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2002's worst Americans...are YOU on the list?
December 17, 2002 8:57 AM   Subscribe

2002's worst Americans...are YOU on the list? Whomever could be number #1?
posted by vito90 (54 comments total)

 
Sorry. My first front pager. Knew I'd screw something up - like credit where credit is due - link via www.soundbitten.com.
posted by vito90 at 8:59 AM on December 17, 2002


Dick Cheney's wife teamed up with Joe Lieberman to form a group called the American Council of Trustees and Alumni, which drew up a blacklist of academics whose patriotism was judged to have "fallen short" in the wake of 9/11.

Hmm. He's upset with Cheney's wife for drawing up a blacklist, so he draws up a blacklist. Does that strike anyone else as odd?
posted by haqspan at 9:07 AM on December 17, 2002


Hit no. 1 right on the head with the Anna Kournikova of conservative politics.
posted by themikeb at 9:07 AM on December 17, 2002


Well, now I'm depressed. How about you?
posted by DrJohnEvans at 9:09 AM on December 17, 2002


Ah, the Beast/eXile. Politically-fueled bile and hatred abound - and I mean that in a good way.
posted by GriffX at 9:11 AM on December 17, 2002


These are great. I love how they get progressively meaner and meaner.

"This motherfucker carries G.W. Bush's demon seed in his anal womb" - come on, that's good stuff.
posted by boomchicka at 9:20 AM on December 17, 2002


This is really quite funny. And, oddly enough, I am on the list. Damn.

You stole my quote, boomchicka. There is nothing sacred on this list, and that's how I like it.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:23 AM on December 17, 2002


never heard of Ann Coulter before - what a delightful lady - just how popular is she in the US?
posted by gravelshoes at 9:23 AM on December 17, 2002


This is a great post -- thanks, vito90! GriffX, I hadn't even noticed the eXile connection, but now that you mention it, it definitely has that gonzo offend-em-all (including YOU, the reader!) ring.
posted by languagehat at 9:30 AM on December 17, 2002


Harshest, funniest thing I've read all year.
posted by gwint at 9:32 AM on December 17, 2002


Didn't recognize half the names. These are TV talking heads and media personalities? Why do we care about them?

The author sounds like he's auditioning to be one of them, like haqspan said. Is this any different than what Ann Coulter is vilified for doing?
posted by Slithy_Tove at 9:37 AM on December 17, 2002


I thought some of them were funny. I also thought some of them were uncreative, unfunny, ignorant, sometimes misogynistic, and downright mean. The one about Eve Ensler is just plain wrong, and the one about the Olsen twins - well, I agree that that whole phenomenon is worthless pap, but I hate it when the word "slut" is used to insult women regardless of their sexual history. They're 16, for cryin' out loud, and not really known for their promiscuity. Couldn't you call them something other than "slut"?

I agree, though. I am one of the worst Americans of 2002, but I'm definitely better than Ann Coulter.
posted by starvingartist at 9:43 AM on December 17, 2002


Great first post, vito90.

I think this columnist went a bit easy on Ari Fleisher tho:
Wherever he ends up placed on this list will not be high enough. This motherfucker carries G.W. Bush's demon seed in his anal womb, gestates a fresh offspring a couple times a day and produces a few Rosemary's steamers at press conferences with all the non-chalance of a Spot Coffee latte jerk.

But who is Rosemary?
posted by madamjujujive at 9:44 AM on December 17, 2002


Seems like some smarmy wiseass shooting fish in a barrel. The fact that this person is occasionaly amusing and occasionally right is beside the point. Not to mention, it gives me this irresistible urge to grab them by the collar and scream, "So what do you actually think is good? What do you actually believe in?. But they'd probably consider that a hopelessly naive and gauche question.

It's one thing to be satirical and take jabs, but it helps to not define your terms completely in the negative. Otherwise your just snarking for your own sake and basically Joan Rivers pre-oscar critique with better vocabulary and politics.

That said, even I agree with #1.
posted by jonmc at 9:49 AM on December 17, 2002


THE BEAST 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA.

***

4. BONO


A bit of a fudge on the "Americans" theme. At least with Tony Blair they acknowledged he isn't an American "but might as well be."
posted by pardonyou? at 9:53 AM on December 17, 2002


Has quite possibly the whitest name you can imagine. Her name is the equivalent of a black person named La' Shawna Jackson-Watkins. in ref. to Ashleigh Banfield

I am sorry, but that is hilarious.
posted by oflinkey at 10:04 AM on December 17, 2002


But who is Rosemary?

Of Rosemary's Baby fame. Polanski's film in which Mia Farrow is impregnated with satan's child. "Steamers," though - a fine, fine choice of words.
posted by risenc at 10:05 AM on December 17, 2002


are YOU on the list?

