Terror from Beyond the Stars
October 28, 2016 10:28 AM   Subscribe

Classic Monster Horrorscopes by MeFi's The Whelk, who's previous spookiness spookiness includes Adult Beverages to Pair with Your Halloween Candy [via mefi projects]
posted by Artw (19 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
 
Excellent! I love the concordance. I understand that, due to the precession of the equinoxes, I am not actually Dracula but Laocoon.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:41 AM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Speaking as one of the several notable MeFites born in late September/early October, Mummy is far superior to Libra. Thank you. I had feared you were going to give us something reptilian (Godzilla/Black Lagoon/etc.) because... scales.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:44 AM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


As a Dracula, I approve of this.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:45 AM on October 28, 2016


I am NOT. NOT the Phantom.

I can tell reality from fantasy. I just don't want to.
posted by tel3path at 10:51 AM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Aquatic signs line up nicely.
posted by Artw at 10:55 AM on October 28, 2016


The Gill-Man is just lashing out lately (Facebook).
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 11:01 AM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


It's true, Horrorscope. I will show them all.
posted by tobascodagama at 11:01 AM on October 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


I've always been annoyed with the unnecessarily cutesy, oh-aren't-I-clever term "adult beverage." If you mean an alcoholic beverage, just say so. I am an adult, and therefore any beverage I drink is an adult beverage. You wouldn't call water or milk a child beverage.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:06 AM on October 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


The Gill-Man is just lashing out lately (Facebook).

Pretty accurate depiction of my mood this week TBH.
posted by Artw at 11:11 AM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Dorian Gray for the Scorpios, as if we didn't have enough complexes.
posted by HumanComplex at 11:24 AM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


York Peppermint Patty/Junior Mints – A Castilla y León that you can buy at a gas station.

Bullshit. You build a proper Mint Julip to adult-up the mint vibe
posted by Thorzdad at 11:43 AM on October 28, 2016


> You wouldn't call water or milk a child beverage.

Yeah, I dunno... depends on provenance, I guess.
posted by ardgedee at 12:07 PM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Excellent watercolor blood splats!
posted by ignignokt at 12:09 PM on October 28, 2016


I can't believe I'm not a Gill Man.
I'm going to ask for the horoscopical equivalent of a recount.
Or a recalculation.
Or I'll just keep on being a Gill Man, and fuck you guys.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 12:36 PM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Soda will always be an adult beverage after I saw two cans of Tab blow each other.
posted by dr_dank at 12:43 PM on October 28, 2016 [2 favorites]


Yes, I am totally a Victor Frankenstein. I would never have put it into words until now, but it comes as no surprise at all. (I mean, they even called me mad at the University!)
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:47 PM on October 28, 2016 [1 favorite]


Disappointed that my horrorscope failed to account for Yuggoth being in Retrograde right now.

The stars are not yet right, you might say.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:56 PM on October 28, 2016 [6 favorites]


Dammit I KNEW I was a Martian! I KNEW it!
posted by tspae at 3:10 PM on October 28, 2016


I dunno, as a Jekyll, I have little time for this medieval delusion gussied up with movie monsters. On the other hand, as a Hyde, I'm too busy contemplating murder in a basement club (watching Hammer clips and drinking dubious gin) to complain about the appriateness of my sign.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:17 AM on October 29, 2016 [3 favorites]


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