Favorites from melissa

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Ask MeFi post: How to support someone who is dying
This is too broad of a question, because it makes a huge difference if this is your parent or your child or your friend, or someone inside your household or outside of it, and if you're in the same city or across the country/world, or if they're actively dying in the short-term, or in a long-term decline. Is this person old, and their death is the end of a life well lived? Are they young and/or is the death going to be a shock? Is there a lot of unfinished business?... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by BlahLaLa at 3:00 PM on November 11, 2022 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: Wretchedly retch-averse and movie-watching
This is one of the categories of Does the Dog Die
posted to Ask MetaFilter by supercres at 9:26 AM on October 20, 2022 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: Peter not available to rob until next week: short term cash
If I was your friend I'd rather you came to me instead of pawning something or going to a predatory cash lending place.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by cooker girl at 2:50 PM on June 18, 2022
Ask MeFi post: A Weird Thing My Drunk Canadian Mother used to say.
I don't think I've posted here for 10 years.

Man.

You fuckers do not disappoint.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by timsteil at 11:50 AM on May 21, 2022
Ask MeFi post: Burnt out working mom about to make a change - how do I do this?
You’re keeping your head down so much your are drowning. What happens if you tell them you have too much work and you’re exhausted? What happens if you tell them “no” when someone leaves and they shift work to you?

You are in an excellent negotiating position: you’re a good employee in a place where people have been leaving. Why not try to make it better? The worse case scenario is that that fire you, which seems unlIkely, and would also get you where you want to be... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bluedaisy at 4:32 PM on May 15, 2022
My advice is to keep working but move to lower stress job. I know someone very successful who took about 3 years off when her second child was born. She landed in a great job after, but she was completely out of touch with our fast moving industry, and seemed to have forgotten workplace norms, to the extent that she flailed a lot, did not receive respect from her bosses or peers, and is still just trudging along.

Your toddler who is always sick in daycare -- how long... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by redlines at 8:41 AM on May 16, 2022
Also, maybe you could take a 2-3 week vacation. ALL BY YOURSELF. Tell your hubby you expect to come home to a clean house and children who have been fed a vegetable daily and given a bath bi-weekly, tell your job you're offline and don't bring your laptop. Just go do you.

Your trip has to be at least 2 weeks - long enough that both work and home life re-adjust without you to some extent.

I took a 2 week work trip when my kid was a toddler and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nouvelle-personne at 9:51 AM on May 15, 2022
Ask MeFi post: Motherhood filter: bring the dispreferred parent
Advise from someone with two daughters in their thirties. This does not make me an expert, just a grey-haired wise old crone. YMMV.

You will never know if you are really doing the parenting right until the kids are grown up and you can see how they turn out.
Hint: the fact that you are concerned is evidence that you are a good parent, you see raising a healthy well-adjusted human as a work in progress, and that you are willing and able to adjust your skills... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by TrishaU at 5:15 PM on December 31, 2021
Ask MeFi post: Cooking class without an oven or stove
Can you get a bunsen burner or borrow a camping stove? I still remember my middle school cooking class where we made egg drop soup. Dropping the egg into the broth and seeing ribbons was MAGICAL.

(I wonder if that could work with a microwaved broth?)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by DarlingBri at 7:18 AM on September 1, 2021
MetaTalk post: A jolly splendid place to express displeasure at fucking everything
My 8 year old niece told me about a dream she had, about an old woman holding a blue ball in her hands, turning it over and over, and crying. My niece seemed very impacted by it but said she didn't know what it meant. I didn't have the heart to tell her my interpretation.

I wanted kids my whole life, and in the shower the other day I cradled my belly and spoke to my theoretical unborn children, comforting them that I would keep them safe by never bringing them to be.... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by EarnestDeer at 5:32 PM on August 11, 2021
Ask MeFi post: My mom is sick, my phone is bricked, and FedEx is no help
Re: anxiety, you can also leave the book and just sit on your porch for a few hours and have emotions about your mom if that's what you need. It's a lot to process.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by aniola at 2:52 PM on July 25, 2021 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: Give me your subversive monogram suggestions NOW.
TCB (taking care (of) business)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by raccoon409 at 2:34 PM on December 17, 2020
Ask MeFi post: What are some common document formatting debates and/or mistakes?
One common mistake I see in document formatting is using Excel as a page-layout program. This is actually not so much a disease as a syndrome that takes many specific forms. They're all bad.

