Nocturnal Remission

November 16, 2003 1:40 PM

Oneirogmophobia...and you though you had problems.
posted by boost ventilator (25 comments total)

Oops. Thought. I done mistyped.
posted by boost ventilator at 1:42 PM on November 16, 2003

most oneirogmophobia therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear.

Ooooooooooooooooookayyyyyyyyy.

Aside: I know a lot of guys. None of them have ever admitted they've had a wet dream. Consequence of the sexual revolution??
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:42 PM on November 16, 2003

Fuck, I wish these people would give me theirs.
posted by Hildago at 1:51 PM on November 16, 2003

Its odd all the pictures on the site are of women. Are they implying that women have this disorder as well, or that you dream about women and thus exhibit the disorder? I mean, as far as I know, women show very little physiological evidence of a "wet dream."
posted by jopreacher at 2:00 PM on November 16, 2003

Hey, they have other ones, too.

But so long as the negative association is powerful enough, the unconscious mind thinks: "Ahh, this whole thing is clearly very dangerous. How do I keep myself from getting in this kind of situation again? I know, I'll attach terrible feelings to the great mole rat –– that way I'll steer clear in future and so be safe." Just like that Phobia of The Great Mole Rat is born.

Living with fear means you can never concentrate fully and give your best. Lost opportunities. Poor performance or grades. Promotions that pass you by. Fear of Fear of Peanut Butter Sticking to the Roof of the Mouth will likely cost you tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of your lifetime –– let alone the cost to your health and quality of life.

The Phobia Clinic will train your mind to feel completely different about opinions or beliefs

And if you're one of those people who has been playing a mini-disaster movie in their mind... your own "COITUS FEAR THE MOVIE: The Directors Cut... starring Me!" of all the worst stuff you can imagine, you'll find the screen goes blank immediately you work with us. Your Coitus Fear movie will never play again.

At least until it comes out on video.
posted by CrunchyFrog at 2:09 PM on November 16, 2003

So that's why I keep shaking hands with the unemployed.
posted by woil at 2:24 PM on November 16, 2003

I'll tell you one place where "fear of wet dreams" is valid: military Basic Training. There were several guys in my flight who, in the middle of the night, could be seen (dimly & very, very quietly) changing their shorts and hiding the evidence.
posted by davidmsc at 2:35 PM on November 16, 2003

Nice Apple stylesheet.
posted by machaus at 2:35 PM on November 16, 2003

davidmsc: I daresay "morning wood" goes down a treat, too ;)
posted by kaemaril at 2:39 PM on November 16, 2003

We have nothing to fear but excretion itself.

I don't get it at all. I had ONE fucking wet dream in puberty, and I haven't woken up in the middle of the night feeling so good since. Afraid of them?

I guess different strokes for different...
never mind.
posted by Busithoth at 3:51 PM on November 16, 2003

A friend of mine who can't register an account here since the new user thing is closed brought this to my attention. That's a lot of "surprisingly common" phobias and crazy director's cuts. Enjoy!
posted by DyRE at 4:31 PM on November 16, 2003

Yeah, that site uses one single template and changes certain words and phrases (e.g. the name of the phobia) as per the PhobiaID at the top. It seems particularly daft and I probably wouldn't trust them to get rid of my Oikophobia.
posted by John Shaft at 6:19 PM on November 16, 2003

Is oneirogmophobia a fear that can be overcome, or a fear of being over come?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:12 PM on November 16, 2003

Here's a list of all the phobias they claim to heal.
posted by kickingtheground at 7:21 PM on November 16, 2003

I mean, as far as I know, women show very little physiological evidence of a "wet dream."


Oh...but it really depends on how good the dream was...
posted by dejah420 at 7:26 PM on November 16, 2003

Fear of Bolsheviks:
The Bolshephobia team at Phobia Clinic is board-certified to help with Bolshephobia and a variety of related problems. The success rate of our 24 hour program is close to 100%... Defined as "a persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of bolsheviks", each year, this surprisingly common phobia causes countless people needless distress.

Wet dreams are one thing. But Bolsheviks. Whoa. There's something to keep you tossing under the covers.
posted by dchase at 7:45 PM on November 16, 2003

I'll tell you one place where "fear of wet dreams" is valid: military Basic Training.

Dorm rooms as well.

Aside: I know a lot of guys. None of them have ever admitted they've had a wet dream. Consequence of the sexual revolution??

More likely, there's a whole lotta wankin' goin' on.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:23 PM on November 16, 2003

Aside: I know a lot of guys. None of them have ever admitted they've had a wet dream. Consequence of the sexual revolution??

As far as I know, I never have, although I've certainly had my fair share of dreams about sex. Then again, I'm a notoriously light sleeper, so maybe I just wake up before anything terribly interesting happens.

Now I feel so inept.
posted by The God Complex at 8:26 PM on November 16, 2003

This condition can be easily remedied...at least for men. Wet dreams generally occur when the sufferer(?!) lets things build up, so to speak, and nature has to get rid of the excess build up. Taking care of business on a regular basis (particularly before going to sleep) should alleviate the problem.

The phone lines are open. Next caller please.
posted by Devils Slide at 9:30 PM on November 16, 2003

Can you ever be cured of a Fear of Phobias (Phobophobia)? Seems a losing proposition either way.
posted by HTuttle at 9:34 PM on November 16, 2003

From their list of phobias they can cure you of---
"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia — long words"

You sure this is for real? 'Cause I think it's for fun.

(And so are wet dreams, male or female ;))
posted by realjanetkagan at 9:44 PM on November 16, 2003

My guess about the disorder itself is that for many, the fear is not the wetdream, but the nature of the wetdream. Many fear what they most desire, sexually speaking. And wetdreams are sexual wish-fullfillment.
posted by Goofyy at 3:28 AM on November 17, 2003

Theyve got to be making this up:

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - fear of long words

lol.
posted by andybw at 5:14 AM on November 17, 2003

I mean, as far as I know, women show very little physiological evidence of a "wet dream."

Oh...but it really depends on how good the dream was...


Exactly. And how quickly you wake up. I wonder if women have them all the time and just don't know about it since the evidence is less ... visible.

WolfDaddy, I'd say about half of the men I've asked about it have had them. Who are you hanging out with?... ;)
posted by widdershins at 10:09 AM on November 17, 2003

Bolsheviks. Whoa. There's something to keep you tossing under the covers.

Man, ain't that the truth. Couldn't toss one off for tryin' if ya got that sorta thing in your mind.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:04 PM on November 17, 2003