Crazy, Random "Chris Rock Thing"

March 6, 2004 8:33 PM

Chris-calls! What if you received Chris Rock's old cell phone number and his celebrity friends kept on calling you? "amazing entertainment" :D [via Gulfstream]
posted by kliuless (72 comments total)

A bit too much of celebrity ass-sucking for my tastes. Woo hoo! I have Chris Rock's old cell phone number, and some of his friends still call it!

I hear that you can buy Spike Lee's sweat, in a vodka solution. It makes you feel so high and hip, all at once........
posted by troutfishing at 8:56 PM on March 6, 2004

Ah, I think it's funny. If it's true, it's an entertaining anecdote about someone average's brief brushes with America's mega-celebrity. Thanks, kliuless!
posted by PigAlien at 9:17 PM on March 6, 2004

It's too bad someone with no sense of humor got the phone. She never got beyond the (admittedly rich) irony of having a celebrity's old cell-phone number; with a few pranks it could have been developed into something really funny, but as it is the whole story could have been told in a single paragraph, saving all the annoyingly breathless "oh my god!" moments and pedestrian conversations.
posted by RylandDotNet at 9:22 PM on March 6, 2004

i liked it for its vérité :D and the scoop on the new ken burns doc!
posted by kliuless at 9:36 PM on March 6, 2004

So much opportunity for evil squandered. *sigh*
posted by ColdChef at 9:49 PM on March 6, 2004

RylandDotNet, I agree. The situation was begging for some funny deception. But no, all she gave was a polite "sorry, wrong number." She didn't even have any meaningful conversations with any of the callers.

She didn't know who Ken Burns is? Sheesh.
posted by Fofer at 9:49 PM on March 6, 2004

I do enjoy stories of the boring, ordinary, ugly public meeting glossy, shining, smart celebrities - it can make for a great story. In this one the substance was fine but the style was very poor - read like it was written by a 12 year old girl who just managed to refrain from adding a LOL at the end of each sentence.
posted by meech at 9:50 PM on March 6, 2004

I actually know a guy named Chris Rock... tall, lanky white dude.

I still think it's funny. He doesn't.
posted by Fofer at 9:51 PM on March 6, 2004

In a way, I'm jealous. I woulda' gotten mighty cranky, mighty fast. I think she had a good attitude 'bout the whole thing!
posted by volk at 9:56 PM on March 6, 2004

Man! Y'all are tough critics. I thought it read very nice. High quality for online journal entries and believe me I've read my share. I've writ my share of smeg, and this Laura chick is better than me so I'm certainly not going to knock her prose. She had a cordial and pleasant tone about her narration, and to be fair if it were more polished or professional, it wouldn't have read as real and believable. In fact I think she should sell her story to the WB, they could make a tv movie of it. I mean, they're renewing One Tree Hill. Those idiots would broadcast anything.
posted by ZachsMind at 9:59 PM on March 6, 2004

Yeah, one time Steve Forbes sort of wouldn't shake my hand.
posted by angry modem at 10:00 PM on March 6, 2004

Not as interesting as if she got ol' Al Kayda's old digits, I figure.
posted by Peter H at 10:08 PM on March 6, 2004

Man! Y'all are tough critics.

Sorry. Because my writing is also very poor I came across sounding meaner than I intended.

I was on the set of a Joan Collins movie and was told that I wasn't allowed to look at her.
posted by meech at 10:15 PM on March 6, 2004

Awful writing, but I can imagine Adam Sandler chatting amicably with a stranger like that.

True stories: I used to be in the possession of Verne Troyer's cell phone number. I never called it myself, but friends of mine often did, much to Verne's displeasure. Drunk in a bar in NYC at 2 a.m., someone was always bound to call Mini Me.

Also, at one point during my last stint as a magazine writer/editor I had to interview Rue McClanahan about her involvement in some animal-related charity. I called her up in her hotel room in Georgia, where she was filming The Fighting Temptations. I've kept her Manhattan address in my Rolodex ever since, just for kicks.
posted by emelenjr at 10:56 PM on March 6, 2004

I was on the set of a Joan Collins movie and was told that I wasn't allowed to look at her.

That's sage advice -- looking directly at something that hideous can instantly turn you to stone.

But regarding the cell-phone thingie -- am I the only person who DOESN'T answer "restricted" calls? After the first wrong number incident involving "restricted," I wouldn't have wasted my time answering them any more.

