Holy crap, it's actually happened to me - I reached

"Bad -> Rhetorical Questions -> Wanna suck this shit? -> Dude?"

and then had to wipe soda off of my keyboard. I always thought spitting a drink was an internet allegory, like using LOL to signal something you thought was funny, but generally not enough to actually make you laugh out loud.
posted to MetaFilter by FatherDagon at 1:37 PM on September 5, 2008

When I read the post, I thought "Lucy van Pelt and Bart Simpson".
posted to MetaFilter by Class Goat at 10:45 PM on September 3, 2008

You know, there's a thing that Southern women say at a time like this. It perfectly embodies the pity, scorn and dismay while making it clear that the speaker does not approve. Despite being born and raised in the South, I've always had difficulty being a true Southern woman. I swear too much, I smoke too much and I really think mint juleps are disgusting. But this...this I can do for this young man.

So to the cousin of the King, I say:

Bless your heart.
posted to MetaFilter by teleri025 at 5:56 AM on September 3, 2008

Don LaFontaine is finally free from a world he never made.
posted to MetaFilter by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:51 PM on September 1, 2008

Man this story has legs. I keep wondering if I'm going to get in trouble for this...
posted to MetaFilter by asavage at 12:31 AM on August 31, 2008

Oh my god, really?

Really?

Look, to be fair, I was halfway through a post last night on my own site about how ridiculous I though all the hard-right Freepers/Cornerites/etc. were harping about Palin. She was basically their new Fred Thompson. But I am seriously dumbfounded that they would have been this stupid.

Don’t get me wrong, on a PR level this is masterful for McCain. He’s killed all the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by XQUZYPHYR at 8:10 AM on August 29, 2008

Steve Jobs = still alive
Generalissimo Franco = still dead
posted to MetaFilter by Jahaza at 10:15 AM on August 29, 2008

The thing about this blog is that it neglects the whole "Obama" phenomenon. How will this affect my taxes?

I know this is supposed to be a website for grownups, but I can see you there. Yeah, you. You know I'm talking to you. I'm on to you, kid. I know your dad walked away from the monitor for a sec to go polish his Ajax or tweak some CSS, and you thought you might get a quick look at some pictures of frogs having sex or something. It's all right, though,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Greg Nog at 10:44 AM on August 26, 2008

I want none of this adulthood.
posted to MetaFilter by jessamyn at 11:25 AM on August 26, 2008

go to a recycling center and see if you can find one empty.

If you have the stomach for Dinty Moore, then you generally eat the can as well.
posted to MetaFilter by The Light Fantastic at 7:42 AM on August 27, 2008

They will team up and kill you, because they will realize you are no longer necessary.
posted to MetaFilter by Mr_Zero at 10:39 PM on August 24, 2008

Five two line poems about Ashida Kim:

1.
The erotic adventures of Ashida Kim
Are rarely erotic and frequenly grim.

2.
Is that a pebble? It's Ashida Kim!
Now prepare to lose a limb.

3.
Unexpected in a Florida gym:
A skinny ninja, Ashida Kim.

4.
Such strength! Such vigor! Such remarkable vim!
I do not... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 9:37 AM on August 21, 2008

Most. Overrated. Architect. Ever. Period.
posted to MetaFilter by fourcheesemac at 4:54 AM on August 21, 2008

Is there any reason why I wouldn't want a Neodymium magnet on the bridge of my nose?

Only if you're in the habit of smelling your credit cards.
posted to Ask Metafilter by chrismear at 7:01 AM on August 20, 2008

When I worked at a video rental store, and everything was still on VHS, people would inevitably bring back porn, unrewound. There was something uncomfortably about that, as there, as though marked in time by the fact that the VCR had stopped playing there, was the exact moment of the renter's orgasm, or the moment they passed out in a post-orgasmic bliss.

That's why it is kind to rewind. So you don't skeeve out a video store clerk.
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 9:15 AM on August 14, 2008

Maybe this is a candidate for William Safire's "On Language" column?
posted to MetaTalk by fixedgear at 3:07 PM on August 13, 2008

Thankfully I saw it before they yanked it.

It should be, "This video is no longer available because of JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARE YOU KIDDING?!"

Am I right?

Yeah, I'm right.
posted to MetaFilter by kbanas at 10:08 AM on August 13, 2008

There hopping it's affect is too alleviate bad communication.

