I have a 56 inch rear-projection high-def TV. But it's broken so it's in storage until I can dump it.

Oh, and I have 27 inch CRT TV. But it's not even plugged in. I use it to put my bonsai tree on, since it's a convenient height to stand and spend hours trimming the tree as I meditate on those less fortunate and the meaning of humanity.

Oh, and I have a 20 inch TV with a built-in DVD player. It's in the coat closet, and I only drag it out once a... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Fuzzy Skinner at 10:28 AM on September 4, 2008

I have had laser hair removal done on my legs and hamster. With laser hair removal you have to have several sessions done (5 or more) to get it all since hair grows in cycles and it’s impossible to get it all at once. With my legs I’ve gone 4 sessions and the only hair that remains is so fine and light that it’s not a big deal at all to shave. With the hamster, well after only one session I was surprised how much is gone and frankly it’s a little freaky b/c I wasn’t necessarily hoping to go... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by texas_blissful at 5:05 PM on August 29, 2008

Given that Lewis Black's description of The End Of The World is "A Starbuck's across the street from a Starbuck's" I don't think he's very sponsor-friendly.

I could go into just how profoundly disgusting Joe Francis is, but I think the more important issue is this: if Lewis Black's assertion that a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks is the end of the world isn't not true, why is Starbucks being so quiet about... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 2:32 PM on August 16, 2008

What goes through a dog's mind when it sees you picking up their shit?

What's in your pocket? Is that a treat? Is it? Is there a treat instead of that thing? Are we going to play now? Are we going to play now? Are we going to play now? Where's that treat? re we going to play now? Are we going to play now? Are we? Where's that treat? Is that the treat? Are we going to play now? Are we going to play now? Where's that treat?... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by werty at 11:11 PM on February 4, 2005

I hope you understand you are proposing a difficult and quixotic undertaking. There are many millions of ambitious people aspiring to the same goal and the majority of them will fail. This is not at all hyperbole. Comparing this to an ambition to be a successful actor or musician is very appropriate. This is the basis of observing a great many working artists through a family connection, not personal ambition or direct experience.

1. There are a number of potential... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by nanojath at 6:17 PM on August 11, 2008

I get one of these kids on my doorstep every couple of months. (They come to my town so often that the city government regularly runs a warning on the city access channel.) The last one tried some weird pitch about selling magazines so he could win a contest and visit the British Broadcasting Corporation.

So either the kid was batshit crazy, or he was taught to change his sales pitch according to perceived target demographics. I find the second thought a little more... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by faster than a speeding bulette at 10:26 AM on July 18, 2008

Like jrockway, I think the Starbucks hate is overblown. They make a dull-but-competent cup of coffee. I never go to one if I know the area and know where to get good coffee--I'll often go to one if I'm traveling, because you know you won't get something ghastly. What's interesting is the narcissism of small differences that makes hating on Starbucks so crucial to, well, the MeFite demographic. Starbucks is threatening because it's like a close parody of things that middle-class would-be hipsters... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by yoink at 4:30 PM on July 18, 2008

来这里
posted to Ask Metafilter by netbros at 4:41 PM on July 13, 2008

Here kitty kitty kitty!
posted to Ask Metafilter by Daddy-O at 5:03 PM on July 13, 2008

I've been told that a child is a a blessing that forever changes the scope of your life; a gift more fragile than china, more precious than gold; the passport to an ineffable and profound joy. It sounds like a bunch of shit to me.
posted to MetaFilter by stavrogin at 9:59 PM on July 5, 2008

What a source of inspiration for my next Sci-fi opus:

The America of 2080. Impoverished diabetic obese illiterate uber-patriots sitting around in hover-rascals litterally shitting themselves waiting for Jesus to to kill all the terrorists.
posted to MetaFilter by tkchrist at 5:11 PM on July 6, 2008

After a thorough investigation of the evidence (one YouTube video), this primatologist concludes that he's an ape. No tail plus knuckle-walking rules out all monkeys, and narrows down the field to chimps and gorillas.

I predict he'll reach sexual maturity and try to kill the Man in the Yellow Hat.
posted to Ask Metafilter by bergeycm at 6:13 PM on July 4, 2008 marked best answer

fshgirl: It's absolutely true.

