Parrot squawks of infedility
January 17, 2006 12:53 PM Subscribe
Don't trust your pet. Think that your affair is a secret from everyone? No so... your parrot has seen it all and is prepared to tell your husband. If you are going to have an affair, put a cloth over the parrot's cage, or try not to call out loud.
This post was deleted for the following reason: kinda lame
Wait, so the parrot bought her cellphone records for the low low price of $89.95?
posted by Gator at 1:04 PM on January 17, 2006
posted by Gator at 1:04 PM on January 17, 2006
Ms Collins, 25, said: "I'm not proud of what I did but I'm sure Chris would be the first to admit we were having problems."
Er, no. Ziggy would be the first.
posted by orange swan at 1:10 PM on January 17, 2006
Er, no. Ziggy would be the first.
posted by orange swan at 1:10 PM on January 17, 2006
FWD: Free Neiman-Marcus Cookie Recipe
This is a true story... Please forward it to everyone that you can.... You will have to read it to believe it....
My daughter and I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas & decided to have a small dessert. Because both of us are such cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie". It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and the waitress said with a small frown "I'm afraid not." Well" I said, "would you let me buy the recipe?"
With a cute smile, she said YES". I asked how much and she responded, "Only two fifty, it's a great deal!" I said with approval, "just add it to my tab".. Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it was $285.00. I looked again and remembered I had only spent $9.95 for two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00". That's outrageous!!!
I called Neiman's Accounting Dept. and told them that the waitress said it was "two-fifty," which clearly does not mean "two hundred and fifty dollars" by any POSSIBLE interpretation of the phrase. Neiman-Marcus refused to budge.. They would not refund my money, because according to them, "What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe - we absolutely will not refund your money at this point." I explained to her the criminal statutes which govern fraud in Texas. I threatened to refer them to the Better Business Bureau and the State's Attorney General for engaging in fraud. I was basically told, "Do what you want, we dont give a damn, and we're not refunding your money." I waited a moment, thinking of how I could get even,or even try to get any of my money back. I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00, and now I'm going to have $250.00 worth of fun."
I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in the United States with an e-mail account has a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus... for free..She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this" I said, "Well you should have thought of that before you ripped me off", and slammed down the phone on her.. So, here it is!!! Please, please, please pass it on to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid $250.00 dollars for this... I don't want Neiman-Marcus to ever get another penny off of this recipe....
(Recipe may be halved):
2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups brown sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal (measure oatmeal and blend in blender to a fine powder)
24 oz. chocolate chips
1 tsp. salt
1 8 oz. Hershey bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla
Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet..Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies.. Have Fun!!!
This is not a joke - this is a true story... Ride free citizens!!!! This isn't some stupid chain letter either.. pass it on.. if you don't, you won't die or get dumped.. you'll just do the world an injustice...
Thanx...
posted by keswick at 1:17 PM on January 17, 2006
This is a true story... Please forward it to everyone that you can.... You will have to read it to believe it....
My daughter and I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas & decided to have a small dessert. Because both of us are such cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie". It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and the waitress said with a small frown "I'm afraid not." Well" I said, "would you let me buy the recipe?"
With a cute smile, she said YES". I asked how much and she responded, "Only two fifty, it's a great deal!" I said with approval, "just add it to my tab".. Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it was $285.00. I looked again and remembered I had only spent $9.95 for two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf. As I glanced at the bottom of the statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00". That's outrageous!!!
I called Neiman's Accounting Dept. and told them that the waitress said it was "two-fifty," which clearly does not mean "two hundred and fifty dollars" by any POSSIBLE interpretation of the phrase. Neiman-Marcus refused to budge.. They would not refund my money, because according to them, "What the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe - we absolutely will not refund your money at this point." I explained to her the criminal statutes which govern fraud in Texas. I threatened to refer them to the Better Business Bureau and the State's Attorney General for engaging in fraud. I was basically told, "Do what you want, we dont give a damn, and we're not refunding your money." I waited a moment, thinking of how I could get even,or even try to get any of my money back. I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00, and now I'm going to have $250.00 worth of fun."
I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in the United States with an e-mail account has a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus... for free..She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this" I said, "Well you should have thought of that before you ripped me off", and slammed down the phone on her.. So, here it is!!! Please, please, please pass it on to everyone you can possibly think of. I paid $250.00 dollars for this... I don't want Neiman-Marcus to ever get another penny off of this recipe....
(Recipe may be halved):
2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups brown sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal (measure oatmeal and blend in blender to a fine powder)
24 oz. chocolate chips
1 tsp. salt
1 8 oz. Hershey bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla
Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Hershey bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet..Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies.. Have Fun!!!
This is not a joke - this is a true story... Ride free citizens!!!! This isn't some stupid chain letter either.. pass it on.. if you don't, you won't die or get dumped.. you'll just do the world an injustice...
Thanx...
posted by keswick at 1:17 PM on January 17, 2006
Jealous Husband Returns in Form of Parrot
By Robert Olen Butler, originally published in The New Yorker, 1995.
posted by Uccellina at 1:20 PM on January 17, 2006
By Robert Olen Butler, originally published in The New Yorker, 1995.
posted by Uccellina at 1:20 PM on January 17, 2006
"I wasn't sorry to see the back of Suzy after what she did, but it really broke my heart to let Ziggy go," he said.
*snif*
posted by stirfry at 1:24 PM on January 17, 2006
*snif*
posted by stirfry at 1:24 PM on January 17, 2006
You suck and your post sucks and I hate you over the internet.
posted by boo_radley at 1:34 PM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by boo_radley at 1:34 PM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]
keswick, you forgot to tell that Microsoft is testing a new email tracer program to help fight spam. So, for each different person you forward the recipe, MS will send you a dollar.
posted by nkyad at 1:51 PM on January 17, 2006
posted by nkyad at 1:51 PM on January 17, 2006
My favorite one is about how plug-in air fresheners will
burn your house down. Or maybe the one about the guys
who prey on women at highway rest stops with fake
perfume samples that knock them unconscious so they can
be raped.
posted by longsleeves at 2:26 PM on January 17, 2006
burn your house down. Or maybe the one about the guys
who prey on women at highway rest stops with fake
perfume samples that knock them unconscious so they can
be raped.
posted by longsleeves at 2:26 PM on January 17, 2006
my sister just sent me the one with a picture of a bunch of (free!) cute golden retrievers and the closing sentiment that if they don't get homes, unfortunately they will have to be put to sleep.
it's getting so when she sends me emails i just send her a snopes link in return.
posted by chococat at 2:39 PM on January 17, 2006
it's getting so when she sends me emails i just send her a snopes link in return.
posted by chococat at 2:39 PM on January 17, 2006
You suck and your post sucks and I hate you over the internet.
*Cleans coffee off of laptop*
posted by everichon at 2:56 PM on January 17, 2006
*Cleans coffee off of laptop*
posted by everichon at 2:56 PM on January 17, 2006
You suck and your post sucks and I hate you over the internet.
Yoink!
posted by Gator at 3:25 PM on January 17, 2006
Yoink!
posted by Gator at 3:25 PM on January 17, 2006
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posted by NationalKato at 1:02 PM on January 17, 2006