"My dad heard you yelling at the Dildo in the kitchen"
April 4, 2006 8:55 PM Subscribe
porn quotes! porn star kami andrews [NSFW duh] has collected her favorite quotes from porn stars. I think some are movie lines and some are from personal interraction. My favorite: "Your life story would be called When Bubble wrap isn't enough"
Well, there's a reason they're porn stars and not comedians. Or writers.
posted by danb at 9:15 PM on April 4, 2006
posted by danb at 9:15 PM on April 4, 2006
"Your life story would be called When Bubble wrap isn't enough"
.
I don't get it.
posted by CRM114 at 9:40 PM on April 4, 2006
.
I don't get it.
posted by CRM114 at 9:40 PM on April 4, 2006
I could hear pretty much the same thing by listening to the teenagers who ride the bus at 2AM.
The "It's not that I'm saying your stupid, it's just that I feel really smart around you" summed it up pretty well.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:41 PM on April 4, 2006
The "It's not that I'm saying your stupid, it's just that I feel really smart around you" summed it up pretty well.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:41 PM on April 4, 2006
Aww, they're trying to be witty! That's adorable!
Good thing they get paid for their physical appearance.
posted by jenovus at 9:46 PM on April 4, 2006
Good thing they get paid for their physical appearance.
posted by jenovus at 9:46 PM on April 4, 2006
Never mind. I kept reading, and realized they're not even trying.
posted by jenovus at 9:47 PM on April 4, 2006
posted by jenovus at 9:47 PM on April 4, 2006
"I never did coke or speed in a scene till I came to work for you, then when I saw how bad my performance was I decided to never do it again"
"well thanks a lot for discovering this after you did my movie"
Hah, that was funny.
But yeah, this has about the intelectual value of a random myspace profile.
posted by delmoi at 9:49 PM on April 4, 2006
"well thanks a lot for discovering this after you did my movie"
Hah, that was funny.
But yeah, this has about the intelectual value of a random myspace profile.
posted by delmoi at 9:49 PM on April 4, 2006
She's really ugly [SFW-IMO]. Also is this [NSFW] erotic, in any sense other then showing how far she'll go to degrade herself?
posted by delmoi at 9:51 PM on April 4, 2006
posted by delmoi at 9:51 PM on April 4, 2006
"Your mistaking this for a work environment where girls don't eat their own shit, things work differently here"
I can't wait to use this one around the office tomorrow.
posted by milnak at 9:51 PM on April 4, 2006
I can't wait to use this one around the office tomorrow.
posted by milnak at 9:51 PM on April 4, 2006
2sheets >>> "What do you expect from a pee drinker?"
Family-sized bottles of mouthwash?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:01 PM on April 4, 2006
Family-sized bottles of mouthwash?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:01 PM on April 4, 2006
I didn't expect her to be listening to Neko Case and Kelly Hogan.
posted by unmake at 11:04 PM on April 4, 2006
posted by unmake at 11:04 PM on April 4, 2006
What camcgee said.
posted by Devils Slide at 11:24 PM on April 4, 2006
posted by Devils Slide at 11:24 PM on April 4, 2006
The cover shot for "who let the whores out" (the third movie she directed), is kind of cool looking, from an artistic standpoint.
posted by delmoi at 11:50 PM on April 4, 2006
posted by delmoi at 11:50 PM on April 4, 2006
She's really ugly [SFW-IMO].
Whenever someone posts a picture of a woman who makes money off her appearance, someone always has to assert that, no, sorry, she's ugly as piss and looks like an antelope. This happens on every website on the planet, and probably some alien websites in space, too. Is there a name for this rule?
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 2:33 AM on April 5, 2006
Whenever someone posts a picture of a woman who makes money off her appearance, someone always has to assert that, no, sorry, she's ugly as piss and looks like an antelope. This happens on every website on the planet, and probably some alien websites in space, too. Is there a name for this rule?
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 2:33 AM on April 5, 2006
ArmyOfKittens' Law:
"As an online discussion concerning women who make money off their appearance grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving piss or antelopes approaches one."
How 'bout that? Maybe you just added a corollary to Godwin's Law.
posted by exlotuseater at 3:47 AM on April 5, 2006
"As an online discussion concerning women who make money off their appearance grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving piss or antelopes approaches one."
How 'bout that? Maybe you just added a corollary to Godwin's Law.
posted by exlotuseater at 3:47 AM on April 5, 2006
Is there a name for this rule?
The Coulter Obligatory?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 4:09 AM on April 5, 2006
The Coulter Obligatory?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 4:09 AM on April 5, 2006
Is there a name for this rule?
