Confessions of an Internet Loser
January 17, 2003 6:55 AM   Subscribe

Confessions of an Internet Loser. Sure, Michelle is not your average camgirl, but she can write brilliantly and humorously about her own struggle to be popular.
posted by samelborp (41 comments total)
 
Link me, plug me, sign my guestbook - I keep begging, but it's rarely happened to me. Internet icons just ignore me.
Maybe it's because you got your finger up your nose.
posted by cowboy at 6:59 AM on January 17, 2003


See, she looks cute to me. (not the nosepicking picture, but others.)
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:01 AM on January 17, 2003


Sounds like you've been recruited in her desperate drive for 'fame'.
posted by eas98 at 7:02 AM on January 17, 2003


Well congratulations Michelle, you've finally made it! You're on Metafilter! You're up there with Ellen Feiss and the goatse gentleman! Can I have your autograph?

ps: no offense, but isn't "confessions of an Internet loser" the OED definition for "weblog"?
posted by 111 at 7:05 AM on January 17, 2003


i dunno about michelle, but ya gotta love a guy someone who calls himself themself samelborp. blort could use a link contributor named samelborp. it just fits. :-)
posted by quonsar at 7:07 AM on January 17, 2003


Here's her wishlist , help her out...
posted by PenDevil at 7:08 AM on January 17, 2003


for some reason, this came to mind:

"you're only 16 15, you don't have a rep yet."
posted by grabbingsand at 7:11 AM on January 17, 2003


Actually, this isn't limited to camgirls. I can think of at least a handful of 'A list' bloggers who enjoy throwing their rattle about for the same egotistical reasons *g*

Face it, even MetaFilter is all about ego. "Wow, look, I said something really insightful!" But now I'm just falling down the same slippery slope, so I'm going to shut up :-)
posted by wackybrit at 7:22 AM on January 17, 2003


She's an Internet Loser because she uses the same small-point black Verdana typeface for her links as she does for other text.

Though: I'd hit it.
posted by dhoyt at 7:23 AM on January 17, 2003



posted by yhbc at 7:27 AM on January 17, 2003


I agree with yhbc.
posted by cowboy at 7:33 AM on January 17, 2003


i think he meant

posted by quonsar at 7:59 AM on January 17, 2003


I also think it was another bitter, not-so-well-known cam girl that said it seems like the popular girls only link the other popular girls. I can't say that's a fact, but it seems like it a lot of the time.

And, in a couple of words, she's just summed up all of my high-school "popular girls are really bi-curious at slumber parties" fantasies.
posted by thanotopsis at 8:01 AM on January 17, 2003


goatse gentleman

Ha!
posted by adampsyche at 8:02 AM on January 17, 2003


Thanks, quonsar.
posted by yhbc at 8:07 AM on January 17, 2003


God rest you goatse gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay,
Remember the Giver and Receiver
Were born for surfers' dismay,
To save us all from Satan's pow'r
When we were gone astray;

O tidings of discomfort and oi,
discomfort and oi,
O tidings of discomfort and oi.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:10 AM on January 17, 2003


The blog is like a half inch wide and runs along the right in Mozilla.
posted by adampsyche at 8:15 AM on January 17, 2003


ROFL stav!
posted by quonsar at 8:33 AM on January 17, 2003


Eeish... I bet she's a really big Dashboard Confessional fan.
posted by SweetJesus at 8:51 AM on January 17, 2003


I thought it was kind of interesting, if you read it not for what it is, but as a kind of unintentional bit of cultural anthropology. Someday all these people are going to grow up and you'll see a master's thesis in Sociology called "Camgirls: WTF is up w/ Them?"
posted by vraxoin at 9:29 AM on January 17, 2003


There's nothing wrong with Dashboard Confessional thanks. Their Unplugged album has been on regular rotation for me this week, and I'm 21 and not the emotional type. The guy just knows how to lay a tune. :-)
posted by wackybrit at 9:48 AM on January 17, 2003


Face it, even MetaFilter is all about ego. "Wow, look, I said something really insightful!" But now I'm just falling down the same slippery slope, so I'm going to shut up :-)

Metafilter: The New Slashdot! :P
posted by valerie at 10:10 AM on January 17, 2003


weird... I just read this article a few days ago while diving into boingboing and checking out their editors. (I have heard about the site many times but never dove in until the "Down and Out..." book hit.

