VS Shoe Polish thing down the line.
posted by Dillenger69 at 11:57 AM on September 27, 2001

There's one more Star Trek show that most people forget about (assuming they ever saw it in the first place, heh). There was a Star Trek cartoon that used characters from the original show. I used to watch it on Nickelodeon. I'm sure it was on TV Saturday mornings on ABC or some shit.

Goddam, I'm a geek for knowing that.
posted by ookamaka at 11:58 AM on September 27, 2001

I thought I read somewhere that one of the crewmembers was going to be gay...They didn't bring it up in this one, but my bet it's the black guy.

It's the British guy -- they've all but said as much in various interviews. Textual clue -- when the ugly alien asked him which half-naked dancing girl he wanted, he avoided answering the question.

ookamaka -- if you were a real geek, you'd know that it was on NBC, just like the original series.
posted by briank at 12:01 PM on September 27, 2001

Sorry[,] I am using assistive technology aka voice recognition. I am phsyically disabled and cannot use a keyboard.

Voice recognition would not produce the word "phsyically" unless it were misspelled that way in the dictionary (unlikely), and all voice-recognition software permits editing and the correction of errors. An unintelligible passage produced by a writer using voice recognition remains unintelligible only because the writer did not correct it, not because of the adaptive technology.
posted by joeclark at 12:04 PM on September 27, 2001

I, for one, was really disappointed. What's always prevented me from being a regular watcher of any Star Trek show is the fact that each show takes itself so /seriously/. Really, this could be escapist fantasy at its best, but it's just /swamped/ with silly truisms and high morality garbage.

I thought "Enterprise" would be the first show with a real opportunity to break free of that mold, to wink at the phenomenon the franchise has become. Show me cheap plastic panels! Show me going off half-cocked, guns a'blazin'! Show me ugly uniforms and diplomatic blunders and bleep-blooping control systems and big ass monkey wrenches for pete's sake! Not this slick glossy crap again and again and again.

And speaking of, leave the slick glossy Vulcans behind, too. Soft core porn sucks. Walk the extra three blocks past Blockbuster to your mom&pop video store and get the real thing. Believe me, it'll be far less insulting to your sensibilities.
posted by eamondaly at 12:13 PM on September 27, 2001

crunchybird: according to my beloved Mr. TiVo, it re-airs for me on my local UPN affiliate on Sunday night at 8 PM. Check your local listings.
posted by Fofer at 12:17 PM on September 27, 2001

Can someone please explain to me the turtlehead / no turtlehead / back to turtlehead chronology of the Klingons?

This is because when they made the original series 35 years ago, they had no makeup budget.

Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, you really should relax."
posted by chuq at 12:21 PM on September 27, 2001

Actually, the sex-focused writing is probably a result of head writer Brannon Braga regularly nailing Seven-of-Nine Jeri Ryan now that she ditched her husband.

Thought the gel scene was gratuitous, too. Rest of it was pretty good. As the owner of a beagle, I liked the dog!
posted by darren at 12:32 PM on September 27, 2001

Yeah, Chuq, It's just a show, and a silly one at that. I'll save my Deep Thoughts / What If Discussions for Buffy. Still, the shoe-polish Klingons were hot.
posted by mimi at 12:33 PM on September 27, 2001

DAMNIT, why doesn't Time Warner Cable in Cincinnati get UPN?!?!
posted by lotsofno at 12:34 PM on September 27, 2001

Am I the only one that thought the "Temporal Cold War" guy in the middle of that beam in the weird time room sounded EXACTLY like Dean Wormer? I kept expecting him to say, "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Mr. Suliban."
posted by aaron at 12:36 PM on September 27, 2001

I remember reading in some Star Trek encyclopedia that the smooth-headed Klingons were the result of genetic engineering designed to make them pass more easily among other humanoid species. (Cuz you know, Klingons like to get along with others.)

It's a pretty lame explanation, which might explain why you don't often hear it repeated on the shows.

Other than that, I'm with chuq.
posted by ratbastard at 12:50 PM on September 27, 2001

I remember reading in some Star Trek encyclopedia that the smooth-headed Klingons were the result of genetic engineering designed to make them pass more easily among other humanoid species. (Cuz you know, Klingons like to get along with others.)

It's a pretty lame explanation, which might explain why you don't often hear it repeated on the shows.

Other than that, I'm with chuq.
posted by ratbastard at 12:53 PM on September 27, 2001

Klingons like to get along with others

Especially when they're spying on other peoples.

