South Wales man in terror shock exclusive - pictures

December 11, 2005 10:38 AM

Cardiff Terrifies Me. Daily news-stand headlines from that bastion of quality journalism, the South Wales Echo.
posted by nylon (28 comments total)

When I first read this post, I thought it was about the Cardiff Giant.
posted by brundlefly at 10:59 AM on December 11, 2005

I wonder what they mean by illegal bikers. Some sort of Welsh critical mass? Hell's Angels who haven't properly registered their hogs?
posted by donpedro at 11:01 AM on December 11, 2005

LIKE
MEFI
BUT
BRIEF
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:02 AM on December 11, 2005

how come people always knock Cardiff? they even did it on Doctor Who. what's so bad about it?
posted by amberglow at 11:03 AM on December 11, 2005

at least it's not Slough.
posted by shmegegge at 11:13 AM on December 11, 2005

Tabloid booth headline sheets are like thought bubbles for paranoid schizos.
posted by srboisvert at 11:18 AM on December 11, 2005

Cardiff terrifies me sounds like the name of one of those new members who flooded in back when Matt lowered the standar... opened up MeFi admission to all those lurkers who had been locked out.
posted by LeLiLo at 11:21 AM on December 11, 2005

Well, sounds like people are never bored in Cardiff.

I want to know more about the evil swan killers.
posted by funambulist at 11:22 AM on December 11, 2005

This is good! (I used to live in Cardiff). What doesn’t come across, alas, are the newsvendors’ periodic shouts of E-CHO! I wonder if any of those have been preserved on-line...
posted by misteraitch at 11:30 AM on December 11, 2005

I want to know more about the evil swan killers

The police are probably after them in order to give them a reward - one thing Cardiff definitely needs less of is evil swans.

misteraitch, I've never heard any of the vendors ever shouting E-CHO - it's always some weird mouthful-of-toffee NNGGFF-UGH, or HAH-HAW, or even AARGH-FBBP.
posted by nylon at 11:37 AM on December 11, 2005

See also Darren LinkMachineGo's Evening Standard Headline Crisis.
posted by feelinglistless at 12:14 PM on December 11, 2005

Unfortunately I can't find an image of it on the internets but I do remember a news vendor stand for the Scottish Daily Record bearing the words GLASGOW FATHER 'TOO FAT' TO BE CREMATED.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 2:08 PM on December 11, 2005

I'm having wild guesses at what the the cutlery row is all about - thanks for posting this nylon!
posted by ceri richard at 2:35 PM on December 11, 2005

I can't imagine why people stay in Cardiff, with both a sex monster and an impaling horror stalking the streets. Not to mention the evil swans.
posted by terpsichoria at 3:37 PM on December 11, 2005

Funnily enough, I'm always more cheerful when I haven't read the mainstream news for a couple of days...
posted by cleardawn at 5:59 PM on December 11, 2005

It's true, though. If you check the BBC website every day, the local news headlines are usually along the lines of:
"England: (politics, business, crime, celeb);
Scotland: (business, poverty, sport);
Northern Ireland: (politics, religion, crime, human interest);
Wales: ADDICT TEEN KILLS PENSIONER WITH OWN FALSE LEG, LEAVES HEADLESS CORPSE IN GUTTER"
posted by Hogshead at 5:59 PM on December 11, 2005

nylon—yes, even though it’s spelled E-CHO! it’s pronounced any number of ways, according to each vendor’s interpretative abilities… I have heard it shouted as an almost recognisable ER-GEH! or similar, but other times it’s reduced a monosyllabic bark. It would be cool if someone could record this distinctive variety for posterity (if that hasn’t been done already).
posted by misteraitch at 12:26 AM on December 12, 2005

they are indeed hilarious. and comparing Cardiff to Slough is plain silly. it's one of the best cities in the UK.
a lot of the "knocking" is kind of self referencing. e.g. Doctor Who, most of it was shot in Cardiff, with a cardiff writter and crew etc. thanks for drawing attention to this site tho, so my daily chuckles on reading the headlines can be recorded.
posted by toffee at 12:58 AM on December 12, 2005

All the more amazing for the fact that only 10% of Welsh people can actually read. The rest just forrage in the open countryside, chewing the raw meat off the bones they find.
posted by ciderwoman at 4:40 AM on December 12, 2005

how come people always knock Cardiff? they even did it on Doctor Who. what's so bad about it?
posted by amberglow at 11:03 AM PST on December 11 [!]

Yes, Doctor Who wasn't knocking Cardiff, it was giving the city cool shout-outs. It's a BBC Wales production.

I once saw a "C.O.P.S." style show set in Cardiff. It was more violent than the Canadian version (esp as they filmed the pubs closing up), but the cops were much more polite than the American version. All the violence was on the side of the people getting out of pubs (as caught on CCTV).
posted by jb at 5:08 AM on December 12, 2005

ciderwoman—I had someone read your comment to me while I sucked the marrow from a discarded rib, & it brought a poignant tear to my eye (as did the 2nd r in forage). You could perhaps have spared a thought for those cursèd half-breeds such as myself who are not only half-Welsh, but, what is yet worse, half-English, & thus doubly cursed by our unnatural parentage, etc.
posted by misteraitch at 5:41 AM on December 12, 2005

Misteraitch, it is thanks to my Welsh mother and swedish father that I am able to understand the true feral horror that is Wales. This was written from the inside trying to claw my six toes way out, not the other way round.
posted by ciderwoman at 8:03 AM on December 12, 2005

Doctor Who 2005 was not necessarily praising Cardiff - c.f. The Unquiet Dead.

"It's not 1860 - it's 1869"
"I don't care!"
"It's not Naples - it's Cardiff."
"Oh."

"I'm about to face death. In Cardiff."

I've lived in Cardiff for four years. Honestly, I don't see why everyone likes the place. Then again, I used to live in London and I've never lived in godforsaken places like Slough or Milton Keynes.
posted by badlydubbedboy at 9:27 AM on December 12, 2005

Oh, toffee says Doctor Who comes from a Cardiff writer. Well, Russell T. Davies is actually from Swansea...
posted by badlydubbedboy at 9:29 AM on December 12, 2005

bdb - that's just gentle ribbing. If I were writing about a character from New York or LA arriving in Toronto, I might write the same thing (and I love my hometown).
posted by jb at 9:45 AM on December 12, 2005

Or from Gallifrey, for that matter.
posted by jb at 9:46 AM on December 12, 2005

bdb: sorry. you are right about RTD - and it appears he lives in Manchester. but it was a "cardiff production" in many ways, which was the point i was making.
and of course as jb points out, thats a fun in-joke, not a slight. maybe you should mix with the locals more to get a sense of humour.
posted by toffee at 12:29 PM on December 12, 2005

I'm gonna have to get there soon, and see.

(sucking marrow by the side of the road? i'm used to part of that sentence, anyway)
posted by amberglow at 8:04 PM on December 12, 2005