This seems to be the (or one of the) articles claiming how Michelle is a pathetic excuse for a camgirl.
posted by futureproof at 10:19 AM on January 17, 2003


My favorite commentary on camgirl culture is Candy From Strangers.
posted by brownpau at 10:36 AM on January 17, 2003


There's nothing wrong with Dashboard Confessional thanks. Their Unplugged album has been on regular rotation for me this week, and I'm 21 and not the emotional type. The guy just knows how to lay a tune. :-)

No, there's something verrrrrrrrry wrong with the Dashboard Confessional. It's like that guy (Chris Canabaramada... whatever his last name is) has made a career out of fetishizing victimhood. His songs are almost the definition of cookie-cutter emo - mixture of acoustic and electric guitars, yelling/screaming of the courses, lyrics about being dumped and depressed. It's just such watered down derivative music from the kings of watered down derivative "emo" music, Vagrant Records. Saves the Day, Dashboard Confessional, The Get Up Kids, Hot Rod Circuit - They're all the same.

And on a more person note, I had the opportunity to meet Chris Canabaramada... a few months ago when the Dash came though with The Get Up Kids and performed where I go to school. I'm friends with the head of the entertainment committee, so I was able to get back stage after the show. The guy acts like a self important prick, refusing to talk directly to anyone who was involved with running the show ("Talk to my manager"), yelling at the student volunteer help, and generally acting like a self important prick. He acts like he's some sort of fucking superstar, and even fucking Bob Dylan acts nicer and more humble when he comes through.

So fuck The Dashboard Confessional.
posted by SweetJesus at 10:50 AM on January 17, 2003


"Okay, I gotta get this out before the splurge of hits stops coming. If you came here from Metafilter, I have a list of things I want you to do: bid on my eBay stuff, buy me something off of my wishlist, and donate a dollar to my college tuition."

I was gonna link to her, too.
posted by KiloHeavy at 10:59 AM on January 17, 2003


futureproff, great article.

SweetJesus, please make your own "I hate The Dashboard Confessional" thread!
posted by samelborp at 11:51 AM on January 17, 2003


That's weird, before coming here, I read the Onion's review of the Dashboard Confessional record. They use the phrase 'fetishization of victimhood', too.
posted by drobot at 12:17 PM on January 17, 2003


samelborp: No. This thread will do fine.

drobot: That's because I ripped that phrase off from them. It's a very apt description. I'd do it again too.
posted by SweetJesus at 12:26 PM on January 17, 2003


SweetJesus needs an Onion t-shirt.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:12 PM on January 17, 2003


a career out of fetishizing victimhood.

Gee, you really seem to know a lot of his songs.

His songs are almost the definition of cookie-cutter emo - mixture of acoustic and electric guitars, yelling/screaming of the courses, lyrics about being dumped and depressed.

Again, gee. You could say almost any band are 'cookie cutter' [something]. Greenday were 'cookie cutter' punk. Nirvana were 'cookie cutter' grunge. Please. Few bands totally redefine their genre or even add to it.
posted by wackybrit at 1:20 PM on January 17, 2003


Mr.MoonPie - I own something like that (similar phrase on the front) but it's not from the onion.

Gee, you really seem to know a lot of his songs.

Yup, I do. I knew of him when he used to sing for Further Seems Forever. I know he screwed his old bandmates and jumped ship to sing his watered down achey-breaky ballads and fuck teenage girls in his Audi.

Again, gee. You could say almost any band are 'cookie cutter' [something]. Greenday were 'cookie cutter' punk. Nirvana were 'cookie cutter' grunge. Please. Few bands totally redefine their genre or even add to it.

First off, you really cant call Nirvana cookie cutter grunge, considering they were instrumental to the creation of that whole grunge style. Sure they ripped off the Meat Puppets and the Pixies, but they put enough of their own spin on it to make it different and new. It becomes cookie-cutter once a popular style gets exploited for profit. You could call Candlebox a cookie cutter grunge band, in that sense.

Same goes for Green Day. Green Day had a long history of performing with punk acts back in the day at Gelman St in Berkeley. They were highly respected until they signed to Reprise and some of the community turned their collective backs on them. But Green Day was really the first to bring to punk to people watching MTV or listening to commercial radio (A much, much poppier version of punk, but true to punk roots). And after Green Day got big, the derivatives came in.

And yeah, that's how it goes. People rip other people off, and it becomes derivative. But sometimes these copy-cat bands have qualities that make them somewhat worthwhile. The Dash has absolutely no redeeming qualities. The song writing is juvenile, hackneyed and repetitive. It's just uninteresting. That and the fact that he and his ilk have taken a musical style that used to represent intelligence in hardcore music (emo used to stand for emotional hardcore), stripped it of everything interesting and sold out to the highest bidder. So fuck 'em.

I'll leave with one of my favorite quotes about The Dash. It's from a review - "Dashboard Confessional, with this sophomore album [The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most], continue making music for sensitive, gender-role-enlightened, bedwetting emo boys. I'm sure that doesn't apply to any of you who raised your hands at the beginning of this review. For someone to bare his soul so completely, so vulnerably, is a powerful, almost libido-like thing; it can't be sabotaged by insignificantsia like interesting song structures, original melodies or skill on the fretboard. It's from the heart, man. It doesn't need to be good." And it's not.