I feel so dirty.
posted to MetaFilter by Pronoiac at 2:43 PM on August 11, 2008

Brings to mind The Harrad Experiment, the book you read but hid from your mother.
posted to MetaFilter by Marie Mon Dieu at 1:57 PM on August 8, 2008

There's always going to be someone fighting against their own best interests. Look at all the poor people who vote republican.
posted to MetaFilter by nyxxxx at 5:02 PM on August 7, 2008

Dude, You Stole My Article They say everyone's a critic, but in this case, the critic is everyone. Today in Slate, Jody Rosen uncovers what just might be "in purely statistical terms ... the greatest plagiarism scandal in the annals of American journalism". Via Stolen from Zoilus Metafilter.
posted to MetaFilter by fantabulous timewaster at 12:31 PM on August 7, 2008

It could have been worse, someone might have tried to take it through customs and had it confiscated. Then we wouldn't even be allowed to know if it was missing or not.
posted to MetaFilter by blue_beetle at 11:48 AM on August 5, 2008

Jonmc isn't angry, he's just a regular dude who works at a bookstore, likes Nightranger and beer from cans, and wants to remind us all that we all, like, have some prejudices, man.
posted to MetaTalk by klangklangston at 2:31 PM on July 30, 2008

"Taking them off feels like an orgasm."

I feel the same way about the lids of beer bottles. And I don't even need to wait three hours before I can have another one!
posted to MetaFilter by turgid dahlia at 10:23 PM on July 30, 2008

I like how 'spotted owl' is hiding in this cloud of toxic buzzwords, like it's been chased out of every physical habitat and is now leading a stealth existence on the internet. ORLY indeed.
posted to MetaFilter by kid ichorous at 4:22 PM on July 29, 2008

It's like Dilbert without the art, writing, or punchlines.

To be fair, so is Dilbert.
posted to MetaFilter by mrnutty at 9:17 PM on July 29, 2008

I look forward to the blanket pardon of all Republicans at the end of Bush's term. Either that or they selectively pardon every single one who broke a law and provide the public with a really long laundry list of wrongdoing.

Pardon the Republicans? Why? Who is going to open an investigation? The Democrats?

The Democrats - through their active participation or complete silence - have been willing partners in all of these crimes.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by three blind mice at 4:09 AM on July 29, 2008

Does this just about sum it up? I think it does.
posted to MetaFilter by Wolfdog at 8:37 AM on July 28, 2008

"Patterson enjoyed her time at Google, but became disenchanted with the company's approach to search. "Google has looked pretty much the same for 10 years now," she said, "and I can guarantee it will look the same a year from now.""

Yat again a new search engine misses one of the key reasons behind the success of google.
posted to MetaFilter by Mitheral at 9:08 AM on July 28, 2008

Cuil is awesome. I know that I'm not the only one who's used google at work to find something relevant to their job only to be distracted by the cornucopia of results - or ended up on some interesting but ultimately non-work related results. Cuil fixes that by returning nothing.

Cuil is the management approved search engine.
posted to MetaFilter by substrate at 1:20 PM on July 28, 2008

Karadžić is responsible for so much of what happened to me.

My family and I were starved and cut off from electricity, gas, water, phone service and even things like wood with which we could have kept somewhat warm. My father, a funny, kind and literate man, and my mother, a vivacious woman who struggled during Communism and the war to see her children survive with the class and dignity of our family intact, were both reduced to shells of their former selves because... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Dee Xtrovert at 3:45 PM on July 21, 2008

But, what sort of person steals a prayer? Damn.
posted to MetaFilter by flapjax at midnite at 5:20 AM on July 27, 2008

There was a criminal record section in the employment application form.

"Hey Essam, this guy was convicted for attempted murder..."

"Nah...we want closers!"
posted to MetaFilter by jimmythefish at 12:56 PM on July 23, 2008

About 4 years ago, one of my colleagues threw a nostalgic toga party (we were all long out of college) at the house she shared with her boyfriend. I was nervous about going to a party with my out-of-shape upper arms exposed because I like to obsess over neurotic details rather than have actual fun. But I decided that the party was going to be full of English teachers (her job) and Army folks (his job), and that my physique would not fare that badly in comparison.

