Financial fan fiction from Forbes
December 5, 2005 6:48 AM Subscribe
The Forbes Fictional 15 -- it is list season, after all--the usual suspects, and some new entries. Daddy Warbucks (Net Worth: $27.3 billion, attended SUNY Stony Brook) gets this: Iraqi conflict has been kind to Warbucks; recipient of multiple defense contracts; cat-food holdings also up.
I like the extended profile for Lucius Malfoy.
"I am constantly on the alert for opportunities to exploit you filthy Muggles," he told us nearly seven years ago (see: “Malfoy’s Malicious Methods” Forbes, Mar. 21, 1999).
Heh.
posted by unreason at 7:03 AM on December 5, 2005
"I am constantly on the alert for opportunities to exploit you filthy Muggles," he told us nearly seven years ago (see: “Malfoy’s Malicious Methods” Forbes, Mar. 21, 1999).
Heh.
posted by unreason at 7:03 AM on December 5, 2005
Don Corleone is most dead, is he not? In the sense that in his fictional universe he died, whereas all the others never died in their fictional universes. Unless Malfoy gets killed in the the latest Potter book, which I haven't read.
posted by spicynuts at 7:10 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by spicynuts at 7:10 AM on December 5, 2005
Note that Daddy Warbucks graduated from SUNY Stony Brook before it actually opened. Nice trick, that.
posted by Jeanne at 7:13 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Jeanne at 7:13 AM on December 5, 2005
Veronica Lodge is not even on there! As if Lodge Industries wasn't worth more than that sorry Cruella De Ville.
posted by Miko at 7:17 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Miko at 7:17 AM on December 5, 2005
I would expect to see Lazarus Long on such a list.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:21 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:21 AM on December 5, 2005
Pretty sure that Sonny went to the School of Hard Knocks tho...
posted by stenseng at 7:35 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by stenseng at 7:35 AM on December 5, 2005
Clearly this is referring to Donald Corleone, the illegitimate test-tube love child of Michael Corleone and his brother Fredo.
posted by lodurr at 7:40 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by lodurr at 7:40 AM on December 5, 2005
Is there another list for fictional corporations? We can see some of what's up with LexCorp and Wayne Industries here, but what of OCP, Hadden Inc., and whatever that multinational that Jim Profit worked for?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:43 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:43 AM on December 5, 2005
Is there another list for fictional corporations?
I predict a strong fiscal year for the budding Weyland-Yutani Corporation.
posted by Robot Johnny at 7:44 AM on December 5, 2005
I predict a strong fiscal year for the budding Weyland-Yutani Corporation.
posted by Robot Johnny at 7:44 AM on December 5, 2005
Isn't Metropolis supposed to be in Delaware as opposed to Illinois?
posted by solid-one-love at 8:07 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by solid-one-love at 8:07 AM on December 5, 2005
Hotblack Desiato. Although he’s technically dead, it’s only for tax purposes
posted by Smedleyman at 8:14 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Smedleyman at 8:14 AM on December 5, 2005
What about the company from Aliens? They seemed to have a little bit of dough.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:17 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by blue_beetle at 8:17 AM on December 5, 2005
Thurston Howell III is the best bazillionaire ever.
posted by Skygazer at 8:38 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Skygazer at 8:38 AM on December 5, 2005
What about the company from Aliens?
That would be Weyland-Yutani.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:09 AM on December 5, 2005
That would be Weyland-Yutani.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:09 AM on December 5, 2005
#6 McDuck, Scrooge
Net Worth: $8.2 billion
Source: Mining
Age: 80
Marital Status: Single
Hometown: Duckburg, U.S.A.
Education: Cluck U dropout.
Okay... seriously. Any of us could've written better comedy than that...
posted by BobFrapples at 9:16 AM on December 5, 2005
Net Worth: $8.2 billion
Source: Mining
Age: 80
Marital Status: Single
Hometown: Duckburg, U.S.A.