And thinkingwoman: Don't blame men. The very early iterations of oral contraception had no placebo week. Greg Pincus pushed for it for a number of reasons, none of which had to do with his gender-limited knowledge of the ovarian cycle. There are polls and data to confirm that early on, before OCPs had gained acceptance, a lot of women really were uncomfortable with the idea of not having a period and feared the possibility of undetected... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by drpynchon at 7:16 PM on February 27, 2008

Here's a true story about how awesome Pixar is.

As some of you know, when the trailer first came out, my girlfriend, Courtney, burst into tears at the trailer. She was emabrrassed but somewhat amused by this, as so she made a video of herself watching the trailer on her computer, knowing she would start crying every time that little robot said his own name.

After a few months, she started to get trickles of emails from people at Pixar who said... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 12:18 PM on July 1, 2008

I'm in the ignore the note camp. You don't have a relationship with her and you certainly don't want one, so trying to talk with her may get you in deeper (turns out she may not like your mailbox either, ya know?)

Then again there is the antagonistic side of me that wants you to paint a big "NO" or "NOT YOURS" on the side of the shed facing her.
posted to Ask Metafilter by NoraCharles at 2:55 PM on June 30, 2008

And then you have kids... your tubes tied, because the last thing this world needs right now is another mouth to feed.
posted to MetaFilter by mek at 10:56 AM on June 26, 2008

The Scene: The Gloucester Town Hall

The Players: The parents of Gloucester teens and the teens themselves

Parent 1: We have a problem. Some completely ridiculous number of our teen girls are getting pregnant on purpose. Some sort of pact.

Parent 2: what are they, fucking nuts?

Parent 1: I don't know. They just think babies are cool or some shit.

Parent 3: What... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by shmegegge at 2:48 PM on June 19, 2008

I always sign those cards "Happy Birthday from Bob in Accounting" using my girly girl handwriting and knowing full well that there is no Bob in Accounting and that the birthday person knows there is no Bob in Accounting.
posted to Ask Metafilter by jodic at 8:00 AM on March 17, 2005

Since everyone essentially writes the same thing on a card, I've taken to just crossing someone else's name off and writing mine underneath it. The recipient can still read the original author's name, but it saves everyone time and could conceivably be considered humorous.
posted to Ask Metafilter by wubbie at 4:42 PM on June 19, 2008

Everyone who decided to post without listening to what Reagan said: you're a fucking idiot.

Everyone who decided to post that it is fine to ask your listeners to murder a specific person, including offering to pay for the method of execution: you're a fucking idiot.

I want you to shut the fuck up for a second and think about this. An influential broadcaster exhorted his listeners, many of whom may be psychotic or suggestible, to kill a real... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Optimus Chyme at 1:52 PM on June 14, 2008

I don't personally have any morals at all. If it proves convenient to kill fetuses, infants, children, adults, etc.--well, I just don't care.

That is so sexy. Oh, man. Somebody go fetch me a second blouse; I've just torn off the one I was wearing. If only you were over 18...!!1!?!
posted to MetaFilter by katillathehun at 11:13 PM on June 6, 2008

I'm excited about this, but I'm also a bit frightened: this is going to be the most dirty, vitriolic and racist campaign since the 1960's. The Republicans are under no illusions that Obama has an enormous, singular weakness: his skin color.

Over the next 5 months, we are going to see the Republicans rip open every half-way healed racial wound this country has. They're going to run TV ads in Ohio and Florida of Obama with quotes from Pastor Wright set to hip-hop music in... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Avenger at 8:45 PM on June 3, 2008

But be sure and get neutered cats, or you'll soon have a cat problem, and you'll have to bring in dogs to control the cats, then llamas or something...it's a never-ending cycle.

If you work your way up to gorilla's they'll eventually die off come winter.
posted to Ask Metafilter by Octoparrot at 8:22 PM on June 4, 2008

Zombie Jesus wants you to turn the other cheek SO HE CAN FINISH EATING YOUR FACE.
posted to MetaTalk by The Straightener at 1:03 PM on March 28, 2008

* No, seriously. Don't move here. elwoodwiles is right. You'd hate it here.

