THIS IS ALL KINDS OF AWESOMENESS
posted to MetaTalk by scottreynen at 9:57 PM on October 14, 2008

Are you a bad enough dude to vote for the president?
posted to MetaFilter by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 9:31 AM on October 14, 2008

Ha, you don't think preventing convicted felons from voting is important? I dare you to think the same way after reading this completely true story:

It was 3 AM and a young man dressed in black skulked outside of a normal middle-class home. As he adjusted his ski mask, he thought to himself "Boy, this is a great idea! Through thievery, I can exchange goods that don't belong to me for money, which I can then use to purchase drugs and pornography!... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by burnmp3s at 3:41 PM on October 8, 2008

So he bludgeoned some lizards and then he fed the croc. "Excitable boy," they all said.
posted to MetaFilter by adipocere at 10:36 AM on October 3, 2008

No. You're not only not going to do that viral astroturfing shit here, I forbid you from doing it anywhere. This is now the seventh time (I've been keeping track) that I've heard the republican spin that the housing crisis is caused by Hispanics/black/minorities/poor. A memo must have gone out the night Paulson proposed the plan because jowly white douchebags from all over are all simultaneously on board with the same talking points.

Let me be perfectly clear. It is... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Pastabagel at 8:39 AM on September 30, 2008

The shortage of women is one of those things
with which I'm not terribly pleased
It's tricky that I,a modern viking guy
Has a girlfriend just up to my knees

Should I escape, to pillage and rape
To Normandy or to Darjeeling?
Or should I stay, and try to assay
The sensual practice of kneeling?

A viking's duty is to travel the seas
and see lessons in looting are... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Sparx at 3:01 AM on September 30, 2008

Q: How can I help deal with the financial crisis?

Your selflessness brings a tear to my eye. Here some simple things everyone can do:

1. Obviously, you should take the day off of work or school. Country first!

2. If you happen to live in New York and see a guy in a suit at the bar or on the subway in the middle of the day, he's probably a laid off banker that is hiding his joblessness from his wife. You should try to be... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by milkrate at 9:31 AM on September 25, 2008

Tell my wife I said: Hello
posted to MetaFilter by Smedleyman at 11:17 AM on September 9, 2008

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't reommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by scarabic at 6:27 PM on June 13, 2004 marked best answer

Alright, guess I gotta be the one to transcribe this shit:



Punch 'em in the dick
(What)
Punch 'em in the dick
(What)
Fuckers talk shit
I'ma punch 'em in the dick
(Bow!)
Punch 'em in the diiiiick
Punch 'em in the diiiiick
Motherfuckers talk shit
I'ma punch 'em in the dick

Yo look at that... [more]
posted to MeFi Music by dgaicun at 8:31 AM on August 5, 2008

The thing about this blog is that it neglects the whole "Obama" phenomenon. How will this affect my taxes?

I know this is supposed to be a website for grownups, but I can see you there. Yeah, you. You know I'm talking to you. I'm on to you, kid. I know your dad walked away from the monitor for a sec to go polish his Ajax or tweak some CSS, and you thought you might get a quick look at some pictures of frogs having sex or something. It's all right, though,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Greg Nog at 10:44 AM on August 26, 2008

Speaking purely as a layman, it's my personal observation that most men have an emotional range from 20x to 100x what is socially acceptable in day to day American society. The last thing Ms. Anonyomous wants from Mr. Anonymous is "open communication." She really doesn't want to see his mad face, much less his rant face, to say nothing of the faces that enable men to kill elephants for sport, or butcher whales, or invent suicide bombing as a... [more]
posted to Ask Metafilter by paulsc at 8:28 PM on June 4, 2007

I'm no fan of Gehry, but any article that starts out claiming that modernism is just like fascism because it's not as comfy as he would like, because it has some utopian ideals, and because it imposes itself on the public, is doing a huge disservice to people who have actually experienced fascism. I doubt very much the survivors of the Holocaust saw this leather chez longue and thought oh god, it's happening all over again.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Astro Zombie at 7:51 AM on August 21, 2008

I've heard Jon Bon Jovi tell the tale of getting shot through the heart many times, so I'm ready for another something'd through the something story.
posted to MetaFilter by kirkaracha at 3:20 PM on August 19, 2008

Grodd is going to be pissed.
posted to MetaFilter by robocop is bleeding at 8:25 AM on August 5, 2008

He jumped up on the table and shouted, "Anarchy!"
posted to MetaFilter by amro at 12:05 PM on July 14, 2008

Class of 2008, I was born the son of industrialist Ambrose Osborn in Hartford, Connecticut. Although I was a brilliant student in the fields of science, my alcoholic father lost control of his company, and turned on his family. Traumatized, I killed the family dog, considering it another mouth to feed.