And o/t, but why not: Verne Troyer: idiot.
posted by davidmsc at 11:09 PM on March 6, 2004

am I the only person who DOESN'T answer "restricted" calls

In my mind the other person is saying "I'm so important that the person I'm calling better not be able to see my phone number because then they'll want to ring me." I've even toyed with adding the following to my phone message: "...and if you have Caller ID Blocked set on your phone then I'm probably just not answering..." but then I decided that someone really important might call and I'd offend them.
posted by meech at 12:41 AM on March 7, 2004

I kept thinking there would be an interesting or funny point to her story.


I was wrong.
posted by sic at 1:36 AM on March 7, 2004

That's because, in actuality, I'm not even a Chris Rock fan (gasp!). If I'd gotten the old cell phone number of Clay Aiken -- now there you'd have a fan.

I don't know what to do with that.
posted by bedhead at 2:55 AM on March 7, 2004

Nah, she did a good job. Neat idea to try to find a number that she could forward them to so she'd actually be able to hold up her side of the conversation.
posted by loafingcactus at 5:13 AM on March 7, 2004

She should have had some fun with the celebrities - it would have made an excellent prank call tape, with the twist that the celebrities are the ones making the calls!
posted by skylar at 5:28 AM on March 7, 2004

I have Jesus' old number --or a number similar to his. This means I get calls from a Spanish speaking person every once in a while late at night.
posted by birdherder at 5:54 AM on March 7, 2004

Would you really want a pissed off Jack Nicholson on your ass over a phone prank?
posted by cardboard at 6:05 AM on March 7, 2004

Really I'm so excited I can tell you what happened to me, to me ! yesterday !

I got the old number of a non-celebrity ! John Doe !

HELL YEAH !!!!

I'm so sick of being called by an army of assistants that just want to kiss my ass all over ; when you start it's a-ok very cool a lot of respect and stuff..after a while it like your ex constantly calling you every 10 minutes asking you "hey everything allright ?" meaning "hey who are you daring fcsking with these days, sucker ?"
posted by elpapacito at 6:38 AM on March 7, 2004

I live in Seattle and in the 90's I had a crazy roommate for a while who's last name is Vedder. He ordered his own phone line, not because he used the line a lot or required privacy, he just enjoyed his name in the directory and all the wild international calls he would harvest on his answering machine. There was even loose screw fanmail coming to the house in hopes of reaching the great EdVed. I never answered his phone, but every time the machine kicked on, we all heard some funny drunken engrish from all over the world trying to reach out to Pearl Jam or maybe, hopefully, the brother or cousin of.
posted by roboto at 6:47 AM on March 7, 2004

It's possible to set your phone so that blocked numbers have to be unblocked to get through. I block my number for privacy, because I had stalker a long time ago.

If you read more of her pages, she admits that she snooped in her boss' office to learn of her own imminent layoff. Let's hope her former boss isn't reading this.
posted by theora55 at 7:00 AM on March 7, 2004

They must be really good friends of Chris if he didn't tell them his new number.
posted by ODiV at 7:55 AM on March 7, 2004

According to my girlfriend, they don't recycle numbers like this. Can anyone confirm or deny?

Then again, to add to the story's appearance of veracity, why would a Clay Aiken-loving "Omigod!"-uttering airhead like this make up a call from Ken Burns?
posted by UKnowForKids at 8:12 AM on March 7, 2004

It would've been better if she'd actually given Jack Nicholson's assistant a lecture on proper phone etiquette instead of just thinking it. Would've been funny to see if the guy was taken aback and apologized or what.
posted by Oriole Adams at 8:31 AM on March 7, 2004

"According to my girlfriend, they don't recycle numbers like this. Can anyone confirm or deny?"

Depending on what you mean by 'like this', I'll confirm that they're reusing numbers within a couple of months of them being discontinued by their previous owner.

I got calls from people almost 9 months after I got my last cell phone number.

and I agree, while you're walking in grey territory with your phone number, might as well record the calls, for posterity:

Caller: Hello, may I speak to someone who isn't you?
Me: Ummmmmmmmmmm, NO!

Repeat.
posted by Busithoth at 9:02 AM on March 7, 2004

"According to my girlfriend, they don't recycle numbers like this. Can anyone confirm or deny?"

My latest cell phone number used to belong to someone else. I didn't mind the first couple of times...but when the same idiot guy kept calling me all the time asking for the previous holder of said number, I just started making things up.

"No, I'm sorry, Celia can't come to the phone right now...she's just gone into the spanking room, and Raol is simply a *beast* if I interrupt him." (Done in valley-girl accent.)