The I Have No Chance So I Might As Well Pretend I wouldn't Do Her Anyway rule.
posted by bondcliff at 6:38 AM on April 5, 2006
The I Have No Chance So I Might As Well Pretend I wouldn't Do Her Anyway rule.
posted by bondcliff at 6:38 AM on April 5, 2006
She's really ugly [SFW-IMO].
er, did you look at what she's holding in her hand?
posted by ciderwoman at 7:14 AM on April 5, 2006
er, did you look at what she's holding in her hand?
posted by ciderwoman at 7:14 AM on April 5, 2006
hah
posted by ciderwoman at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2006
posted by ciderwoman at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2006
you know, I normally hate when people jump into a thread about something that's supposed to be funny and say "Ugh, does anyone actually laugh at this?!" But these quotes are really really "I guess you had to be there," type material.
posted by shmegegge at 8:05 AM on April 5, 2006
posted by shmegegge at 8:05 AM on April 5, 2006
Whenever someone posts a picture of a woman who makes money off her appearance, someone always has to assert that, no, sorry, she's ugly as piss and looks like an antelope.This happens on every website on the planet, and probably some alien websites in space, too. Is there a name for this rule?
But not every woman in porn is attractive. Far from it. I don't know about a rule, but there is a general formula: the level of degradation which a pornstar endures in a porn video is inversely proportional to the beauty of said (female) pornstar. As for the male stars, 90% of them are ugly pigs so that Joe Schmoe can identify with them.
posted by Devils Slide at 8:09 AM on April 5, 2006
But not every woman in porn is attractive. Far from it. I don't know about a rule, but there is a general formula: the level of degradation which a pornstar endures in a porn video is inversely proportional to the beauty of said (female) pornstar. As for the male stars, 90% of them are ugly pigs so that Joe Schmoe can identify with them.
posted by Devils Slide at 8:09 AM on April 5, 2006
Whenever someone posts a picture of a woman who makes money off her appearance, someone always has to assert that, no, sorry, she's ugly as piss and looks like an antelope. This happens on every website on the planet, and probably some alien websites in space, too. Is there a name for this rule?
This may be true, but isn't it also possible that she is really physically unattractive? (I don't know, I'm at work)
As for the male stars, 90% of them are ugly pigs so that Joe Schmoe can identify with them.
Especially us Joe Schmoes with 14 inch cocks. Seriously though, there really is a small (6 or so inch) difference between the ugly dudes doing porn and the average guy on the street.
posted by Pollomacho at 9:00 AM on April 5, 2006
This may be true, but isn't it also possible that she is really physically unattractive? (I don't know, I'm at work)
As for the male stars, 90% of them are ugly pigs so that Joe Schmoe can identify with them.
Especially us Joe Schmoes with 14 inch cocks. Seriously though, there really is a small (6 or so inch) difference between the ugly dudes doing porn and the average guy on the street.
posted by Pollomacho at 9:00 AM on April 5, 2006
I didn't expect her to be listening to Neko Case
Neko Case is one of The New Pornographers. Why is that so surprising?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:28 AM on April 5, 2006
Neko Case is one of The New Pornographers. Why is that so surprising?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:28 AM on April 5, 2006
There's something infinitely depressing about the casual way they talk about drug abuse, degrading acts, and AIDS. The sad kills the funny.
posted by Jatayu das at 9:33 AM on April 5, 2006
posted by Jatayu das at 9:33 AM on April 5, 2006
The I Have No Chance So I Might As Well Pretend I wouldn't Do Her Anyway rule.
Yes, of course. Because NO ONE in his right mind would miss a chance to fuck a girl that eats her own shit.
posted by c13 at 9:33 AM on April 5, 2006
Yes, of course. Because NO ONE in his right mind would miss a chance to fuck a girl that eats her own shit.
posted by c13 at 9:33 AM on April 5, 2006
“Kiss me I have morphine in my teeth”
I saw that on a shirt at the St. Lugosi day parade.
(Or was it St.Bird?)
posted by Smedleyman at 10:20 AM on April 5, 2006
I saw that on a shirt at the St. Lugosi day parade.
(Or was it St.Bird?)
posted by Smedleyman at 10:20 AM on April 5, 2006
This may be true, but isn't it also possible that she is really physically unattractive? (I don't know, I'm at work)
I wouldn't call her gorgeous, but she's no less attractive than the average page 3 stunnah from The Sun, and thousands of men wank over them every day. Besides, she's a porn star -- when it comes down to it, the camera isn't interested in her face, but her body, and what's put in or on it.
But not every woman in porn is attractive.
I tend to think that people set their bar for attractiveness way higher when looking at pictures of some randomite on the net (particularly someone uppity enough to make a living off their appearance) than when they're looking for a partner. Yes, maybe she doesn't float everyone's boat, but she's obviously good enough to turn some people on, or she wouldn't have any work.
