OK, since this is about taking the A-Ha video literally: I remember the "magical handsome dude/chick from comic/book/movie comes to life in real" thing happened quite a bit in plotlines back when I was a kid. Everytime, it'd just stop at the two characters riding off into the sunset or looking at each other lovingly or something like that and for some reason I couldn't leave the aftermath as happily ever. I always had to wonder "Well, what happened afterwards?" And it... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by kkokkodalk at 1:52 PM on October 6, 2008

Doing cock all? Biding my time, more like.
posted to MetaTalk by jack at 2:39 PM on October 6, 2008

Dude, DC Comics keeps killing you off as well. I'd say you deserve to wig out.
posted to MetaTalk by yhbc at 7:51 PM on October 3, 2008

I had two identical twin brothers from the Phillipines in basic Training with me when I joined the Army. Their goal, apparently, was an honorable military job and then citizenship. Unfortunately, one of them couldn't shoot worth a crap. Which seemed odd to me, since they were identical twins. Maybe the bad shooter had a head injury or something, I dunno.

Well, when it came time to qualify, the bad shooter twin was next to me. His brother had already passed the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by jamstigator at 7:57 PM on September 24, 2008

I've given a lot of thought about allowing for the formation of another MeFight Club dedicated to console games, but my conclusion is that it just wouldn't be the same, and wouldn't be in keeping with our beliefs.

The Club believes that it should serve as a means to allow individuals to develop both the mind and the body. This way, we will not have any members ascribing such characteristics as "The Body" or "The Mind" to themselves. Rumor has it that... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by herrdoktor at 5:21 PM on September 23, 2008

I think this is 'the internet from the 80's' type humor.

oh hai. is stop, hammer tyme?
posted to MetaTalk by Cool Papa Bell at 6:07 PM on September 19, 2008

so ANYWAY I am able to obtain a cheesburger? It may be compensation for the removal of my water receptacle. I had a water receptacle. And for the time when I was in the attic and accidentally happened upon you in your "private time". Despite which I nonetheless later assisted you with the technical difficulties you were having with the PC and helped increase the amount of memory it had.

You owe me.
posted to MetaTalk by bonaldi at 6:41 PM on September 19, 2008

I've worked for a couple of years with violent teenagers, and must admit that I totally overlooked contemporary poetry as a motivator for their behavior.
posted to MetaFilter by dhoe at 10:08 AM on September 12, 2008

(Psalm 23:4) Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I'm not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd's crook makes me feel secure.

That's terrible. My preferred translation:


1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.)
He givz me evrithin I need.

2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot
an haz liek nice... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Justinian at 4:58 PM on September 18, 2008

I've been married for 29 years.Never cheated or anything .Once a month the bus to crazy town show's up and guess who's on it .

Would anyone like to join me on the bus to crazytown? I'm not on the rag or anything but it seems like assholes like this guy aren't there.

LOLREDTENTZ
posted to MetaFilter by jessamyn at 8:16 PM on September 17, 2008

Hey Sarah,

You don't me. Well I tried to get in touch with you but you kind of blew me off. Remember the first day you took office you had me come in and set you up on a wireless mouse? You also complained to me about having to change your password every 3 months. Oh and remember when you told me that the whole number and special character thing in the password was stupid? And to make it easier?

Oh also a couple months later you somehow disabled... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by geoff. at 2:29 PM on September 17, 2008

I've performed about a dozen weddings over the years as a minister in the ULC. I've sung them in blues, I've played it straight. I've written each ceremony i've done, so this will be a long post (my longest mefi post!)

In general, I find the following form has worked pretty great. All quotes are from ceremonies that I've performed and written. Please feel free to use and change as you wish.

INTRODUCTION.
This might be something... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by asavage at 9:00 PM on September 14, 2008 marked best answer

This is from my friend Kevin, as he does this for a living. We're both part of a group that answers computer questions for free via e-mail. He's basically canned this answer, and sends it out whenever someone e-mails in with virus troubles. I have followed these instructions myself to clean up many computers, and they work flawlessly. Kevin's canned response follows:

"Here's my instruction sheet for cleaning up massive infections. I've answered these questions... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by deezil at 7:20 AM on September 13, 2008

DEAR ADMINS SHALL DELETE IMPERIALIST-SPLITTIST FPP FOR ACCOMPLISHMENT OF METAFILTER NATIONAL SELF-DETERMINATION AND GREATER JUCHE!!!!!!!11111one111stalin111
posted to MetaFilter by Avenger at 8:58 PM on September 9, 2008

That analysis misses some of the most interesting differences between their web platforms.