A best practice that is not widely used is stylesheets. Practical Typography (to which, +1 on that recommendation) does have a section on them; it's pretty far down, which suggests that it's an advanced or obscure topic, but it really should be regarded as the starting point for... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by adamrice at 8:31 AM on November 16, 2020 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: beautiful bath or beach towels
You can't get much more ethically made (or brighter beach towels) than Gudrun Sjoden.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by BostonTerrier at 5:25 AM on July 8, 2020
Ask MeFi post: Decades of workaholism, how do I find my way back?
This year may end up weird on a lot of people's resumes. If you decide to resign it may be slightly easier to explain, e.g., family member needed care even if in this case it's you.

I think the current time is making a lot of people reevaluate their life and try to find ways to make it more like something they want to call theirs.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by typecloud at 8:46 AM on June 8, 2020
Ask MeFi post: Articles/anec-data dealing with COVID-19 working/parenting at home?
Short answer: yes, I feel this way.

Slightly longer answer with a important qualification: I felt this way before coronavirus too. I’ve struggled with balancing kids and work literally since my first kid was born three and a half years ago. I’ve had a few jobs since then, and at all of them, I felt like I was being evaluated negatively because I couldn’t give the same time others could, because I’d sometimes have to leave the office early to pick up a sick kid, or... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kevinbelt at 9:42 AM on April 20, 2020
Ask MeFi post: Love in the time of coronavirus
My partner got really pissy and angry and anxious right after the 2016 election, convinced by his social echo chamber that the sky was falling.

It manifested in being withdrawn and sullen with us, his family. Not able or willing to interact pleasantly; always silent and frowning.

I told him to knock it off. He couldn't control or change the result of the election, but he DID have enormous power over exactly one sphere: his home. We, his spouse... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by fingersandtoes at 10:06 AM on March 19, 2020
Ask MeFi post: How to deal with self-doubt/fear as a new freelancer
If you were to "work on building your business", what actions would you take? You are already doing the highest-probability action of working your network.

Assess how far you've gotten with these 7-8 potential clients. Have they discussed actual projects and they just need to get a contract in place to hire you, or are they highly speculative with no particular project in mind?

Some freelance businesses are at the mercy of their... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by cheesecake at 1:17 AM on March 7, 2020
The midnight "Uh-oh! What if..."s are normal - especially at first, if you've been used to getting a regular paycheck. It helps majorly to not get your back against the wall ("but I can't pay bills on 'I might have something for you someday'"). So have enough living expenses saved for the amount of time you're comfortable having no income - and double it. Count not only your day-to-day expenses but your quarterly tax estimates (are you in the US?), unforeseen car, home, and... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by TruncatedTiller at 12:56 PM on March 7, 2020
When I was building my business I was also suffering from tremendous personal loss. I was often immobilized by grief and self-doubt.

I am also a freelancer. I am also very hard on myself. For me, this has proved useful to the extent that the quality of my work is high, no matter how shitty I am feeling. That helped me in the long run though of course the personal price is high.

I am here to tell you it will get better. Success builds upon... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by 6thsense at 6:12 AM on March 7, 2020
Ask MeFi post: time tracking
Just an idea: when in a similar position a couple of years ago, I used a time tracking software that made screenshots of my desktop every X minutes. I could review or play back those screenshots whenever I had no idea where my day went.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by gakiko at 1:27 PM on January 31, 2019
Ask MeFi post: How do I finally recover from having mental breakdowns?
This will either speak strongly to you, or else not at all. If the latter, forgive me and please just ignore.

There are people (I'm one) who've endured long litanies of crazily disastrous external results. It can become so crazily excessive - so flagrant that it becomes quite apparent that some sort of lesson's being taught. That's the only explanation.

People on this track tend to be vigorous, eager people. It's never... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Quisp Lover at 10:22 AM on November 28, 2019 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: I recently was laid off and want to enjoy myself, what do I do?
I'm facing this myself and one thing I am keeping in mind is that, while a period of rest from the break-neck pace of this job will be welcomed, I also don't want to get myself too far off the career path.

The recharging period, without somewhat of a plan for re-entering the workforce, would make it much harder for me to relax.

I'm not talking about a concrete return date with a specific company but more a general, intentional approach to next... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Pomo at 12:57 PM on February 21, 2020
Ask MeFi post: Do antidepressants heal your brain and reduce risk of future depression?
I don't have any articles for you and I'm not a medical person, but I've taken antidepressants and Have Opinions About Them.

I think the ideal use case for antidepressants for chronic depression or anxiety is to reduce the lows enough so you can get functional enough to get into therapy and work on underlying issues and healthier thought patterns. Thinking healthier is something you need to be taught, or learn, and is not something you can count on happening... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bright flowers at 7:24 AM on February 20, 2020
If you're depressed for reasons, that is feelings about who you are in relation to others and the universe, these reasons aren't going to disappear because you take pills. Typically these emotions are unformulated or unthought about because they make you feel even worse. E.g. if you feel unlovable, all a pill can do is lower the volume on it. If that enables you to behave differently and thereby collect new evidence that contradicts and thus revises the feeling, it can have lasting effects... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Obscure Reference at 5:42 AM on February 20, 2020
Ask MeFi post: Sinking Ships take years to go under
I had a job where when I started there were six of us, and when I left I was the last one standing. To be honest, I really should have left that job long before I did, but hindsight is always 20/20. So I'm going to reply based on my experience - what I did, and what I should have done knowing the eventual outcome.

