Hey you kids, get off my lawn!
May 27, 2005 10:40 AM   Subscribe

Today is my 30th birthday.
posted by Capn (83 comments total)
 
You are unique!
posted by billysumday at 10:44 AM on May 27, 2005


WTF.
posted by psychotic_venom at 10:45 AM on May 27, 2005


happy bday, kid : >
posted by amberglow at 10:46 AM on May 27, 2005


You are unique!

No, you are not a unique and delicate snowflake.

Now somebody explain what this is all about other than signs of aging.
posted by thedevildancedlightly at 10:48 AM on May 27, 2005


I know you want someone to wish you a happy birthday, but the front page of MetaFilter is not the place to advertise.

And besides, alopecia has absolutely nothing to do with aging.
posted by Specklet at 10:49 AM on May 27, 2005


Um, why would a 30 year old be looking at walkers? And, is there a point here?
posted by fenriq at 10:52 AM on May 27, 2005


Great post! Just made my Friday. Happy 30th and here's hoping that this unique post doesn't become a trend.
posted by jperkins at 10:57 AM on May 27, 2005


Well, how does it feel to have used up almost half of your expected life span?
posted by doctor_negative at 10:58 AM on May 27, 2005


30 is a good age. Happy B-day!
posted by Yossarian at 10:59 AM on May 27, 2005


I'm nearing 40 and my hair grows as fast as it did at age 20--which is to say, really fast. It has a life of its own.
posted by raysmj at 10:59 AM on May 27, 2005


then consider yourself somewhat lucky, raysmj
posted by gnutron at 11:06 AM on May 27, 2005


Holy crap! Today is my 30th birthday, too! This sure was a great birthday present. Thanks for that.

I'm thinking a little Masefield is in order today.
posted by dilettanti at 11:06 AM on May 27, 2005


Happy birthday. I get lonely sometimes too.
posted by scratch at 11:06 AM on May 27, 2005


Why not read The Book of Ages 30 and let me what's that like in say, oh, 10 months?
posted by myopicman at 11:08 AM on May 27, 2005


happy b day!
posted by nola at 11:13 AM on May 27, 2005


Please die.
posted by basicchannel at 11:17 AM on May 27, 2005


Happy b'day... now why didn't I think of that :)
posted by joaovc at 11:18 AM on May 27, 2005


I'm nearing 40 and my hair grows as fast as it did at age 20--which is to say, really fast. It has a life of its own.

This is why some of us jealously hate you with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, Ray. ::seethe::
posted by ChrisTN at 11:19 AM on May 27, 2005


Hey, I hear 40 is the new 30, which probably means 30 is the new 20. But all that is just bullshit, you're really just closer to 40 than you are to 18. Happy Birthday!
posted by splatta at 11:20 AM on May 27, 2005


Gonna fuck Tenille to celebrate?
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 11:20 AM on May 27, 2005


heyy gurl ur hott do u got other pics holla at me sumtime sometime we all experience loneliness and ennui and attempt human contact, however feeble and virtual. There is no shame in this, but, indeed, due to the narrow, commonplace nature of these links and the fact that they would be much more appropriate posted upon a blog run by you yourself, I fear for the future of this particular MetaFilter entry.

I personally enjoy antiposts, but this is doomed.
posted by gramschmidt at 11:21 AM on May 27, 2005


The cosmetic surgery looks reasonably priced. A shame I don't need it, being 21 and dazzlingly beautiful. Ah, Capn, I think I'll go squander some of my youth this weekend. O to be 21! Wish you were here!
posted by NickDouglas at 11:24 AM on May 27, 2005


Look man, 30 isn't so old. Listen if you can just hang on another 50 or 60 years, which isn't all that implausible, they'll have all kinds of treatments anyway... people will be...different... you know that.... what's the world going to be like in 50 freaking years? totally different, honestly. until then, just think happy thoughts, eat well, don't keep thinking about skeletons, maybe have a bit of therapy... ok see you.
posted by mokey at 11:27 AM on May 27, 2005


30 looks pretty good gazing back at it from 45. 45 ain't that bad either. Happy birthday. (As of today your metabolism will cut back by 20% and the weight will start piling on.)
posted by Carbolic at 11:31 AM on May 27, 2005


All you kids get off my lawn!

*shakes fist*

(darn kids thinking 30 is old)
posted by Space Kitty at 11:37 AM on May 27, 2005


As of today your metabolism will cut back by 20% and the weight will start piling on

You'll probably feel it. It happened to me at the mall: a little click, or stutter, like an automatic transmission slipping, then my pants were too tight.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 11:38 AM on May 27, 2005


I'm nearing 40 and my hair grows as fast as it did at age 20--which is to say, really fast. It has a life of its own.

As does mine, it just has decided to migrate off my head and onto my back :-/
posted by darkness at 11:42 AM on May 27, 2005


...and in my ears and nose. : <
posted by amberglow at 11:53 AM on May 27, 2005


amber, you've got darkness' hair in your nose?!
posted by Specklet at 11:57 AM on May 27, 2005


Links, schminks, who needs links - we have birthdays.
posted by caddis at 11:58 AM on May 27, 2005


I had almost no chest hair till I was 38; now I have a light dusting of dark brown scraggly frizz on my manboobs. The rest of my hair is turning grey and/or falling out, except for the hair in my ears and nose, which is turning grey and getting more copious.

What's it mean when a man's leg hair vanishes by itself?
posted by davy at 12:02 PM on May 27, 2005


Gonna fuck Tenille to celebrate?
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 11:20 AM PST on May 27 [!]


Er... I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that.
posted by Captain_Tenille at 12:07 PM on May 27, 2005


Funny...tomorrow is my 35th.
posted by Kickstart70 at 12:10 PM on May 27, 2005


~stops trusting Capn~
posted by I EAT TAPES at 12:10 PM on May 27, 2005


Metafilter: heyy gurl ur hott do u got other pics holla at me sumtime
posted by mokey at 12:14 PM on May 27, 2005


Today is my 30th birthday.

Who, besides you, gives a flying fuck?
posted by cmonkey at 12:21 PM on May 27, 2005


I have a light dusting of dark brown scraggly frizz on my manboobs. The rest of my hair is turning grey and/or falling out, except for the hair in my ears and nose, which is turning grey and getting more copious.

Davy: this isn't a dating service (and your ad needs work). ;-P
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:22 PM on May 27, 2005


Wow, he didn't even spell "aging" right in the tags.
posted by agregoli at 12:23 PM on May 27, 2005


A creative self-link, without self-linking. Kudos on construction of such an (apparently) excellent loophole. I wish you and all other Mithraics a pleasant day.
posted by spock at 12:35 PM on May 27, 2005


Wow. Just when I think the world has no joy left...
posted by cavalier at 12:35 PM on May 27, 2005


I'm only 28 and already have nosehair problems. The thought of my nosehairs at 40 is the only thing I fear about aging.
posted by absalom at 12:44 PM on May 27, 2005



Specklet: alopecia has absolutely nothing to do with aging.
The link I posted seems to directly contradict you.

doctor_negative: Well, how does it feel to have used up almost half of your expected life span?
doctor_positive would say I have more than half left!

dilettanti, happy birthday!

agregoli: Wow, he didn't even spell "aging" right in the tags.
Oh! Le mot juste! How it stings!

To the rest of the haters, don't you realize that people like me don't distinguish between "positive attention" and "negative attention"? Anyhoo, if we assume that there are 6 billion people alive today, and that their ages are equally distributed from 0 to 89 and that birthdays are equally distributed throughout the year, that mean's it's 182, 648 people's 30th birthday today, one of us was bound to snap and post about it.

posted by Capn at 12:47 PM on May 27, 2005


To hell with the nay-sayers. Happy birthday, dude.

30 isn't old. It's ripe.
posted by Jon-o at 12:48 PM on May 27, 2005


liked it. happy birthday.
posted by blag at 12:56 PM on May 27, 2005


Doesn't sting. Thanks for the info.

Your thread, however, still sucks ass.
posted by agregoli at 1:34 PM on May 27, 2005


People who complain about being 30 make me sick. Worse yet are people who complain every single year that they're that much closer to being 30. WE ALL GET OLD. I'd say "deal with it", but it's not even something that rises to the level of having to be dealt with.
posted by Plutor at 1:39 PM on May 27, 2005


I haven't started 50 therapy yet.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:52 PM on May 27, 2005


RENEW! RENEW! RENEW!
posted by Katemonkey at 1:57 PM on May 27, 2005


I'll be 30 in August, and I think the reason I dread it (and perhaps others too?) is that I can remember my Dad at 30. I remember thinking, "Wow, Daddy is old!"

Of course, the fact that my wife is expecting our first child(ren?) this year is also making me feel entirely too grown up.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 1:59 PM on May 27, 2005


I hate mystery posts.
posted by mecran01 at 2:00 PM on May 27, 2005


I haven't started 50 therapy yet.

/abfab
posted by amberglow at 2:00 PM on May 27, 2005


24129/365 = 66.11 MeFi birthdays today, assuming equal distribution. I propose a toast to the 65.11 of you displaying a modicum of restraint.
posted by WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot at 2:08 PM on May 27, 2005


Factor in leap day and it's probably about an even 66.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 2:24 PM on May 27, 2005


I have 6 months to go before the big 30. I don't see what the big deal is, I mean what's the poin...ow..ow...oh god my hip...
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:34 PM on May 27, 2005


You're reacting to 30 in this manner? Dude, 30 is awesome. Wait til, oh, 60 or so to start panicking.
posted by deborah at 2:35 PM on May 27, 2005


WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot:
Thank you. That was the only thing that made reading this entire thread worthwhile...........
posted by TheFeatheredMullet at 2:35 PM on May 27, 2005


Specklet: alopecia has absolutely nothing to do with aging.
The link I posted seems to directly contradict you.


You are absolutely right. I saw the word "alopecia" and stopped reading; I didn't realize androgenic alopecia was indeed age-related balding. Sorry.

Your post still sucks. But happy birthday to you, and to all other MeFites who also are celebrating the anniversary of their natal day.
posted by Specklet at 2:38 PM on May 27, 2005


MiltonRandKalman:

You made me laugh.

// five four months and counting
posted by vaportrail at 2:50 PM on May 27, 2005


Capn, this is not appropriate MeFi content. Your birthday is not news, nor is it interesting to anyone beside yourself.
posted by nlindstrom at 2:54 PM on May 27, 2005


Back in my day we didn't post to the front page on our birthdays! We sat in the cold dark, drinking cheap whiskey and trying vainly to repair the leak on Lovely Lisa! And we liked it that way - we loved it!
posted by petebest at 2:59 PM on May 27, 2005


... or we dressed our girfriends up like hos and banged them at the oakland marriot while crying over our misspent youth

30 seemed like such a rough birthday while i had it, and now those other birthdays ending in zero are rushing faster.

i hope that marriot's still there.
posted by tsarfan at 3:14 PM on May 27, 2005


The Birthday Game
posted by caddis at 3:16 PM on May 27, 2005


Ha ha ha, one of your links points your thinking about yourself going ballad. W/o seeing the hair on your head, you might have more hair than less your age and could be fortunate.

Sorry to hear your birthday’s excitement is spent here.
You may want to enjoy yourself by logging off the site and celebrating the day.
If this thread's comments are all you received in gifts. My heart goes out to you when letting you know many more may be like this. So get use to it. Unless you make friends that post it like on their blog and is better post for the obvious.
If you want to feel younger, whenever your age ends in zero. Tell everyone your birthday years basing it by the decades.
When tomorrow arrives and you’re still logged on and staring at this screen w/o a hangover, please make haste planning your 40th party so it will be more fun.

Happy 30th to You, stay young celebrating the many more.
posted by thomcatspike at 3:27 PM on May 27, 2005


you think you have it bad--i can't even play caddis' Birthday Game--my birthyear is too long ago for it.

I freaked at 30, but my 30s were great. I freaked at 40, and 5 months later, it's going ok so far.
posted by amberglow at 3:40 PM on May 27, 2005


you're really just closer to 40 than you are to 18.

Ouch.

My SO turned 30 a few days ago, and was happy to see your post. Happy Birthday.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:51 PM on May 27, 2005


The funny thing about aging is that your appearance doesn't change at all, but all those photos of yourself keep getting younger.
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:58 PM on May 27, 2005


30 didn't bother me nearly as much as 29 had...I was carded for liquor well into my late 30s, but seem to have caught up with myself along the way; last week my favorite restaurant handed me a bill with a senior discount added in, and I won't actually BE 55 until October. I think it all evens out, but you need to be prepared for that day coming very soon when you will be unable to rise from your floor after an all-nighter and make it to work on time. And there's no going back with the knees, no matter WHAT the orthopedist promises.
posted by cookie-k at 3:58 PM on May 27, 2005


What's it mean when a man's leg hair vanishes by itself? davy

davy, is it mostly in the back? If yes, it means your decades of wearing tight jeans have worn all the hair off your legs.

This does not happen to women, btw.

Biggest aging/hair shock: pubes get thin, too. *sad*
posted by Corky at 5:17 PM on May 27, 2005


Remember the part in The Great Gatsby where Nick suddenly realizes (after he has just finished a nasty afternoon and is headed towards an awful night) that it’s his thirtieth birthday? Here is what he says:

“I was thirty. Before me stretched the portentous, menacing road of a new decade.

