Who wants to marry a Victorian?
January 4, 2008 6:17 PM Subscribe
Advice for the Young Bride circa 1894 "To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex."
This post was deleted for the following reason: looks like a hoax -- mathowie
Who gave my ex-wife a time machine?
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:20 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:20 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
tkolar beat me to the Snopes link. Still funny, though.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:21 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by Navelgazer at 6:21 PM on January 4, 2008
tkolar writes "Snopes."
I wonder why they list it as undetermined. Barbara's comments seem pretty conclusive as to its recent origin.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:22 PM on January 4, 2008
I wonder why they list it as undetermined. Barbara's comments seem pretty conclusive as to its recent origin.
posted by mr_roboto at 6:22 PM on January 4, 2008
I wonder why they list it as undetermined.
No one has stepped forward as the author yet. Barbara is almost certainly correct, but until there's some proof either way I don't think she can say it's false.
posted by tkolar at 6:28 PM on January 4, 2008
No one has stepped forward as the author yet. Barbara is almost certainly correct, but until there's some proof either way I don't think she can say it's false.
posted by tkolar at 6:28 PM on January 4, 2008
Google searches for "The Madison Institute Newsletter" bring up nothing except this article. I suspect the "newsletter" is fake as well.
posted by dd42 at 6:43 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by dd42 at 6:43 PM on January 4, 2008
Keep in mind this is advice for *brides*. Women like me who have illicit, wanton premarital sex have a whole 'nother set of rules.
posted by orange swan at 6:48 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by orange swan at 6:48 PM on January 4, 2008
But yeah, crap post and should probably be deleted.
posted by orange swan at 6:51 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by orange swan at 6:51 PM on January 4, 2008
I made vegetable soup tonight. It was tasty, and there's some left for lunch tomorrow.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:54 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by BitterOldPunk at 6:54 PM on January 4, 2008
I collect sexual manuals from this era. While they're full of interesting and prudish writing, none of them are as direct as this. Phrasing like "A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride." rings entirely false.
posted by Nelson at 6:57 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Nelson at 6:57 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
The power was off over at the Safeway so I bought a bunch of froo-froo food down at Whole Foods so I could wait out the rest of this storm in overpriced gastronomic luxury.
posted by tkolar at 6:58 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by tkolar at 6:58 PM on January 4, 2008
I think tomorrow I'll cop out completely and heat up a frozen brick of Stouffer's lasagna.
There isn't a Whole Foods on my side of town. I would unashamedly shop there if I could.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:05 PM on January 4, 2008
There isn't a Whole Foods on my side of town. I would unashamedly shop there if I could.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:05 PM on January 4, 2008
Even if I hadn't known this was fake for several years already, it's pretty glaringly obvious from the text itself. Who, with that opinion of sex in 1894, would have been so forthright in talking about it? "Pay the piper"? "Sex"?
posted by DU at 7:06 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by DU at 7:06 PM on January 4, 2008
I drank a bottle of this tonight. It's fuckin' crazy good.
posted by jonmc at 7:08 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by jonmc at 7:08 PM on January 4, 2008
No beer needs 11 malts and 11 types of hops. That's just excessive. I just found out Shiner makes a black lager I'd like to try.
I think I'll post an AskMe about spinach recipes.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:13 PM on January 4, 2008
I think I'll post an AskMe about spinach recipes.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:13 PM on January 4, 2008
I made a pizza with leftover pork roast sliced ever so thinly, tomato sauce, onions, zucchini, cheddar and green pepper. I used this dough. I wish I'd had red pepper but you go to war with the vegetables you have.
posted by fleetmouse at 7:16 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by fleetmouse at 7:16 PM on January 4, 2008
No beer needs 11 malts and 11 types of hops. That's just excessive.
Dude, it's also 11% alcohol and has a picture of the Spinal Tap 'up to 11' amp dial on the label. That's just too fucking cool.
posted by jonmc at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
Dude, it's also 11% alcohol and has a picture of the Spinal Tap 'up to 11' amp dial on the label. That's just too fucking cool.
posted by jonmc at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
Whole Foods makes a mean curried chicken salad, but the block of Gruyere they sold me had ... well, crunchy bits in it. Like little bits of sand or something.
Ah well, the fresh pineapple and dazzling selection of deli meats more than made up for that.
posted by tkolar at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
Ah well, the fresh pineapple and dazzling selection of deli meats more than made up for that.
posted by tkolar at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
Pork, eh? I might have to try that the next time I make pizza.
posted by never used baby shoes at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by never used baby shoes at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
I think I'll post an AskMe about spinach recipes.
