I can feel it
October 11, 2002 5:21 AM   Subscribe

I can feel it shrivelling already. Could anything be better calculated to make environmentalists look humourless?
posted by alloneword (33 comments total)
 
So if you and your partner want to dress up and play "George Bush and Corporate America at the Earth Summit" or other S&M style games, agree on what's permissible and what's not up front.

I had to look several times to be sure I wasn't reading The Onion.
posted by Dr_Octavius at 5:27 AM on October 11, 2002


2. Passion for fruit? If you like to use produce to get the blood boiling, make sure it is GE-free. There have not been enough studies on genetically engineered foods to know what the effects on our diets will be, let alone the affects of using it for more intimate activities.

Oh my.
posted by stupidcomputernickname at 5:39 AM on October 11, 2002


number 9 is funny
posted by matteo at 6:03 AM on October 11, 2002


So it doesn't mention contraception at all. Is it possible to have non-exploititive condoms? Latex, lamb intestine, and PVC all have problems (unless there's a fair trade latex brand that someone knows of). Same prob with diaphragm and the cervical cap I think. The pill puts money into the pockets of big exploiting pharm companies. Did Greenpeace not want to bang the abstinence or rhythm method drums? Are there reliable eco-friendly contraceptives?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:14 AM on October 11, 2002


And they wonder why they're not taken seriously....
posted by mkelley at 6:15 AM on October 11, 2002


Leather and rubber are okay... uh, gotta go.
posted by Dick Paris at 6:20 AM on October 11, 2002


this is so deeply lame...it reminds me of that Simpsons where Marge and Lisa flee the oil spill cleanup effort after the dorky, bearded Greenpeace guy says, "OK everyone, let's head over to the communal tarp, we're having kelp burgers and then we'll watch a tape of Johnny Arvit, the Inuit comedian!"
posted by serafinapekkala at 6:26 AM on October 11, 2002


Maybe I'm just in a good mood on Friday, but I think it was intended to be funny, in the "we don't take ourselves too seriously" vein. Maybe, just maybe, we need to lighten up a little bit . . .
posted by kcmoryan at 6:26 AM on October 11, 2002


And they wonder why they're not taken seriously

- Me thinks there are more problems caused by taking oneself too seriously.
posted by johnnyboy at 6:32 AM on October 11, 2002


Are there reliable eco-friendly contraceptives

If they feel anything like eco-friendly toilet paper, I want them as far away from my body as possible.
posted by mkultra at 6:32 AM on October 11, 2002


If this was indeed meant to be satire, I found it poorly written. The Onion they ain't. Besides, we all know you're not suppossed to even use petroleum jelly as a sex lubricant, right?
posted by nofi at 6:38 AM on October 11, 2002


summary:

1. If you're going to have sex with a member of Greenpeace, turn the lights off.
2. Beware of fruit.
3. There's nothing more erotic than supporting sustainable community-based operations in the Amazon rainforest.
4. Don't stick your arse in weedkiller.
5. Don't do anything that needs lubricants.
6. No kinky stuff like PVC.
7. Share a bath instead.
8. No Spanking
9. "George Bush and Corporate America at the Earth Summit" is an acceptable role playing/fantasy game.
10. Bombing Iraq is not sexy.
posted by quarsan at 6:38 AM on October 11, 2002


mmmm. green sex.
posted by quonsar at 6:41 AM on October 11, 2002


I like number 7.
And I think kcmoryan is right. Just klik on the 'censored picture' NETHERLANDS-Red Light District

(yeah well, we aren't famous for our sence of humour, even if it's about sex)
posted by ginz at 6:44 AM on October 11, 2002


Hey PinkStainlessTail, you can always try lemons! Tastes great, less...er...filling.
posted by airgirl at 6:47 AM on October 11, 2002


So many horrible images, hard to choose just one.

5. Forget the fossil fuel based lubricants like petroleum jelly! Esso's screwing the planet, but you don't have to.

Shudder . ..
posted by jeremias at 6:55 AM on October 11, 2002


The other stuff is in my repertoire but: If you like to use produce to get the blood boiling? Anybody want to explain this to me? Am I (and the partner) missing out on some new hot sexual adventure because we didn't get our blood boiling with produce?

I'm imagining something along the lines of squishing tomatoes on my breasts...am I getting close?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:57 AM on October 11, 2002


Are there reliable eco-friendly contraceptives?
A vasectomy...

I thought the whole article was pretty funny.
posted by maurice at 6:57 AM on October 11, 2002


This is the most bizarre thing... Just what are they suggesting here? No wonder they need produce to get things going.
posted by taz at 6:59 AM on October 11, 2002


I'm with kcmoryan. It's meant to be satirical; I think #9 and the ape-arm are the clinchers. At this point it's looking like we're the ones without the sense of humour. Heh.
posted by hot soup girl at 7:08 AM on October 11, 2002


Secret life... do a search for sploshing...
posted by cyclopz at 7:09 AM on October 11, 2002


Cyclopz. Wow. I thought it was more like the scene in 9 1/2 Weeks. But, on second thought, I doubt they'd admit to watching Mickey Rourke, so you must be right.
posted by kcmoryan at 7:19 AM on October 11, 2002


I'm imagining something along the lines of squishing tomatoes on my breasts...am I getting close?

Err... start with cucumbers?
posted by RJ Reynolds at 7:24 AM on October 11, 2002


So it doesn't mention contraception at all. Is it possible to have non-exploititive condoms?

Don't know if you were serious or not, PST, but check out this site and condomi condoms. I'm not sure if condomi have been approved by the US authorities yet (last I heard they hadn't). Most vegans I know make an exception (and encourage others to do the same) when it comes to safe sex because it's just the right thing to do.
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:57 AM on October 11, 2002


Cool, Ufez. I found this article funny (laughable) but the ethical/eco/non-exploitive contraception question was serious.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:03 AM on October 11, 2002


Oh, I'm sure it was meant to be funny. I just didn't laugh.
posted by alloneword at 8:54 AM on October 11, 2002


Metafilter: I can feel it shrivelling already.
posted by PrinceValium at 8:54 AM on October 11, 2002


Metafilter: I can feel it shrivelling already.
posted by y2karl at 9:30 AM on October 11, 2002


y2karl.
heehee, nice link
posted by ginz at 10:12 AM on October 11, 2002


Yes, the sad thing is that it was meant to be funny. Reminds me of some feminists' attempts to prove that they were not humorless back in the '70s. (And I speak as a staunch feminist.)
posted by languagehat at 10:17 AM on October 11, 2002


and they wonder why some people call them "environmental wackos?"
posted by jasontromm at 11:34 AM on October 11, 2002


Oh, it could've been a lot worse ...
posted by Songdog at 12:47 PM on October 11, 2002


Are there reliable eco-friendly contraceptives?

Reminds me of this gem from the CMU opinion file:

"So tell me, how is using a sheep condom different than fucking one? Nope, sorry you can't screw a sheep, but if you kill it, and remove everything but the large intestine, that's ok. Riiight.''
posted by Wet Spot at 9:01 PM on October 11, 2002


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