i never did not eat fish

e.e. cummings said it first.
posted to Ask Metafilter by yerfatma at 2:50 PM on January 5, 2004

also, if you find yourself short of cash, you can put them over your head and rob a convenience store. Is there nothing they can't do?
posted to MetaFilter by jonmc at 5:29 PM on October 1, 2008

Tell the "truth".

I like the way this guy thinks. Can we offer him a trial membership in the Illuminati? If it doesn't work out we'll just wipe his memory and dump him Kazakhstan like we did the others.
posted to MetaTalk by languagehat at 8:25 AM on September 30, 2008

skyscrapers...briefly imagined people jumping out the windows.

It didn't happen during the 1929 depression and it's not going to happen now.

Something else you're not going to see? People walking around wearing barrels instead of clothing.
posted to MetaFilter by Sidhedevil at 11:42 AM on September 29, 2008

How on Earth would this be relevant to her? Do you feel the need to tell her about other medical procedures your ex-girlfriends have had?
posted to Ask Metafilter by Sidhedevil at 12:50 PM on September 26, 2008

You guys are missing the point. He really caught that taco at its worst. It's like those photo essays that capture the world of the homeless or refugees. Is there some kind of taco-relief fund I can donate money to? Maybe we should boycott taco bell.
posted to MetaFilter by sambosambo at 1:35 AM on September 25, 2008

“I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.’

Just like Lassie! Wow!


“McCain doesn't want to win at this point. Or maybe it's the Republican Party that doesn't want to.”

McCain: The election is getting too close. I might actually win this thing. Rick, what should I do?
Davis: You could blow off the debate.
McCain: Yeah! Screw ‘em. Fake a heart attack and go golfing or... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Smedleyman at 5:50 PM on September 24, 2008

A sperm doner
What you get if you ask for the chef's special sauce with your kebab.
posted to MetaFilter by Abiezer at 3:16 AM on September 24, 2008

the eternal monument to the American people's grace under pressure is the fact that instead of marching on Wall Street with pitchforks to figure out empirically if the throats of those bankers are harder or softer than broken beer bottles, Americans are actually creating websites with Photoshop jokes about the whole mess.

seriously, I'm in awe.
posted to MetaFilter by matteo at 7:47 PM on September 22, 2008

Don't tell me Hans Reiser's been released from prison already?
posted to MetaFilter by PeterMcDermott at 4:36 PM on September 19, 2008

I hear what you guys are saying, but I just feel very strongly that everyone should have a chance. I like this girl, I think she likes me, just because she may have not wanted to immediately say she has a child does not mean I should go running. Not everyone can tell the truth all the time, I know I do my share of lying.

Highlighting the fact that you came in here to seek validation, not advice. You're making excuses to cover up her bad behavior to... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Inspector.Gadget at 1:15 PM on September 19, 2008

Six or so years ago, I remember laughing heartily at that ninja site. RealUltimatePower.com, maybe? It was amusing! It was amusing, and purposefully terrible, and totally fucking ridiculous. It was a clever distraction.
Little did I know what a tsunami of shit that simple, barely-literate site would touch off. Everyone who encouraged that ninja/pirate trend by telling people about how they liked that site, myself included, is the Neville Chamberlain of unbearable Internet memes.
posted to MetaFilter by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 7:51 PM on September 18, 2008

Hey, what about my translation of ancient alchemy texts, The Philosopher's Hairy Stones: A Streetwise Guide to Alchemy, and Phlogiston the Essence of Fire?

In hip modern language, it vaguely explains how to transmute lead into gold, how a secret force causes fire, and how the stars and planets are fixed to great crystal spheres that rotate through an invisible substance called 'ether'.

I mean, it's still fathomless crap with... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by orthogonality at 4:30 PM on September 18, 2008

I don't think you understand what eugneics is. It is not prospective parents choosing to terminate a pregnancy because they found their fetus had a birth defect that would result in their having a child who would need life long care.
posted to MetaTalk by orange swan at 9:16 PM on September 15, 2008

Also, I'm in favor of screening all parents of more than two children for insanity or at the very least latent stupidity.
posted to MetaFilter by docpops at 7:41 PM on September 15, 2008

The rational and intelligent dispensation of medical care is not decided on dollars and cents.

If it were we would have a Medicare plan for anyone under sixteen and we would quit pissing away money on unproven interventions in ninety year-old ICU patients.

I can't fucking believe we're debating this. A reasonably functional Down syndrome individual is more productive than our current president. Assembling bags of washers... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by docpops at 8:44 PM on September 15, 2008

If any of these things are real flying machines (and not instrumentation errors, optical illusions, or delusions), they are most likely built and flown by people. I'll remain technically agnostic, because almost anything's possible -- we're talking about other beings evolving to something like our level somewhere else -- but the odds of these sightings being spacecraft from other planets (etc.) are pretty damned slim.

Why would the aliens come and not say hi?... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by pracowity at 8:58 AM on September 15, 2008

He is our hero!
posted to MetaFilter by JBennett at 12:49 PM on September 12, 2008

Thank you for posting that audio clip.