He's not kidding. We'll set fire to your SUV. All our parking spaces are marked "compact" and you'll get door dings if you try to park in them anyway. We'll zone your McMansion out of existence and our already-high property taxes are indexed according to tackiness. What few big box stores we have are permanently blocked by protestors. We only have one Hooters and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by George_Spiggott at 2:57 PM on March 27, 2008

*pause*

AHahahaha!
posted to MetaFilter by quin at 8:40 AM on March 27, 2008

You guys are missing the actual subtext, here. The news lady is never funny. Not ever. Every time she attempts to be cutesy on camera it totally bombs. She's terrified of losing her job and she worries that she's just not a funny person. The other day, she broke down in tears... on camera... when her now legendary attempt at a joke ("but wait'll you see THESE corns!") fell dead the moment she uttered it. Rumor has it that babies born at that very moment were born incapable of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by shmegegge at 11:28 AM on March 27, 2008

I just want to say a few things here. I've had a couple of drinks, so I hope you'll bear with me.

Anonymous Chinese Internet Video Man, I salute you. I give you props for having balls that are, apparently, ten times larger than my own. I nod to you in admiration of your elite dancing skills. I bless your mother for her patience and willingness to keep her mind on her tasks while you are parading your dancing abilities in the cramped living room you are sharing with... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by beaucoupkevin at 11:19 PM on March 29, 2008

IAAFCM (I am a former cheesemonger).

Don't reuse the original wrap.

When possible (i.e., if you've got some around), re-wrap the cheese in coated "cheese" paper or wax paper. If it's only going to be in your cheese drawer for a day or so, it's okay to use a new piece of plastic wrap. Sometimes I'll reuse that piece of plastic wrap, though I know I shouldn't. The fat on the cheese will coat the inside of the plastic wrap and make it... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by rtha at 10:13 AM on March 22, 2008

It attracted national attention to Vento and his sign: "This is America. When ordering, please speak English."

That's not what his sign says. You can see the sign right in the photo. What it says, verbatim with punctuation, is

This Is
AMERICA

WHEN ORDERING
"SPEAK ENGLISH"

Which only proves some rule that comes... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:28 AM on March 20, 2008

I have some sad news for everyone. I am sorry to have to be the one to break this to you. My shoulders are heavy with this responsibility:

Small children are not as cute as you think they are.
posted to MetaFilter by Dr. Wu at 11:27 AM on March 20, 2008

My god, that's sick and disgusting.

Oh, wait, he's not the dry drunk guy who legalized torture and got 4000 American soldiers killed to solidify his power?

Oh, in that case, what do I care what he does in his nappies?
posted to MetaFilter by orthogonality at 7:14 PM on March 17, 2008

So there's this guy, you know.
And a bunch of people like him, so they tell each other and a religion is born.
Three hundred years later, when it can't have been at all distorted, they start to write it down.
But there's some stuff in there about Mary Magdelene being second in command, and nobody likes that so they cut it out.
And there's some stuff about Jesus not suffering, him being godlike and all. Because a load of Christians are suffering... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by seanyboy at 4:03 PM on March 16, 2008

I have a sincere question. Why is it considered wrong to wear socks with sandals. I hear this often, but do not understand it. Is it purely something of "style", meaning we have simply agreed that is wrong to do so.

Or is it something else. When one looks upon a person wearing sandals with socks does it actually have a biological effect that causes discomfort?

Maybe it is another possibility, such as there were people in the past who... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by LoopyG at 10:54 PM on March 12, 2008

Keep the cat. She's better off with you.

Only reason to put a note up, IMO, is to arrange to meet the previous owner. A quiet building site somewhere nice and private would be ideal, to enquire in detail as to why they had the cat declawed. Bring pliers.
posted to Ask Metafilter by aeschenkarnos at 12:03 AM on March 10, 2008 marked best answer

Imagine your mind is a TV show.

Say in an announcer voice "And now this!"

And then re-run The Kitten Show. They are so fluffy, and warm, and cute, with adorable tiny paws.
posted to Ask Metafilter by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:27 PM on March 4, 2008

We are just trying to get rid of these people and prevent them from coming to our town to solicit themselves for sex.

We're 85 comments deep already and nobody's really pointed out the sheer horror that this statement conveys.

We are just trying to get rid of these people

Do you know what "Christian" means? I've been amazed in my life how many people I've come across,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by allkindsoftime at 3:23 AM on March 4, 2008

Somewhere in a box at my mother's house, on a faded sheet of notebook paper twenty years old, Smallheart the Gnome removes his helmet and falls to a knobby knee.
posted to MetaFilter by Bookhouse at 10:30 AM on March 4, 2008

Women like sex, too!

