Sir Does Not Allow Me to Watch ‘Project Runway’
January 3, 2007 8:20 PM Subscribe
Sir Does Not Allow Me to Watch ‘Project Runway’ Maybe going to class to learn to express one’s inner kink is not such a good idea. (NSFW, but no pictures)
I know I'm supposed to be all open-minded and stuff. And honestly, whatever kind of sexual and relational interaction people consensually enter into because they find it fulfilling, hey, more power to them. But just... as a matter of statistical curiosity the majority of the really serious D/s relationships I've been witness to have revolved around people making their dysfunctional patterns 'official'.
I'm not saying it has to be. I'm just saying that I've rarely witnessed one that didn't boil down to that. I could be biased, though. Most of the doms I knew tried to get into who's-the-bigger-man contests with me until I rolled my eyes and walked off.
posted by verb at 8:45 PM on January 3, 2007
I'm not saying it has to be. I'm just saying that I've rarely witnessed one that didn't boil down to that. I could be biased, though. Most of the doms I knew tried to get into who's-the-bigger-man contests with me until I rolled my eyes and walked off.
posted by verb at 8:45 PM on January 3, 2007
Gah. Just... gah. I agree with verb... most of these 24/7 relationships aren't about BDSM, they're about sheer unbridled power over another person. In my world, BDSM always--even in a one-night stand--comes from a place of love, and I have not yet seen a 24/7 D/S relationship that does.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:16 PM on January 3, 2007
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:16 PM on January 3, 2007
Maybe understanding the title of the class would help to set expectations. Protocols. Not fucking. It's a subtle hint, granted.
Some of these protocols are lots of fun for the participants and the writer's managing to disagree in an amusing way doesn't diminish the pleasure others get from them. He just doesn't feel like a service submissive. BFD. Grown-ups write annoying or poorly selected classes off, and manage to get over themselves and the disappointment.
posted by jet_silver at 9:16 PM on January 3, 2007 [1 favorite]
Some of these protocols are lots of fun for the participants and the writer's managing to disagree in an amusing way doesn't diminish the pleasure others get from them. He just doesn't feel like a service submissive. BFD. Grown-ups write annoying or poorly selected classes off, and manage to get over themselves and the disappointment.
posted by jet_silver at 9:16 PM on January 3, 2007 [1 favorite]
Eh, I think these things are more about fulfilling a psychological need then about just getting off. Those people have 24/7 relationships because that's what they want in their lives, not just because it improves orgasms. You can debate about whether or not it's healthy (I find it rather pathetic, but whatever)
I mean if you went to a meeting for normal heterosexual married couples would expect it to be all about sex and getting off, or would you expect it to be about "communication" and how to have a happy fulfilling relationship?
The author wanted the meeting to be about getting off, and he found something different, and then he whines about it. Obviously that's going to color the opinions readers form about it.
posted by delmoi at 9:31 PM on January 3, 2007 [1 favorite]
I mean if you went to a meeting for normal heterosexual married couples would expect it to be all about sex and getting off, or would you expect it to be about "communication" and how to have a happy fulfilling relationship?
The author wanted the meeting to be about getting off, and he found something different, and then he whines about it. Obviously that's going to color the opinions readers form about it.
posted by delmoi at 9:31 PM on January 3, 2007 [1 favorite]
FUCK THIS QUEEN AND HIS GODDAMNED OUTLOOK EXPRESS!!!”
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:51 PM on January 3, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:51 PM on January 3, 2007 [1 favorite]
I thought it was funny and poked fun at people who deserve to have a bit of fun poked at them. (Read, all of us.) That was fairly gentle ribbing, in my opinion...and I think he was poking almost as much fun at himself as he was at the poor souls in the room with him.
posted by maxwelton at 10:06 PM on January 3, 2007
posted by maxwelton at 10:06 PM on January 3, 2007
Why the hiv tag? It does have to do with gay sex (sort of), but I don't recall the article mentioning hiv . . . am I missing something?
posted by treepour at 10:17 PM on January 3, 2007
posted by treepour at 10:17 PM on January 3, 2007
"Marcie is Peppermint Patty's best friend. From the moment they met at summer camp, Marcie has called Peppermint Patty "Sir" out of admiration and misguided manners. An unlikely pair, they seem to have nothing in common...she's always willing to help out her friend with school work and she's not above sharing test answers or calling her on the phone to remind her of homework assignments. There is an innocence to Marcie and Peppermint Patty is her protector."