Yes. See #3
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 10:06 AM on December 17, 2002


"Ashleigh Banfield: Uses glasses to upgrade her image from WASP-y soccer mom to WASP-y soccer mom who reads."
posted by yerfatma at 10:06 AM on December 17, 2002


"Your life is an empty void from birth to death, and you think that just because you reproduced, you invented the wheel. Emptiness on a grand scale is the crime of celebrities; the rest of us are lost in a sea of misdemeanors... "

yawn.
posted by quonsar at 10:15 AM on December 17, 2002


Pretty funny, thanks for the link.
posted by cell divide at 10:19 AM on December 17, 2002


The attention afforded a nonentity like Ann Coulter is ridiculous. Journalists and politics junkies really have to get out more.
posted by liam at 10:22 AM on December 17, 2002


Great link! Lieberman - "High school principal who gives twice the usual amount of detention to the taller kids." classic. They also nailed (so to speak) Ashleigh Banfield & Ari Fleisher, who shares the top slot w/Lieberman on my personal "Man, I wish these people weren't Jewish" list. I could think of quite a few folks left off the list that perhaps deserve such recongition, though...anyone else notice glaring omissions?
posted by anyasar at 10:23 AM on December 17, 2002


My two daughters love Mary Kate and Ashley. I, on the other hand, think they should have scored higher on the list. But not higher than Ann Coulter, obviously.
posted by tommasz at 10:35 AM on December 17, 2002


Makes me miss the old "Spy 100."

*sniff*
posted by Dirjy at 10:38 AM on December 17, 2002


(Ashleigh Banfield is a Canuck.)
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 10:41 AM on December 17, 2002


I totally thought I would be higher on the list. Well, there's always next year.
posted by teenydreams at 10:45 AM on December 17, 2002


"Ashleigh Banfield" is Jewish?!? Wow. And I thought getting a nose job was an insult to your ethnicity. Seriously - I'm assuming that's not at all close to her real name, then. What is it?
posted by risenc at 10:46 AM on December 17, 2002


Great post - and I found #2 quite informative.

TOM GRUDNOWSKI - the one primarily responsible for the system that allows auto and health insurance companies to charge vastly higher rates to people who have faulty credit histories... A faceless ghost who hovers like a cloud over most people every day, infecting them with worries.

Whoa. Shield your eyes from the glare of #1 and take a look at one serious evil-doer.
posted by junkbox at 10:51 AM on December 17, 2002


Where's Triple H?
posted by PenDevil at 10:55 AM on December 17, 2002 [1 favorite]


i love this. thanks, vito.
posted by moz at 10:58 AM on December 17, 2002


I thought this was hilarious, although I didn't have time to read them all. It's nice to see both sides get a bashing :) I sent this link to my girlfriend, who hates Michael Moore but (and please don't hate me for this!) absolutely LOVES Ann Coulter.

I'll be sleeping alone this week. :)
posted by fizgig at 10:58 AM on December 17, 2002


questionable list if it omits Geraldo.
posted by Postroad at 11:00 AM on December 17, 2002


Just read yesterday, while waiting for the dentist, a somewhat old profile of Lance Armstrong in Sports Illustrated. Who made an appearance in the article? Robin Williams, Lance's "friend," who shows up to pump Lance up before the Big Race, and jokes about how Lance only has one testicle, and that if Lance only has one testicle, imagine what you can do, blah blah. Reading that made me feel very uncomfortable. The dental visit itself was worse, but . . . Robin, could you give it a rest, already?

Nice link. (Yes, it's almost too negative and bitchy, but the authors make fun of themselves, which lets them off the hook to a certain degree.)
posted by raysmj at 11:01 AM on December 17, 2002


"anyone else notice glaring omissions?"...The artist without a face and former African-American male, Michael Jackson. Oprah and Michael Moore should be in the top five and Tiger Woods doesn't belong on this list.
posted by Mack Twain at 11:29 AM on December 17, 2002


In response to Starvingartists' comment: It takes a bit of time to develop appreciation for Matt Taibbi's writing; he and Mark Ames gleefully consider themselves "the meanest journalists in the world." They do tend to spend an inordinate amount of time and effort savaging obvious non-entities like Anne Coulter, but they're so funny it's hard to criticize. Also, I would highly recommend Taibbi's Press Review in the Beast and the new guy who took over Taibbi's old domain in the eXile.
posted by jed at 11:58 AM on December 17, 2002


WTF?!? Bush and Ashcroft AREN'T in at joint #1? Worthless list, IMNSHO.
posted by kaemaril at 12:02 PM on December 17, 2002


starvingartist, I really, really agree with you about calling the Olsen twins "sluts," but boy did Eve Ensler have it coming. Gah.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 12:21 PM on December 17, 2002


The Ken Burns one was so funny I dropped my pipe out of my mouth laughing.
posted by alumshubby at 12:26 PM on December 17, 2002


Whomever? Wrong case, dude.