As for the whole "it's just a show" thing: true. But Star Trek has long prided itself on the integrity of its story line(s), so it's natural that the Klingon thing would be of some importance to fans.
posted by silusGROK at 1:20 PM on September 27, 2001

Missed it, anyone know when they're planning a rerun?
posted by skallas at 1:23 PM on September 27, 2001

I am guessing that Soval, the Vulcan who raised his voice (Gary Graham) will turn out to be a Romulan. His voice and the voice of the evil future dude sounded similar to me. And the whole acting-from-the-shadows-using-frontmen tactic is the way I figure a Romulan would act, so I s'pect we will see them soon. Anyone else care to speculate.

Overall, I was pleased with the premiere.
posted by piskycritters at 1:24 PM on September 27, 2001

It's true that the gel decontamination scene was perhaps the most overtly sexual imagery ever shown on Star Trek (although I quit watching Voyager, in season one, so I could be wrong).

However, saying it's "gratuitous" is saying that the sex is there for no other reason than to sexually stimulate the viewer. That is not the case here. The characters involved dislike each other, and were themselves uncomfortable with their own arousal. The scene taught us about both of them and they their relationship changed as a result of it. The essentially information-giving dialog was not only put forth in an interesting context, but a context that actually gave the dialog a subtext. That is not gratuity. It's good writing.

Now, it was also so blatantly sexual for Star Trek that it stood out...but that's different than it being gratuitous.
posted by bingo at 1:25 PM on September 27, 2001

and i remember an interview with the Berman fellow who said, concerning turtle vs smooth head Klingons, that they were taking some liberties with such things because, back then, they just didn't have the budget to do much. (he also said something about the communicators being changed because cell phones nowadays are smaller and more modern looking than Kirk's little flippy thing).

personally, i don't care. it's not about what the Klingons look like (but, by god, if they mess with the Andorians...)
posted by tolkhan at 1:39 PM on September 27, 2001

Now, it was also so blatantly sexual for Star Trek that it stood out...but that's different than it being gratuitous.

What keeps me away from Star Trek is the picture of a militaristic future. If high technology and social progress reaches the point it does it Star Trek everyone would be a hedonist. Granted, these are military people but that doesn't mean they're ascetics. I would think that sex and drugs would be the norm when off-duty.

Obviously, its easier for the writers just to put 'regular 20th century americans' into the roles and be done with it, but it kills the show's credibility as a piece of sci-fi. Its so American puritanical its almost funny. I can exactly see why trekkies have problems with the various shows, but I don't see why they keep watching and complaining.
posted by skallas at 1:48 PM on September 27, 2001

I didn't miss it. But dammit I obviously flipped over to Evolution just long enough to miss the "rub down".

Wasn't Spock half Vulcan half human--er somebody was if I'm not mistaken?

Sex with Vulcans never seemed so plausible.
posted by crasspastor at 2:07 PM on September 27, 2001

Although the show was okay to watch I was terribly disappointed. I had heard it was based in a simpler time when the Vulcans were the only known aliens and we would discover the Kligons.
Why all the other aliens? Too uch at once. It would have been fun to discover new alien races in future shows.
Also I thought this was the very first voyage after waiting 100 years, why then did the one crewmemeber say he had been born on a cargo ship and traveled the universe?
KISS, KISS, KISS and more people will enjoy it.
p.s. the Vulcan To Pa (?) is awesome.
posted by emorawski at 2:18 PM on September 27, 2001

feelingenvious
posted by feelinglistless at 2:21 PM on September 27, 2001

emorawski: I'm guessing that the NX-01 is the first "real" spaceship - it can go the fastest, so it can go explore the most area in the least amount of time. All of those cargo ships were probably to, you know, Vulcan. Or something. Good catch.

The ballyhooed rubdown scene was wholly unnecessary. Or, at least, the style in which the scene was shot was totally, wholly unnecessary. Do we need to see T'Pol's belly button? And the pecs of That One White Guy?

If Vulcans are logical, is it logical for T'Pol to wear a skin-tight outfit? After all, it'll distract anyone attracted to her from doing his or her work. Even though that's a lot of emotion to deal with, it's all external.


briank mentioned that That Other White Guy didn't want answer the alien about seeing half-naked women, and thus, he is probably gay. Maybe he just has morals? Then again, given Trek's strange stance when it comes to treating women (many have been Admirals, and many have commanded... but the rare, strong women such as Janeway are offset by skin-tight outfits on Seven and T'Pol) ... maybe I shouldn't be so surprised.

