July 27, 2001

12:28 PM

Tim Burton is going ape! (their headline, not mine)He blasts the entire internet for giving away the ending to his movie. (don't worry, no spoilers). My favorite quote? "This is why the earth is doomed." said Tim. Should we all be chastised because Matt Drudge spilled the beans?
posted by ColdChef (41 comments total)

oh no, now everyone will know what a shitty movie burton had made before he can rob them. except, wait, we could all tell it was a shitty movie from the trailers.
posted by moz at 12:37 PM on July 27, 2001

Timmy needs to get a sense of proportion. It's not like Drudge gave away the ending of The Greatest Film of All Time or anything.

After watching the trailer in the theater, my wife opined that this film should be renamed "Super Jumpin' Monkeys!" Personally, I think it's going to suck giant bananas and will possess none of the weird antihero vibe or timeless style of the original version. It's going to be yet another assembly-line Hollywood action-film regurgitation with a dollop of Tim Burton's wearisome outsider angst on top. The best we can hope for is some truly hamfisted dialogue from MarkyMark, but he's no Chuckie Heston.

"It's a madhouse! A MAAAAAADHOUSE!!!"
posted by MrBaliHai at 12:38 PM on July 27, 2001

Best headline I've yet seen for a review of this movie:

"Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch"
posted by kindall at 12:46 PM on July 27, 2001

If Tim Burton's version of Planet of the Apes doesn't end in approximately the same way as the original, it should've been named something else.
posted by jbelshaw at 12:51 PM on July 27, 2001

"Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch"

RFT!
posted by skyline at 12:55 PM on July 27, 2001

Should we all be chastised because Matt Drudge spilled the beans?

It only takes one person to launch The Bomb, so yeah.
posted by eamondaly at 12:56 PM on July 27, 2001

but as a filmmaker, half your day is wasted responding to internet rumors. On this movie I had to tell the studio, 'No, Mark Wahlberg and Helena Bonham Carter's characters are not having a three-headed ape baby

This is definately Burton at a very bad moment. I wonder how much crap he's had to put up with to get so jaded. Its bad enough from the fans, but even the studio likes to chime in too. Its obvious Burton isn't too familiar with the internet or how bad generalizations about a large group of people makes one look.

I just saw a similiar "the studio is crazy" type-quote from the director of Ghostworld on boingboing today:

The July 30 issue of Time isn't on newsstands yet, but there's an interesting review of the wonderful movie, Ghost World in it. According to Terry Zwigoff, the director, he had to fight the studio for four years to get Steve Bucsemi a part in the movie. The studios wanted to put Freddie Prinz Jr. in the role that Buscemi played. And Zwigoff says the studio actually gave him a note that said, "Can't we have a double wedding [at the end]?" To which Zwigoff comments, "They were serious. It's unbelievable people don't get a gun and start killing people down there."
posted by skallas at 12:57 PM on July 27, 2001

I can see why Tim Burton is pissed. He worked really hard on this movie, and basically Drudge, without warning, or mention of it being a spoiler, gave away the ending on his website before the movie even premiered.
And I will no longer go to Drudge's website, because I'd like to be pretty sure I'm not going to run into this kind of thing. Some movies rely on their "trick" endings.
posted by Doug at 12:57 PM on July 27, 2001

"these internet people are as dark as they come"

Has anyone ever seen Tim Burton and G W Bush in the same place?
posted by Sapphireblue at 12:58 PM on July 27, 2001

Personally, I think it's going to suck giant bananas and will possess none of the weird antihero vibe or timeless style of the original version.

"Timeless style"? I don't think so. Cheese can last longer than most foods, but it still goes bad.

I hear a lot of people talking about how great the original movies were, but I wonder how many people have seen them recently. I think people are holding the new movie up against a notion of the original that has little to do with the reality of the original.

Anyway, the Post gave the movie one so-so review and one good review.
posted by anapestic at 1:00 PM on July 27, 2001

i am psyched about ghost world, on that tangent. i hope word of mouth brings in a shiteload of cash and some awards.
posted by moz at 1:09 PM on July 27, 2001

The usual Internet etiquette, one of the things most Internet users agree on, is that you have to put some sort of SPOILER warning before you reveal delicate information.
Even if the movie sucks -- I'll never know, I'm not going to check it out because I have little interest for apes and Marky Mark Wahlberg -- even if it does suck, the people who worked on it have some right to the SPOILER warning.
Any of you guys dug the Sixth Sense? Imagine Matt Drudge doing the same thing for that movie's surprise ending before it even opened... Actually Nathan Lane revealed the Sixth Sense ending on Letterman, I think. It was many weeks after the premiere anyway, and he got a lot of criticism for that.
Drudge standards, by the way, do not impress me.
posted by matteo at 1:16 PM on July 27, 2001

I love the original series (I own it.), not just the first one. I also just got back from Tim Burton's version. I liked it. So what does that say about me? Probably that I have bad taste in movies, but I still think it was good.
posted by Apoch at 1:17 PM on July 27, 2001

What SapphireBlue said. I mean, I always thought the guy was a little more plugged-in than most dimwitted Hollywood directors. But read: "Ultimately, that's the scary thing about this whole internet....The internet is really negative - so many negative thinkers are running it."