"What? The phone she should have? After the way she treats her mother? No, I won't take a message, what am I, her secretary? Go away and call back when you're a doctor." (Done in my best NY Jewish mother voice)

Oh, the fun you can have with other people's stalkers...
posted by dejah420 at 9:17 AM on March 7, 2004

-- That's because, in actuality, I'm not even a Chris Rock fan (gasp!). If I'd gotten the old cell phone number of Clay Aiken -- now there you'd have a fan.

-- I don't know what to do with that.

I'd swear this was a Jean Teasdale article.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 10:43 AM on March 7, 2004

Did Laura write to anybody besides me about this thread? She was really upset that we didn't like her writing:

Your comment is so inverted - saying I have no sense of humor??

So many people (yourself included) on that MetaFilter site have
absolutely no sense of humor! I'm not trying to write "high
literature," just some fun, entertaining stories - which a lot of
other people happen to think are just that. In six years of having
my site up, I've received hundreds upon hundreds of positive emails,
and about four negative ones. With MetaFilter, it was 20 negatives
in 3 hours.

It's like, who are YOU to be so condescending? I guess you're better than me.

What can I say, we're a tough crowd.
posted by RylandDotNet at 10:50 AM on March 7, 2004

She wrote me too. I pasted her message here, and then I felt that would be rubbing it in somehow, so I think I'll handle this over e-mail.
posted by emelenjr at 11:23 AM on March 7, 2004

Update.
posted by emelenjr at 1:15 PM on March 7, 2004

Makes the entertainment types sound like a bunch of inbreeders.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:54 PM on March 7, 2004

A pack of wolves from Metafilter.com decended upon
my Chris Rock cell phone story,
and ripped me and the story to shreds.

I hope you all feel better about yourselves now.

Metafilter: a pack of wolves who will descend up on you and rip you to shreads.
posted by RylandDotNet at 1:56 PM on March 7, 2004

Raise your hands if you wrote Laura and criticized her.

Anyone? Maybe there are MeFi members who would do that—read a MeFi post and then go on the offensive to attack the owner of the site posted to the blue—but I can't imagine a lot of us did that. I know I didn't.

Originally, when I posted that update link, Laura had posted a page where she listed a number of the critical comments from this thread, but she makes it sound as if she was flooded with hate mail or something. She seems to be rather sensitive to criticism, even when it's not directed personally at her. I doubt many of us here felt strongly enough about the Chris Rock story to fire off an angry e-mail.
posted by emelenjr at 2:35 PM on March 7, 2004

That's hilarious.
posted by adampsyche at 2:44 PM on March 7, 2004

Wow. I'm just wondering what it means that I didn't consider 20 of these comments as negative. Maybe my cynical censors are broken.

The only thing I read in that whole piece (which I read to the end, how's that a testimony for her writing abilities)
that made me wince was that Clay Aikten remark.
posted by Busithoth at 2:48 PM on March 7, 2004

Let's put it this way: Carrie Bradshaw she is not.
posted by Fofer at 3:03 PM on March 7, 2004

BTW, she's now gone back to the source of the link, Gulfstream, and posted this:

"Hi, Was it you who posted my Chris Rock cell phone story to Metafilter?

They talk about me having no sense of humor - what about them? I can't believe how they panned that story of mine, and got no entertainment out of it at all. Saying I write like a 12-year old? I'm not intending to write "high literature" - read the Russian classics if you want that. LIGHTEN UP EVERYONE!"

Laura's funny goddammit - and she'll hunt down and punish each and everyone who comments otherwise!
posted by Fofer at 3:10 PM on March 7, 2004

In my heart, I know I'm funny.
posted by RylandDotNet at 4:01 PM on March 7, 2004

As the author of boring, ordinary, ugly public can I say that I meant that facetiously. Though Laura you do look lovely.
posted by meech at 4:08 PM on March 7, 2004

Laura, it's an amusing story, I enjoyed it. Don't mind this crowd of ruffians ;-)

I once had the recycled number of a former Avon rep on a regular phone line. She got a million calls, it was most annoying for awhile. I probably could have made money on this snafu if I had larceny in my heart.
posted by madamjujujive at 5:36 PM on March 7, 2004

I'd hit it.

Although in truth, she did misinterpret that "boring, ordinary, ugly public." I mean, the idea wasn't that everyone (or, her specifically) was boring, ordinary, and ugly, but that celebrities treat us that way. Or something.

Also, I normally picture woman as beautiful until I get some other information, but as I read the story, I started to begin thinking that whoever had written this was unattractive. Just something about it, maybe the author didn’t seem bitchy enough to be beautiful (well, that was about the most inoffensive way to say that).