7/10 for this episode.
posted by hijinx at 2:41 PM on September 27, 2001

Emorawski: I think what they meant was the first voyages at significant(ie: warp) speeds. The kid who had gone all over also mentioned that "it took grades 4, 5 and 6 to get there" when asked about a particular planet.
posted by Su at 2:42 PM on September 27, 2001

skallas: The Federation is quasi-military, at least it has been since The Next Generation. Picard's ship carried families with children as a matter of course, and contained schools and fine dining establishments.

Remember that these are "ships" in the sense of ocean-going vessels, which is why they use navy ranks such as Rear Admiral. Even the Love Boat (sorry for the weird comparison, but it's valid imho) had a captain and a heirarchy of sailors under him. In fact, even if a group of friends take a yacht or schooner out for a jaunt, it's a given in sailing that some specific person is always in command. This is also true for commercial vessels such as fishing ships. For that matter, it's true on modern space shuttles launched by NASA, which technically is no longer a part of the US Air Force.

My point is that the uniforms, ranks, and periodic debates over procedure that are typical of all Star Trek shows, have more to do with the fact that these are explorers in a dangerous environment, effectively "at sea", than with the sense that they are warriors. As people of the 21st century, when there doesn't seem to be so much of a "great unknown" to explore anymore, and there certainly isn't one we're exploring regularly, it's easy for us to assume that Star Fleet is a military organization. But I bet that Columbus and Magellan carried weapons and had a strict heirarchy on board as well.
posted by bingo at 2:57 PM on September 27, 2001

hijinx: I think you're wrong when you suggest that images of women in power are offset by images of women in skin-tight uniforms. Sex and power are not exactly distant cousins.
posted by bingo at 3:07 PM on September 27, 2001

That's a good point, bingo, but if that's the case, then the men should be walking around topless. Just to keep it even.

Then you've got a whole new type of enterprise.
posted by hijinx at 3:11 PM on September 27, 2001

First of all: Diane Warren, who wrote that travesty of a theme song, should have been shot long ago.

On the whole, I liked it, although I think they could have gone for a stronger sense of wonder, on the whole. I mean, it's warp 4, people!!! To instantly drop these fresh-off-the-boat Earthlings into a Mos Eisley-type place sunk me.

And Klingons...so soon? It would have been much cooler if they came in later. A lot of the plot seems to be playing with the familiar to the fans. Why Klingons in the very first show?

I was surprised by the language - hearing "ass" and "son of a bitch" on a Star Trek show - but keep in mind what era the show's set in. There's no Federation, no Prime Directive. It's rowdy. Although Earth's peaceful, it's by no means the germ-free "utopia" of TNG. I mean, Johnathan Archer makes Kirk look reasoned and cautious. I liked the NASA-esque swagger of Archer and Trip. Touches like the baseball cap point that this will be a lot like The Right Stuff.

And I did like the nice humor of the doctor. Hope he gets punched up more.

While everyone's commenting on NIPPLAGE (and it was totally gratuitous, but perversely appealling), I'd like to point out that both Scott Bakula and the actor playing Trip were...um...accentuated. The future, apparently, has tight tight underwear for men.
posted by solistrato at 3:15 PM on September 27, 2001

hijinx: Remember the pilot for The Next Generation? There were men walking around the ship in skirts!

Anyway, the gel scene in question did have a topless, well-built man in it. And Kirk was often topless.
posted by bingo at 3:16 PM on September 27, 2001

The theme song was absolute shite. The opening montage was great, though, bringing the first interstellar voyage of the Enterprise into the chronology of human endeavor.

I thought it was cool that Capt. Archer was the first human to be successfully matter transported. You could tell he was a little freaked out about it.

Also, James Cromwell's cameo as Cochran was great; I liked how part of his speech "to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go..." provided new context for Kirk's spiel. That was a neat little backstory.
posted by Ty Webb at 3:43 PM on September 27, 2001

re: The Federation is quasi-military

considering that Enterprise is set in a time period in which deep space travel is still dangerous and uncommon for humans, i'd say Starfleet is *very* military. in time, you'll get the private craft and the commercial fleets and space taxis and stuff.

in Picard-Trek, they kept to the more dangerous areas of the Federation anyway, so we wouldn't see a whole lot of the Carnival Space Cruise Lines ships (complete with 400 year old Kathie-Lee).

solistrato - re: accentuations: thanks for reminding me of that. gotta go home now and watch it again.
posted by tolkhan at 3:43 PM on September 27, 2001

skallas: The Federation is quasi-military, at least it has been since The Next Generation.