Good post, though.
posted by jdroth at 12:31 PM on December 17, 2002


Pretty hilarious. It would be funnier, though, if I knew more than thirty of these bozos. I guess I have to get out more. I mean stay in and watch TV more.
posted by kozad at 12:37 PM on December 17, 2002


KARL ROVE - Boss Hogg with a CPA.
Bonus points for the priceless "Dukes of Hazard" reference.
posted by cowboy at 12:40 PM on December 17, 2002


Bush and Ashcroft AREN'T in

More importantly, where the hell's that shithouse-rat-crazy Dr. Strangelove-in-training Wolfowitz?

Also, I concur that the Banfield bit was hilarious, but no way she should have rated higher than Bob "Clearly fantasizes about giving advice to second-tier senators" Woodward. Bush at War has to be the most spectacular blowjob given to a sitting president (by a journalist, that is) in American history. They should revoke his Pulitzer.
posted by gompa at 12:41 PM on December 17, 2002


Yawn. For every one that's a legitimate criticism, there's three that are either irrelevant, unfunny, or just the kind that makes you say, "Um, how is that a bad thing?" (Jay Leno: "Pathologically driven entertainer whose success came as a result of his work ethic." Work ethic! What an awful person he must be!)

Oh, and bashing both the left and right is fine when you have legitimate reasons to attack them, and such reasons aren't that hard to find. But don't let this guy fool you into thinking he's astute or independent or creative or what-have-you just because his targets are on both sides. No, it's more like he's saying, "Look at me! I attack both ends of the political spectrum! Look how clever and nonpartisan and edgy I am!"

There's way too many people on the list who aren't significant enough to be worthy of even being on such a list: Cris Carter, Gregg Williams, Tony Robbins, Jim Rome, Ashleigh Banfield.

BTW, I'm not on the list. There's someone on there who the author has confused with me, but is clearly not me: "[Y]ou think that just because you reproduced, you invented the wheel." Seeing as I haven't reproduced, the person in question is not me.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:43 PM on December 17, 2002


"Pathologically driven entertainer whose success came as a result of his work ethic." Work ethic! What an awful person he must be!

I think it's more what an awful comedian he must be - he didn't become successful because he was funny, but because he was persistent; he continually labored at his joke telling job until he was promoted to a more senior position.
posted by mdn at 1:32 PM on December 17, 2002


Matt Taibbi and Mark Ames

Misdeeds: Unable to appreciate jam bands, or, more generally, any aspect of culture outside their narrow sphere.

Aggravating Factors: Unhealthy fascination with abortions.

Aesthetic: That annoying neighbor who is unable to hold a steady job and so consequently spends all his time on the couch watching cable news meets the sports freak who keeps a box of kleenex around during Sportscenter.

Because it had to be done. Some of them were pretty good though.
posted by euphorb at 1:33 PM on December 17, 2002


Good Lord people, you're critiquing this like it appeared in Newsweek or the WSJ or something. It's a borderline-personal website. The funny ones were funny enough to make up for not-so-funny ones...
posted by jalexei at 1:56 PM on December 17, 2002


pendevil: Ahead of Fleischer (bigger politician) but before Coulter (not as blonde).
posted by britain at 2:03 PM on December 17, 2002


Wow. Used the word "abortion" three times. That's some cutting edge stuff there.

"Vagina Monologues?" "Sex in the City?" "Bono?"
Is it three years ago again?
posted by ColdChef at 2:25 PM on December 17, 2002


Good Lord people, you're critiquing this like it appeared in Newsweek or the WSJ or something. It's a borderline-personal website. The funny ones were funny enough to make up for not-so-funny ones...

No, you're wrong--the cup is half-empty.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:37 PM on December 17, 2002


"The fact that this person is occasionaly amusing and occasionally right is beside the point."

No. Actually that would pretty much be *the* point.

[cheerleading hijack]
Good post - Novel, engaging, funny, thought provoking.
[/cheerleading hijack]
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:52 PM on December 17, 2002


People are just too easily offended these days. Some of that was hilarious.
posted by Fabulon7 at 7:46 PM on December 17, 2002


Any of you who are really opposed to the list should send letters to the Beast or the eXile. That way I'll have something amusing to read in the Sic section of both publications when their next issues come out.

(For non-eXile fanatics, here's a tasteless reference.)
posted by jed at 9:51 PM on December 17, 2002


I think it's more what an awful comedian he must be - he didn't become successful because he was funny, but because he was persistent; he continually labored at his joke telling job until he was promoted to a more senior position.

I'll admit I've never heard a funny Leno joke... But, Bill Hicks- a comedian whom I admire- used to love Leno's work, until he started hosting late night, then Hicks started tearing him to shreds. So I grant, maybe it is possible that he used to be funny.
posted by drezdn at 11:01 PM on December 17, 2002


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