Most prominently, Obama uses jQuery, while McCain seems to basically limit himself to hand-rolled Javascript. This honestly probably suggests that McCain's web developers are older; the reduced amount of Javascript on McCain's site may also be an indication that they expect their audience to be more likely to have older, slower computers (this is backed up by the observation... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by gsteff at 6:54 PM on September 9, 2008

I see visions of us geographically gathering together post-apocalypse and being the only functioning society on the planet ...

You saw the woman on the porch too? Colorado meetup!
posted to MetaTalk by carsonb at 8:47 AM on September 5, 2008

If you have nothing to say, just favorite it.

You know what, see, this fucking annoys me. And it's just about as likely that people are going to stop doing it -- which is to say, not even the teeniest tiniest bit likely -- and so I don't bother making a thread about it.

One thing that is certain and has been proven over and over again is that your pet peeve is someone else's preferred mode of interaction,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:12 AM on September 7, 2008

In the sub-basement of what was once an industrial park, the server continued asking questions to the void. The network was long-gone--the ethernet cables vaporized right where they emerged to the surface--but this didn't stop the server. It had a queue.

The third wave of bombings had collapsed the ceiling, destroying almost all the other racks in the room, but the server remained. It was closest to the large metal cage that held the enormous emergency power supply. It... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Ian A.T. at 5:20 AM on March 17, 2008

Please, bitch, feel free to not bring it.

I'm staying at home as well. My wife's entire family has evacuated here, so there's no way we can leave town.

For what it's worth, where I'm at is unlikely to flood, though we will have terrible wind, rain and tornadoes. We're busy stockpiling supplies and making sure elderly relatives are taken care of. Tonight, just like during Katrina, I'll be at a local nursing home, moving... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ColdChef at 3:09 PM on August 30, 2008

You live in the Quarter. The shotgun you live in dates back to pre-Victorian time. The bar down the street from you dates even further back, to when the French actually had the Quarter, and its popular mythology is that it was owned by the pirate Jen Lafitte, who fought with the Americans against the British in the Battle of New Orleans, on the Chalmette battlefield, just a few miles away.

You head out to do your laundry, which you do in a laundromat on Rampart that was... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 10:29 AM on August 31, 2008

I was evacuated from St. Bernard Parish (SE of New Orleans) to Bastrop in north LA on Saturday. St. Bernard was one of the first to order mandatory evacuation.

I called in and registered for evacuation on Friday. On Saturday morning I went to the evacuation center and they were very well equipped. They had EMT staff for evacuation triage. For registration the staff had networked laptops with barcode scanners and magnetic scanners. They asked my name and checked me... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by vapidave at 1:54 PM on September 1, 2008

Five days away from the ones you love is far too long. Hello, everyone from the wasteland that was, until recently, my beautiful home. Despite what you’re NOT reading in the news, Louisiana is far from “okay.” Yes, New Orleans dodged another cannonball, but tonight, over one million Louisiana residents are sleeping for a fifth night with no electricity.

Today, the smart ones cleaned out their fridge and threw away hundreds of dollars of unfrozen and room temperature... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ColdChef at 8:30 PM on September 4, 2008

krrrlson, that sounds like a beer ad

Yes! You, Mr random Internet guy, are the thin blue line between us and World War III. The world will never forget your tireless effort in many an online echo chamber.

*sings*

"the carpal tunnel was worth it*

if there's a revolution in luxembourg tomorrow, you can prove you predicted it last... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by pyramid termite at 6:29 PM on September 1, 2008

Isn't #13 the dread sigil Odegra?
posted to MetaFilter by weston at 7:10 PM on August 29, 2008

It was an amazing thing..