Of course, it’s always easier to insult someone when you don’t think they can hear you, or when you’re drunk (As Glenn Reynolds discovered Friday night when I got wasted and sent him an anti-Tony blare screed, which he responded to. Heh)
posted by delmoi at 6:52 PM on March 7, 2004

Hey Laura, don't let anyone here get to you. At times this place tends to be an outlet for perpetually angry sorts who like to flex their superiority complexes safely from behind their alias'. Just shrug it off.

Oh yeah, thanks kliuless.
posted by LouReedsSon at 7:06 PM on March 7, 2004

I probably could have made money on this snafu if I had larceny in my heart.

I heard that quonsar's doctor sucked like 2 pounds of larceny out of his heart.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 7:25 PM on March 7, 2004

Holy Fark, Batman! (can we have a photoshop Laura contest?)

Is it wrong to find it amusing when people can't defend themselves here because they are unable to sign up for account? (A sort of MefiSchadenfreude?) I read her whole story and while it was "cute" I didn't laugh out loud until I saw the email she sent to RylandDotNet defending herself and her writing.

Interesting thread, kliuless. Well done!
posted by shoepal at 8:36 PM on March 7, 2004

Laura didn't post MY viciously sarcastic comment on her site. I guess it wasn't vitriolic enough to make the cut?

My bile was really about the fact that America is now the world's leading cesspool of pointless, corrosive celebrity worship phenomenon that here is part of an emerging culture in which the rich and famous are bathed in the attentions of courtiers, supplicants, and obsessive fans while, meanwhile, all the little people are relegated to the status second class citizens - in the eyes of Hollywood, Washington, and the legal system - who are served up random and abusive second class justice and the contempt of the ruling classes.

______________________________________________

Laura - this bile of mine is not at all directed at you personally. I don't even know you. Your celebrity cellphone number story reminded me of a larger social trend I consider unpleasant - I don't like celebrity worship one bit.

LouReedsSon - My name and personal email is in my profile.

"A pack of wolves from Metafilter.com decended upon
my Chris Rock cell phone story, and ripped me and the story to shreds....I hope you all feel better about yourselves now." - The wolves may have flayed your story a bit, but I think you yourself are fully intact.

*howls at full moon* - Awooooo! Awooooo! Awooooo!
posted by troutfishing at 9:30 PM on March 7, 2004

yeah, when i was reading it i was like this would be perfect for metafilter! little did i know :D
posted by kliuless at 9:38 PM on March 7, 2004

No one enjoys having their writing raked over hot coals, but somehow - what with the blue dress portrait and all - I don't think Laura is as fragile as she's making out.

The simple salient fact of a given written expression, whatever it may be, on the net demands - somewhere - the existence of it's corresponding critic. This is an immutable law of human nature.

Awoooo!
posted by troutfishing at 10:00 PM on March 7, 2004

Yeah, btw. Matt fix your damn code so people can sign up. It's kinda cool that mefi is all 'exclusive' because the windows when people can sign up are so small (I remeber waiting months to get an account). But, yeah.
posted by delmoi at 11:29 PM on March 7, 2004

Forget Chris Rock, I'd like Laura's phone number.

Oh. I guess they're the same. Sortof. That was the point, right?
posted by weston at 11:50 PM on March 7, 2004

Your celebrity cellphone number story reminded me of a larger social trend I consider unpleasant - I don't like celebrity worship one bit.

Just the opposite. Laura's story is part of a genre where an ordinary person switches places with a celebrity. The unspoken premise of these kinds of stories - what makes the celebrity more important? - is deeply subversive. (Now, Chris Rock is pretty talented, and that's what makes him important - getting stuck with Kid Rock's cell phone number might be that much more subversive.)
posted by transona5 at 12:20 AM on March 8, 2004

Sonofabitch. I just got a new cell phone, and all these people keep calling, trying to talk to some "Laurie Garrett" - one person even called during my acceptance speech last week. I'm gonna have to talk to my assistant about this.
posted by trondant at 6:27 AM on March 8, 2004

transona5 - Well, in theory. But Laura didn't play around much, if at all, with that reversal which - in any case - I'd say is a fairly feeble challenge to the institution of celebrity. There were better role reversal traditions in the Medieval period and earlier.

But, specifically, because Laura didn't play around much with that reversal you mention, I got the impression from reading the piece that the tale was supposed to be noteworthy merely from the derivative juice of proximity to celebrity.

So how would that be so different from feeling important from the possesion of a little vial of Spike Lee's sweat preserved in vodka? Or drinking it?
posted by troutfishing at 6:57 AM on March 8, 2004

Forget Chris Rock, I'd like Laura's phone number.