That really isn't what I was talking about. Its the fact that hundreds of years from now the same mores and social setups exist. No one is nude, no more hedonism than usual, nuclear families, etc. I really don't want to watch a future that is essentially the present with cooler toys.

Remember the pilot for The Next Generation? There were men walking around the ship in skirts!

This is a perfect example of the 'strange future' that should be a requirement for any sci-fi story. Instead, you don't see the guys in skirts anymore because its really just a soap opera in space. Paramount is looking for as many viewers as possible and wacky future ideas that might unsettle a certain demographic just aren't part of the formula.
posted by skallas at 3:51 PM on September 27, 2001

Verdict: B+

FX were superior, natch; "gratuitous" is correct re: gel scene; theme song = worst Trek decision ever; acting level good; plot somewhat lame.

Having said all that - this is WAAAAY better than the premiere episodes of TNG, DS9, or Voyager. Plus, this future is better than Logan's Run future, eh?

I liked the "Oklahoma" references, too :-)
posted by davidmsc at 4:10 PM on September 27, 2001

Another theory about why the "shoe-polish" Klingons looked nothing like their "turtle-head" brethren in subsequent appearances is that the swarthy Klingons seen in the Original series were Klingon in nationality, not race. Seeing as the Klingons lorded over an "Empire", it's assumed that they conquered and assimilated numerous worlds while building up that empire, some of which were populated with non-Klingons. Maybe it's assumed that while some of the conquered world resisted the Klingon onslaught, just as many welcomed their new rulers and the opportunity to become "citizens" of a larger collective. Like when immigrants become naturalized; they may be Japanese or African in race, but they're still citizens of the same nation.

=]'
posted by sugarcrash at 4:28 PM on September 27, 2001

I didn't miss it. But dammit I obviously flipped over to Evolution just long enough to miss the "rub down".

Wasn't Spock half Vulcan half human--errr. . . somebody was if I'm not mistaken?

Sex with Vulcans never seemed so plausible.
posted by crasspastor at 4:34 PM on September 27, 2001

I can't believe nobody has mentioned that other star trek spin-off, Andromeda. It stars Kevin "don't call me Herc" Szorbo and tales place long after Voyager. The second season is due to start soon.

How geeky is that?
posted by mb01 at 4:34 PM on September 27, 2001

Andromeda isn't a Star Trek spinoff, actually.
posted by kindall at 4:48 PM on September 27, 2001

Actually they never said boldly go. They finally got around to unsplitting the infinitive!

Does this mean that as we progress through the star trek timeline grammar mutates and deteriorates?
posted by srboisvert at 5:11 PM on September 27, 2001

The only reason split infinitives are "wrong" is because of an old idea that all languages should be as much like Latin as possible. Of course, in Latin, infinitives are one word, so they can't be split.

I like to think that "to boldly go" marks an eventual departure from customs meant to remind the populace that all roads lead to Rome.
posted by bingo at 5:43 PM on September 27, 2001

In case you missed it: The Brunching Shuttlecocks now has the first Enterprise slash fiction.
posted by dogwelder at 5:51 PM on September 27, 2001

Are you sure those were GUYS in those TNG skirts?
posted by aaron at 6:33 PM on September 27, 2001

Ditto to all the horrified reports on the theme song, though I thought the montage was appropriate.

For me, the biggest disappointment was that too many things were introduced in these first two hours - Klingons, Vulcans, the first human sent through a transporter, etc. I was kind of hoping - with the transporter technology in particular - that we'd see them struggle with shuttles and such for a while longer. I want to see them struggle without the technologies we're all used to seeing on TNG, Voyager and DS9.

I also couldn't buy the dog in the captain's room. Are pets allowed on military vessels even now in good old 2001?

Still, though, it look a great deal more exciting than most Trek pilots. I think the show overall will do some interesting things.
posted by twiki at 6:42 PM on September 27, 2001

Another theory about why the "shoe-polish" Klingons looked nothing like their "turtle-head" brethren in subsequent appearances is ...

Jeez, you guys really are geeks--what with all these elaborate rationalizations for 60 makeup vs 00s makeup. Why aren't some of you cybergenii working on the digitizing all the Klingon foreheads in the original instead of reverse engineering,er, babbling about the, ah, common history?

Then, your children, if you have them--one wonders given all the wordage spent on 'could her nipples be any harder?' Puh-leeze. (is anyone on this log geting laid?)--could endlessly hash out which was better: original shoepolish or digitally enhanced foreheads...