But that's just my 2 cents. I guess I'm too much of an Indie music snob for my own good, because I could argue about this sort of authenticity, or lack there of, in music, for days.
posted by SweetJesus at 2:12 PM on January 17, 2003


What the hell's a Dashboard Confessional and why is that fat girl picking her nose? Can't we just go back to talking about pancakes like in the good old days?
posted by Outlawyr at 2:12 PM on January 17, 2003


The Dashboard Confessional is this dude who used to be in a band called Further Seems Forever. He now spends his days penning songs about 8th grade romances, and getting dumped. I hear he crys alot.
posted by SweetJesus at 2:23 PM on January 17, 2003


Sorry this ended up a thread about Dashboard Confessional, but SweetJesus - your interpretations of the history of Nirvana, grunge, Green Day, and punk smack of somebody who clearly wasn't there. It's spelled 'Gilman' for crying out loud. And when you quote somebody, you should give them credit.
posted by drobot at 2:38 PM on January 17, 2003


tragic derailment. nice one, jesus.
posted by elphTeq at 2:43 PM on January 17, 2003


SweetJesus won't someone shut him up!!

Seriously, dude, you came across like an asshole to everyone who was reading this, get your own post, or just let it drop.
posted by jonson at 4:37 PM on January 17, 2003


The Dash has absolutely no redeeming qualities. The song writing is juvenile, hackneyed and repetitive. It's just uninteresting. <snip> I guess I'm too much of an Indie music snob for my own good

Maybe. I think there are two ways of looking at this, one which is absolute, and one which is relative. I was never into emo before listening to Dash, so I can't compare it to what came before. What's more.. I wouldn't want to. I prefer to take every act on its own merit rather than comparing it to other stuff.

You appear to have a more intellectual contact with the music, and a deeper musical background for you to make comparisons. Each to his own. I just like it on its own basis.

Seriously, dude, you came across like an asshole to everyone who was reading this,

I don't think SweetJesus comes across as an asshole compared to the average MeFite. If you think he does, you could try reading with a softer eye. He's just making his point in the best way he can.. as we all are.
posted by wackybrit at 5:46 PM on January 17, 2003


Sorry this ended up a thread about Dashboard Confessional, but SweetJesus - your interpretations of the history of Nirvana, grunge, Green Day, and punk smack of somebody who clearly wasn't there. It's spelled 'Gilman' for crying out loud. And when you quote somebody, you should give them credit.

I'm sorry I jacked a thread away from a lonely camgirl's plea for popularity and material possessions. It wasn't my intention, and for this I apologize.

My description of Nirvana, grunge, Green Day, punk etc is brief, but I don't think it's incorrect. And you're right when you say I wasn't there - I wasn't. But inorder to understand history one doesn't necessarily have to be around to experience it first hand. That's what books are for. And the quotes were from The Onion and Pitchforkmedia, respectively.

Maybe. I think there are two ways of looking at this, one which is absolute, and one which is relative. I was never into emo before listening to Dash, so I can't compare it to what came before. What's more.. I wouldn't want to. I prefer to take every act on its own merit rather than comparing it to other stuff.

You appear to have a more intellectual contact with the music, and a deeper musical background for you to make comparisons. Each to his own. I just like it on its own basis.


To each his own...

And I'm not attacking anyone personally here (with the exception of THE Dashboard Confessional, because I have first hand knowledge that he's a prick, so he deserves it - quod erat demonstrandum), but I also tend to judge people a lot by what they listen to. I also tend to go on tirades about music, and even though most people couldn't give two shits, I do. It's a magic button.

Seriously, dude, you came across like an asshole to everyone who was reading this, get your own post, or just let it drop.

Eh, whatever. Opinions are like assholes (look, I made a silly quasi-pun), and everyone has one. I'd quote the source on that, but I've misplaced the notebook where I copy down all the various quotations I plan to use. It's probably under the couch.
posted by SweetJesus at 6:28 PM on January 17, 2003


Heh. Poor camgirl can't even keep MeFi's attention in whole thread about her. In other news, 15 year old girl unhappy. Film at 11.

But stav, you have permanently destroyed that song for me now. And it was such a good one too. Nothing says "Holiday Fun" like a song about Satan's pow'r.
posted by rusty at 8:42 PM on January 17, 2003


She'll probably be really hot in about five years. After she grows up.

Not that that matters or anything.
posted by geekhorde at 1:02 AM on January 18, 2003


« Older So Let it Rain   |   Friday Timewaster Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments