So you think you can park?

August 8, 2005 10:25 AM

How good is your parking? (flash)
posted by john_son (55 comments total)

Well, at least its about parking and not porking.
posted by fenriq at 10:34 AM on August 8, 2005

Tch, spacebar doesn't seem to work in Tiger.
posted by Navek Rednam at 10:35 AM on August 8, 2005

What kind of idiot designed these parking lots? I guess technically you could fit a car in the spots, but good luck doing it without a 20-point turn or two.

The parallel parking on is workable, but the others...if they were real, I'd just go find a parking space elsewhere.
posted by Kickstart70 at 10:36 AM on August 8, 2005

My spelling is fine its my grammar that sucks. It took me a few tries but I passed with 91%
posted by john_son at 10:38 AM on August 8, 2005

See also.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 10:39 AM on August 8, 2005

Funny, my computer doesn't have a brake pedal yet I keep trying to step on it.
posted by mullacc at 10:45 AM on August 8, 2005

This is suitable for a FP... oh fine.

82% -- "well done -- you are an excellent virtual parker!"

The secret in the third one is to drive up onto the curb.
posted by dreamsign at 10:55 AM on August 8, 2005

Brake pedals are for pussies.
posted by Skygazer at 10:59 AM on August 8, 2005

This will come in handy if Rick Moranis ever slightly enlarges me and my car and I'm forced to go through a series of parking misadventures to get the problem fixed.
posted by DigDugDag at 11:04 AM on August 8, 2005

How good is it to have console-game grade skills in real traffic?

Geez, I can park a 5-metre station in a parking slot 5.2 m long with 0.1 m on each side and here I am bumping into things like a blonde on a first ride?

Let's hope driving schools are not using this particular game to teach parking, or we may be facing trouble on the roads in some years.
posted by Laotic at 11:07 AM on August 8, 2005

Brake pedals are for pussies.

Whatever you say, Mr. Bugatti!
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:14 AM on August 8, 2005

It's more fun if you just bash into cars again and again.
posted by fungible at 11:19 AM on August 8, 2005

Plus that dude parked in the yellow bug is so asking for it. Who the hell does he think he is??
posted by Skygazer at 11:25 AM on August 8, 2005

This game mirrors my real life to a frightening degree.
posted by jonson at 11:26 AM on August 8, 2005

I need a hot coffee.
posted by Harry at 11:27 AM on August 8, 2005

I kep hiting teh kerb.
posted by ORthey at 11:36 AM on August 8, 2005

Yeah, I think I can park. I used to get paid to do so 8 hours a day. I'm pretty sure I can park. But I didn't have to do it with four arrow keys, one of which suposedly doubles as a brake (but more often doubles as a "reverse into car behind you" button). Maybe it's just me, but the key assignment seemed rather counterintuitive any time the car wasn't pointing "up."
posted by soyjoy at 11:38 AM on August 8, 2005

You're scaring me. I did aweful and I have driving lessons from five thirty to nine. Come to think of it, that's when I'm usually asleep. Crap, crap, crap.
posted by Citizen Premier at 11:40 AM on August 8, 2005

"Kerb."

Those fancy English people with their maths, metric system, and silly spellings.
posted by Kwantsar at 12:02 PM on August 8, 2005

terrible
posted by punishinglemur at 12:03 PM on August 8, 2005

It's more fun if you just bash into cars again and again.

I think there should be an "I live in New York" checkbox where you don't lose any points for that.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 12:19 PM on August 8, 2005

Could the controls behave any less like a real car?
posted by mr_roboto at 12:25 PM on August 8, 2005

Armitage Shanks

Last June aside, I think this was even posted in 2002 here....can't find it, but, I def. remember seeing it in 2002....weird.
posted by mrblondemang at 12:33 PM on August 8, 2005

How are you supposed to park without using the handbrake?
posted by Eideteker at 12:36 PM on August 8, 2005

I think there should be an "I live in New York" checkbox where you don't lose any points for that.

Here in Richmond BC, everyone takes two spots for parking, so the game is further unrealistic. With our drivers, parking paint is more like a general guideline.
posted by Kickstart70 at 12:39 PM on August 8, 2005

Maybe it's just me, but the key assignment seemed rather counterintuitive any time the car wasn't pointing "up."

