Idaho city council debates proper coverage of areolas

July 11, 2002 11:12 AM

Idaho city council debates proper coverage of areolas, after some entrepreneurial college students open a hugely profitable topless car wash and practically wipe out the competition. "The latest proposal, to be voted on Monday, sets a minimum of covering the areola with a length of material running in a straight but narrow line across the breast, similar to a pair of suspenders".
posted by brookish (36 comments total)

Hmmm... areolas...

Well, it's not like they're washing the cars with them, is it?

*envisions new kind of drive-through car wash*

Oh gosh, I'm getting a little boy zone here! Sorry!
posted by y2karl at 11:19 AM on July 11, 2002

I'd love to sit in on that meeting, just to be contrary.

"What about bandaids?"
"Does this include animal teats?"
"What if someone has mulitple nipples, like Marky Mark? Do you make suspenders for that?"

People are funny.
posted by ColdChef at 11:25 AM on July 11, 2002

Well, if they are the kind that have little hairs growing out of them, they should be covered up, dammit.
posted by bittennails at 11:27 AM on July 11, 2002

ColdChef, I would one-up you on the contrary angle by nursing my kid while asking all of your questions.
posted by whatnot at 11:31 AM on July 11, 2002

ColdChef, I would one-up you on the contrary angle by nursing my kid while asking all of your questions.

I cannot stop laughing.
posted by ColdChef at 11:34 AM on July 11, 2002

epidermal entrepreneurs?

Just when you think you've heard everything.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:35 AM on July 11, 2002

I swear to god I've seen this movie.
posted by ice_cream_motor at 11:39 AM on July 11, 2002

It's all a conspiracy by Big Pasty
posted by alan at 11:40 AM on July 11, 2002

yeah, here comes the "almost topless duct tape carwash"
posted by muppetboy at 11:41 AM on July 11, 2002

But the important question is at what size nipple do they need to be covered?

'cause, y'know, men have areolas, too. So it's not the areolas that's so important, it must be the size of the nipple itself. I know that mine don't look anything like a woman's nipple: they don't normally stick out at all, and when they do, they're no more than 3/16ths of an inch in diameter and 1/8th inch tall. (Yes, I just measured. How sad is that?)

The women's breasts I'm familiar with have much larger nipples, say up to 1/2" in diameter, and 3/8" tall.

I say that these topless women should be allowed to expose their areolas as much as they want, but that if they have nipples larger than 1/4" in diameter, they need to paste sequins on 'em.

And I'll be first to volunteer to stimulate their nipples to perky, and take the measurements!
posted by five fresh fish at 11:41 AM on July 11, 2002

I swear to god I've seen this movie.

unofficial funniest comment of the post! ^_^
posted by Satapher at 11:43 AM on July 11, 2002

Best part of this article?

1. Daisy Mace--best name ever

or

2. The entrepreneurs are resigned to being put out of business by the City Council. If that happens, Cristiana Anderson, 18, vowed they would take off their shirts and walk through town all the way home.

Asked what she would do after that, Anderson glumly replied: "Job."
posted by ColdChef at 11:45 AM on July 11, 2002

Dang, I was in Moscow on the fourth and didn't hear a thing about this car wash.
posted by rotifer at 11:51 AM on July 11, 2002

Discrimination...

I mean, some women have areolae less than an inch across, and others span more than 4 inches. how fair is that to make them wear really fat ugly suspenders?

(trying hard to find (and stop myself from finding) a 'get the milk for free' punchline. too late)
posted by kfury at 11:58 AM on July 11, 2002

I read this article earlier, and I agree heartily with CC's favorite bits. I can just envision this young woman's sudden downcast look at the prospect of having to sit in a cubicle instead of letting her unruly areolas run free over sudsy automobiles.
posted by adampsyche at 12:10 PM on July 11, 2002

Moscow is a great/strange town. in a former life i was a mormon missionary there. now i am a liberal atheist. Connection? who knows.

and five fresh fish...i think that making the decision based on erect vs. non-erect nipples is quite unfair. Especially with idaho's laws concerning covering up genitalia it sets a bad precedent.

I can just envision this young woman's...unruly areolas...free over sudsy automobiles.

just thought i would throw in an example of how easy it is to take something out of context.
posted by th3ph17 at 12:15 PM on July 11, 2002

"I can just envision this young woman's sudden downcast look at the prospect of having to sit in a cubicle instead of letting her unruly areolas run free over sudsy automobiles."

And we all know what unruly areolas lead to.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:17 PM on July 11, 2002

The name of my new band: The Unruly Areolas.
posted by goto11 at 12:24 PM on July 11, 2002

To take a cue from whatnot... What if they were breastfeeding while washing cars? Breastfeeding in public is legal, isn't it?

Although sales might decline somewhat. Or they might rise, I guess (?).
posted by ODiV at 12:29 PM on July 11, 2002

Let's just leave the kids out of this. They could hinder the view of a paying customer.
posted by adampsyche at 12:39 PM on July 11, 2002

Breastfeeding in public is legal, isn't it?