It was seven o’clock when we got into the coupe with him and started for Long Island. Tom talked incessantly, exulting and laughing, but his voice was as remote from Jordan and me as the foreign clamor on the sidewalk or the tumult of the elevated overhead. Human sympathy has its limits, and we were content to let all their tragic arguments fade with the city lights. Thirty – the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning briefcase of enthusiasm, thinning hair.”

I know it sounds like a horror movie here (as it does pretty much everywhere else you look), but the funny thing is, in real life turning thirty doesn’t turn out to be so bad after all.
posted by sophieblue at 5:31 PM on May 27, 2005


"Biggest aging/hair shock: pubes get thin, too."

Shit, how about all the hair migrating from my head to every friggin place on my body I don't really need it. That's one part of getting old that really sucks.
posted by j.p. Hung at 5:33 PM on May 27, 2005


I freaked at 40, and 5 months later, it's going ok so far.

I knew it. You ARE older than me. And always will be neener neener neener.
posted by WolfDaddy at 5:36 PM on May 27, 2005


In the Marketing and Demographics realms, 30 is meaningless. It's 25 and 35 where you cross the threshold into a different age-based stereotype.

Of course, the BIG one is 50 (when you officially become part of the TV audience FOX doesn't want). When I hit that age later this year, I will post it here. And it will be awesome.
posted by wendell at 5:53 PM on May 27, 2005


29 was the age that freaked me out--all I could think of was that in another year I would be 30--and as far as I was concerned, that was damn near dead.

But 30 came and went--and wasn't bad at all.

I'm 45 now--man, 30?--you're just a kid!

Happy b-day, and thanks for the links.
posted by r3rrr at 6:19 PM on May 27, 2005


Hey, happy birthday. BIRTHDAYS ARE IMPORTANT. You hopefully aren't using those walkers yet.
posted by WaterSprite at 7:51 PM on May 27, 2005


The significance of 30 for me was being able to look back and have distant memories in which I was still an adult. Happy Birthday and anyone snarking is just jealous that you're so young or that they didn't do the birthday posting thing for themselves (but no more!).
posted by peacay at 8:35 PM on May 27, 2005


30 beats the crap outta 15, any day of the week. At 28 I started to get morose about aging, and a friend of mine said - "What, do you want to be 18 again?", and after careful consideration, 30 became a great deal brighter.
posted by eclectist at 1:39 AM on May 28, 2005


On the other hand, it was nice to be reminded of the pbf cartoons.

I've decided that number 17 is going to be a bad one, but that's my son's, not mine.
posted by ancientgower at 8:57 AM on May 28, 2005


May 27 was my 22nd birthday. I think a lot of people procreate on Labor Day.
posted by fourstar at 9:51 AM on May 28, 2005


I knew it. You ARE older than me. And always will be neener neener neener.
Rub it in, why doncha? ; P
posted by amberglow at 9:59 AM on May 28, 2005


I posted my first FPP on my 25th birthday, simultaneously launching me into a new demographic (per Wendell) and cautiously entering the world of Metafilter.

Happy Belated B-day Capn.
posted by schyler523 at 11:49 AM on May 28, 2005


I turned 30 on May 10th, the same day that my g/f picked a grey hair outta my head (first one).

Personally, turning 30 has made me realise that, as clicheed as it sounds, age is meaningless. I'm still a jackass. I still feel like adults are what other people are. When I was 25 I had a downtown office job and was all grown up. Now that I'm 30 I'm back at university (doing a masters degree, though) and facing a term abroad in Barcelona after a summer of relative slackness. I feel younger than I have in a while. I'm still a kid.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:13 PM on May 28, 2005


"Twenty-nine's Fell Shadow! O, inhospitably final year of any Pretense to Youth, its Dreams now, how wither'd away ... tho' styl'd a Prime, yet bid'st thou Adieu to the Prime of Life! ... There,— there, in the Stygian Mists of Futurity, loometh the dread Thirty,— Transition unspeakable! Prime so soon fallen, thy Virtue so easily broken, into a Number divisible,— penetrable!- by six others![...] Fourth Decade of Life! thy Gates but a brief Year ahead,— tho' in this place, a Year can seem a Century,— what hold'st thou for the superannuated?"

—Thomas Pynchon, Mason & Dixon
posted by languagehat at 7:42 AM on May 29, 2005


you people are polite.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:46 PM on May 30, 2005


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