Coming to a newsstand near you...it's Gene Simmons' Tongue!

June 3, 2002 11:30 AM

Coming to a newsstand near you...it's Gene Simmons' Tongue! Yes, folks, I just caught this on the newsstand at the 59th and Lex "6" train. It's not a hoax... And, to continue the media onslaught, Gene's even got his own Osbourne's wannabe show... Where will the madness end?!
posted by metrocake (14 comments total)

Gene's got his own condoms now, too.
posted by GaelFC at 11:41 AM on June 3, 2002

: blink! : Well, speaking for myself, those would be incredibly effective as birth control. Because if I saw those in an intimate moment, sex just wouldn't happen.

"You want to what?! With those?! Bwahahahaha....."
posted by metrocake at 11:46 AM on June 3, 2002

There might be a market with young males who find Maxim and Details just a little too understated.
posted by Skot at 12:01 PM on June 3, 2002

YES!!! YES!!! YES!!

Phase 2 of my evil plan has begun...

Net comes Dee Snider's Hair and Brian Johnson's hat teaming up as news anchors!

The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers...
posted by jonmc at 12:07 PM on June 3, 2002

Nothing's more painful than seeing a washed-up celebrity try and force himself into the public eye. Gene, give it a rest - you were cool when I was 8 and you were the Scary Dragon Man, but get over it.
posted by solistrato at 12:24 PM on June 3, 2002

Nothing's more painful than seeing a washed-up celebrity

Dude, when the sjc action figure is released then you can talk about who's washed up.

Straightens KISS ARMY patch
posted by jonmc at 12:27 PM on June 3, 2002

But the condoms are tongue lubricated. Which is just so very wrong.
posted by jennyb at 12:47 PM on June 3, 2002

is it just me or on that homepage does Gene Simmons look like a flabbier version of The Rock?
posted by gwint at 1:02 PM on June 3, 2002

Well since Gene is so normally reserved and quiet, I think this could be a good thing for him. You know; help him get over his shyness around the media and all?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 1:28 PM on June 3, 2002

Wait -- are they tongue-lubricated, or is there *also* some of that special Kiss blood in there, like they did with the comic books?

Then again, that would be un-safe sex, no?!
posted by metrocake at 2:19 PM on June 3, 2002

I read this whole thread horribly mistaking Gene Simmons for Richard Simmons in my mind.
Richard Simmons has his own condoms line? So wrong! And what's this tongue business??
Ohhhhhh.
posted by bonheur at 3:30 PM on June 3, 2002

Next month's cover subject.
posted by dhartung at 5:23 PM on June 3, 2002

Net comes Dee Snider's Hair and Brian Johnson's hat teaming up as news anchors!

Dee's got the ins at MSNBC already. So really, you're at about phase 2.5 of your evil plan.
posted by macadamiaranch at 5:34 PM on June 3, 2002

So really, you're at about phase 2.5 of your evil plan.

........
posted by jonmc at 5:56 PM on June 3, 2002