Get duct or you're fuct

February 24, 2003 2:23 PM

The great duct tape conspiracy? It seems that 46% of all duct tape is produced by the Manco Company of Avon, Ohio. The company, a division on Henkel inc, was run by Jack Kahl until just after Bush's 2000 election. It turns out Mr. Kahl donated no less than $100,000 to GOP committees in the 2000 election cycle. Has Tom Ridge become the official spokesperson of all things duct tape purely out of his concerns for our security here in the Homeland? Got duct tape? via boingboing
posted by elwoodwiles (30 comments total)

ha! I was waiting for some sort of news like this roll in. I'm not sure if I buy the cynical line, but it's sure fun to talk about.
posted by xmutex at 2:29 PM on February 24, 2003

You got it all wrong. It's a publicity stunt for next year's MacGyver movie.
posted by jpoulos at 2:35 PM on February 24, 2003

Honestly, I don't know if I buy it either, but I thought it was a funny idea.

The other day I was at the grocery and 5 out of 7 people in line had at least one roll of duct tape. I wondered who these people are that they didn't already have duct tape? I've got reams of it. I guess there is a perk to being broke, I already have a collection of candles, plastic sheeting, duct tape etc.
posted by elwoodwiles at 2:40 PM on February 24, 2003

I guess the plastic sheeting and bottled water lobbies got to him too!

"You've been talking to those egg people again haven't you Lenny?" -Homer
posted by Pollomacho at 2:45 PM on February 24, 2003

An irrelevant factoid: here in Finland, and also in Sweden I'm told, duct tape is commonly called "Jesus tape". Either because "it saves" or because anyone can work miracles with it.
posted by ikalliom at 2:46 PM on February 24, 2003

Yeah, but make sure it isn't French Bottled Water....
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 2:47 PM on February 24, 2003

Seen on a bumper sticker:

Duct tape and plastic sheeting are petroleum products.
posted by dogmatic at 2:50 PM on February 24, 2003

Hmmm. People might be on to something, here. In fact, I'll bet the Bush administration is behind the news that warts are best treated with -- you guessed it -- duct tape! Where will it end?
posted by pardonyou? at 3:09 PM on February 24, 2003

So war isn't for oil after all? It's for duct tape?
Damn! Now I gotta redo my signs.
posted by HTuttle at 3:34 PM on February 24, 2003

Plastic sheeting lobby? Perhaps. Turns out that much of the plastic sheeting out there is made by a subsidiary of Tyco International, a company so steeped in accounting scandal that they hide their incorporation offshore. Surely there are no administration cronies there.

Oh, and the call for air filters has nothing to do with Honeywell a company steeped in asbestos liability, among other things.

It's only a matter of time before it's necessary for us to stockpile huge quantities of oil and cigarettes to prepare for disaster...
posted by shagoth at 3:39 PM on February 24, 2003

I don't really believe that there's any correlation between the two. There have been much larger contributions from corporate John's eager to collect favours from the latest whores in the White House.
posted by substrate at 3:43 PM on February 24, 2003

What's the most novel thing anyone has done with duct tape? Once I was driving a 73 VW Bug across country (not a suggested activity, trust me) and I blew out a valve gasket in the middle of Nebraska. The car was leaking oil and though I had stocked up, I could tell I didn't have enough to keep the engine running. I pulled all the bags out of all my cereal, granola and other food boxes, made a stencil of the gasket and cut the boxes to the prescribed shape. Then I layered the cut out boxes together and bound it with layers of duct tape. (I left the top of my "gasket" uncovered, hoping the cardboard would absorb leaking oil and seal itself.) I drove almost 300 miles before I found a shop where I could get a real gasket. When I installed it, guess what, my road-side cut and tape project held like a champ. I bet I could've gotten another 300 miles out of it. Like I said earlier, it surprises me that people would have to be told to get duct tape - it just seems so essential. disclaimer: I am in no way related to manco, visqueen or the GOP

On preview: What? You don't have a stockpile of cigarettes either? Who are you people?
posted by elwoodwiles at 3:44 PM on February 24, 2003

Yes, duct tape is amazingly useful. Seems it isn't very good for ductwork, though...

What else should we stock up on for the apocalypse revolution terror alert? Baling wire, bubble gum? Leatherman and Dremel tools? That thick claylike epoxy stuff?
posted by hattifattener at 4:00 PM on February 24, 2003

shagoth, in addition to producing plastic sheeting, tyco adhesives claims to be America's largest duct tape manufacturer. Tyco gets the guys Manco doesn't. And their campaign donations lean as heavily Republican.

This is an amusing non-story.
posted by jbrjake at 4:20 PM on February 24, 2003

I live about two miles from Avon. People over here appreciate the work.
posted by sadie01221975 at 4:29 PM on February 24, 2003

I duct tape old (thick) phone books and use them as foot rests underneath my desk.
posted by gluechunk at 4:53 PM on February 24, 2003

This is an amusing non-story.