You know what would be funny...is to call Chris Rock's assistant and leave messages for Laura. ;) I think we should make Laura famous. See if we can get her a shot on Leno. At the very least, a walk-on in Chris Rock's next movie.
posted by dejah420 at 7:46 AM on March 8, 2004

LouReedsSon - My name and personal email is in my profile.

Yeah. So's mine.
posted by LouReedsSon at 8:40 AM on March 8, 2004

Of all the people who could've gotten Chris Rock's phone number, why did it have to fall into the hands of the only sincere person in New York? Opportunity for celebrity induced mayhem squandered.
posted by rcade at 9:29 AM on March 8, 2004

Meanwhile, Jerry Seinfeld's assistant screwed up! Jerry requests two tickets for Chris Rock's L.A. show, and the assistant calls Chris' cell phone? ...how about his office, his manager, or his agent? What if Chris had answered? I'll tell you one thing, that assistant will never eat lunch in this town again! :-E

My favorite part of Laura's essay:"I was a tad disappointed -- I was hoping they'd give me Chris' number instead of his assistant's."

Mm hmm... yeah, that's what they were gonna do: give the weird phone stranger their boss' direct number, so you two could become cellular buddies, do lunch, and make fun of the silly assistants.

If I had the (mis)fortune of being on the receiving end of Chris Rock's cell phone calls, I believe I would finally have had an opportunity to use my killer Chris Tucker impersonation.
posted by Fofer at 2:26 PM on March 8, 2004

Oh yeah, I do a mean Bill Cosby also.
posted by Fofer at 2:27 PM on March 8, 2004

this site is not really all that bad, when it comes to the vicious tearing apart of people's ideas, posts or other creations.

if you want vitriol, try fark. people on MeFi aren't robots, but the general vibe is a lot more civil than that of many other sites.
posted by TreeHugger at 1:13 AM on March 9, 2004

Message from Laura:

It seems I wasn't the only one who felt I was "attacked" by several MetaFilter users, re: my Chris Rock cell phone story.

Since Sunday's posting, I've received numerous emails from other MetaFilter members (not ones participating in Sunday's slaying) who felt a need to apologize on behalf of the MeFi community. They felt a need to let me know that MetaFilter "is generally intelligent and civilized" and it's "a shame that the attacks of a few angry users reflected so poorly on our entire community."

Thanks very much to those of you who stuck up for me.

And for the guys out there who, after seeing my "Blue Dress" pic, want my cell phone number, send me an email with a description of yourself, and I'll think about it.
posted by cup at 4:32 PM on March 9, 2004

Meanwhile, Jerry Seinfeld's assistant screwed up! Jerry requests two tickets for Chris Rock's L.A. show, and the assistant calls Chris' cell phone? ...

Exactly. I tend to think this whole thing, including (especially) the blue dress pic, is made up.
posted by jpoulos at 7:34 AM on March 14, 2004

hmmm... assistants make mistakes all the time, so that's not really red flag worthy. neither is the photo, since the girl in it is pretty ordinary. i'm afraid mefites are all too desperate for the next kaycee nicole to come along so they look for clues where there are none.
posted by t r a c y at 10:32 AM on March 14, 2004

Good points t r a c y.

If that is your real name...
posted by ODiV at 4:16 PM on March 14, 2004

I don't think it's made up. If it were, the story (and pic) would've been better.

Laura's page now has a footnote: If you're thinking something along the lines of, "What a shame -- so much opportunity for evil squandered," yeah, you may be right. But if I went down that route, I'd be just another ugly American, and that's not who I am or someone I'd ever want to be.

Coldchef - she's talkin' to YOU. :-p

(I see that Laura has also removed the bits about her preference for Clay Aiken. So while the story may have been an exercise in banality, at least she's taking our critique to heart.)
posted by Fofer at 5:44 PM on March 14, 2004

i'm afraid mefites are all too desperate for the next kaycee nicole to come along so they look for clues where there are none.

Actually, I just don't like to think that people are really that lame. I guess it's just the optimist in me...
posted by jpoulos at 6:45 PM on March 15, 2004

Heh. I stand by my statement. Woulda made for a better story, anyway.
posted by ColdChef at 8:04 PM on March 15, 2004

If that is your real name...

uhm, dude, it isn't.
posted by t r a c y at 8:57 PM on March 15, 2004

Why would she fake being lame and humorless? If she were gonna go to hoax route, I'm thinking the story would end up with her being backstage with Chris and Jerry, laughing about old times.
posted by Fofer at 12:39 PM on March 16, 2004

I for one would like to thank this thread for making me laugh so hard I nearly broke something. But then my sense of humour is completely f**cked up.
posted by arha at 10:52 AM on March 17, 2004