Running it?

This whole internet?

Wow.
posted by Karl at 1:21 PM on July 27, 2001

Man, does Matt Drudge like to talk about himself! From his website:

DIRECTOR BURTON THREATENS VIOLENCE AGAINST DRUDGE
Hollywood Director Tim Burton on Thursday threatened violence against DRUDGE REPORT editor Matt Drudge after he revealed how Burton *SPOILER REMOVED* in his new shock movie!
"I'd like to take that hat of his and set it on fire on his head!" Burton said of Drudge.
Facing mixed reviews for his $100 million-plus FOX fuss film PLANET OF THE APES, and coming down off marathon editing sessions and last minute production tweaks, Burton declared Drudge is why the "earth is doomed".
Burton's threat of violence, published in newspapers throughout the United States and Canada on Friday, sparked dozens of deaths threats to the DRUDGE REPORT.
"Burton is right -- you should be set on fire! I am going to spray you with acid next time you are in public!" claimed one e-mail.

Anyone actually believe he got threatened? Not me.
posted by ColdChef at 1:25 PM on July 27, 2001

I think any artist who freaks out this much that someone might say something he personally would rather they not has got to rethink his position as an artist. To damn all of us out here on the frontier for Drudge is as unfair as blaming us all for the Aryan Nation website.
posted by Ezrael at 1:31 PM on July 27, 2001

Skyline -- RFT ???

I hear a lot of people talking about how great the original movies were, but I wonder how many people have seen them recently. I think people are holding the new movie up against a notion of the original that has little to do with the reality of the original.

The original pops up on TV quite a bit, and I've always thought it was actually a pretty decent film for what passed for good in 1968. They go downhill fast after that, but I think it's entirely fair to hold Burton to that standard.

I, for one, am never bothered by spoilers. But, then again, I always read the last sentence of every novel I pick up before I start from the beginning.
posted by briank at 1:31 PM on July 27, 2001

briank - I do the same thing with novels. Read the first sentance, then the last, then start on the book.
posted by Sellersburg/Speed at 1:50 PM on July 27, 2001

"The internet is really negative - so many negative thinkers are running it."

I have to agree with Tim in this respect... well, maybe not running it, but participating in it.... I like MeFi, but I think that this site has many examples of this kind of negativity.
posted by SilentSalamander at 2:05 PM on July 27, 2001

Sapphireblue: The quote I was thinking of was "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet." (from The Complete Bushisms)
posted by rmannion at 2:28 PM on July 27, 2001

I just got back from watching the movie, and hadn't known the ending going into it.

I can honestly say that knowing the ending wouldn't have ruined the movie for me. The ending of this movie is so universally irrelevant to the rest of the movie.

And the movie isn't exactly God's gift to the movie-going public. I enjoyed it thoroughly, don't get me wrong, but it's only as good as the first movie - take that as you will.
posted by cCranium at 2:42 PM on July 27, 2001

(Oh, it's also probably important to note that I also enjoyed Swordfish thoroughly. This isn't meant to detract from Planet of the Apes, but instead to warn you that I am extremely easily amused, and my recommendations are essentially meaningless. :-)
posted by cCranium at 2:44 PM on July 27, 2001

Matt Drudge is representative of "the internet?" That's tantamount to saying the National Enquirer is like the NY Times!
posted by kphaley454 at 3:04 PM on July 27, 2001

Damn Dirty Drudge! Damn him to hell!
posted by swell at 3:06 PM on July 27, 2001

I didn't like the ending, but I would've been pissed is someone had ruined it for me. The movie was enjoyable, well made (for the most part), but nothing amazing.
posted by gleemax at 3:13 PM on July 27, 2001

ColdChef, what's wrong with talking about one's self on one's own web site? If a weblogger is mentioned via another media channel, he/she often links to it from their own weblog. I don't see what Matt Drudge did as much different. I usually talk about myself on my weblog.

kphaley454, Matt Drudge is certainly representative of the Internet, as he maintains a popular web site. He's not the sole representative. In the sense the blurb you are quoting, anyone who posts content to the Internet is a representative of it.