What I... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by bibliowench at 11:13 AM on July 23, 2008

Nothing says 1920's Louisiana jazz like Randy Newman.
posted to MetaFilter by Eideteker at 6:24 PM on July 22, 2008

Seinfeld's "Bee Movie" was from DreamWorksSKG, not Pixar. Also, it sucked.
posted to MetaFilter by briank at 7:05 PM on July 22, 2008

As I've said roughly (way too many times)^2, I've been living this Summer in New Orleans, and the nature of my work takes me daily into the Lower 9th Ward, Gentilly, East New Orleans and Broadmoor, and all sorts of other neighborhoods still striving to put things back together against the best efforts of every incompetent government agency standing in their way... well now I've gotta go on a tangent. I'm sorry.

Earlier today I watched a newscast where the investigative... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Navelgazer at 8:14 PM on July 22, 2008

Legomancer, I'm an admin for a group called GetOffMyLawnYouKids, and we'd love to have your comment added to the group!
posted to MetaFilter by yhbc at 7:10 AM on July 23, 2008

"State Road 94 ran through the middle of the park. Meaning there were only two ways to get to either side of Action Park -- either by running across a major state highway or by taking a train over a bridge to get to the other side. On an altar boy trip I wasn't allowed to go on, childhood friends Kevin Gallagher and Dave Kearns were riding the train on the bridge when it suddenly burst into flames. Dave escaped unharmed, Kevin was caught on the bridge, suffered a 1st degree burn... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by puke & cry at 7:47 PM on July 21, 2008

It is so luxurious it broke the rating system, AZ.
posted to MetaFilter by never used baby shoes at 1:21 PM on July 21, 2008

And thus an ultimate truth is revealed: suicide is near always an extraordinarily selfish act, leaving behind many victims who don't have the benefit of death to release them from their pain, suffering and responsibility. Even moreso when you feel it necessary to involve innocent bystanders as some last screw you to the world you wish to be absolved of.

It's sad and rather chilling, to be confronted with the tale of someone who was so despairing of living another moment,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Dreama at 11:42 PM on July 20, 2008

zachsmind: speaking as a suicide survivor

congrats on the survivor part. i guess.

I have no sympathy for those who actually carry it out

excuse me?

i'm not sure if you mean survivor as surviving your own [botched] attempt (which turns it into not a true suicide attempt, but a pathetic cry for attention) or as someone who survived a loved one's suicide.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by msconduct at 5:55 AM on July 21, 2008

Large smashers can even make meals of crabs, buckling their thick armour as easily as they do aquarium glass. And they are often seen beating up much larger fish and octopuses, which are unfortunate enough to wander past their burrows.

At the time of writing, the mantis shrimp's punch was a strong candidate for the fastest movement in the natural world. It has since been trumped by the bite of the well-named trapjaw ant, whose mandibles close with an almost... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by UbuRoivas at 10:38 PM on July 20, 2008

Gary Busey on cocaine.
posted to MetaFilter by Optamystic at 10:37 AM on July 17, 2008

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

I laughed so hard I dropped my ankh.
posted to MetaFilter by ZenMasterThis at 9:26 AM on July 16, 2008

"[The images show] ducks pecking at someone's buttocks, baboons and cats out of control, animals riding on top of other unlikely animals, baboons playing instruments, and animals drinking and dining."

I had no idea the ancient Egyptians had invented the Internet.
posted to MetaFilter by lukemeister at 9:05 PM on July 16, 2008

I can raise the temperature of a room by one degree with my mind,

Is it hot in here, or is it just jessamyn?
posted to MetaTalk by tkolar at 9:25 AM on July 16, 2008

On the plus side: no in-laws!
posted to MetaFilter by ColdChef at 6:15 AM on July 15, 2008

I clicked the back button and got an "error no boobs found..." message. I am not very good at this "game." Off to go look in the mirror some more.
posted to MetaFilter by jessamyn at 6:51 AM on July 10, 2008

I find this entire situation hilarious. It happens every month or so, whenever a Wikipedia is mentioned in any notable media source (the funnier, the worse), and l33tpolicywonk's use of "lockdown" just hit the nail on the head in terms of what that mad scramble is like.

I imagine the site as a sprawling nation, dotted with countless small villages. And every so often the Gods look unkindly on one of them and unleash their wrath. Off go the sirens as the puny... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Rhaomi at 10:51 PM on July 7, 2008