It was nuanced. Some people won't get it. Others will need to listen to it about 10 or 20 times and they might.

Wow. What a conversation. I won't be able to sleep tonight.
posted to MetaFilter by surplus at 5:34 PM on September 11, 2008

Why, hello everyone! This is Bjork! You needn't worry about me for I am hiding inside of a walnut shell! My invisible pony plays the drums, can you hear him? He laughs when I say his name but we have a secret language. It is like the chirping of the birds!
posted to MetaFilter by mattholomew at 6:35 AM on September 7, 2008

I had the same problem, and here's what I found out:
The house I live in has lath-and-plaster walls, and at some point some of the walls were re-done using metal lath (think expansion grating) which basically turned those rooms into Faraday cages, so unless there was line-of-sight from the transmitter to the receiver there was no love. I tried boosters, I tried a hot-rodded cantenna cranked up high enough to cook bacon and got minimal improvement.

So I ran... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by dolface at 4:57 PM on September 4, 2008 marked best answer

I would have enjoyed the ending a lot more if it had involved a U.S. plane dropping a bomb on the wedding by "accident".
posted to MetaFilter by The Card Cheat at 10:25 AM on August 30, 2008

It turns out that if you actually read Mary Worth, it's pretty goddam funny in its own way.

Like Toby, the vapid Mary-padawan trophy wife of the local Silverback Chinbeard? Currently having the slowest, lamest struggle with internet fraud/identity theft you could ever hope to read in serial installments of stilted three-panel soap operatics. And there's that time that Mary jilted an obsessive suitor so firmly that he got drunk and drove off a cliff to his death.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by cortex at 2:48 PM on August 30, 2008

I still have trouble believing, after discovering it via the Internet, that this comic strip, of all things, has such a devoted, minutiae-obsessed, Star Trek-like fanbase. It's like discovering that there's a world sanctioning body for championship booger eating.
posted to MetaFilter by DecemberBoy at 10:08 PM on August 30, 2008

Wait until they find out he's half-black. Yeah, you heard me.
posted to MetaFilter by ColdChef at 4:27 PM on August 27, 2008

I think it probably helps if you were born in the 70s and grew up in the 80s on this one.

Right now I'm experiencing the most unsettling combination of feelings. Shoulder pads and permed hair for girls (and guys!) was... normal. Sexy, even. I was maturing sexually during all of this... madness.

The reasons why I should be unsettled by this flashback should be pretty obvious. I'm feeling a very weird combination of retrospective lust and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by loquacious at 6:01 PM on August 26, 2008

Is there a term for the opposite? Food that was horrible as a child that is now somehow edible after the corruption of the aging process. Beer, brussel sprouts, asparagus.
posted to MetaFilter by destro at 10:36 AM on August 26, 2008

If you're fapping to that, may god have mercy on your soul.
posted to MetaFilter by smackfu at 6:41 AM on August 25, 2008

And the etymology of "sheeple" reaches all the way back to the first angsty artsy teenager who realized that Sheep can be joined with People..

I'm pretty sure he was Scottish.
posted to MetaFilter by felix betachat at 1:15 AM on August 23, 2008

I am so sick of the incredibly trivial election coverage that I'd planned to vote for Subcomandante Marcos for president.

But I just have to say that peeedro's link to pictures of John Mccain's house has decided me.

I cannot allow my country to be run by a man who could own a house decorated in such a fashion. This balloon valance in particular shocks and horrifies me. What sort of soulless nightmare of poor judgment could walk into a room over... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by winna at 10:36 PM on August 21, 2008

a) still mocap. No one has solved the problem of automatically making facial movements given simple instructions without a human actor getting in at some point.

b) the web video is about as low-res as possible. Grover looks photo-realistic at that resolution.

c) SHE IS NOT REAL. WE TOLD YOU TWICE IN CASE YOU DON'T BELIEVE US!
posted to MetaFilter by GuyZero at 3:30 PM on August 19, 2008

Oh, man, _why the Lucky Stiff's stuff on ruby is just up your league. There's Try Ruby, _why's (poignant) guide to ruby, and (it's supposed to be for kids but its really a lot of fun) his Hackety Hack thing. All of them are fun and pretty breezy.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jmhodges at 9:45 PM on August 17, 2008 marked best answer

if you can, don't think of it as a "baby". even calling it a baby will make you feel more emotionally attached. i had an abortion a few years ago with a guy i was with and loved a lot, and i dont know if im cold but i wasnt affected by it at all. i just knew it wasnt the right time, and to go through with the pregnancy would have been more traumatising than terminating it. my boyfriend agreed and we were both fine with it. he looked after me and we didnt have any rough times. we just... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by beccyjoe at 12:24 AM on August 18, 2008

I agree with the other two posters above - in spite of what the anti-choice propaganda would have you believe, most women who have an abortion are mentally and emotionally fine. The ones who aren't fine are generally the ones who are coerced by their partners or family, or the ones who decide to go through with an abortion in spite of their own religious beliefs. It's wonderful that your partner is going to be there with you. If you feel a little sad, don't panic. You're not going to spiral into... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Wroksie at 3:24 AM on August 18, 2008

It's not bashing. Think of it as getting bugged by your younger brother who has gone through a recent growth spurt and ended up an inch or two taller. Sure, he's walking around with a puffy chest but deep down he still loves you. I mean, if I were to start up a makeup/fashion/fragrance company I wouldn't go with a Portuguese-sounding name, would I? No one says that they want a fancy meal a la Norwegian cooking. Californians don't try to compete with Danish wines.