Only if you share.
posted by bittennails at 12:41 PM on July 11, 2002

Big deal, I go topless all the time, same reason I have to wash my car by hand, a convertible.
But wait till I retire, the name of my shop will be "Band-aids, Dental FLoss, and Corks" sic Bikini shop.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:26 PM on July 11, 2002

heh. heh. she said areol... aroel... BOOBIES!
posted by quonsar at 2:50 PM on July 11, 2002

I wonder how many of the respondents to this one are male... And interesting that state law there doesn't mandate a distinction between male and female nipples, since most states only restrict/legislate women's bodies. Also, breastfeeding is legal everywhere, but most police/security officers/people in general think the opposite, unless there's a law protecting said right.

I just got out of my Women's Studies class, can you tell?
posted by isobars at 3:33 PM on July 11, 2002

Well I posted it, and I'm female, although I confess to an unabashed affinity for "areol... aroel... BOOBIES!" This ain't about sexism, though. It's about pent-up stuffed shirts popping woodies and not having a handy hottie to release the pressure, and lordy knows repressed people hate irrepressible people, especialy when it comes to sexuality.

I'm surprised that no one mentioned the city council member who is also *an aerobics instructor* who noted that the first version of the law would have outlawed *cleavage*, thereby making every leotard and pretty much everything in the local mall illegal.
posted by brookish at 4:10 PM on July 11, 2002

most states only restrict/legislate women's bodies

How come nobody told it's legal in my state for me to wave my genitalia at passersby, shoot up with any drug of choice and sell my stud services?

Damn, always the last to know.
posted by NortonDC at 4:24 PM on July 11, 2002

[Heath] also is crying discrimination. "Guys can't go around topless and make money," he said.
now i hate to be sterotypical, but he probably is overweight and as white as an idaho potato under his shirt. nobody would give donations to see that.
posted by sixtwenty3dc at 5:49 PM on July 11, 2002

I agree with the city councilmen. There isn't nearly enough coverage of areolas. They should be everywhere! On the news, on the front page of our newspapers, cover stories on magazines...

(I'm sorry, I had to do it.)

Side note: Is there really a "funky downtown scene" anywhere in Idaho?
posted by nath at 6:05 PM on July 11, 2002

623dc: Hell, he'd make plenty of money being paid to *NOT* show 'em.

Theph: well, yes. Tits should be free to show off to the world, as they're certainly not genetalia. Damn, and just after I'd tossed my ruler in the freezer...
posted by five fresh fish at 7:21 PM on July 11, 2002

Is there really a "funky downtown scene" anywhere in Idaho?
About 3 square blocks of it in the very middle of downtown Boise. Exactly 27 minutes from my apartment.
*shakes head* I need to get out more.
posted by morganjean at 9:21 PM on July 11, 2002

morganjean, there is a jumpin' adult bookstore in Pocatello, and a hugely successful convenience store in Franklin that sells lottery tickets to Utahns.

It's almost like real life.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:28 PM on July 11, 2002

Oh, and congrats on your first-ever Metafilter post. That's a frickin' long time with a user number as low as yours. You actually need to get out less.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:29 PM on July 11, 2002

It's about pent-up stuffed shirts popping woodies and not having a handy hottie to release the pressure...

New unofficial funniest comment of the post! ^_^
posted by y2karl at 10:43 PM on July 11, 2002

Breastfeeding in public is legal, isn't it?


Funny you should mention that. The wife and I were just discussing it tonight. She feels that a woman should be able to flop it out and feed the baby any time she wants, regardless of where she is at.
I, on the other hand, think the breast should be covered. Not that I mind anyone looking at my wife's breasts, but.... I just think it's something that needs to be done in a discreet manner.
My wife backed her opinion up by saying it was a natural act, and that there was nothing sexual about it.
So I said, "Yeah, and so is urinating. But if I zip down and pee all over the fountain in the middle of the mall, I would be arrested."



No sex for Brad tonight, I can assure you of that.
posted by bradth27 at 10:49 PM on July 11, 2002

Difference, of course, is two-fold:
- one, pissing all over the mall runs contrary to hygiene standards;
- two, your dink is a sexual organ.

Breasts, as erogenous as they are for some women, are no more a sexual organ than an earlobe.

And breast-feeding is a less sexually-charged act than kissing and nuzzling, yet no one gets their panties in a knot about kids making out on the park bench.

In short, IMO this breast-feeding hullabaloo is just asinine. It's a pretty low-grade sort of person that puts their unnatural horror of tits ahead of the need of the baby that's using them.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:12 AM on July 12, 2002

brookish : and lordy knows repressed people hate irrepressible people, especialy when it comes to sexuality.... I'm surprised that no one mentioned the city council member who is also *an aerobics instructor*...

Mmm... a repressed aerobics instructor. I'd like a romp in the hay with her for just one evening. Methinks she'll emerge with a new outlook on life.

Not for me, not for her ... but for the people of Moscow.
posted by Fofer at 8:56 AM on July 12, 2002