Welcome to the world of R/C car driving.
posted by smackfu at 12:53 PM on August 8, 2005

soyjoy: The answer is to play more video games... Or, as smackfu says, drive some RC cars.

But yeah, pretty annoying "game". Why would you make a car game about parking? That's like making a bedroom game about going to sleep.
posted by ODiV at 12:58 PM on August 8, 2005

In real life I can park a 15-passenger van full of screaming children without thinking twice, and I can't manage this thing at all. It's utterly counterintuitive.

Ah well. I lose at the fake situations on teh internetz.
posted by Dreama at 1:00 PM on August 8, 2005

If British parking lots and spaces are really this tiny, then no wonder they invented the Mini Cooper...
Besides driving on the left, do all cars in the UK come without a brake? Do you just put it in reverse when you want to stop?
In America, you can be ticketed for parking more than 12 inches (37 decilitres) from the kerb, so penalizing hitting the kerb is illogical.
-- Lord Kinbote, parking in Boston since 1988
posted by Lord Kinbote at 1:02 PM on August 8, 2005

Bah! That was annoying. Remind me of a Simpson's episode where Homer is in an arcade playing a car game: 'Stuck Behind a School Bus'.

"Come on!" *honks horn*
posted by Stauf at 1:09 PM on August 8, 2005

Why am I getting marked down when I bump into anther car while parallel parking? That is why they are called "bumpers", they are for bumping into.

-- Darkness, parking in San Francisco since 1992
posted by darkness at 1:22 PM on August 8, 2005

Teh car ees teh suk. Yeah... great job Red... sure, I always just SLAM on the gas when I'm trying to roll forward after getting the rear of my car into the spot. Most parking jobs utilize little or no gas (barring a bump or small child under your wheels) you use the natural curve of the road (if using stick) or "coast" mode in automatics (what the hell is the real name for that? you know, when you put an automatic in drive or reverse and it will roll at about 2-3 MPH) to precisely park a vehicle. Playing this game, I felt like unholy combination of Bobbie Brown, Paris Hilton, and Ray Charles. High on drugs, stupid ( + high on drugs), and blind ( + dead)...
posted by Debaser626 at 1:26 PM on August 8, 2005

Damnit, you get a 0 if you park in the handicapped space. Clearly a message that the handicapped are not welcome at Red's communist driving school.
posted by queen zixi at 1:43 PM on August 8, 2005

*Austin Powers parking mode
posted by pots at 1:57 PM on August 8, 2005

Or, as smackfu says, drive some RC cars.

But that's just the thing - when people operate RC cars and planes they have a little box that they can (and in my experience, usually do) turn to match, or approximate, the orientation of the vehicle. I guess I could pick up my keyboard and use it that way, but for this kind of activity, I doubt it's worth the effort.
posted by soyjoy at 2:02 PM on August 8, 2005

This is some happy horseshit.

Test 1:
Parking Accuracy: 100%
No. Crashes / Curbs: 0
Time: 19 secs.
Rating: 94%

Test 2:
Parking Accuracy: 100%
No. Crashes / Curbs: 0
Time: 15 secs.
Rating: 97%

Test 3:
Parking Accuracy: 100%
No. Crashes / Curbs: 0
Time: 19 secs.
Rating: 94%

How do three perfect parking jobs, each in under twenty seconds = anything less than 100%? Also, the blue car in the third test is rigged: if the side of your car is even close to its bumper, it'll go off (doesn't have to actually hit it).

Hey, maybe I should take a course to teach me how to do it faster. I wonder if such a course exists?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:09 PM on August 8, 2005

soyjoy: So if people are driving RC cars in a circular track they will rotate the controller 360 degrees while driving? I'm not sure I understand your meaning.

And congrats C_D. You sure you're not cheating?
posted by ODiV at 2:37 PM on August 8, 2005

passed, 79%

What's really wrong with this game, besides everything, is that the wheel doesn't return to a centered position when you stop pressing the "I'm turning" buttons. That'll mess ya up a bit.
posted by stenseng at 3:02 PM on August 8, 2005

It's more fun if you just bash into cars again and again.

Heh, like GTA for us terribly middle class poeple who happen to be having a bad day.
posted by qwerty155 at 3:06 PM on August 8, 2005

Where's the handbrake?!
posted by armoured-ant at 3:20 PM on August 8, 2005

Why am I getting marked down when I bump into anther car while parallel parking? That is why they are called "bumpers", they are for bumping into.