I am at work, going about my normal business. A very busy sports night at a bar that puts the Huey Lewis into Sports, with games on nearly every television.. Only one television, stuck in a corner with no volume, was the Democratic National Convention airing, unfiltered footage from C-SPAN. There was a couple people looking at it, no one really paying much attention.. But when Obama came to the stage, a few people started reading the Closed... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mediocre at 10:40 PM on August 28, 2008

Oh my god, really?

Really?

Look, to be fair, I was halfway through a post last night on my own site about how ridiculous I though all the hard-right Freepers/Cornerites/etc. were harping about Palin. She was basically their new Fred Thompson. But I am seriously dumbfounded that they would have been this stupid.

Don’t get me wrong, on a PR level this is masterful for McCain. He’s killed all the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by XQUZYPHYR at 8:10 AM on August 29, 2008

Jesus, guys, knock it off with this idle chit-chat, we're on a fucking deadline here.

krautland, I need two extra pars on the LOLcat insurgency, quick. Blazecock, can you do nibs for the Latest Snarks box?

Fuck, I need to call my wife and tell her I'll be home late. Again.
posted to MetaTalk by flashboy at 1:39 AM on August 27, 2008

When I came to America, I met some people and one of them said I was extroverted. Everyone agreed and I pretended like I knew what it meant to be "extra verted." Was it a good thing or a bad thing? I was a little insecure, because I'd heard that Americans could be very direct and they might tell you something negative, whereas most Europeans would be very polite and not mention someone else's deficient qualities.

When I could get to my dictionary, I found... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Dee Xtrovert at 9:26 PM on August 26, 2008

I love you, Sys Rq, and your twin brother Print Screen.
posted to MetaTalk by flibbertigibbet at 11:50 PM on August 26, 2008

I ain't never known of a lad of such spunk
As the alligator fighter, young Devin Funck
Who battled a beast way down in Slidell
And Devin lost his arm, but Devin lived to tell
That in the water of Crystal Lake, lurking below
Was a half ton monster by the name of Big Joe.
He was a 12-foot lizard from his teeth to his tail
And he was spoken of in whispers down in Slidell.
But Devin had no fear and Devin... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 4:22 PM on August 23, 2008

A few wrench hits would have easily done the job.
posted to MetaFilter by archagon at 11:03 AM on August 21, 2008

Damn you, flapjax, see what you made me go and do?

Welcome To The Hotel Gonna Scorn Ya

In a dark Metatalk thread, trolls posting for lolz
Complaints 'bout deletions, arguments 'bout the polls
Down below in the textbox, I typed a clever insight
My mouse grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
cortex deleted my post
I heard jessamyn yell
And I... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:41 AM on August 20, 2008

PUNCH 'EM IN THE DICK.
posted to MetaTalk by chrismear at 6:29 AM on August 6, 2008

Alright, guess I gotta be the one to transcribe this shit:



Punch 'em in the dick
(What)
Punch 'em in the dick
(What)
Fuckers talk shit
I'ma punch 'em in the dick
(Bow!)
Punch 'em in the diiiiick
Punch 'em in the diiiiick
Motherfuckers talk shit
I'ma punch 'em in the dick

Yo look at that... [more]
posted to MeFi Music by dgaicun at 8:31 AM on August 5, 2008

And who else but rednecks would build a giant replica horse?

The Achaeans?
posted to MetaFilter by Alvy Ampersand at 2:57 PM on August 4, 2008

If you should move to Toronto in the early 1980s, do not take a room in a house on Portland St., just south of Queen between Bathurst and Spadina, even if you have just found a job loading boxes of plastic hangers onto trucks in a building right around the corner. The Polish woman who owns the place will invite you across the street to the house she lives in with her wheelchair bound husband or father or uncle or something and will give you lemonade while telling you that you're a nice young boy... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by TimTypeZed at 12:11 PM on August 3, 2008

You now what else signaled the end of democracy in America? Bad Boys II.

And everything else that I don't personally like.
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 11:08 PM on July 29, 2008

This is why we sigh and say someone is "such a Card" when they being an indefatigable social retard.
posted to MetaFilter by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:17 PM on July 29, 2008

I'll never forget the day gay marriage was legalized here in British Columbia. I remember looking into my wife's eyes, trying to wrap my head around the fact that we couldn't be married anymore. I couldn't look away from the pain those eyes, the sense that I'd let her down, that all the promises we made weren't worth a hill of beans now because the gays had destroyed marriage. And democracy. That was important to us to, what with the stolen elections and the illegal surveillance and the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Naberius at 11:36 PM on July 29, 2008

My brother and I have always called him "The Final Boss of the Intertubez".