In college, I studied chemistry and electrical engineering, and met my sweetheart Emily, got married, and eventually had a son, Harry. I co-founded a major firm with Dr.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by ND¢ at 10:53 AM on July 10, 2008

Wait. You don't own a TV?! Oh my god. You should totally mention that whenever possible.
posted to MetaFilter by milarepa at 9:58 AM on June 26, 2008

Boooo! Yay!
/ \ / \

\O/\O/\O/ Guns For Everyone! O O O
|\O/\O/O/ / O|\O|O|\O
/ \| | \O/ -|-/|O|\/|\
/ \/ \ | \O/ / \ /|\ / \
/ \ | / \
/... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by rusty at 11:48 AM on June 26, 2008

Based on that sentence, I thought this story was going to go in a completely different direction than it did.

Same here. And given that it's New England, my first thought was, "Dagon!"
posted to MetaFilter by lord_wolf at 2:36 PM on June 19, 2008

You know, I can almost tell the gender of the responders, regardless of name, by your responses. You can quibble over laws, privacy, exact square footage and amount of curtain that entitles one to not be videotaped, but all I have to say is; douchebags like this are what women put up with all the time.

Up-skirt photographers, subway oglers/gropers/harassers, driveby idiots, they all have one thing in common; they see women as there for their use and disposal. If they... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by emjaybee at 3:39 PM on June 12, 2008

I think people who think that never really "got" Buffy, to be honest.

I "got" it; I just thought it was stupid. People can try and argue all day long that season six is more "mature" than season three. Apparently, maturity means having a worse cast (season three has Seth Green, Cordelia, the Mayor, an entire season worth of Giles, Angel -- only Anya gives any weight to the season six side of the scale) and replacing the... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Bookhouse at 7:32 AM on June 3, 2008

Many years ago, when my summer job was as a radio station DJ, I got the dregs of the shifts, being a high school kid who got what was left after the lifers who gobbled up the morning and drive-time shifts. This usually meant I was working the late Saturday afternoon shift and the whole broadcast day on Sunday. This also meant I had to run the weekly religious broadcasts for the local pentecostal church.

Now, I never attended one of their church services, in spite of... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by 1f2frfbf at 10:17 AM on May 19, 2008

So he took someone else's photos and essentially hid them for 60 years, so that they could have no effect on the aftermath of the second world war, the cold war, or US nuclear weapons policy? What an asshole.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 3:17 PM on May 5

"We will export death and violence to the four corners of the earth in defense of our great nation."
- undisclosed CIA/Special Forces operative, Afghanistan,... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Pastabagel at 12:50 PM on May 5, 2008

"I know, I gave you a black name! I still thought I made it up," she told me, some time before her final illness.

"But it's been GOOD FOR YOU!" she announced. And then she smiled, satisfied.

Now, where have I heard this story before? Oh, yeah.

MY NAME IS SUE!! HOW DO YOU DO?!?
posted to MetaFilter by yhbc at 9:31 AM on April 24, 2008

The Call of Cthulhu, a well-made "silent" version of the story, is very atmospheric and captures the feel of the original story. I'm looking forward to their upcoming production of The Whisperer in Darkness.
posted to Ask Metafilter by SPrintF at 10:49 PM on April 21, 2008

COBRA! - If you woke up from your dream with an awesome idea for a play about a play involving a king in yellow you can save it – I’ve seen that play and it was RUBBISH.
posted to MetaTalk by Artw at 10:11 AM on March 31, 2008

I've been outside. It's overrrated.

Traditionally Outside receives extremely high ratings by those who like to see others play it, and these people are in many cases comfortably ensconced Inside themselves. Outside was released many years ago, it was in fact the first massively multiplayer game, and yet it has always managed to avoid the double-edged Retro tag. In its favor, continual user updates have kept Outside current; there are always new things... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by aeschenkarnos at 4:19 PM on March 30, 2008

Anthony Bourdain's own Les Halles cookbook is a pretty by-the-numbers traditional French bistro book. His recipes for, say, cassoulet, roast chicken or pot-au-feu are pretty much standard copies of traditional formulations little changed from those found in Patrica Wells' Bistro Cooking or The Gourmet Cookbook. The only difference, maybe, is that Bourdain includes recipes for heart, tongue and kidneys.

And I only say 'maybe' in that I don't have Bistro Cooking handy... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by bl1nk at 1:01 PM on March 25, 2008

In the sub-basement of what was once an industrial park, the server continued asking questions to the void. The network was long-gone--the ethernet cables vaporized right where they emerged to the surface--but this didn't stop the server. It had a queue.

