I put a spell on you...

November 27, 2006 5:59 AM

Bush Goes to Indonesia. Black Magic ensues. Ki Gendeng Pamungkas, stating that he didn't "hate Americans, but [he doesn't] like Bush," added that he "believed the ritual would succeed as, 'the devil is with me today.'" Well then, mission accomplished. While his intent was to place the Secret Service agents in a trance, causing the entourage to think they were under attack, it appears the curse was far more effective. The tally so far? While landing in Vietnam, the brakes and tires malfunctioned on Air Force One.. One Bush twin had her purse snatched and a Secret Service Agent was beaten in Argentina (on the largely unreported 43rd Anniversary of JFK's assasination, no less). One White House aide assaulted in Hawaii. One motorcycle cop from Bush's Hawaiian motorcade killed, and another badly injured in a traffic accident.
posted by rzklkng (49 comments total)

This is dumb.
posted by Optamystic at 6:05 AM on November 27, 2006

I predict my 43rd birthday will be largely underreported as well.
posted by psmealey at 6:08 AM on November 27, 2006

Of course the Devil was with him. The very smell of sulphur follows him around. Just ask Hugo Chavez.
posted by localroger at 6:09 AM on November 27, 2006

You remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where they all went to Hawaii and Peter found a taboo idol and bad things started happening to everyone, so Peter became convinced that the idol was taking its revenge?

This is dumber than that.
posted by Optamystic at 6:13 AM on November 27, 2006

No, but I remember the Simpsons where Bart sold his soul and then the automatic door didn't open for him.
posted by thirteenkiller at 6:15 AM on November 27, 2006

Now go do that voodoo that you do SO WELL!

/hedleylamarr
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:15 AM on November 27, 2006

Wasn't there a story a few years ago about a group of Thai farmers who had Bush's soul sealed in a jar and tossed into a river?
posted by LunaticFringe at 6:16 AM on November 27, 2006

Never underestimate the power of suggestion. There doesn't have to be a direct causal link to say that it's quite possible that a number of these events occurred because members of the Bush admin and staff heard of the curse and have been subconsciously behaving fundamentally differently because of it.

Isn't that what this BM stuff is, fundamentally, anyway? Implanting powerful suggestions into pliant minds? And who more pliant than Bush sycophants?
posted by sutt at 6:28 AM on November 27, 2006

Oh, no! Not broccoli! Now you know he means business.
posted by textilephile at 6:28 AM on November 27, 2006

This sort of thing has a long history.
posted by imperium at 6:32 AM on November 27, 2006

I'm kind of surprised by the Bush daughter robbery, I always thought of Secret Service agents as being just a step below ninja, but above pirate on sheer fighting skill.
posted by drezdn at 6:33 AM on November 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

Oh, no! Not broccoli! Now you know he means business.

Isn't it common knowledge that for really nasty curses, you should use three Brussels sprouts harvested on a new moon night by a one-eyed virgin? What are they teaching you in school nowadays? Broccoli is for amateurs.
posted by Fruny at 6:38 AM on November 27, 2006

I blame Bush.
posted by Balisong at 7:01 AM on November 27, 2006

Not to ruin your theory, but I think presidential motorcade accidents are not uncommon. Here's one from Albuquerque in February. It could be because motorcycles are dangerous!
posted by hyperizer at 7:08 AM on November 27, 2006

Oh, no! Not broccoli! Now you know he means business.

Does W hate broccoli as much as his dad does?
posted by luftmensch at 7:09 AM on November 27, 2006

Where the hell was this Pamungkas guy six years ago?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:09 AM on November 27, 2006

Just for the record, I don't believe in vodoo economics. The post was made with the intent of ironic transposition, not as a statement of causality.
posted by rzklkng at 7:12 AM on November 27, 2006

I seem to recall similar shenanigans on another Bush visit to South America.
posted by Clay201 at 7:12 AM on November 27, 2006

The post was made with the intent of ironic transposition...

Oh, right, irony is back in again. Or was that sincerity? Damn, I can't remember.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:24 AM on November 27, 2006

My father-in-law, who was born, bred and lived his whole life in Hawaii, insists that it's "menehunes," a sort of Hawaiian Leprechaun.

I'm also surprised that no one has really taken up the story of the aide who was beaten...he was hanging out at 2am at a bar that advertises (maybe NSFW, but I haven't worked in an office for years) "Jello shots-$1. Cheaper than a blowjob...." Not exactly from the fambly values crowd, methinks.

And I don't know why some people are so down on this post. Lighten up, fer xsakes!
posted by nevercalm at 7:33 AM on November 27, 2006

::Claps hands, believes in faeries, and waits for the other shoe-- or Bush twin-- to drop::
posted by hermitosis at 7:33 AM on November 27, 2006

By the way, if anyone wants to put their badass curse-disbelief to the test, I have a few I've been wanting to try out on people. Email is in profile.
posted by hermitosis at 7:36 AM on November 27, 2006

I say we find this guy who cursed us and kick his ass. When you mess with W you mess with Texas, and isn't our national motto don't mess with Texas. You wanna jinx us with your supersitions, we glass your country with our science. Let's see how powerful your black magic is when you glow in the dark. Also as a backup I think we need to round up our own shamens to start throwing countercurses just on the off chance that this guy's mojo works.
posted by humanfont at 7:41 AM on November 27, 2006

Watching the Bush family overseas is like watching an episode of Hee-Haw, or National Lampoons European Vacation - country yokels go to the big city and slapstick comedy ensues. A mirror of America.. or dark underbelly.
posted by stbalbach at 7:45 AM on November 27, 2006

Sincerity is sooo over
posted by Flashman at 7:53 AM on November 27, 2006

I think the malfunction on Air Force One is the biggest story here.
posted by spock at 8:05 AM on November 27, 2006

By the way, if anyone wants to put their badass curse-disbelief to the test, I have a few I've been wanting to try out on people. Email is in profile.

