she represents Queens, I was raised out in Brooklyn
February 3, 2006 1:03 PM   Subscribe



 
It doesn't say how you measure.
posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 1:07 PM on February 3, 2006


Holy crow.
posted by nevercalm at 1:08 PM on February 3, 2006


Viscosity? Hmmm, never thought to measure that.

Fascinating stuff.
posted by selfnoise at 1:11 PM on February 3, 2006


Well, you could measure (penis length I assume) the same way as you measure a cat tail (from the pooper) but I doubt that was how it was done
posted by Suparnova at 1:11 PM on February 3, 2006


The nacho doesn't count!
posted by Bucket o' Heads at 1:13 PM on February 3, 2006


2.5 times weekly? What ages were polled?
posted by graventy at 1:16 PM on February 3, 2006


Two minutes until orgasm? Dang. What kind of supermen did they study?
posted by John of Michigan at 1:17 PM on February 3, 2006


That's it I am boycotting fruit, are my brother with me?
posted by 517 at 1:21 PM on February 3, 2006


S damn.
posted by 517 at 1:21 PM on February 3, 2006


Huh. I am an earthbound sexual God. Good to know.
...not sure how to parlay that into any sort of success or anything....but y’know, the wife’s happy.
(two minutes? 2-3 x’s per week? That’s watching a lot of television)
posted by Smedleyman at 1:25 PM on February 3, 2006


Average Coitus Calorie Expenditure
100 calories, at a rate of 6 per minute (Meaning, if you work out the equations, you're expending the equivalent of 419 Watts. If only there were some way of harvesting all that energy…)

Nipple clamps?
posted by NationalKato at 1:27 PM on February 3, 2006


Average Time to Achieve Erection
3-8 seconds.


Heh.
posted by billysumday at 1:30 PM on February 3, 2006


hey, where's the stats on female ejaculation?!
posted by atlatl at 1:41 PM on February 3, 2006


real men don't care about female ejaculation.

I'll see myself out
posted by jonmc at 1:48 PM on February 3, 2006


Well, I'm above average in at least one statistic.
But I won't tell you which one.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:51 PM on February 3, 2006


Hooray for being slightly above average across the board!*

Either way, the lady in my life is happy. She's...how shall I put it... easy to please.

* which in this case means the things I've ever been curious enough to measure. Most of the list, yes. All of it, no. Never thought to measure, say, viscosity.
posted by mystyk at 1:55 PM on February 3, 2006


i told you i was normal !
posted by mishaco at 1:58 PM on February 3, 2006


Average Testicle Size
2 inches long, 0.8 inch in breath, and 1.2 inches in diameter (5 x 2 x 3 cm).


My balls are huge.
posted by ND¢ at 1:59 PM on February 3, 2006


Oh, yeah, not as big as his.
posted by sfts2 at 2:03 PM on February 3, 2006


But they didn't correct for temperature!
posted by TedW at 2:06 PM on February 3, 2006


Damn, I better start hitting up all those spam emails about enlarging something.
posted by melt away at 2:09 PM on February 3, 2006


Well, I'm above average in at least one statistic.

Vaginal Acidity?
posted by NationalKato at 2:09 PM on February 3, 2006


yo, this is waaaaay too much information
posted by bluesky43 at 2:13 PM on February 3, 2006


As you can see, duration peaks for the 21-25 age group, and from there on in is a long, slow slide into oblivion.

That's cold.
posted by brundlefly at 2:18 PM on February 3, 2006


i'd love to know, in detail, how they gather these statistics
posted by wumpus at 2:59 PM on February 3, 2006


Color me cynical, but I'm with wumpus on this.
posted by piratebowling at 3:03 PM on February 3, 2006


Are you two absolutely sure about that?
posted by jenovus at 3:32 PM on February 3, 2006


the average female is 5'3" 145 lbs? damn, chunk city!
posted by b_thinky at 3:58 PM on February 3, 2006


You shouldn't miss the rest of the site, either!

Otherwise, how would you know that "females of [African] tribes tug constantly on their labia to elongate them"? "Sometimes the girls will band together and assist one another. ... The labia can hang as much as 7 inches in length, much to the delight of the menfolk, who find women with lengthened lips very desirable. In case you're wondering how the manage with such ponderous equipment, they often push the long labia into the vaginal orifice to protect them during normal household chores."
posted by booksandlibretti at 5:30 PM on February 3, 2006


300-500 million sperm are released every ejaculation, and 1.2 trillion sperm are produced during a man's lifetime.