Education: Cluck U dropout.
Okay... seriously. Any of us could've written better comedy than that...
posted by BobFrapples at 9:16 AM on December 5, 2005
Isn't Metropolis supposed to be in Delaware as opposed to Illinois?
posted by solid-one-love at 10:07 AM CST on December 5 [!]
It's definitely on the East Coast, as is Gotham (the DCU East Coast is sort of crowded).
posted by COBRA! at 9:23 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by solid-one-love at 10:07 AM CST on December 5 [!]
It's definitely on the East Coast, as is Gotham (the DCU East Coast is sort of crowded).
posted by COBRA! at 9:23 AM on December 5, 2005
Come to think of it, Hannibal Lecter is living pretty comfily these days, too.
posted by Gator at 9:30 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Gator at 9:30 AM on December 5, 2005
I agree with what ZQUZYPHYR said about Scrooge McDuck, although reports vary on how rich he actually is. Scrooge himself estimated in a story that if he lost a million dollars per minute, he would be penniless in 600 years, which would mean his net worth is a little bit over 300 trillion dollars. Not quite astronomical, but still comfortably larger than the other rich people.
posted by fred_ashmore at 9:34 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by fred_ashmore at 9:34 AM on December 5, 2005
I have it on good authority that Flintheart Glomgold now has more money that Scrooge.
posted by about_time at 9:39 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by about_time at 9:39 AM on December 5, 2005
I'm kind of sad that Cosmo Spacely (look it up) didn't make the list, but the sprocket industry ain't what it used to be.
posted by jonmc at 10:14 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by jonmc at 10:14 AM on December 5, 2005
If Corleone didn't make the list because he's dead, Spacely failed to make the list because he is as yet unborn.
posted by Gator at 10:16 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Gator at 10:16 AM on December 5, 2005
Wait a minute, Gator, did we ever nail down when The Jetsons' lived? Wasn't it the twenty-first century?
He could be a zygote as we speak. Finally, a cogent pro-life argument: Say No To Abortion, You Might Kill Baby Spacely!
posted by jonmc at 10:20 AM on December 5, 2005
He could be a zygote as we speak. Finally, a cogent pro-life argument: Say No To Abortion, You Might Kill Baby Spacely!
posted by jonmc at 10:20 AM on December 5, 2005
Spacely is, at most, a twinkle in some rough trick's eye at this time.
posted by Gator at 10:22 AM on December 5, 2005
posted by Gator at 10:22 AM on December 5, 2005
The whole Gotham-Metropolis thing always bothered me. I mean, they're both NYC, right? Right? But there can only be one NYC....I guess Metropolis is the NYC of our dreams, and Gotham the NYC of our nightmares.
Overall, it's a remarkably humorless effort. Though, to be fair, the average Forbes reader might well have a rather deficient sense of humor by our standards.
posted by lodurr at 10:23 AM on December 5, 2005
Overall, it's a remarkably humorless effort. Though, to be fair, the average Forbes reader might well have a rather deficient sense of humor by our standards.
posted by lodurr at 10:23 AM on December 5, 2005
The whole Gotham-Metropolis thing always bothered me. I mean, they're both NYC, right? Right? But there can only be one NYC....I guess Metropolis is the NYC of our dreams, and Gotham the NYC of our nightmares.
Isn't Metropolis supposed to be Chicago, not New York?
posted by metaxa at 10:31 AM on December 5, 2005
Isn't Metropolis supposed to be Chicago, not New York?
posted by metaxa at 10:31 AM on December 5, 2005
disclaimer: I was a latecomer and a Marvelite at that. But I read a bunch of my cousin's Superman stuff (he loved the Batman-Superman crossovers) and a bunch of Dark Knight / Year One Batman. I had the impression at the time that Gotham was Boston and Metropolis was New York. OTOH, Tim Burton's Gotham looks a lot like Chicago to me. And the "Batman Begins" version of Gotham looks to me like a fever-dream version of Minneapolis or Toledo or Cleveland: What you'd get if an American midwestern city had developed according to the ideal path imagined for it in 1927.