One big issue is the attitude from upper levels that things haven't changed and expectations stay the same.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ralan at 6:53 AM on February 8, 2020
Ask MeFi post: I'm sorry for your loss, AND...
Dear Niece,
I am so sorry for your loss and have been thinking of you and all the emotions and intensity you must have been experiencing during this whole experience. I remember when I lost (Person) it was a different situation but what stood out to me was that I felt such a swirl of complex and sometimes conflicting and confusing emotions that I found very overwhelming and hard to talk about, and I feel real empathy if you are experiencing this as well. You have dealt with this... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by nouvelle-personne at 12:33 PM on January 14, 2020
Ask MeFi post: What to eat on Christmas
Christmas dinner in our immigrant Chinese/american Caucasian household is about family togetherness so we don't have a prescribed rules about what counts as right or wrong. We'll make something that takes a little more effort and costs a bit more than a normal meal, but past that, no serious must haves (unlike Thanksgiving). As I am now raising a young toddler it's become more and more important to me to ensure he realizes that "immigrant food" is just as valid for holidays than... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Karaage at 7:18 PM on December 15, 2019
Ask MeFi post: Do I live only so that I may die?
Kurt Vonnegut's commentary on this matter always resonated with me:

“I work at home, and if I wanted to, I could have a computer right by my bed, and I’d never have to leave it. But I use a typewriter, and afterward I mark up the pages with a pencil. Then I call up this woman named Carol out in Woodstock and say, “Are you still doing typing?” Sure she is, and her husband is trying to track bluebirds out there and not having much luck, and so we chitchat back... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by whisk(e)y neat at 4:14 PM on November 11, 2019
When you think of someone who lived life well, who do you think of?

Then consider why?

Whether you’re religious or not, I also find some of the New Testament teachings instructive and radical in their simplicity—help and love others without worrying about yourself. Give of yourself—money, time, and talent—as much as you can stand, and then more. If you ask, What’s the point? Well, why not? We are living here together on this planet, what else are... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by sallybrown at 3:58 PM on November 11, 2019
Ask MeFi post: Should I write my boss this email before I quit?
In the mean time, take care of yourself. Don't work even one minute of overtime. Arrive late and leave early. Take a very long lunch and go to the gym or a long walk every day. Skip meetings or if you are in a meeting, keep your mouth shut and tune out of the politicking. You are doing them a favor. What can they do to you? Fire you?
posted to Ask MetaFilter by JackFlash at 10:33 AM on October 12, 2019
Ask MeFi post: Teach me how to infographic
What I would do is look at creativegraphics.com, which has a ton of infographic templates and graphic sets, pick one that seems close to the categories of information to be conveyed, with an aesthetic that seems congruent, fire up Illustrator and get customizing.

Don't start from a bare artboard. Use the Force.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by zadcat at 1:30 PM on October 3, 2019
Ask MeFi post: How Do I Get A Sword On An Airplane?
Don't overthink. Bubble wrap. Sorted.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by turkeyphant at 4:03 PM on September 22, 2019
Ask MeFi post: Make My CRM Training Session Fun
How many people do you have, and do you know who is at each of those skill levels? Because breaking them into groups and giving them some kind of competitive task to do -- competition between the groups, help and support within each group -- can help make the training more interesting. And dividing people into groups is a good way to counteract the different skills levels, because you can have the more experienced people actively helping the less experienced people, which is good for both... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jacquilynne at 1:23 PM on August 21, 2019
Ask MeFi post: How does one 40+ yrs transition from web design into something adjacent?
Hot damn I would appreciate a project manager who was fluent in design and had more experience than me for guidance. Having a good manager to me is not about them being more skilled than I am, it's about understanding my problems and helping me fix them. It sounds like you'd make a fantastic leader for a team of creatives.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by moons in june at 8:49 PM on July 31, 2019
Ask MeFi post: Creative conference room name
Call it the Centrifuge. Y'all go around and around and sometimes discover shit.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by seanmpuckett at 1:15 PM on May 3, 2019
MetaTalk post: Farewell pjern.
He was a good Twitter-er.
posted to MetaTalk by wenestvedt at 6:43 PM on March 6, 2019
Ask MeFi post: Illness, anxiety, counselling, oh my.
Someone in my family had an early-onset dementing disorder and I've read a reasonable amount of serious papers (for a layperson) on the subject. Obviously I'm not a doctor, but this kind of episode is very much not characteristic of early-onset dementias. It was not characteristic of my family member and I have never read a paper which described episodes of transient global amnesia as an onset symptom - or indeed a symptom at all. I'm not a neurologist so I can't say "this could never... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Frowner at 3:41 PM on February 16, 2019 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: What did Freddie Mercury like to eat?
And, for the vegans:

