His head has been sent to a lab for testing

November 29, 2005 1:19 PM

Please do not alarm the llama, people. via mimi smartipants
posted by onlyconnect (40 comments total)

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama
Funny llama
Llama llama duck
posted by Robot Johnny at 1:30 PM on November 29, 2005 [1 favorite]

Well said.
posted by fatllama at 1:33 PM on November 29, 2005

Charlie was socially maladjusted, and made no distinction between humans and llamas, Ms. Airsman said. He took Mr. Airsman for a competing male llama

Or perhaps Charlie was just smart and took Mr. Airsman for what he was, the oppressor who kept him and his comrades imprisoned thousands of miles away from their homeland...
posted by nkyad at 1:35 PM on November 29, 2005

For more llama news, see Idaho's House Concurrent Resolution 29:

WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry...

posted by MrMoonPie at 1:35 PM on November 29, 2005

Tina Charlie, you fat lard, come get some dinner!
posted by badger_flammable at 1:35 PM on November 29, 2005

Me and my llama
Me and my llama
Goin' to the dentist today
Seems a little crazy
Guess you're just too lazy
You gotta get your teeth cleaned today
posted by Cyrano at 1:36 PM on November 29, 2005

Walk The llama llama
Walk The llama llama
Take in the panorama
Walk The llama llama - llama llama
Don't have to be a drama
Walk The llama llama - llama llama
No one could be calmer
Walk The llama llama
Walk The llama llama
Double L.A.M.A
posted by badger_flammable at 1:39 PM on November 29, 2005

His head has been sent to a lab for testing.

I know a few people who should also have this procedure performed...
posted by Cassford at 1:39 PM on November 29, 2005

The one-l lama,
He's a priest.
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.

--Ogden Nash
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:39 PM on November 29, 2005

The one-l lama,
He's a priest.
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.

-- Ogden Nash
posted by Floydd at 1:40 PM on November 29, 2005

Elsewhere:

"it is a llama or alpaca that can kill."

What's most interesting about this to me is that it's counterintuitive to your instincts. Baby llamas are really cute.
You *want* to coo and snuggle, like you might with a baby or a puppy. We're probably hardwired for it.

But it's the wrong thing to do. A perfectly natural and harmless-seeming behavior leads to an undesirable result.
posted by weston at 1:40 PM on November 29, 2005

Doh!!!
posted by Floydd at 1:41 PM on November 29, 2005

Fortunately for Mr. Airsman, an electronics technician from Jenner Township in Somerset County, Charlie went for his upper arm.

Oh man. You have to read the paragraph preceding that one to get the full effect. *shudder*
posted by maudlin at 1:43 PM on November 29, 2005

There isn't any
Three-l lllama.

Au contraire.
posted by MrMoonPie at 1:43 PM on November 29, 2005

Calm a Llama down
Calm a llama deep down
In the ocean

Blue like a barnacle
Sitting in the tight place

Laughing at the monkey arm
Pulling like a china boy

Caraway, caraway, caraway, noise

Boing chikka masala
Boing chikka masala

Oooh, tooth, tooth, hpppht!
posted by Soulfather at 1:43 PM on November 29, 2005

Au contraire.

Hence Nash's footnote: "The author's attention has been called to a type of conflagration known as a three-alarmer. Pooh."
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:44 PM on November 29, 2005

Llama: the other dark meat
posted by kosem at 1:45 PM on November 29, 2005

"including the three sets of razor-sharp "fighting teeth," which llamas use to rip the scrotum from male competitors in the wild."

I'm still kinda stuck right there.
posted by zerokey at 1:48 PM on November 29, 2005

A week later, the bone in Mr. Airsman's upper arm has a clear set of llama teeth marks in it, the compression fractures a permanent souvenir of what is called "berserk male syndrome."