Also,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Salmonberry at 8:37 PM on August 11, 2008

The worst thing that has ever happened to a French person as a result of anti-French behavior in America is being called a cheese-eating surrendermonkey. The worst thing that has happened to an American as a result of anti-American behavior is getting killed.

Right-wing Americans murder Sikhs and churchgoers. Let's not be too proud that we somehow have the moral steel to not kill Frenchmen as well.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Optimus Chyme at 11:10 PM on August 11, 2008

You really shouldn't post the key on metafilter--matt might get in trouble.
posted to MetaFilter by 09-F9-11-02-9D-74-E3-5B-D8-41-56-C5-63-56-88-C0 at 8:46 PM on May 1, 2007

It's really a viral campaign for higher humanity. (*SPOILER*) The super-secret mystery that you're supposed to finally figure out is that Bob is actually a sterling example of the finest kind of human being, a man who's discovered that it's pointless to be at work when there are other things to be done, who delights in a simple card game like Magic because he's discovered something beautiful in it, who has no shame and conversely no hatred.

Whereas Anna Shore is the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by koeselitz at 6:50 AM on August 15, 2008

"I'll become internet-famous writing this fake blog about "my boss" and then maybe NBC will hire me to write for one of their scary-bad sitcoms like The Office."
posted to MetaFilter by Zambrano at 10:42 AM on August 15, 2008

I don't think it's fake because any given aspect of the story is impossible. I think it's fake because all of the episodes taken together, happening to one boss over the course of three months, stretches credulity, especially because so many of the episodes tie themselves up in a nice little sitcom bow.

Bob's got a girlfriend! How can that possibly be? Oh, she's going to be deported! But she decides that being deported is better than being with Bob. (Waaah waaah waaah!)... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by lore at 12:10 AM on August 16, 2008

This is something you either have or don't have. You can't learn to be funny.

Pop culture/topical humor is almost never funny.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Zambrano at 2:11 PM on August 15, 2008

Mayor Curley said: No surprise. We should expect fine art from the state that gave us Mentos and Diet Coke, Judd Nelson and earmuffs.

I would just like to be the first here to say that I volunteer to let Judd Nelson, wearing only earmuffs, read Metafilter to me while someone creates stunning cola fountains with mentos and diet coke.
posted to MetaFilter by dejah420 at 9:22 AM on August 15, 2008

No, he suspects, not unreasonably in my experience, that other people misunderstand the contrapositive.

Seriously. Even with typical active use, I think there's like an 8% per annum preganancy rate.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 3:44 PM on August 13, 2008

I have to admit that my first thought was that this was something akin to the guy who was out to "kill liberals."

well, you can't be blamed for hoping.
posted to MetaFilter by quonsar at 3:12 PM on August 13, 2008

aught, yes, the emperor of China was a Mongol. The people in power changed, but China endured, and Tibet kept paying taxes and recognizing Chinese authority. That's how empires work. The retroactivity of the Dalai Lama's title is a side issue, made to obscure the fact that it's a title given by the Chinese emperor to his loyal servant.

a louis wain cat, good warlord link! But what you call the Tibetan side is the CIA/Dalai Lama side--it's rather like linking to a Cuba... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by shetterly at 11:43 AM on August 12, 2008

I spent most of my graduate work on designing elicitation corpora that could be used with any human language. I spent a much of my time looking at lots of languages and trying to figure out how they are different grammatically from one another.

Now, there are a lot of techniques that one could use to determine whether two samples contain the same language. Given to a computer, most of these techniques are completely abysmal, though they fare much better if a human... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by Alison at 9:37 PM on August 11, 2008

I've been flying a lot -- really a lot -- for the last 20 years. I have never traveled with an airline as shamelessly bad as United Airlines, ever. And this includes airlines in developing countires where at least they are conscious of their troubles and don't blow precious cash on stupid, expensive TV ads.
posted to MetaFilter by matteo at 5:49 AM on August 12, 2008

Does anyone know what Scientologists think happens to you when you die?

they steal what's left of your shit
posted to MetaFilter by matteo at 1:26 PM on August 10, 2008

They've both made it this far, so you won't hear anything.

And Obama made it this far against the Clintons, so you know there isn't anything to hear.
posted to MetaFilter by three blind mice at 2:58 PM on August 8, 2008

Presidential candidates, and Presidents, make mistakes all the time. Some big, some small. Some with world changing consequence; some without any at all. But character still means something to voters, and to me. How fucking hard is it to be faithful, really? How hard is it to honor your family, your commitments, and be true to your word? If you can't do it at home, why should anyone trust you to do it at work?

Most jobs don't require a huge amount of integrity... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Blazecock Pileon at 3:14 PM on August 8, 2008