The National Enquirer is like the NY Times: they're both newspapers.
posted by ktheory at 3:33 PM on July 27, 2001

I don't know why Burton is raving about the Internet ruining his movie when nearly every "professional" movie critic in the nation summarizes the whole movie in every review. The only difference with the Internet is you can't uninvite it from your next screening like you can a paid critic.

(And, having just seen the movie, I would blame the writer(s) and director for ruining it long before the Internet...)
posted by precipice at 4:12 PM on July 27, 2001

I'm surprised no one has called the Burton quote into question. I've never, repeat: never seen the media get a quote correct, especially a long one like this.

Is it something he actually wrote himself? I'd be interested in knowing what he really said. I doubt it was quite so inflammatory. Or perhaps it was, but in an entirely different way.
posted by frykitty at 5:19 PM on July 27, 2001

Helena Bohnam Carter made me want to do wrong things to monkeys.

Two times.
posted by dong_resin at 5:22 PM on July 27, 2001

I don't know why Burton is raving about the Internet ruining his movie when nearly every "professional" movie critic in the nation summarizes the whole movie in every review.

I believe Burton's point, precipice, is that film critics wouldn't actually give away the ending in their reviews, even if they had summarized the entire plot, if the twist or unexpectedness of the ending were an integral part of the enjoyment of the film. It's part of being a professional. Unfortunately Drudge isn't a professional anything, unless one can accept that being a walking, talking human anus is now classified as "a profession."
posted by m.polo at 5:34 PM on July 27, 2001

> I'm surprised no one has called the Burton quote into question. I've never, repeat: never seen the media get a quote correct, especially a long one like this.

Frykitty, just wondering: How can you know the quote is correct or not if you haven't seen the original interview? (P.S. People who claim they've been misquoted are sometimes lying.)
posted by nance at 6:00 PM on July 27, 2001

Revealed ending or not, it was a crap-tacular. From the space/time worm hole to Ape Lincoln, it sucked. It was camp, but in a bad way.

People still read Drudge's site?

I always thought it was interesting to ignore him completely unless he gets mentioned in the news. Then, read about what happened on his site, but never waste the effort actually going there. It's utter nonsense, written in the style of really bad spam.
posted by mathowie at 6:39 PM on July 27, 2001

Actually it was not Ape Lincoln, it was General Thade.

If anything, the movie was a big tease. It didn't take any risks. It hinted, but shied away as clearly demonstrated by Ari and Leo's interest in each other. It was chained and tamed as echoed in the eyes of Estella Warren's character who seemed to beg the camera for more lines.

If anything, this summer is where the big name directors have loaded their movie-making blunderbusses attempting to please either the studio executives, the mass market, or both.

Oh, and Drudge who? ;)
posted by john at 7:04 PM on July 27, 2001

And yet, it remains one of the best movies of the summer.

:/

Yup.
posted by Ptrin at 7:19 PM on July 27, 2001

Helena Bohnam Carter made me want to do wrong things to monkeys.

I hear you, dong_resin...and I scare myself.
posted by mapalm at 9:05 PM on July 27, 2001

He gets a few good tidbits, then pads his site with Freedom of Information Act government information data that anyone with 25 minutes and a phone/fax could get themselves. (The real trick is getting someone in the government who doesn't have a redacting marker, which is hard as hell to do, and which from what I've seen, he isn't very good at.)
posted by benjh at 9:27 PM on July 27, 2001

nance: Just from past experience, my own and that of someone a little more famous who once said to me: "What, were they sleeping during the press conference?"

It happens so often that I find it difficult to believe anything I don't hear straight from the person.
posted by frykitty at 10:22 PM on July 27, 2001

actually, it's tim burton screaming out:


damn you! damn you all to hell!
posted by bwg at 11:42 PM on July 27, 2001

Very weird. Very disappointing.

Bad Internet. Nasty - like real world. Where are my lackeys and my strokers? Damn Internet doesn't recognize a God when it sees one. Mean Internet. Ungrateful Internet.

The Hollywood Insanitarium and Spa. Talented, insulated bubble people behind the glass yelling at us shabby urchins when we don't get it right. Pounding on the glass.

A lot of creative people on this side of the glass, too. On the mean side. Get poked in the eye and kicked in the stomach regularly. No squealing. Tougher. Try to do better.

Disappointing, Tim. I expected better from you. Thought you were connected.
posted by Opus Dark at 2:29 AM on July 28, 2001

Helena Bohnam Carter made me want to do wrong things to monkeys.

Gross. I thought she looked uncannily like Michael Jackson.
posted by skwm at 9:48 AM on July 28, 2001

Speaking of doing wrong things with monkeys....
posted by ColdChef at 1:30 PM on July 28, 2001