Obama who "who "talks one way in Scranton and another way in San Francisco."

She probably doesn't realise that one needs a certain flexibility of approach if one is trying to address an electorate of more than five thousand people.
posted to MetaFilter by Grangousier at 4:40 PM on September 5, 2008

This post is gonna jump the fuckin' gorge like Evel Knievel on trucker speed.
posted to MetaFilter by boo_radley at 2:53 PM on September 4, 2008

This is a great example of someone sounding so irritating, so smug, and so egocentric that, despite being completely on the right side of the issue, he actually makes the other side, which is demonstratively wrong and basically evil, sound better by comparison.

I call it "Cory Doctorow Syndrome"
posted to MetaFilter by Damn That Television at 8:43 AM on September 3, 2008

 8 Million Ways to Die
+ 100 Ways To Murder Your Wife
_________

8 Million 100 Ways to Murder Your Wife To Die
posted to MetaFilter by not_on_display at 2:07 PM on September 2, 2008

My Stepmother is an Alien vs. Predator

Dance 'Til Dawn of the Dead

Black Rain Man
posted to MetaFilter by Locative at 2:57 PM on September 2, 2008

The Hitachi Robo-Eagle is such a life-changer for many women, that the employees of our company have chosen to make a living distributing/supporting that one product. (for more info, see the web site in our profile)
posted to MetaFilter by UbuRoivas at 5:13 PM on August 30, 2008

our most wicked '80s fantasies

Staying up past nine and drinking pop on a weekday?
posted to MetaFilter by Alvy Ampersand at 7:17 PM on August 30, 2008

Seems the general consensus is that you should at least add a brief explanation to back up your reasoning for "No." You know, something like:

She wasn't 26, she was 19, but with legs like that it was hard to tell, I have to be honest. We met in this squalid little dive bar outside of Fort Worth, on her insistence. It was attached to a gas station and the only building within 20 miles, as far as I could tell. It even had those real swinging saloon doors on the... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by allkindsoftime at 8:46 AM on August 29, 2008

"The VPILF comment should stand on record. Maybe it should be sidebarred, even.
posted by Blazecock Pileon"

Dude, aren't you gay? Like, for men?

"if you can't see that, maybe you're not as liberal as you thought."

That's why I'm a registered independent. I can say and think whatever I want, because I don't give a fuck what you think. Hilary shits... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Eideteker at 4:30 PM on August 29, 2008

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
posted to MetaFilter by netbros at 9:24 PM on August 28, 2008

If you're going to be a one issue voter, opt-out email is one hell of a choice.
posted to MetaFilter by theclaw at 9:28 PM on August 28, 2008

This is ok by me, so long as the nearest air marshal is clearly marked so I can use him as a flotation device.

There will be a surcharge for this service.
posted to MetaFilter by Blazecock Pileon at 5:26 PM on August 28, 2008

A few wrench hits would have easily done the job.
posted to MetaFilter by archagon at 11:03 AM on August 21, 2008

Why are there still monkeys if humans evolved from monkeys?

I dunno. If Christianity supplanted Judaism, why are there still Jews?
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 1:24 PM on August 25, 2008

And, lo, Jesus and the disciples walked down the path towards Nazareth, but lo, the trail was blocked by a gigantic brontosaurus.

And the disciples went running and screaming, "What a big fucking lizard!"

"I'm sure going to mention this in my book," said Luke.

"I’m sure going to mention this in my book," said Matthew.

"I’m not sure what I saw," said Thomas.
posted to MetaFilter by Cool Papa Bell at 1:58 PM on August 25, 2008

I remember the day the feminists came for my balls.

I knew it was going to happen. When we elected Hillary Clinton president in 2008, she filled the Excecutive Branch entirely with man hating, ferocious looking women who wrote the SCUM Manifesto into the constitution, outlawed all but butch/butch porn, and imposed a curfew -- every man must be at home with their doors locked by 10 pm, which is the moment when women would take back the streets, mostly for softball games.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 8:48 AM on August 25, 2008

She's got a hell of a downstairs though.

Don't bother; I'll punch myself in the face.





Ow.
posted to MetaTalk by Astro Zombie at 6:18 PM on August 24, 2008

Guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I've got a problem! One day I feel like I'm a teepee, the next day I fee like I'm a wigwam. Teepee! Wigwam! Teepee! Wigwam!"
The Doctor says, "Relax! You're two tents!"
posted to MetaTalk by horsemuth at 6:25 PM on August 24, 2008

"Where the world comes, together."
"World's fastest man indeed."
"Officer I swear, her country said she was 16!"
posted to MetaFilter by Alvy Ampersand at 8:06 PM on August 23, 2008

When I first read this, I wanted to know what your cultural background was. I totally identified with this question because I am Chinese too.