That's 2400-4000 ejaculations a lifetime. I'd hate to think I'm well past my quota at the age of 37.
posted by commander_cool at 6:06 PM on February 3, 2006


the average female is 5'3" 145 lbs? damn, chunk city!

I'm going to assume that was sarcastic. The glaring logical flaw means it MUST be. Right? Right?

/LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
posted by InnocentBystander at 6:09 PM on February 3, 2006


the average female is 5'3" 145 lbs? damn, chunk city!

sounds hot to me. can I have her number?
posted by jonmc at 7:27 PM on February 3, 2006


here you go, jonmc.
posted by booksandlibretti at 7:55 PM on February 3, 2006


I have a friend that will be sooo happy with the 5'3" average female statistic. Thank you Asia!
posted by hgbrian at 8:23 PM on February 3, 2006


That's 2400-4000 ejaculations a lifetime

Which, when you think about it, is once per day for a decade.

(Does quick calculation) Hey, I'm overdrawn at the sperm bank.
posted by Sparx at 8:26 PM on February 3, 2006


Also, booksandlibretti, that site has a shopping cart. Because prison is really just a supermarket for the lonely.
posted by Sparx at 8:29 PM on February 3, 2006


Wow. Men are more petite, and women fatter, on average, than I'd ever have imagined. Crikey. Those are some frail men for those chunky women!

And African women are doing what to their labia while Western women are paying for designer vaginas? Madness.
posted by onegreeneye at 8:38 PM on February 3, 2006


Average Ejaculatory Speed
28 miles per hour (45 km/hr). Once it enters the vagina, the sperm takes 5 minutes to cross the 6 inches of territory to the cervix (.0011 mph), namely because they no longer have flight accommodations and must hoof it on foot, so to speak.

Heh.
posted by purephase at 8:43 PM on February 3, 2006


16-20 year olds have 40+ minute erections? How does that go with the coming in 2 minutes stat?
posted by onegreeneye at 8:49 PM on February 3, 2006


16-20 year olds have 40+ minute erections? How does that go with the coming in 2 minutes stat?

Well, that's 2 minutes after penetration... so I'd imagine with those kind of stats, their female partners might have reason to delay the beginning of the end for a while after the guys are ready to go.
posted by Wingy at 9:30 PM on February 3, 2006


I'm e-mailing this to my ex; YOU NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD, YOU HEART-DEVOURING HARPY!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:34 PM on February 3, 2006


16-20 year olds have 40+ minute erections? How does that go with the coming in 2 minutes stat?

That's 20+ orgasms before losing the erection.
posted by semmi at 9:43 PM on February 3, 2006


That site has all sorts of useful information.
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:43 PM on February 3, 2006


I'm e-mailing this to my ex; YOU NEVER HAD IT SO GOOD, YOU HEART-DEVOURING HARPY!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:34 PM PST on February 3 [!]

That made me shoot 7-up out my nose. Funny! But so sad too :(
posted by onegreeneye at 9:58 PM on February 3, 2006


16-20 year olds have 40+ minute erections?

Yeah and it sure helps make highschool a lot more embarrassing experience than it needs to be.

"Dude, the bell rang, let's go."

"Um . . .I think I'm just going to sit here for about 10 more minutes, for some reason."

posted by dgaicun at 10:16 PM on February 3, 2006


Now I'm no sex machine, but I'm no minuteman either, so I wanna know where the hell are they getting a 54 minute-straight erection? If men my age have erections on average every 90 minutes (no documentation but I read that somewhere) then that means they spend 2/3rds of their twenties with a boner. As hyperbole that might fly, but really now...
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 11:26 PM on February 3, 2006


After reading that page, I will say only this:

Damn, I am goooood. Damn good indeed.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:01 AM on February 4, 2006


the average female is 5'3" 145 lbs? damn, chunk city!

Cool! I totally just ran from the computer and phoned my ex-boyfriend, and asked him if he thought I was "chunk city."
posted by jennanemone at 11:18 AM on February 4, 2006


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