Ngage self-destruct mechanism!

January 27, 2005 3:43 PM

Introducing the Gizmondo handheld games console from Tiger Telematics. It's like the PSP, only DOOMED.
posted by Pretty_Generic (23 comments total)

Not to be confused with the other puny handheld console manufacturer called Tiger. Small world huh?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 3:46 PM on January 27, 2005

btw, Gizmondo was named after Gizmodo came out. I find the two names totally confusing. One is a good blog, the other is some sucky handheld, but they look the same spelled out so I'm constantly interchanging them.
posted by mathowie at 3:47 PM on January 27, 2005

Also not to be confused with Gizmodo.

I think "introducing" is probably the wrong word for something that first appeared in the news at least as early as April 2004, if not before then. Granted, it was mostly vaporware, but even as vapor it had about as good a chance of flying off the shelves as the N-Gage. Oh well.
posted by ibidem at 3:50 PM on January 27, 2005

Oops. Mathowie beat me to it. I need more coffee.
posted by ibidem at 3:51 PM on January 27, 2005

They're going for name recognition on all fronts. While the technology itself doesn't look terrible (Mmm, GPS), could they have made it any uglier? My eyes are offended by the shoulder buttons. Even if it did make toast, I don't think I could bring myself to pay over 400 dollars for something that ugly.
posted by ThePrawn at 3:52 PM on January 27, 2005

I just saw the game that they claim is "far and away the headlining title": a conversion of the original 1991 Sonic the Hedgehog.

Yep, I have a feeling you might want to make this thing a bit cheaper, guys.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 3:55 PM on January 27, 2005

I find the couple portrayed throughout the site to be sort of creepy, as if their whole day, nay, their entire relationship is focused around their Gizmondo, as if it were a third party in their relationship or some sort of surrogate child.

This is kind of how I pictured Captain And Tenille with their dogs.
posted by sourwookie at 3:58 PM on January 27, 2005

Holy crap! It's not even as if that Sonic is some sort of updated version. It's like a portable Sega Genesis! Golden Axe!

This would've kicked some serious ass, in like, 1992.
posted by graventy at 4:21 PM on January 27, 2005

Actually, this thing has some real horsepower behind it. It has an nVidia GoForce 3D accelerator and a 400MHz ARM9 CPU. The ARM9 in the Nintendo DS only runs at 67MHz. Look at the screenshots for the non-Genesis games; it's pretty decent. Which still doesn't mean it won't be a commercial failure.
posted by zsazsa at 4:26 PM on January 27, 2005

This is an urban warfare game where you battle for supremacy of your turf, your hood. It's all about you and your rise to glory within the alternative universe of Colors.

Hmm.. Gangs of people, fighting over turf in REAL LIFE. Brilliant.

Can anyone think of a more offensive name for this game? Colors? Sheesh.
posted by OpinioNate at 4:44 PM on January 27, 2005

The link above has sound. Sorry for not mentioning that.
posted by OpinioNate at 4:46 PM on January 27, 2005

It's like a portable Sega Genesis! Golden Axe!

ooh yeah, the ol' Sega Nomad...

Another good one was the Atari Lynx

Not sure what's up with the new handhelds. I sorta covet a Nintendo DS since it plays my old Game Boy Advance games too, but the Sony PSP has a standard wireless capability for web browsing/email/online gaming...but there are a lot of reports about its various hardware problems too. It's hard to tell which is fact and which is propaganda, though.

This Gizmodo gizmo--I'm not feeling it. Geez, 400+ USD before you even buy any games? Negatory. Will do about as well as the NGage, I suspect.
posted by First Post at 4:47 PM on January 27, 2005

Oops, GizMONdo. Sorry, not to further obfuscate it or anything ;)
posted by First Post at 4:56 PM on January 27, 2005

Those screenshots don't look too shabby for the non Genesis titles.

But I can't even afford a $200 PSP, fuck a bunch of $400.
posted by cmonkey at 5:03 PM on January 27, 2005

I wouldn't buy one of these on the basic principle that they engage, from the get go, in deceptive advertising by choosing a name that's easily confused with Gizmodo.

What I need is for someone to make a Clie Virtual Playstation emulator. And a hack for the CF wireless card to work with regular CF cards. And a laser pointer.
posted by fenriq at 5:12 PM on January 27, 2005

Mom-- "Now, what's the most absorbent thing in the world?"

Daughter-- "Um.. Cherokee hair, I guess..."
posted by Balisong at 7:22 PM on January 27, 2005

Nice use of the word doomed.

Who cares if the title is similar to the gizmodo blog. Unless i'm in some alternate universe where the world actually attributes journalistic respect to blogs and everyone is in the know then the name is just a riff on gizmo and mondo which most people will understand first.
posted by andendau at 8:45 PM on January 27, 2005

I find the couple portrayed throughout the site to be sort of creepy, as if their whole day, nay, their entire relationship is focused around their Gizmondo, as if it were a third party in their relationship or some sort of surrogate child.

This is kind of how I pictured Captain And Tenille with their dogs.

Hey, man, no need for harsh words. I don't even have a dog.
posted by Captain_Tenille at 10:39 PM on January 27, 2005

Windows CE? Yes, DOOMED.
posted by shawnj at 5:12 AM on January 28, 2005

It will NEVER replace my N-Gage.
posted by Frasermoo at 6:16 AM on January 28, 2005

If I found one on the street, I would pick it up and give it a good home with my SPs, DS, and PSP pre-order.

If I was drunk and it cost 50-100 bucks, I would buy it without regrets.

If it were 200 bucks, I'd consider it a decent, thoughtful present.

Since it's 400 bucks, I'll look at it on the shelves of the used game store in 7 years next to the Virtual Boy and N-Taco.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:43 AM on January 28, 2005

I quit my old job and started a new one so I would have to ride the train to commute, justifying my future purchase and use of a PSP. I should send the "secret postcards" guy one that says this.
posted by poppo at 8:46 AM on January 28, 2005

Who the hell came up with these games?

Sticky balls speaks for itself.

or

The earth is destroyed by aliens and you are left with nothing but vengeance fun!
posted by Human Stain at 2:31 PM on January 28, 2005