This berserk male syndrome--is this really in llamas or is there a bit of anthropomorphizing going on?
posted by leftcoastbob at 1:52 PM on November 29, 2005

Llamas == EVIL.
5th grade end-of-the-year field trip. Petting zoo. One chubby, unpopular girl attempts to connect with another living thing and is instead covered with sticky, oat and corn-speckled spit, staining her new white blouse, which she must wear for the rest of the day. The taunting...OH, the taunting. On that day, a deep and lasting hatred for all cameloids ingrains itself.
posted by krix at 1:58 PM on November 29, 2005

Cuidado! Las Llamas!!!
posted by dragstroke at 2:02 PM on November 29, 2005

Evil Llama Says Kill Your Parents
posted by kosem at 2:08 PM on November 29, 2005

"If you're too huggy-kissy with them, a male who has not been castrated can turn on you."

Amen.
posted by gottabefunky at 2:09 PM on November 29, 2005

I think Wesley probably said best what we all think when we read articles like this:


Suck a llama's shitty asshole!
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:17 PM on November 29, 2005

Mimismartypants is one of the few diary style weblogs that consistently entertains me. She rocks.
posted by joegester at 2:33 PM on November 29, 2005

Demon llama!

We met a bunch of llamas at a recent sheep and wool festival and they were all sweet. The handlers were children and people were encouraged to walk the lamas through an obstacle course. I learned that llamas blow a puff of air in each other's faces (and humans) as part of their greeting. Plus llamas make great sheep protectors.

Don't be hatin' on the llamas!

Concur about mimi. Met her IRL and she is a wonderful person too
posted by terrapin at 2:43 PM on November 29, 2005

I saw two llamas at a farmer's market recently and, because I find llamas hysterical, I started laughing uncontrollably in their general direction. They were really pissed off at me, you could see the anger in their adorable eyes. One gnashed its teeth at me. I'm sure it was plotting my death.
posted by lunalaguna at 2:52 PM on November 29, 2005

Krix: Berserk Male Syndrome is not limited to llamas. In other shocking news, Crazy Chick Disease isn't limited to birds.
posted by The Bellman at 3:34 PM on November 29, 2005

Please, do not alarm the llama people.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:02 PM on November 29, 2005

day of high drama as llamas harm a farmer
posted by ab'd al'Hazred at 4:55 PM on November 29, 2005

This article confirms a long-held suspicion: Curly eyelashes are but one of the many implements in Satan's toolbox.
posted by rob511 at 5:12 PM on November 29, 2005

"including the three sets of razor-sharp "fighting teeth," which llamas use to rip the scrotum from male competitors in the wild."

Nice one, evolution.
posted by Sparx at 6:27 PM on November 29, 2005

Is it made of lemon juice?
posted by Wet Spot at 6:30 PM on November 29, 2005

MetaFilter: "If you're too huggy-kissy with them, a male who has not been castrated can turn on you."
posted by Cranberry at 10:50 PM on November 29, 2005

So I learned two important things today. 1) Cuddling an adorable baby llama will turn it into a hateful, dominance-obsessed monster, and 2) llamas have terrible, inward pointing back teeth designed by a loving god to tear the nuts off anybody who crosses 'em.
I don't think I want one as a pet anymore.
posted by maryh at 11:18 PM on November 29, 2005

My sister owns a llama farm... and all I can say is that there's no way in hell that I'm going to start refusing llama hugs freely given.


posted by insomnia_lj at 1:14 AM on November 30, 2005

That said, I did make her a custom warning sign for her llamas for a Christmas gift a few years ago.
posted by insomnia_lj at 1:51 AM on November 30, 2005

Why didn't you bother to spell "smartypants" correctly?
posted by agregoli at 10:38 AM on November 30, 2005

Because I am a doof? Is that the right answer???
posted by onlyconnect at 11:35 AM on November 30, 2005

Sorry, I know her - surprised to even see someone would alternatively spell "smartypants" - especially when the spelling is in the URL.
posted by agregoli at 11:47 AM on November 30, 2005