The third wave of bombings had collapsed the ceiling, destroying almost all the other racks in the room, but the server remained. It was closest to the large metal cage that held the enormous emergency power supply. It... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by Ian A.T. at 5:20 AM on March 17, 2008

Look at that little shoeless smirking son of a bitch on that Jabba the Hutt beanbag. "Ha look at me ND¢, living in the world as it should be, sitting on my Jabba the Hutt beanbag. How's that chair working out for you? Doesn't look near as comfy as this Jabba the Hutt beanbag. Maybe later I will have sex with your mom on it!" Fuck you, you little bastard! How do I travel to your world?
posted to MetaFilter by ND¢ at 2:29 PM on March 12, 2008

I blame Bill Hicks.
posted to MetaFilter by Artw at 11:51 AM on March 3, 2008

If 500 people favorite this comment, I'll disable my account.
posted to MetaFilter by hermitosis at 3:54 PM on February 10, 2008

I'm not Christian, but I am fascinated by religion in general, and as much as I have disagreed with konolia on plenty points in the past, I think that the negative and intolerant attitude toward ALL religions really lowers the discourse here. The acid with which people choose to respond to anything that relates to religion never fails to disturb me, because it's obvious how much baggage people bring into those threads with them, causing them to behave very disrespectfully. It's boring,... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by hermitosis at 1:26 PM on February 17, 2008

what? it's been twelve days since he last wrote something here?

i spent a month offline in burma & nobody posted a metathread of "where's ubu?"

(Button room.) nasreddin: Now, listen, Cadet. I've got a JOB for you. See this button? (Ubu reaches for the button) DON'T TOUCH IT! It's the CLOSE ACCOUNT button, you FOOL!

UBU: So... what'll happen?

nasreddin: That's just IT! We... [more]
posted to MetaTalk by UbuRoivas at 5:48 AM on February 14, 2008

Thankfully, the trumpet player playing the “Wuh wuh wuhhhhhhhhh” sound effect did not destroy his own instrument.
posted to MetaFilter by bondcliff at 1:46 PM on February 13, 2008

*** EARTH PEOPLE

NEW YORK AND CALIFORNIA

EARTH PEOPLE

I WAS BORN ON JUPITER ***

posted to MetaFilter by nasreddin at 11:28 AM on February 7, 2008

I made you out of clay?
posted to MetaFilter by kcds at 9:35 AM on February 1, 2008

"I won't spoil it here, but it was the opposite of what I thought would happen."

The airplane remains on the runway and the conveyor belt soars majestically into the skies.
posted to MetaTalk by mr_crash_davis at 3:21 PM on January 30, 2008

"Ron Paul voters do."

Oh, I meant people who had finished high school.
posted to MetaFilter by klangklangston at 12:11 PM on January 30, 2008

I love the smiles on these people who have lost their house and (presumably) thousands in payments.
Eponysterical!
posted to MetaFilter by ShawnStruck at 1:07 PM on January 29, 2008

When you respond to trolls in the Heath Ledger thread, it just proves that you don't care enough about trolls who post in other threads at the same day, but unfairly escaped you attention because they're weren't trolling in the thread of someone famous. There are trolls making fun of people in Africa! There are trolls making fun of people who died in car crashes! But, in our celebrity obsessed culture, they just don't warrant mention, do they?
posted to MetaTalk by Astro Zombie at 9:01 AM on January 23, 2008

Wasn't aware MeFi was a popularity contest. Thank you for the heads up.

It's not a popularity contest, Zach, but it's not a who-can-be-the-biggest-asshole contest, either. There seems to be some confusion on this point; maybe the FAQ needs updating, I dunno.
posted to MetaFilter by kittens for breakfast at 3:19 PM on January 22, 2008

Why aren't y'all cracking wise about diabetics being emo and heart attack patients being whiny?

Because you can measure blood sugar and cholesterol levels with SCIENCE.
posted to MetaFilter by pieoverdone at 10:17 AM on January 15, 2008

Dollars to doughnuts: Indy will step on Lenin's tail, and Lenin's eyes will bug out cartoonishly.
posted to MetaFilter by CheeseburgerBrown at 10:27 AM on January 4, 2008

could they please bring me seltzer waters, in a high-ball glass, with a lime. And call it a Tom Collins. Or a Gin and Tonic if you prefer.

Wait a second... that's what Bruce Wayne does.

HOLY FUCK, I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE
posted to MetaFilter by Greg Nog at 9:43 AM on December 31, 2007

I got a letter from the government the other day. But all it said was that I still owe them for a parking ticket. So I paid it. I'm so ashamed.
posted to MetaFilter by The World Famous at 11:25 AM on December 5, 2007

Biker: I say we stomp the cat! Then we tattoo him! Then we hang him! And then we kill him!

Cat: (In tiny voice, though tight lips) I say we let him go.

ALL: No!
posted to MetaTalk by Astro Zombie at 1:25 PM on November 28, 2007

People kill lots more endangered birds than cats do.

If mean in terms of habitat encroachment? Sure.

But remember a BIG part of the impact of habitat loss IS the introduction of competitive and hostile species.

And in this case — the cat — has immense impact. There is nearly no such thing as "urban birding" anymore becuase most of the song bird populations have been eradicated by... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by tkchrist at 11:44 AM on November 14, 2007

Damn, the science is too tight.
posted to MetaFilter by dhammond at 9:57 PM on November 13, 2007