November 27, 2002

4:01 PM

Why Does Dan Savage Owe Katie a Hitachi Magic Wand?It all started when Dan Savage informed his readers that he liked to fantasize about Brad Pitt coming on Ashton Kutcher's face. He was later inspired to have a contest in which readers sent in their sexual fantasies. He said that readers whose sexual fantasies were selected for publication would receive five dollars. I sent in a fanstasy I had when I was six years old (you'll read about it later). In a subsequent column, he canceled the contest, saying that all the fantasies he had received were boring. I shrugged it off, until...
posted by grumblebee (42 comments total)

Thanks to Miel at http://noodniksanonymous.blogspot.com!

I can't believe this isn't a double post, but I searched and couldn't find it.
posted by grumblebee at 4:03 PM on November 27, 2002

Fantastic - I love Savage Love, and I remember reading that Smurfette fantasy, but - I get to chapter 7, and that Geocities site is suddenly MeFied! Nooo!
posted by GriffX at 4:11 PM on November 27, 2002

Well, it went down right after I'd read chapter 5. Anybody got a mirror?
posted by Lusy P Hur at 4:11 PM on November 27, 2002

I was wondering if that fantasy might have occured after seeing the King Kong scene where huge Kong gently fingers tiny Fay. That scene was likely a seed for many innocents first sensual conceptions.
posted by HTuttle at 4:12 PM on November 27, 2002

Savage thinks a fantasy involving Pitt isn't boring? Ashton Kutcher gets points on his name alone, but c'mon, be at least a little daring and have his face ejaculated upon by, I dunno, Super Greg or something.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:16 PM on November 27, 2002

grumblebee just want to see a metafilter front page with Brad Pitt coming on Ashton Kutcher's face.
posted by quonsar at 4:20 PM on November 27, 2002

That's okay, quonsar, I do too.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 4:25 PM on November 27, 2002

WolfDaddy, if I remember correctly, Savage readily admitted to the dullness of his own fantasy. In fact, I think he concluded that, in general, your fantasies are boring to everyone other than yourself.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:29 PM on November 27, 2002

Well, then, Mr. Savage would better conclude that he needs to speak for himself else step his pretty lil' buns into my parlor for a spell. We share so many fantasies with each other in other areas of our lives it seems wrong to conclude that your own fantasies about sex are thrilling to no one else but yourself.

Then again, Brad Pitt. He smells.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:45 PM on November 27, 2002

I have this sexual fantasy where I'm getting laid on a regular basis by beautiful women who care about me.

Mr. Savage declined to print this, and it is his right.

But what if I told you those beautiful women were all screen mavens of the 1920s and 30s who had been zombified and were copulating in rhythm according to their invisible puppet master, Moses Malone?

I only post this glib drivel because the link is down and I can't actually read the article.
posted by Hildago at 5:23 PM on November 27, 2002

I live my fantasies, man. Luckily my fantasy is to cruise the web on my Tandy while drunk and high and looking for free porn. yeah.
posted by chaz at 5:49 PM on November 27, 2002

Dan Savage and his show is lame. Way too much of a gay bias for my taste. Loveline, on the other hand, rules.
posted by milnak at 6:24 PM on November 27, 2002

Well, since I couldn't read the FPP link, I went looking for a Google cache. No such luck, but I did find out that Katie's last name is apparently Surrence, that a Katie Surrence just graduated from Swarthmore College this summer, and that said Ms. Surrence occasionally dreams of multiple flavors of ice cream. One Katie Surrence also wrote an epistolary review of a certain well-known book by a now infamously difficult-to-get-along-with author.

Yes, I'm bored. I also feel strangely obligated to mention that I Am Not A Stalker.
posted by skoosh at 6:26 PM on November 27, 2002

Chaz: I'm partying with you cowboy! Meet me in the AOL chatroom: "Naked in a Hot Tub" and let's pretend we're chicks!
posted by Zombie at 6:40 PM on November 27, 2002

Brad Pitt? I fantasize about myself coming on Ashton Kutcher's face. Brad Pitt can stay home.
posted by sir walsingham at 6:41 PM on November 27, 2002

Geocities bites the wax tadpole.