They were totally being nosy under the guise of doing some heavy labor for you. But aren't you used to this by now? Nearly everything my parents do for me is at a price.

"Let me bring you this giant bag of rice and these towels I bought for you because I know you like egyptian cotton and it was on... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by spec80 at 7:14 PM on August 22, 2008

Or maybe they're called sorcerers. Whatev.

I believe the term is "necromancers."
posted to MetaFilter by nasreddin at 11:23 PM on August 22, 2008

Biden, Biden, he's our man
At least he won't invade Iran
posted to MetaFilter by mosk at 12:42 AM on August 23, 2008

By putting attention on actual wealth, the fact that Obama earned his mansion by being smart and writing well is going to get put up against the fact that McCain got his 7-10 mansions by cheating on his first wife who waited on him for years during the war but then got disfigured in a car accident and then divorcing her and marrying wealth.

McCain is so old his first wife crashed into a TELEGRAPH POLE.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by inigo2 at 5:48 AM on August 22, 2008

Still can't wait for the era where animating humans gets up to 99.9% and only highly trained experts can tell what's real or not in videos. I wish it would hurry up cause I'd be one of those cool science fiction novel guys who is the only one who can tell what is real.

And the plot would revolve around me starting to doubt my abilities.

It will be called FACETELLER.
posted to MetaFilter by Mister Cheese at 4:02 PM on August 19, 2008

People always fail to talk about how bad Space Stalin is.
posted to MetaTalk by Artw at 1:09 PM on August 19, 2008

"Someone on Metafilter is calling you a genius," my wife calls from the office.

"S'bout time," I say, flicking the switch on the coffeemaker up and down a few times. Why did I think opening a second bottle on a work night was a good idea. Some genius.

"You should go thank them," she says as she comes into the kitchen.

"Why?" Ah. That's it. Coffeemakers need to be plugged... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by robocop is bleeding at 4:43 AM on August 18, 2008

Rich and I were walking down the street today. A guy leans out of a pickup truck and yells directly at me, "You're a fucking douchebag!".

I stopped and stared. Rich looks at me.

"Do you know that guy?"

"Nope"

"Lucky guess, then?"

"Yep"

Swear to God.
posted to MetaTalk by stubby phillips at 7:40 PM on July 3, 2008

An old lady gets on a bus. She sits in the only available seat, next to two guys with thick accents. She can't help but overhear the conversation:

"Emma comes first. Then I come, by two asses. Next, I come again, with the two asses. Then, I come and pee twice. In the end, I come all alone."

The woman turns around, having heard enough. "Young man," she screams, "this is a public bus and I am dignified lady and I have no... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by 23skidoo at 3:38 PM on June 26, 2007

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

The teacher smiles and says, "All right, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by jtfowl0 at 3:45 PM on June 26, 2007

An old man at church told my wife this ditty:

Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: Ugly sheep!
posted to Ask Metafilter by JMOZ at 9:14 PM on June 26, 2007

There would not be enough marijuana on the planet for everyone to get as high as you are right now.
posted to Ask Metafilter by emelenjr at 4:28 AM on September 4, 2007

This is not what Metatalk is f—

Oh. You.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 11:27 AM on May 9, 2007

He's an idiot, but that doesn't mean he's a pedophile.

As someone who just took a ride in an elevator without remembering to choose a floor, I am very relieved to hear this.
posted to MetaTalk by mullacc at 4:51 PM on May 15, 2008

areola51: hey you
GreyGhost: sup
areola51: that was amazing, i can't wait to see you again
GreyGhost: Yeah I'm pretty busy these days
areola51: u said we could go to pottery barn
GreyGhost: wtf are we going to get at pottery barn?
areola51: something for your spaceship, I don't know
GreyGhost: Listen about that, it kind of freaks me out that you left a toothbrush in my bathroom
areola51: y???... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Stan Chin at 10:10 PM on June 27, 2007

grocery store, or BevMo, or Trader Joe's, etc

Weed from the corner bottleshop: The weed is all quite potent, but a bit dry. You can buy as little as a $1 spliff or as much as an eighth, but at all levels it's too expensive unless everything else is closed or you don't really want to walk very far. However, finally you can get a Rockstar, a hip flask of vodka, a blunt wrap or pack of papers and and a few nugs all in one purchase.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by loquacious at 3:43 PM on July 1, 2008

These are great. My personal favorite master of the witty retort is F. E. Smith, 1st Earl of Birkenhead. He was a legendary barrister who fired off amazing retorts in open court.