In that vein, I can see how Metropolis could look a lot like an inflated Sandburgian Chicago, but it's on an ocean on the eastern seaboard. I think Batman always artfully handwaved on the name of the state.
As long as we're geekin': Anybody else here remember the Batman-Hulk crossover? And didn't Spidey show up there at some point?
posted by lodurr at 10:39 AM on December 5, 2005
In that vein, I can see how Metropolis could look a lot like an inflated Sandburgian Chicago, but it's on an ocean on the eastern seaboard. I think Batman always artfully handwaved on the name of the state.
As long as we're geekin': Anybody else here remember the Batman-Hulk crossover? And didn't Spidey show up there at some point?
posted by lodurr at 10:39 AM on December 5, 2005
#7 Clampett, Jed
Parlayed small gusher on Ozark homestead into multinational energy juggernaught.
Of course it's fictional. Ain't nothin up in them thar hills but a buncha lead that no one wants.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:49 AM on December 5, 2005
Parlayed small gusher on Ozark homestead into multinational energy juggernaught.
Of course it's fictional. Ain't nothin up in them thar hills but a buncha lead that no one wants.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:49 AM on December 5, 2005
And again, the comments are better than the article.
Tom, that was a great Scrooge letter!
posted by cavalier at 1:09 PM on December 5, 2005
Tom, that was a great Scrooge letter!
posted by cavalier at 1:09 PM on December 5, 2005
The best parts are still being written. The Forbes people are writing longer in-depth profiles; they just posted a Santa Claus one.
posted by unreason at 1:19 PM on December 5, 2005
posted by unreason at 1:19 PM on December 5, 2005
Metropolis was modelled after Cleveland (and Toronto) by the creators of Superman. Most stories have Smallville, which is definitely in Kansas, is within driving distance of Metropolis, putting it in Kansas or, again, Ohio.
However, many stories also show a coastline, assumed to be the Atlantic, which puts Metropolis on the east coast.
Gotham City is definitely modeled after New York.
Another notable omission: The Umbrella Corporation
posted by linux at 2:34 PM on December 5, 2005
However, many stories also show a coastline, assumed to be the Atlantic, which puts Metropolis on the east coast.
Gotham City is definitely modeled after New York.
Another notable omission: The Umbrella Corporation
posted by linux at 2:34 PM on December 5, 2005
No list of megapowerful companies would be complete without the inclusion of the Acme Corporation. exclusive supplier of explosives, exploding triggering mechanisms, Jet-propelled roller skates that explode, rocket sleds that blow up, exploding gigantic sling shots that explode, (and pretty much everything that explodes), to one Mr. Wile E. Coyote, Genius.
posted by Skygazer at 3:51 PM on December 5, 2005
posted by Skygazer at 3:51 PM on December 5, 2005
How could Acme be profitable -- all their products are faulty!
The midwestern origin of Metropolis is interesting -- it confirms my gut feeling about the DCU cities: That they are engineered to seem like the All American City Of Our Dreams.
As I sit here, I think I know the origin of the sense of "midwesternness" that i always got from Gotham/Metropolis. As a child, I used to ride in the fambly car through teh midwest, every summer. We'd drive through places like Columbus and Toledo and Kansas City and Dallas and Tulsa. We'd approach these cities across flat land, and see them rise out of the horizon as a cluster of tall buildings like a distant Cinderella's palace. As you drew closer, and finally passed through them (this was still in the days when not all cities had loops), you'd pass through on elevated highways that whizzed pass art deco skyscrapers. And in between, I'd spend at least a few days at my granny's, where I'd read my cousin's Superman comics. The feel was like the feel of Metropolis in my cousin's comics.
posted by lodurr at 3:59 PM on December 5, 2005
The midwestern origin of Metropolis is interesting -- it confirms my gut feeling about the DCU cities: That they are engineered to seem like the All American City Of Our Dreams.