That is all.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:43 PM on November 27, 2002

It's amazing that Geocities doesn't let visitors volunteer to pay to upgrade the site's bandwidth.
posted by waxpancake at 6:48 PM on November 27, 2002

I inadvertently fufilled my husband's "wildest" fantasy not too long after we moved in together, which was to get a blowjob while watching the X-Files and drinking a beer. Guess I should count myself lucky that he's so easily fufilled. I also have to wonder why both my husbands (Current and former) both had things for Gillian Anderson and Julie Andrews (when she was young). Because I really don't think I am all that much like either one...
posted by CoFenchurch at 7:02 PM on November 27, 2002

CoFenchurch, I don't know what to say.
posted by ashbury at 7:45 PM on November 27, 2002

drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
rhanks to robert benchley
posted by madamjujujive at 7:57 PM on November 27, 2002

CoFenchurch, how sad, your sex life has become a lyrical cliche.
posted by yonderboy at 7:57 PM on November 27, 2002

Wow, CoFen, you're my kind of people! Welcome to MeFi!
posted by RJ Reynolds at 8:58 PM on November 27, 2002

Thank God for Metafilter. Our best instincts come out when women fake being their daughter who has cancer, and write about sex.
posted by dhartung at 9:30 PM on November 27, 2002

I've got the X-Files on DVD. Considered leaving your husband? I'll sweeten the deal with some popcorn. BUT NO SODA! I'm not made of money. Get off my lawn! (falls over)
posted by Hildago at 10:15 PM on November 27, 2002

I inadvertently fufilled my husband's "wildest" fantasy not too long after we moved in together, which was to get a blowjob while watching the X-Files and drinking a beer.

Inadvertently?
posted by bowline at 10:31 PM on November 27, 2002

Inadvertently?

She tripped over - honestly!
posted by dg at 10:36 PM on November 27, 2002

I inadvertently fufilled my husband's "wildest" fantasy not too long after we moved in together, which was to get a blowjob while watching the X-Files and drinking a beer.


It's comments like that which make me say to myself, "Brad, you are missing out on something, by God."
posted by bradth27 at 11:28 PM on November 27, 2002

"Inadvertently" as in I didn't know that it was such a big deal to him when I did it. Never really occured to me that that would be the stuff of fantasy, ya know?
posted by CoFenchurch at 1:21 AM on November 28, 2002

'Inadvertantly'....I'd love my wildest fantasy to be sorted out inadvertantly....

S'funny - you never have many accidental threesomes with famous people...never mind...
posted by mattr at 2:42 AM on November 28, 2002

Right. Don't get me wrong, I like discussing CoFen's freewheeling domestic sex life as much as anyone, but if anyone still cares, there's a blog dedicated to the Magic Wand For Katie Campaign.

Could someone who actually gets through to the Geocities site please ask Katie nicely if they can mirror it somewhere? I hesitate to post (what I think is) her email address, but let's just say that it is a hotmail account, and it's, um, real easy to guess. I just really want to read this thing, and I imagine you do, too.
posted by skoosh at 4:31 AM on November 28, 2002

He really should give her that dildo.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 6:14 AM on November 28, 2002

CheeseyPornFilter!
posted by mecran01 at 8:35 AM on November 28, 2002

why is this bloggy nonsense still on the FP?
posted by quonsar at 8:37 AM on November 28, 2002

I haven't asked Katie nicely yet, but I do have a mirror. I'll ask her if it's ok.
posted by hades at 9:00 AM on November 28, 2002

The FPP link is back up.

Strangely, I hadn't read (or known of) Dan till I read a Savage Love column in an semi-indie paper yesterday.

Funny story, wanna bet Katie never gets her wand (at least not from Dan.)

So this Dan Savage, he's gay?
posted by DBAPaul at 9:41 AM on November 28, 2002

Thanks for the mirror hades ... at first, with everyone that got to see the link originally talking about chapters and stuff, I had thought Katie's fantasy to be some long drawn out bodice-ripper or something equally long and (most likely) dull.

Instead, I find that I'm thinking that Dan does, indeed, owe Katie.

DBAPaul ... until he gives Katie the magic wand, he also vibrates. Ewwww.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:23 AM on November 28, 2002

Just like to say I'm with Katie and CoFenchurch that was one of the best inadvertent derails ever.
posted by Mitheral at 12:29 PM on November 28, 2002

Good luck Katie - it's a shame that a columnist had to get so much publicity at someone else's expense, though.
posted by dg at 3:23 PM on November 28, 2002

Seeing as the site's back up, I tried reading it...

and Katie just seemed incredibly annoying, not that Dan Savage was much better mind you. I just get the feeling she wrote all this with a self vindicating website in mind.
posted by ODiV at 6:06 PM on November 28, 2002

Agreed. She's clearly playing the sassy coquette, and Dan's just not interested. Ha ha, we get it, you want your 5 bucks.

Leave Dan alone, get over it, it's not funny, we don't care.
posted by Fofer at 12:50 AM on November 29, 2002

In a world where Karyn gets $20k for nothing, I think Katie deserves her wand.
posted by Dreama at 1:57 AM on November 29, 2002

like we needed any more proof that dan savage is lame. what a maroon.
posted by dobbs at 9:57 PM on November 30, 2002