-- Darkness, parking in San Francisco since 1992

So you're that freak in a CRX I saw trying to park between some bastard's insanely parked Expedition and a Benz.

Seriously. I was getting sushi from some place on a visit there. And this guy pulls up and literally tries to physically wedge his car between two other cars. He succeeded in moving the Expedition about 3 inches, and the Benz about 7, but there still wasn't enough room. Both of his bumpers were in constant contact with both cars, and he just kept on making tiny little back-and-forth parallel parking manuvers scraping the bumpers until he was totally stuck and only half-way out of the street.

Meanwhile I'm standing there smoking my cigarette and staring incredulously, and since I was an out-of-towner I was also trying to collect my jaw up off the sidewalk.

The owner or manager of the sushi place came out and started screaming at him. "You're not going to fit there you stupid asshole! God damn Asian drivers!" ( Disclaimer: She winked at me as she said it, and I busted up laughing. She was Asian and so was he.)

Also, if you smash into enough cars in the game, you can throw a wicked little parking lot rave. Sorted.
posted by loquacious at 3:27 PM on August 8, 2005

Bah. Cars don't rotate around their center. No fun.

On a brighter note, I pride myself on being able to fit into spaces with less than six inches on either end (parallel) without ever touching either car. Mandatory parking skill level when I lived in Chicago.

Which is probably why it chaps my arse so much when people manage to damage my car just by opening the door (brand new minivan just took two huge scrapes on the driver's door, even though I was parked far away from other cars and the car parked next to me when I got back was much too low to have caused 'em).

Bluh.
posted by davejay at 3:45 PM on August 8, 2005

I managed 100% on the 1st test, I think you need to do it in less than 10 seconds. The 1st one is easiest to this on because you can drive straight into the space instead of reversing.
posted by john_son at 3:47 PM on August 8, 2005

Where's the handbrake?!

Who the zark uses the handbrake when parallel parking or reversing into a parking slot?

From a British perspective, the situations are tough, but not totally unrealistic. What really threw me was the controls which constantly had me lurching forward into a parked car when I meant to go backwards, and vice versa. Fun, otherwise.
posted by salmacis at 3:47 PM on August 8, 2005

There is an even worse game on the BSM website.
posted by john_son at 4:23 PM on August 8, 2005

In Rome, I saw Smart cars in impossibly small spaces, parked perpendicular to the curb - the Smart car is not much longer than most cars are wide.
posted by kcds at 4:36 PM on August 8, 2005

Either they are trying to sell you driving school or I just can't park...
posted by arete at 4:38 PM on August 8, 2005

Some of us like to bitch about the censorship and editting but I applaud the correction to this post.
posted by caddis at 4:50 PM on August 8, 2005

You sure you're not cheating?

If by "cheating" you mean hitting replay a dozen or so times, then yes.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:11 PM on August 8, 2005

Now you're just getting silly, ODiV. If you hold the control box still, at the same angle like a computer keyboard, the whole time you're controlling an R/C car, well, I guess that's where the confusion arose, 'cause I've yet to see that happen.
posted by soyjoy at 10:39 PM on August 8, 2005

In Rome, I saw Smart cars in impossibly small spaces, parked perpendicular to the curb - the Smart car is not much longer than most cars are wide.

Me and the missus are lusting after one now, but it won't happen till at least next year. She wants the Smart-for-four but I insist that it's too damn large.
posted by dreamsign at 11:43 PM on August 8, 2005

I used to live on Capital Hill in DC and I couldn't get this game to work right. And people that park by "feel" should be shot.
posted by webranding at 11:56 PM on August 8, 2005

And people that park by "feel" should be shot.

In Boston, we call that Parking by Braille.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:19 AM on August 9, 2005

I'm rubbish at that. But I just passed my test three days ago, and I cannot parallel park my car. In my defence it has no power steering (I learnt in a power steering car) and I am female.

I'm damn good at getting into bays though.
posted by corvine at 5:46 AM on August 9, 2005

Bleh. Those controls were awful. About the only way it could be worse was if it was simulating a manual, and you had to control the clutch by pressing numlock on and off really fast.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:12 AM on August 11, 2005