Word.
posted by StopMakingSense at 12:32 AM on January 4, 2007
Word.
posted by StopMakingSense at 12:32 AM on January 4, 2007
Honestly: it wasn't so much a savage attack on some quiet, out of the way subculture that just wanted to be left alone so much as it was a gentle ribbing of a notoriously self-righteous group who (insofar as the ones I've encountered, particularly on the Internet) view themselves as beyond any so-called 'normal' views' of what the vanillas consider a 'relationship.'
I'll leave my own personal sex life out of this, but as far as I'm concerned, you can't underestimate the importance of sex in a relationship, but maybe you can overestimate it. This is the one thing I've never quite understood about the 24/7 BDSM community: how this extraordinary sexually-based exchange of power can possibly survive outside of the kiln of sexual passion (or even within it) when confronted with the absolute banality of everyday life. Like what if somebody forgot to pick up parmesan from the cheese shop on the way home from work, and your slave ran out to get it before the shop closed: what do you say? 'Thanks for this, slut. I was afraid I'd have to add that can of sardines that's just been sitting there for God knows how long. I mean, who even bought that. You little whore!!!'
It's like this: when I was in high school, I read 'On the Road' and 'Please Kill Me' in the same week. I decided the next day I would never do anything boring ever again. The next day I rode public transit to school with the greatest squares in the world and thought 'oh man, these pathetic losers.' I think I vandalised some desks that day. On the way home, along with all the damn squares on the bus, I thought 'Oh man, I'm hungry. What's in the fridge?' I didn't feel like I had broken my vow. I just felt hungry.
If there's a take away message, it's this: Rite or ritual, Sir or Slave, it's always somebody's turn to clean the washroom.
And it's not mine. I did it last time.
posted by Tiresias at 1:18 AM on January 4, 2007 [3 favorites]
I'll leave my own personal sex life out of this, but as far as I'm concerned, you can't underestimate the importance of sex in a relationship, but maybe you can overestimate it. This is the one thing I've never quite understood about the 24/7 BDSM community: how this extraordinary sexually-based exchange of power can possibly survive outside of the kiln of sexual passion (or even within it) when confronted with the absolute banality of everyday life. Like what if somebody forgot to pick up parmesan from the cheese shop on the way home from work, and your slave ran out to get it before the shop closed: what do you say? 'Thanks for this, slut. I was afraid I'd have to add that can of sardines that's just been sitting there for God knows how long. I mean, who even bought that. You little whore!!!'
It's like this: when I was in high school, I read 'On the Road' and 'Please Kill Me' in the same week. I decided the next day I would never do anything boring ever again. The next day I rode public transit to school with the greatest squares in the world and thought 'oh man, these pathetic losers.' I think I vandalised some desks that day. On the way home, along with all the damn squares on the bus, I thought 'Oh man, I'm hungry. What's in the fridge?' I didn't feel like I had broken my vow. I just felt hungry.
If there's a take away message, it's this: Rite or ritual, Sir or Slave, it's always somebody's turn to clean the washroom.
And it's not mine. I did it last time.
posted by Tiresias at 1:18 AM on January 4, 2007 [3 favorites]
IMO these bdsm folks are too much in to image, like any other bunch of queens. But if it makes them happy, okay.
posted by Goofyy at 3:00 AM on January 4, 2007
posted by Goofyy at 3:00 AM on January 4, 2007
treepour writes "Why the hiv tag? It does have to do with gay sex (sort of), but I don't recall the article mentioning hiv . . . am I missing something?"
Huh. Didn't even notice that. Wtf?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:17 AM on January 4, 2007
Huh. Didn't even notice that. Wtf?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:17 AM on January 4, 2007
Dogpoet is an out HIV-positive writer. The tag applies to the writer, not the subject-matter.
posted by joeclark at 5:21 AM on January 4, 2007
posted by joeclark at 5:21 AM on January 4, 2007
So why not add his height, weight, and last grade level achieved to the tags? Wtf?
posted by languagehat at 5:39 AM on January 4, 2007
posted by languagehat at 5:39 AM on January 4, 2007
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That's just sad.
It doesn't even seem to be "I like to be dominated" so much as "I'm in an abusive relationship and don't know any better to get out of it."
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 8:40 PM on January 3, 2007