Men in (hetero) porn tend to be picked for their massive wedges, and women tend to be picked for their bust/waist/arse ratio. A face like a film star is a bonus.
the level of degradation which a pornstar endures
Meh. It's only degredation if they're forced to do it.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 10:57 AM on April 5, 2006
I wouldn't call her gorgeous, but she's no less attractive than the average page 3 stunnah from The Sun, and thousands of men wank over them every day. Besides, she's a porn star -- when it comes down to it, the camera isn't interested in her face, but her body, and what's put in or on it.
But not every woman in porn is attractive.
I tend to think that people set their bar for attractiveness way higher when looking at pictures of some randomite on the net (particularly someone uppity enough to make a living off their appearance) than when they're looking for a partner. Yes, maybe she doesn't float everyone's boat, but she's obviously good enough to turn some people on, or she wouldn't have any work.
Men in (hetero) porn tend to be picked for their massive wedges, and women tend to be picked for their bust/waist/arse ratio. A face like a film star is a bonus.
the level of degradation which a pornstar endures
Meh. It's only degredation if they're forced to do it.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 10:57 AM on April 5, 2006
I laughed. Funny stuff, especially when I imagine a bunch of half-naked porn stars sitting around, drinking mountain dew, watching the history channel.
just. like. me.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:02 AM on April 5, 2006
just. like. me.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 11:02 AM on April 5, 2006
The (paraphrasing) "Blood is nature's lubricant" quote made me feel bad.
posted by I Foody at 11:29 AM on April 5, 2006
posted by I Foody at 11:29 AM on April 5, 2006
Awful, depressing, and unfunny.
posted by camcgee at 11:13 PM PST on April 4
No kidding.
porn chick "oops I just pooped on your carpet"
Camera Guy "Thats why I don't have a dog"
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:55 AM on April 5, 2006
posted by camcgee at 11:13 PM PST on April 4
No kidding.
porn chick "oops I just pooped on your carpet"
Camera Guy "Thats why I don't have a dog"
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:55 AM on April 5, 2006
This would've been better today, considering the word of the day.
posted by jrb223 at 1:17 PM on April 5, 2006
posted by jrb223 at 1:17 PM on April 5, 2006
I tend to think that people set their bar for attractiveness way higher when looking at pictures of some randomite on the net (particularly someone uppity enough to make a living off their appearance) than when they're looking for a partner. Yes, maybe she doesn't float everyone's boat, but she's obviously good enough to turn some people on, or she wouldn't have any work.
That's true to some extent. As a man, when you're fantasizing about sex you don't fantasize about a girl with a passable or sometimes even homely face with a better than average body, so you expect more than you would in real life where you can rely on other sources of stimulation past the purely visual, including a woman's personality,intelligence, and wit. Most porno chicks are dumb, sleazy, mentally ill at least to some degree, and often addicted, so their physical appearance has to make up for all the areas in which they're lacking. There's nothing so depressing and off putting as watching a strung out street walker type with track marks, a rough face, and victimized eyes catatonically taking part in almost nauseating sex acts for her next fix. There is a market for particularly degrading --and I believe some porno sex acts are (intended to be) degrading even if they are voluntary-- porn, where the sex act itself trumps the need for the "model" to be mildly attractive and somewhat lucid e.g. there's an ultra-repulsive porn "filmmaker"/actor" called Max Hardcore who is known for his disgusting brutal videos. The girls in his videos look like (and perhaps actually are) $10 skid row whores. The audience for his videos and other gonzo porno films gets off on the degradation and humiliation of women and could care less about the appearance of the girls or the quality of the video.
OK, I believe I've exhausted my reserves of righteous indignation for the entire week.
posted by Devils Slide at 2:37 PM on April 5, 2006
That's true to some extent. As a man, when you're fantasizing about sex you don't fantasize about a girl with a passable or sometimes even homely face with a better than average body, so you expect more than you would in real life where you can rely on other sources of stimulation past the purely visual, including a woman's personality,intelligence, and wit. Most porno chicks are dumb, sleazy, mentally ill at least to some degree, and often addicted, so their physical appearance has to make up for all the areas in which they're lacking. There's nothing so depressing and off putting as watching a strung out street walker type with track marks, a rough face, and victimized eyes catatonically taking part in almost nauseating sex acts for her next fix. There is a market for particularly degrading --and I believe some porno sex acts are (intended to be) degrading even if they are voluntary-- porn, where the sex act itself trumps the need for the "model" to be mildly attractive and somewhat lucid e.g. there's an ultra-repulsive porn "filmmaker"/actor" called Max Hardcore who is known for his disgusting brutal videos. The girls in his videos look like (and perhaps actually are) $10 skid row whores. The audience for his videos and other gonzo porno films gets off on the degradation and humiliation of women and could care less about the appearance of the girls or the quality of the video.
OK, I believe I've exhausted my reserves of righteous indignation for the entire week.
posted by Devils Slide at 2:37 PM on April 5, 2006
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posted by Malor at 9:05 PM on April 4, 2006