My bro is taking a nap right now, but when he wakes up, I'm running in there and screaming THE FINAL BOSS HAS BEEN DEFEATED!!!!!11111one111one

/I'll even pronounce the "1111one111one" part
posted to MetaFilter by Avenger at 1:12 PM on July 29, 2008

I'm hoping the next step will be someone writing the book up in SCUMM.

Ooh, or maybe Inform:

Moment of death
You are floating in an open plane, west of a clear light emanating
from nothingness.
There is a mailbox here.

> examine mailbox
The mailbox is only an illusion.

> reject light
You see another, different clear light.

> reject... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by cortex at 7:45 AM on July 23, 2008

I love these 'me too!' / weird-stuff-the-brain-does threads. Here's my collection...

bookstores
porn in the woods
screaming in my head
time sense
extra people
brain idling
ghosts
mindgasms
imaginary worlds
derealization
dream timing
heart fluttering
rain hunger
warm/cool eyes
...and for fun, cats and... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Xelf at 12:12 AM on July 23, 2008

Listen, man, I am what people consider to be "successful." I have "excelled." And yet, I sit here, and I feel the same way as you. I watch movies and get depressed that I'm not as strong or as intelligent or as quick as the characters. I read entire pages of books without even knowing what I just read, then berate myself for being an idiot.

I just watched Wallstreet, so I'm all contemplative and emotional and shit right now, but the message that... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by zhivota at 9:52 PM on July 19, 2008

I've been reading Metafilter fairly regularly for the past 3.5 years - I have to say - this website, probably more than anything, has changed the way I use the internet. I remember being a kid, using IRC to meet people - that was fun. I remember the first time I emailed a complete stranger on the other side of the planet (Australia) and they emailed me back - mind blowing. I remember the very first time I beat someone at Starcraft (I was a high school senior) and it was a completely different... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Baby_Balrog at 2:45 AM on July 14, 2008

My point was that it is patently false that she has always received the short end of the stick.

No, she got something which is in its way worse, because I can promise you this (and speak from personal experience) that when you're a brown person with an Ivy League law degree and a prestigious job, it doesn't stop the "loss prevention officer" from following you around Neimans or Nordstroms when you're shopping for the clothes to wear to said... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Dreama at 1:31 AM on July 14, 2008

She's a person who was fractured in some very basic part of herself in dealing with food. Just as others find the same to be true when it comes to alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, spending, maintaining living space, responsibilities, emotions, sex, violence, pot, work, and anything else we giant hairless apes can get fixated upon.

Unfortunately, her fracture caused a very obvious and, eventually, disastrous effect to her physique, which compounded several emotional issues she... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by batmonkey at 2:22 PM on July 14, 2008

Tucker Carlson says Obama... "seems like kind of a wuss"...

Tucker's complete lack of self-awareness is downright endearing. I imagine him standing in front of the mirror, straightening his bow tie, running a hand through his hair, catching his own eye, glancing away and quickly back, then staring, captivated by what he sees. "Who's a bad, bad man?" Tucker whispers to his reflection. "You are, Tucker," Tucker purrs back.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by dyoneo at 12:52 PM on June 14, 2008

I always feel a little self-conscious walking up to the liquor store at this hour - the morning sun is still crawling its way up the sky and having to wear sunglasses just makes me feel dodgy. I'm not here for the booze, but I imagine sidelong glances from the judgmental as the steady flow of traffic rumbles past. Someone clued me in on a little secret about this place and I've been a loyal client for months now. "Best ever," she'd said, and she was completely correct. I live a good 30... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by krippledkonscious at 8:03 PM on June 12, 2008

I don't care how clever your goddamn 2x2 matrix is, don't resize my browser.
posted to MetaTalk by GuyZero at 12:47 PM on June 12, 2008

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears DaShiv pajamas.
posted to MetaTalk by theora55 at 8:00 PM on June 7, 2008