Yes, all women like sex, every day, especially when it's mandated by the church so that any "headache" she might have will be regarded as a rejection of Christ. Yep, no problem there!

Jesus.
posted to MetaFilter by Sys Rq at 11:54 AM on February 27, 2008

I squint at the picture. I get nuthin'.

I look at it cross-eyed, hoping to see '3-D,' I get nuthin'.

I step back twenty paces from the monitor. I get nuthin'.

Damn. Time for a cocktail. I get sumthin'.
posted to MetaFilter by ericb at 2:10 PM on February 8, 2008

Prepare to accept death. To this end I recommend listening to "Don't Fear the Reaper" by BOC (the good BOC) at least once or twice a day and nodding along knowingly.
posted to Ask Metafilter by 1 at 7:15 AM on February 4, 2008

Maybe I'm being too literal minded, but I think this is an unanswerable question. Do audiobooks count as books? To whom?

There's no such thing as things that cosmically count. Counting isn't a law of physics. Things can only count to people. So what are you asking?

Are you asking if MOST people consider audiobooks to be books? If so, I suspect you're out of luck. I doubt there has been any sort of definitive survey.

Are... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by grumblebee at 5:03 PM on February 2, 2008

You know what? Giving marijuana to dogs is just wrong. Dogs are not stoners.

Dogs are boozers, that's why I only give mine bourbon. And occasionally heroin, but only when he needs the edge taken off.

The cats are all meth freaks and the birds are getting heavy into psilocybin. That's another story I don't even want to get into right now.

But don't give pot to dogs, it's not nice. Pot is for bunnies. They know how to do the whole 'munchies' thing.
posted to MetaTalk by quin at 5:04 PM on May 30, 2007

Sometimes, we have contractions, and other times, we don't.

Like fitness and beauty articles, sexuality articles in magazines exist mainly to give freelance writers something to do. Sex advice articles in women's magazines such as Cosmo have rehashed the same material every month since the early eighties, and seem always to culminate in "Stick your thumb up his bum! He'll love you for it!"

I suspect that bored freelance writers for... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by freshwater_pr0n at 10:40 PM on January 29, 2008

Take a week off, or if you can't take a week, take the time you're away from work, and dedicate yourself to her and her alone for a week.

Talk about the things she likes to talk about. Show true interest - meaning ask lots of questions and be prepared to listen to a lot of answers. Even if the subjects don't interest you, how your girlfriend (congrats on getting back together) moves through the times/stories/events should, if you care about her.... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by cashman at 10:04 AM on January 28, 2008

It's for all the stuff that's not a part of the team.
posted to Ask Metafilter by iamkimiam at 7:03 PM on January 25, 2008

A few words about a death being ruled a suicide:

I had a dinner with a coroner a few weeks ago and the subject of suicide came up. I asked him why so many deaths that obviously seemed like suicide were ruled "accidental." Apparently, the burden of proof is very very high on suicides. A lot of the reason is that insurance pays on accidents, but not on suicides. If a coroner rules a death a suicide, the family can contest it in court and the coroner's case has to... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ColdChef at 8:34 PM on January 22, 2008

Pretend to be a time traveler.

And striking up random conversations is not a bad idea. I'm pretty shy, but talking to people is usually rewarding, in my experience.
posted to Ask Metafilter by kidbritish at 9:03 AM on January 14, 2008

Pinker is a political liberal. As are many evolutionary psychologists. He has one of the most feminist girlfriends you can imagine-- Rebecca Goldstein, author of The Mind/Body Problem, which is, amongst other things, about the difficulty smart women have in dating life.

What people miss about evolutionary psychologists is the naturalistic fallacy-- in other words, they aren't saying that what is is what ought to be. In fact, they are saying that only by... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Maias at 7:03 PM on January 13, 2008

grouse And what many evolutionary psychologists miss is the adaptionist fallacy—in other words even if you can verify that something is biological in nature, it's not necessarily a product of natural selection, and it doesn't necessarily have a fitness advantage over alternative traits. Of course, frequently the evolutionary psychologists don't bother to find the evidence that some psychological trait has a biological (rather than cultural) nature.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by aeschenkarnos at 10:09 PM on January 13, 2008