I agree with piskycritter's analysis, although it was handed to us on a platter..But then thiis isn't the rocket science equivalent of screenwriting. Not that it matters with all these silo explosion/lube scene dissections: hold that proteinaceous filament still--I'll get the surgical micro-laser!

Did like the darkness of it all--Mos Eisley meets Alien, which again, is what's sate of the art. And like all 1st episodes, it'll seem so sucky when we all get to know these imaginary characters as, uh, people...
posted by y2karl at 6:43 PM on September 27, 2001

At the risk of beating a dying horse, I don't think the fact that humans are just starting to move into space, and that space travel is "dangerous and uncommon," is a reason to assume that Star Fleet is a military organization. Historically, many important explorers to previous great unknowns, be they oceans, jungles, the Americas, or Australia, were not military. Military explorers such as Vikings have traditionally been conquerors, or merely plunderers.

Of course, in terms of the moon and other bodies in this solar system, as long as progress into space is slow, the U.S. and any other emerging superpowers are going to "feel the need" to establish a presence in the new territory. But once the technology, e.g. warp drive, opens up the doors for relatively unlimited travel, the real exploring will be done by the same sort of people who first crossed to the New World: those who don't take orders from the governing authority well at all.
posted by bingo at 7:39 PM on September 27, 2001

one thing that got me was how eager they were to travel through unknown space to go to that planet.

it seemed kind of weird...
no caution or anything.

and i didn't like how the unknown enemy was very much like star wars episode 1.

even tho that guy is supposedly from the future, it seemed to me like it was the same actor that played the vulcan-who-raised-his-voice.
posted by JackthaStripper at 8:17 PM on September 27, 2001

I just had to mention this regarding the dog... Obviously pet rules on starships didn't change much from the era of Enterprise to TNG because Data had his cat, Spot, on board too.

Also, I agree with whoever thought that the "man behind the curtain" talking to the Suliban was a Romulan. That's the first thing that came to mind for me too.
posted by stefnet at 8:31 PM on September 27, 2001

does anyone know when the show is repeated in NYC? Some of us are Jewish.
posted by ParisParamus at 8:41 PM on September 27, 2001

I don't know if anyone cares, but Roddenberry said that the cartoon series wasn't part of canon. It really couldn't be; it had some episodes which broke continuity rather badly. For instance, Larry Niven wrote a version of his story "The Soft Weapon" (with Spock substituting for the puppeteer) which had Kzinti in it. There's no place in the Star Trek universe for the Kzin.
posted by Steven Den Beste at 8:51 PM on September 27, 2001

I am guessing that Soval, the Vulcan who raised his voice (Gary Graham) will turn out to be a Romulan. His voice and the voice of the evil future dude sounded similar to me. ..posted by piskycritters at 1:24 PM PST on September 27

Like I said, it was handed to us on a platter. Unless you were on nipple or silo patrol..
posted by y2karl at 9:00 PM on September 27, 2001

And to qoute the movie "Trekkies" - and last year we had a girl come to the meeting... a real girl.. nuff said ya freaks
posted by crackheadmatt at 9:09 PM on September 27, 2001

"But could her nipples BE any harder?"

She wasn't the only one who was hard. Check out the scene again and look at her companion...

Perky nipples are one thing, but geez.
posted by CrayDrygu at 9:28 PM on September 27, 2001

Well, I won't go into repeating what everyone else has said, so I will say I enjoyed the pilot. I was thinking that it might be kind of cool to unite Archer, Janeway, Sisko, Picard, and Kirk in some sort of "five captains" timewarp kind of special, like how there was a "five doctors" for those of you into Doctor Who. Maybe via the Nexus even? *grin*
posted by ari at 9:47 PM on September 27, 2001

Perky nipples are one thing, but geez.

what's the difference? fair is fair.

the theme song *sucks* and none of the vulcans seemed like vulcans. that science officer is *way* too emotive. it's not that hard to be a vulcan. hopefully she'll improve.

other than that, I'm reserving judgement on the whole thing until it has time to get it's sea legs, as it were....
posted by rebeccablood at 11:20 PM on September 27, 2001

I thought "Enterprise" would be the first show with a real opportunity to break free of that mold, to wink at the phenomenon the franchise has become. Show me cheap plastic panels! Show me going off half-cocked, guns a'blazin'! Show me ugly uniforms and diplomatic blunders and bleep-blooping control systems and big ass monkey wrenches for pete's sake! Not this slick glossy crap again and again and again.