I Want To Fake Brie
posted to Ask MetaFilter by zamboni at 3:40 AM on December 27, 2018
Ask MeFi post: Initiative Q sounds too good to be true, right?
Not merely will this list be used to justify VCs investing, it's also a hugely valuable list of grade-A gullible marks and rubes. You don't want to be on it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by scruss at 1:09 PM on October 30, 2018 marked best answer
Ask MeFi post: How did you find your passion?
Is there a difference between "discover your passion" and "discover what you want to do"?

I ask because I hear people talk about their Passion (with a capital P), as if everyone has one whether they know it or not. As it it's a special glowing ball inside each of us. Yet I see no evidence that this ball necessarily exists.

To me, it's more likely that we have things we like and things we dislike. A like becomes a passion when... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by grumblebee at 12:22 PM on September 4, 2008
Ask MeFi post: Selfie Regret
As a woman in my mid-40s, I want to see more selfies from my peers. People our age have lived online for 20+ years. It's our place too. Ignore your kids because what they said was mean.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kimberussell at 10:31 AM on September 8, 2018
Ask MeFi post: Management Filter: How to ask for project and task updates?
We have to send our boss a "15/5" every Friday afternoon. It should take 15 minutes for the employee to write, and 5 minutes for the manager to read. It's actually set as a scheduled calendar event for us.

1. What's going well? Any personal wins this week?
2. What challenges are you facing? Where are you stuck?
3. What were some great contributions made by other members of Marketing or the company?
4. What do you want to... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by radioamy at 11:41 AM on July 20, 2018
Ask MeFi post: Custom made bras?
REDDIT (of all places) has an amazing subreddit called /abrathatfits and they’re awesome bra wearing people. They can check the fit of a bra and describe other brands and styles that might help get a better fit. (For instance, among other things, I learned that I need a narrow gore. So reading reviews of bras that are described as wide gores indicates to me that I can skip trying that one on.)
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bilabial at 5:05 PM on April 26, 2018
Ask MeFi post: 2 Moms and 2 Daughters in NYC
My mind was pretty well blown by the American Girl Place when I was there and I was 18.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ChuraChura at 2:31 PM on April 27, 2018
Ask MeFi post: Why is most work advice online so terrible?
A couple of things:

First, a lot of personal advice is given by people who are either professionally trained to be objective (such as therapists), or have some exposure to people who have had such training. There's a critical mass of trained advice-givers from this perspective who, in the language of business, dominate the space. In the professional advice space, the opposite is true. Almost all are trained as HR people, which by definition sides with the company. Few... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kevinbelt at 6:52 PM on March 18, 2018
I don't have an answer but I do think this is a very good question -- also, how do we expect people to be models of self-empowerment in their private lives when they're supposed to spend 8 hours a day in absolute servility? It's a bizarre concept.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by kingdead at 6:23 AM on March 16, 2018
Ask MeFi post: A possible employer praised my work but I can't say I did it. What now?
"I noticed that on FaceBook you praised some work from BGC while I worked there. Everyone at BGC works under a really strict non-disclosure agreement, so I can't say anything as to the authorship of that particular piece. But I have a number of samples that I'd love to show you that I think you'd find equally interesting."
posted to Ask MetaFilter by ubiquity at 7:40 AM on November 17, 2017
Ask MeFi post: How do I not wimp out of therapy?
Are you worthy?

Imagine that someone you loved with all your heart - maybe even a kid - came up to you and said "I'm so sad. All the time. For almost as long as I can remember. But I'm not worthwhile enough to get help."

Would you agree with that statement? Or would you pull out every bit of love you have in your heart to convince them that they *are* worthwhile, and that they *deserve* to be helped.

Can... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jasper411 at 1:39 PM on November 6, 2017
Ask MeFi post: The opposite of presenteeism is...absenteeism?
You keep saying you feel guilty for taking this much time off, and it's a privileged stand against presenteeism...except you aren't actually taking time off. You're still working eight hour days--you're just doing it from home so you don't get other people sick.

Your meter is broken for what's normal around taking sick days. It's possible your workplace's meter is broken too. But yours definitely is! You should be resting and recovering. Taking a sick day does not mean... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:19 AM on October 20, 2017
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