Perhaps, perhaps not. Frankly, I'm not generally a conspiracy theorist but am left wondering how many potential conspiraries or exercised influences need to be pointed out before we can legitimately suggest there's a pattern that might well point to graft over public welfare.
posted by shagoth at 4:56 PM on February 24, 2003

It'd be more of a non-story if Tyco's donations leaned more toward democrat-based organizations. One suggestion from the White House leads to the enrichment of two major republican contributors? I don't really think this is a conspiracy, it's just amusing how things work. I'm more scandalized that duct tape is the only solution Ridge and co can think of. Really, the Homeland Security Department could be called either the Department of Scaring the Shit out of Americans or the Department of Arts and Crafts to Avert Terrorism.
posted by elwoodwiles at 5:16 PM on February 24, 2003

Surely this latest conspiracy theory is a joke?

I have always known duct tape as "100mph tape", as it can be used to repair minor damage to race boats and is jokingly considered to be effective at up to 100mph. I always have at least one roll of it handy at home, it just has so many uses for temporary (and not so temporary) repairs. Useless for sealing ducts though.
posted by dg at 5:17 PM on February 24, 2003

Um, they suggested tuct tape and plastic sheeting for a reason, namely that it's a standard method of protection. The Israelis, in fact, used that technique to prepare during the last Gulf War. So the duct tape money's irrelevant, Bush didn't just pluck this duct tape idea out of thin air. Also, bear in mind that Republicans are the big business party. This means that many different companies gave 'em money. The fact that a company exec gave money to the Republicans isn't remarkable at all.
posted by unreason at 6:05 PM on February 24, 2003

I don't look at this as a "conspiracy theory" so much as an inevitable result of our current system of campaign financing. So long as politicians accept money from individuals and corporations, there exists the potential for the appearance of impropriety. In fact, it seems like such situations are inevitable, since the government must deal with the same private sector that is giving money to the politicians. In my opinion, any reasonable ethical system for politicians would absolutely forbid accepting money from parties that might have to deal with the government. Such a system would consider "campaign contributions" the ethical equivalent of bribes. From this point of view, the American political system is hopelessly corrupt.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:14 PM on February 24, 2003

At least one Famous Canadian (with connections to left-wing media outlet PBS) is likely to benefit from the Duct Tape Rush.
Not to mention these guys. (No, DON'T mention them)
posted by wendell at 6:50 PM on February 24, 2003

I used to work at Ace Hardware...a came in and said his tired were completely balled and was wondering if duct tape would fix it. I just kinda stared at him in disbelief and told him that he's crazy. Little did i know at the time the true wonders of duct tape.
posted by jmd82 at 9:19 PM on February 24, 2003

I used to work at Ace Hardware...a man came in and said his tires were completely bald and was wondering if duct tape would fix it. I just kind of stared at him in disbelief and told him that he was crazy. Little did i know at the time the true wonders of duct tape.

In case anyone else was having trouble parsing that post....
posted by quarantine at 10:22 PM on February 24, 2003

Really, the Homeland Security Department could be called either the Department of Scaring the Shit out of Americans or the Department of Arts and Crafts to Avert Terrorism.

Department of Useless Combat Techniques?
posted by taz at 11:35 PM on February 24, 2003

Conspiracy? What conspiracy? The Bush Administration has been remarkably open about paybacks to political contributors!
posted by troutfishing at 4:41 AM on February 25, 2003

I'd like to take a moment to extol the wonders of Gaffer Tape.*

*I have no idea of any producers of gaffer tape have contributed to the Republican Party.
posted by witchstone at 7:33 AM on February 25, 2003

Little did I know at the time the true wonders of duct tape.

In case anyone was having trouble parsing the last sentence of that edited post.
One of the laws of MeTaFilter is that, if you point out errors in someone's post, you will invariably make one yourself while doing so - best avoided.

witchstone, gaffer tape is great, but the clean removal touted in that site is a lie and its tendency to tear easily makes it less suitable than duct tape for many applications. The cloth reinforcing means that it does not conform to anything other than flat surfaces, also. Being able to tear it into pieces is great, however and an added advantage to those of us not allowed to have sharp instruments.
posted by dg at 2:42 PM on February 25, 2003

Why couldn't the tires be BALLED as in FUCKED? Maybe someone had knifed them.
posted by damehex at 12:11 PM on February 26, 2003

One of the laws of MeTaFilter is that, if you point out errors in someone's post, you will invariably make one yourself while doing so - best avoided.

How exactly is it an error of mine that I neglected to point out someone else's capitalization error? ;-)
posted by quarantine at 2:26 PM on February 27, 2003