Oo oo, me first! Curse me!
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:17 AM on November 27, 2006

*make it something minor please
posted by thirteenkiller at 8:18 AM on November 27, 2006

It is a shame he didn't see fit to put his ceremony up on YouTube.
posted by QIbHom at 8:32 AM on November 27, 2006

My father-in-law, who was born, bred and lived his whole life in Hawaii, insists that it's "menehunes," a sort of Hawaiian Leprechaun.

Remember that episode of Full House where the Tanner gang went to Hawaii, and Steph met a menehune?


Fine. Be that way.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:38 AM on November 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

I don't understand why voodoo can't be more targeted ... like "surgical strikes" ... like ... why didn't Bush end up with a nasty chronic crotch itch?

That would at least make the next two years laughable.
posted by Surfurrus at 8:52 AM on November 27, 2006

More about dukun, if anyone's interested.
posted by gimonca at 9:03 AM on November 27, 2006

/hedleylamarr
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:15 AM CST on November 27


You were one letter away from setting up a perfect follow-up joke, too...
posted by COBRA! at 9:09 AM on November 27, 2006

"Oo oo, me first! Curse me!"

Weren't you already cursed? :P
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:11 AM on November 27, 2006

Let's how powerful your black magic is when you glow in the dark

Dude, GW has read enough comic books to know this is a bad idea.
posted by Bookhouse at 11:02 AM on November 27, 2006

Voodoo practitioner tries to jinx Bush

How does this justify an AP news report? This is pretty close to 'Disheveled vagrant at bus stop thinks he's Napoleon.'
posted by dgaicun at 11:09 AM on November 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

In related news: U.S. Embassy Asks Bush Twins to Leave Argentina.
posted by ericb at 11:28 AM on November 27, 2006

Voodoo practitioner tries to jinx Bush

How does this justify an AP news report? This is pretty close to 'Disheveled vagrant at bus stop thinks he's Napoleon.'

That's a pretty unsavory comparison. Oh, and by the way: your favorite religion sucks.
posted by hermitosis at 11:42 AM on November 27, 2006

motorcycle cop from Bush's Hawaiian motorcade killed, and another badly injured in a traffic

I guess the series of mishaps is a mildly interesting coincidence with Teh Curse, but I find something tasteless about having the death and injury of the officers examined largely through that lense.
posted by namespan at 11:56 AM on November 27, 2006

(Not to mention you'd think any curse worth it's salt would simply focus the misfortune on its target and then maybe family members or cohorts in mischief rather than arbitrary law enforcement personnel.)
posted by namespan at 12:01 PM on November 27, 2006

Hastur, Hastur, Hastur.
posted by spazzm at 12:03 PM on November 27, 2006

namespan, I debated (internally) omitting that. This was a guy, a cop, just doing his job. Although I'm not a fan of the administration, this post isn't a Bush bash, just a roundup of unfortunate events surrounding a trip. As such, the death of that cop is part of the story. If this was a piece in the NYT or the WaPo, and I was demostrating that this was an unlucky trip, than that aspect would have been included.
posted by rzklkng at 12:34 PM on November 27, 2006

Dumbya= a burgeoning tragedy
posted by Cranberry at 12:38 PM on November 27, 2006

Could you not get some of that black magic shizznit going on on his home turf? Cursing is open source.
posted by algreer at 2:10 PM on November 27, 2006

The voodoo practitioner was lead away in hand-cuffs on Saturday. Apparently someone takes him seriously.
posted by jackspace at 4:21 PM on November 27, 2006

From the comments on ericb's linked article:
I do care for most of our nes reporting any more it is to tiled.
Indeed!
posted by zoinks at 4:35 PM on November 27, 2006

This is dumb.
posted by Optamystic at 6:05 AM PST

Bah. Links to claims that the events were expressions of some larger power BEHIND Mr. Bush that he should attack Iran...oh say international jew-ery.....now that would make the post 'dumb'.

(Because the events are the work of the lizards, not black magic)

Kudos for finding a reason to tie the purse+deaths all together. Bonus points if you could add in the molasses replacing the oil in air force one next time.
posted by rough ashlar at 9:37 PM on November 27, 2006

Hastur, Hastur, Hastur.
posted by spazzm at 12:03 PM PST

This is the one place where I don't have congressmen hanging about! Don't summon Dennis here, you dirty, filthy ape!
posted by rough ashlar at 9:41 PM on November 27, 2006

Breaking news: Thousands of cancer patients continue to die, despite prayer. Voodoo suspected.
posted by tehloki at 8:00 PM on November 28, 2006