Happy National Day To Prevent Teen Pregnancy! The Human Race is Dying Out.

May 3, 2006 8:52 AM

Today is the National Day To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. In the past decade, possibly no social program has been as dramatically effective as the effort to reduce teen pregnancy. Between 1990 and 2000 the U.S. teen pregnancy rate plummeted by 28 percent. This is great, except for the fact that this may be in part due to a decrease in male sperm count that will cause the human race to soon become extinct. It is also somehow related to the extinction of the taint. Previously.
posted by ND¢ (48 comments total)

Let me just say this before the complaints start rolling in:

1) It is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy in the U.S. not in the rest of the world.

2) The claims in the text of my FPP are greatly exaggerated. Hey, you don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.

3) Beyond being exaggerated, they may be completely false. I don't understand your "SCIENCE".
posted by ND¢ at 8:55 AM on May 3, 2006

I promise you all, I will be doing my part to not make any teens pregnant all day today.
posted by freebird at 8:59 AM on May 3, 2006

I will be disgruntled that teens are having sex and I'm not all day today.
posted by orange swan at 9:00 AM on May 3, 2006

The link to the study results of phthalates and genital size is disturbing. It's a good thing my mother never wore makeup.

But it is good for all 'smaller' men to be able to blame women for their size.
posted by NationalKato at 9:05 AM on May 3, 2006

In the UK, for 'taint' read 'gisp'.
posted by Jofus at 9:05 AM on May 3, 2006

Anogenital Distance.

I learned something new today.
posted by BobFrapples at 9:05 AM on May 3, 2006

Is there a Google Calendar feed with these official (and other wacky) national days?
posted by rzklkng at 9:09 AM on May 3, 2006

How does one measure his own taint?
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:11 AM on May 3, 2006

The online personal ads of tomorrow: "I'm eight and a half inches. In anogenital distance, that is."
posted by fugitivefromchaingang at 9:13 AM on May 3, 2006

How does one measure his own taint?

I just lay my shorts on a ruler and measure the space between the skid mark and the sweat stain.

What? TMI?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:14 AM on May 3, 2006

Ever feel a wave of regret upon hitting the 'post comment' button? That just happened to me.
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:16 AM on May 3, 2006

You can't measure your own, you have to ask a pregnant teenager to help.
posted by inigo2 at 9:26 AM on May 3, 2006

So, people need pregnant teenagers to make sure that their taints aren't shrinking, but nobody can find any pregnant teenagers to measure their taints, because their are 28% percent less of them around because our unmeasured taints are getting so small? Ahhhhhh!!!!! Lousy Democrats.
posted by ND¢ at 9:33 AM on May 3, 2006

Gisp.

I learned something new today.
posted by Captain Planet's Green Mullet at 10:00 AM on May 3, 2006

This mother's day I'm sending a card to my mother thanking her for staying far away from phthalates when she was pregnant.
posted by DragonBoy at 10:17 AM on May 3, 2006

I'm amused that this takes place 2 days after Beltaine.
/derail
posted by crataegus at 10:45 AM on May 3, 2006

Well, I guess I'll go turn the hose on those teenagers humpin' on my lawn...
posted by klangklangston at 10:49 AM on May 3, 2006

Oh no :(

I don't want to go extinct :(

:(
posted by thirteenkiller at 10:56 AM on May 3, 2006

> Gisp.

I'm from the UK. I've never heard the term.

Nor has Google.

I know what a taint is though.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:10 AM on May 3, 2006

Instead of dealing with all this expensive and religiously questionable prevention education, why don't we just get a bill into Congress that would bump everyone's age after 12 up seven years? Instead of a 13th birthday, you have a 20th birthday. No more teen pregnancy! Also, our average life expectancy will go up. We could give it a spiffy name, like No Child Left Be... oh.
posted by freetshirt at 11:12 AM on May 3, 2006

Gisp.

Is that G hard or soft?
*snicker*
posted by whatnot at 11:18 AM on May 3, 2006

How does one measure his own taint?

I just lay my shorts on a ruler and measure the space between the skid mark and the sweat stain.

What? TMI?
posted by PinkStainlessTail

I love you PST!! That was super!!
posted by nofundy at 11:34 AM on May 3, 2006

Pollutant appears to altar boys' genitals?!!!


serves em right. filthy catholics.
posted by elr at 11:35 AM on May 3, 2006

We definitely needed more threads tagged with taint.
posted by shoepal at 11:53 AM on May 3, 2006

The link to the study results of phthalates and genital size is disturbing. It's a good thing my mother never wore makeup. - NationalKato

Well, the picture on that article is a bit deceiving. The chemicals they're talking about aren't used in most dermal applied makeup, such as foundation, powder, eyeshadow, etc.

They do appear in some nail polishes and some alcohol based perfumes. But not so much in "makeup". However, as someone who formulates essential oil based perfumes and mineral makeups and therefore has wide access to trade journals for the cosmetics industry, I'm not sure why that chemical is added to perfumes unless it is a scent fixative or perhaps an emulsifier. I'll have to look up what purpose it serves in the formulation, because I've never seen it listed in any formula that has crossed my desk in industry journals or whatnot.
posted by dejah420 at 12:04 PM on May 3, 2006

The Human Race is Dying Out.

I friggin' doubt it.
posted by raedyn at 12:19 PM on May 3, 2006

freebird wrote: "I promise you all, I will be doing my part to not make any teens pregnant all day today."

Everyone who jumped in this thread just to make a similar comment, please raise your hand.

*raises hand*
posted by caution live frogs at 12:22 PM on May 3, 2006

Taint funny, McGee.
posted by wendell at 12:40 PM on May 3, 2006

So, what's a normal anogenital distance? I've got three mirrors from the last time a MeFi post sent me into anal panic (over pin worms), guess it's time to get them ready again.
posted by dgaicun at 12:50 PM on May 3, 2006

So, if we've gone from penises (penii?) to the taint... I think maybe I'll steer clear next week.
posted by ninjew at 1:06 PM on May 3, 2006

I solemnly vow not to fuck teens today. We all need to do our part.
posted by craven_morhead at 1:20 PM on May 3, 2006

"T'weren't", "T'wasn't", "Neither Balls Nor Ass".
posted by BobFrapples at 1:36 PM on May 3, 2006

I make no promises.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:41 PM on May 3, 2006

I was hoping there would be sexy teen pictures in this thread.

Co-incidence Filter: Right before I read this link I got an email from a former co-worker who just got married to a woman with a 15 year old daughter last month.

He just found out his step daughter is knocked up.

OUCH!
posted by tkchrist at 1:43 PM on May 3, 2006

I've been doing my part by distributing condems at middle schools.
posted by drezdn at 2:10 PM on May 3, 2006

I've got three mirrors from the last time a MeFi post sent me into anal panic (over pin worms), guess it's time to get them ready again.
posted by dgaicun at 3:50 PM EST

Automobile side mirrors don't count, dgaicun. No cheating, now.
posted by NationalKato at 2:11 PM on May 3, 2006

Automobile side mirrors don't count, dgaicun. No cheating, now.

NationalKato doesn't speak for us all, dgaicun. If you really prefer the side mirrors, go ahead and use them. But this time, please pull into the garage first.
posted by vetiver at 3:25 PM on May 3, 2006

Sorry, I'm a busy man. Like shaving, eating, and brushing my teeth, the only time available is on the drive to work.
posted by dgaicun at 3:39 PM on May 3, 2006

But this time, please pull into the garage first. - vetiver

Yes. And close the overhead door.

Thanks!
The neighbours.
posted by raedyn at 3:47 PM on May 3, 2006

I'd be willing to hypothesize that the decline in sperm count and sperm quality has as much to do with the deterioration of the Y chromosome as environmental factors. During meiosis, all the other chromosomes get to swap genes with their partners, but the Y chromosome has been isolated from a homologous chromosome for a long time. Without recombination, it's having trouble surviving. I'd be willing to bet (though I am not sure) that the plans for making sperm are somewhere on the Y chromosome... and so, the deterioration of the Y and the decline in sperm quality seen in humans and other high apes are correlated.

The sperm count issue is most likely comletely environmental. But, a 50% decline in sperm count isn't about to make us go extinct. Hell, at this point humans are pretty much here to stay, *drastic* (and we're talking 50 degrees or more) climate change aside. We're highly adaptive and extremely resourceful. It's one of our defining characteristics.
posted by salad spork at 6:07 PM on May 3, 2006

I'm giving out Pearl Necklaces in observance of the holiday.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:34 PM on May 3, 2006

Taint. Gisp. What was wrong with perineum? I *liked* the perineum.
posted by kyrademon at 8:51 PM on May 3, 2006

salad spork, Y chromosome's have been isolated for a very very long time! Here is a more fun bullsh*t theory:

Human females don't cheat enough so there is little evolutionary pressure to keep sperm count high.

Actually, I've got no idea how much human females cheat, but I once heard a (likely bullsh*t) statistic that like 10% of babies have the wrong father.
posted by jeffburdges at 12:14 AM on May 4, 2006

And I'm quite surpised by "Humans have the worst sperm except for gorillas and ganders of any animal on the planet". What about alll those bird species which are actually monogamous?!?
posted by jeffburdges at 12:17 AM on May 4, 2006

I read this as "National Day to Prevent Tree Pregnancy"

That's what I get for staying up last night reading Xenocide, I guess.
posted by dagnyscott at 7:41 AM on May 4, 2006

10% of babies have the wrong father.

Well, I'm sure the children and their DNA consider it the *right* father...
posted by occhiblu at 10:01 AM on May 4, 2006

"Taint" discussion on AskMe
posted by the_bone at 5:25 PM on May 4, 2006

dagnyscott: I read Xenocide quite recently myself. What a towering pile of poo it was. Some writers should really have their hands cut off at birth, or at least after the first Nebula award.

That said, after this thread I think I vaguely know what a taint is now. And I wish I didn't. There's a gay-friendly guild on my WoW server called 'the Spreading Taint' that I wil never be able to look at in quite the same way.
posted by Sparx at 7:37 PM on May 4, 2006