As I sit here, I think I know the origin of the sense of "midwesternness" that i always got from Gotham/Metropolis. As a child, I used to ride in the fambly car through teh midwest, every summer. We'd drive through places like Columbus and Toledo and Kansas City and Dallas and Tulsa. We'd approach these cities across flat land, and see them rise out of the horizon as a cluster of tall buildings like a distant Cinderella's palace. As you drew closer, and finally passed through them (this was still in the days when not all cities had loops), you'd pass through on elevated highways that whizzed pass art deco skyscrapers. And in between, I'd spend at least a few days at my granny's, where I'd read my cousin's Superman comics. The feel was like the feel of Metropolis in my cousin's comics.
posted by lodurr at 3:59 PM on December 5, 2005
(that said, I still think that both Metropolis and Gotham were "supposed" to be New York, in the sense that they're supposed to be "the" dominant city of the American millieu -- and that can only be NYC. I say that as someone with a long history of griping about NYC....)
posted by lodurr at 4:02 PM on December 5, 2005
posted by lodurr at 4:02 PM on December 5, 2005
Actually, Metropolis is a small town in southern Illinois.
posted by Afroblanco at 4:08 PM on December 5, 2005
posted by Afroblanco at 4:08 PM on December 5, 2005
lodurr: I've allways assumed that Metropolis is New York during the day, being the expresion of the american dream, while Gotham is New York at night, the seedy underbelly of civilization. but i may just be being pretentious.
posted by Davidicus at 5:57 PM on December 5, 2005
posted by Davidicus at 5:57 PM on December 5, 2005
Oh my god, I'm SO GLAD we're having this conversation so I don't have to waste an AskMe question on it!
Even critics of Wikipedia (like myself) have to admit that one thing they do well is stuff like comics, and they haven't let us down. Both the Metropolis entry and the Gotham entry have sections on the possible locations--and the inherent contradictions--of the two cities.
From both articles: "The distance between the two cities has varied greatly over the years, ranging from being hundreds of miles apart to Gotham and Metropolis being twin cities on opposite sides of a large bay."
Actually, this was what I believed as a child. It always cracked me up to think of Batman driving along the shore in the Batmobile, glancing across the bay, and seeing a miniscule Superman flying around...
Regardless, I think we can all agree on one thing: naming a dark 'n' gloomy crime-ridden city Blüdhaven is just fucking retarded.
posted by Ian A.T. at 8:29 PM on December 5, 2005
Even critics of Wikipedia (like myself) have to admit that one thing they do well is stuff like comics, and they haven't let us down. Both the Metropolis entry and the Gotham entry have sections on the possible locations--and the inherent contradictions--of the two cities.
From both articles: "The distance between the two cities has varied greatly over the years, ranging from being hundreds of miles apart to Gotham and Metropolis being twin cities on opposite sides of a large bay."
Actually, this was what I believed as a child. It always cracked me up to think of Batman driving along the shore in the Batmobile, glancing across the bay, and seeing a miniscule Superman flying around...
Regardless, I think we can all agree on one thing: naming a dark 'n' gloomy crime-ridden city Blüdhaven is just fucking retarded.
posted by Ian A.T. at 8:29 PM on December 5, 2005
Richie Rich's Richville is in INDIANA? Oh, yeah, it's probably Gary.
posted by GaelFC at 10:45 PM on December 5, 2005
posted by GaelFC at 10:45 PM on December 5, 2005
that Bludhaven thing sounds like a Philly/Camden setup. (and it is a stupid stupid name)
at least everyone agrees that Spidey lives here. : >
posted by amberglow at 10:48 PM on December 5, 2005
at least everyone agrees that Spidey lives here. : >
posted by amberglow at 10:48 PM on December 5, 2005
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