Hrm, I thought the bumping into the other ship was a pretty sly in-joke. That scene and one other that I can't recall at the moment both seemed more like nods to Galaxy Quest than to Trek.
posted by anildash at 11:57 PM on September 27, 2001

Uh... one rational question..

How can it be a 'Star FLEET'...

with one measily ship..?
posted by Perigee at 5:49 AM on September 28, 2001

The Enterprise is the first human ship that could travel beyond Warp 4, it's by no means humanity's first star ship, that would be Sputnik.

In the movie First Contact we see the first warp drive being used. This was a signal to other alien races, specifically the Vulcans, that humans have reached a point of technological apptitude to start exploring the universe on a serious scale.

Impulse driven ships have been around since the 1960s, interstellar travel was by no means impossible, it was just horribly slow.

The thing that irked me the most about the show was that they had to load the Vulcan star maps to get to Rigel. Humans have known where Rigel is for thousands of years, dammit, it's a visible star.

I liked whatserface, the Vulcan. I thought she was a good Vulcan, though I can't really support that argument with anything other than "I liked the character," so I'll just stop now. :-)
posted by cCranium at 6:13 AM on September 28, 2001

Missed it, anyone know when they're planning a rerun?

UPN-Sunday 9/30 @ 7:00pm Central
posted by Sal Amander at 8:58 AM on September 28, 2001

I dunno, the "gratuitous" oil scene and the bar scene and the discussion about three-breasted women seemed sort of refreshing for a Star Trek show. I think it was shocking because we are used to Star Fleet personnel expressing almost no emotion. Anger, sometimes, but rarely desire or fear, for example. Humans become so "advanced" that they are almost boring. ;)

The shapeshifters are a bad "evil entity" because they belong in the been there, done that class of evil aliens. The changelings in DS9 were a lot scarier than this pimply race. I think it's supposed to hook into our current fears about genetic engineering, but I have a feeling that the intergalactic terrorism theme will be more interesting to most people these days.
posted by xyzzy at 9:38 AM on September 28, 2001

Regarding the Vulcan guy (Soval?) in the beginning: So that was Matt from 'Alien Nation.' I went to a friend's place for the premiere, and we couldn't tell. First I said, "Hey! It's that guy from 'Alien Nation'!" Then I said, "No, wait, it's Prince Humperdink from The Princess Bride." Then I went back to my Matt theory.

Regarding Lt. Reed's hesitation when offered a butterfly-eating diva: I didn't take his hesitation as a sign that he was gay, I took it as him being embarrassed to be in that situation... like it was his first time in a strip joint or somesuch. I rather thought he was enjoying it, because he was all slack-jawed and ogling, and Mayweather had to bring his focus back to the mission.

I'm sticking with that story because I'll be really, really disappointed in a future where we can wipe out hunger, disease, war on Earth, et cetera, but can't have an officer say, "Oh, no butterfly-eating divas for me, thanks. I like guys." And I know that won't happen because I know that, while the television series have kind of skirted around alternate sexualities, some of the Star Trek novels have handled it like it was no big deal, with prominent gay characters and all.

Regarding I think it was shocking because we are used to Star Fleet personnel expressing almost no emotion: Please, whole episodes of TNG revolved around Riker's libido getting either himself or the whole ship into trouble. :)

Oh, and thanks for the links to the Star Trek bios. I had no idea that my favorite actor from the movie Cube, Nicole deBoer, had joined DS9 as the latest Dax.
posted by jason at 10:07 AM on September 28, 2001

Regarding the Klingon ridges, there's a couple of pages that discuss what happened. I finally stumbled across a decent one that lists several options, but concludes with this quote from one of the canon Star Trek books, "Science Logs":

I would offer genetic engineering as the best theory: the Klingons recognized, sometime in the late twenty-third century, that a genetically engineered warrior class would be more effective in battle, and proceeded to create a physically superior warrior class.

Since they raised the issue to prominence in the Tribble episode of DS9 (the crew warped back in time to the Trouble with Tribbles episode, where they used scenes from TOS with ridgeless Klingons and Worf said regarding the ridges "We don't discuss it with outsiders." I can see them explaining it in Enterprise. Since it's gotten a bit of notice around the Internet, it's a plot of what will be a well-discussed episode just waiting to be written.

What? Geek? Who?
posted by cCranium at 11:05 AM on September 28, 2001

skalas: really just a soap opera in space

amen.

not like babylon 5.
that was a proper space opera of epic proportions.

but i must admit to having watched an unnatural amount of star-trek in my time.
posted by asok at 1:16 PM on September 28, 2001