Examples:

Judge: What do you suppose that I am on the bench for, Mr. Smith?
Smith: It is not for me to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.
__________

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by dios at 12:10 PM on March 3, 2008

A lot of this kind of talk basically amounts to the following:

Q: You like sex? You are a person who likes the sex acts that we are currently engaged in?
A: Yes! I am! I like sex!
Q: You like sex! In fact, you are a person who likes sex as much as a prostitute likes sex!
A: YES I LIKE SEXY SEX AS IF IT WERE MY PROFESSION!! TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT
Q: YOU ENJOY THIS ACT YOU SEXY SEX PERSON etc.

So,... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by lemuria at 5:43 PM on April 4, 2007

How, exactly, do we all know this? (NB: honest question)
posted by MarshallPoe at 11:54 AM on August 8

Because at this stage in history, all conflicts are over scarce resources. The ascendance of China and India more than doubles the number of people competing for the resources that 15 years ago were consumed primarily by North Americans, Europeans, and the Japanese.

Oil and energy are not the only resources.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Pastabagel at 9:39 AM on August 8, 2008

Alright, guess I gotta be the one to transcribe this shit:



Punch 'em in the dick
(What)
Punch 'em in the dick
(What)
Fuckers talk shit
I'ma punch 'em in the dick
(Bow!)
Punch 'em in the diiiiick
Punch 'em in the diiiiick
Motherfuckers talk shit
I'ma punch 'em in the dick

Yo look at that... [more]
posted to MeFi Music by dgaicun at 8:31 AM on August 5, 2008

TEXT "DICK" TO 888-METAFILTER TO GET THIS RINGTONE!!!
posted to MeFi Music by Demogorgon at 3:42 PM on August 5, 2008

But it's perception that matters.

I'm sure much of what you say accurately reflects the way a lot of people feel. However, what do you propose we do about it? Should people who have careers in these fields that generate resentment (and that you apparently disdain), or the students who enjoy things like CEDA, and who can only find these crack-head dressed professors who are willing to coach / chaperon them, be told "Sorry, none for you?"... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by shen1138 at 3:29 PM on August 14, 2008

Ortho, I don't think you'd make it as a debater; you'd get dropped like a hot potato in every round. This is a classic case of failing to extend your arguments from the 1NC and not identifying voting issues in the 2NR. My flow is all over the place! If you're going to argue performative contradiction, you need to impact that out way better. You dropped your Joe Sixpack disad and your Allan Bloom Kritik in the 1NR, which means that I can only vote for the affirmative--you can't introduce the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by nasreddin at 6:11 PM on August 14, 2008

Note to Orthogonality: Do not poke the post-structuralist debaters. They are full of wasps.

They are also full of cruelty, microwaved dinners, and oleaginous globules of pure death: having elected George W. Bush and wrecked the American economy, they're now intent on far more ambitious terrors. As we speak, an adjunct lecturer in comparative literature in the evening program at Long Beach State - perhaps a touch weary from his two-hour commute from... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by dyoneo at 6:37 PM on August 14, 2008

No, he suspects, not unreasonably in my experience, that other people misunderstand the contrapositive.

Seriously. Even with typical active use, I think there's like an 8% per annum preganancy rate.
posted to MetaTalk by cortex at 3:44 PM on August 13, 2008

*then rereads it in slow motion from three different angles*
posted to MetaFilter by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:18 AM on August 13, 2008

Meh. I'm waiting for brain microchips and then I'll have my very own president.
posted to MetaFilter by Brandon Blatcher at 7:54 AM on August 13, 2008

One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into an incredibly hot chick.
posted to MetaFilter by languagehat at 5:00 PM on August 10, 2008

Chances are 100% you'll die. Sorry.
posted to MetaFilter by Artw at 5:51 PM on August 10, 2008

I can imagine the discussion that led up to the ban.

Child: "I want something exciting! And a toy! And some chocolate!".

CPSC [wagging finger sternly]: "But that's three wishes in one... it's just not possible".
posted to MetaFilter by greycap at 1:18 AM on August 9, 2008

Amusing. One night in an American jail and those hip gangster wannabes won't feel so badass.

I suppose French jails are full of intense beret wearing intellectuals drinking absinthe and discussing Sartre.
posted to MetaFilter by mattoxic at 6:36 AM on May 4, 2008