Fight to the finish.
posted by jonmc at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
Fight to the finish.
posted by jonmc at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008
I made hot and sour soup tonight. I was totally out of shiitake mushrooms, so I had to use extra tree ears. It was lovely.
posted by maudlin at 7:22 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by maudlin at 7:22 PM on January 4, 2008
I bought some rabbit & pork sausage tonight, too but I didn't eat it. I'm saving it for tommorrow and I'll pick up more of that beer to go with it. Drunken rabbit eatin', aww yeah!
posted by jonmc at 7:24 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by jonmc at 7:24 PM on January 4, 2008
Fake or not, I'll give copy to my daughter. She just go engaged, and I hate the S.O.B. she getting hitched to.
posted by brickman at 7:26 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by brickman at 7:26 PM on January 4, 2008
tkolar, those little crystallized parts are the best things about aged cheese!
posted by escabeche at 7:30 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by escabeche at 7:30 PM on January 4, 2008
> the block of Gruyere they sold me had ... well, crunchy bits in it. Like little bits of sand or something.
Man, that's the best part. Especially in the hardest part of the cheese, at the rind. Intense little salty flavor explosions are why it costs more.
posted by ardgedee at 7:32 PM on January 4, 2008
Man, that's the best part. Especially in the hardest part of the cheese, at the rind. Intense little salty flavor explosions are why it costs more.
posted by ardgedee at 7:32 PM on January 4, 2008
> the block of Gruyere they sold me had ... well, crunchy bits in it. Like little bits of sand or something.
That *is* the good part. Usually only found in raw milk or well aged cheeses.
posted by sauril at 7:38 PM on January 4, 2008
That *is* the good part. Usually only found in raw milk or well aged cheeses.
posted by sauril at 7:38 PM on January 4, 2008
Mac and cheese. (But from Whole Foods!) Mmm, comfort food.
posted by kalimac at 7:39 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by kalimac at 7:39 PM on January 4, 2008
I had mozzarella rolled with capicola the other day. Now, that's cheese, paisan.
posted by jonmc at 7:39 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by jonmc at 7:39 PM on January 4, 2008
We are the sex robots. We are here to protect you. Pak chooie unf!
I am the pusher robot. I am here to protect you from the terrible secret of sex...
posted by five fresh fish at 7:42 PM on January 4, 2008 [4 favorites]
I am the pusher robot. I am here to protect you from the terrible secret of sex...
posted by five fresh fish at 7:42 PM on January 4, 2008 [4 favorites]
tkolar writes "Whole Foods makes a mean curried chicken salad, but the block of Gruyere they sold me had ... well, crunchy bits in it. Like little bits of sand or something. "
Yeah, I have some black diamond cheddar that has that, too. As many people have mentioned, it's supposed to be like that if it's aged long enough.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:43 PM on January 4, 2008
Yeah, I have some black diamond cheddar that has that, too. As many people have mentioned, it's supposed to be like that if it's aged long enough.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:43 PM on January 4, 2008
Wow, if this is a hoax, I'm even more pissed off about the content of my Human Sexuality textbook from this semester, which included this as historical fact about Victorian sexuality.
posted by InnocentBystander at 7:44 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by InnocentBystander at 7:44 PM on January 4, 2008
And I made blackened chicken the other day that rocked. Had some quinoa with it.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:44 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by krinklyfig at 7:44 PM on January 4, 2008
Ditto Nelson's comment. I collect old sex/marriage/hygiene books and this just doesn't sound right. Not that the real ones aren't also hilarious and old-fashioned, but they just don't sound like this.
posted by stephthegeek at 7:45 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by stephthegeek at 7:45 PM on January 4, 2008
I drank a bottle of this tonight. It's fuckin' crazy good.
Really? Because, so far, Schmaltz has had the best labels and distinctly mediocre beers.
posted by eriko at 7:47 PM on January 4, 2008
Man, I feel so lame for ordering pizza tonight. After this thread, I'm going to have to go find something exciting to make tomorrow. Didn't even have beer to go with it.
posted by moss at 7:47 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by moss at 7:47 PM on January 4, 2008
Because, so far, Schmaltz has had the best labels and distinctly mediocre beers.
well, it got me nicely toasted, so on that level it's a complete success (and it tastes pretty good, too, although I've had better).
posted by jonmc at 7:49 PM on January 4, 2008
well, it got me nicely toasted, so on that level it's a complete success (and it tastes pretty good, too, although I've had better).
posted by jonmc at 7:49 PM on January 4, 2008
Tonight I made cheese pierogies for dinner, on a bed of fresh spinach topped with walnuts and barbecue sauce. I also bought stuff to make oatmeal for breakfast.
posted by hermitosis at 7:49 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by hermitosis at 7:49 PM on January 4, 2008
Tonight I made cheese pierogies for dinner,
fried or steamed?
posted by jonmc at 7:51 PM on January 4, 2008
fried or steamed?
posted by jonmc at 7:51 PM on January 4, 2008
I made this last week, it was tremendous.
Curried chicken salad
Makes 6 servings.
Ingredients
1 3/4 cups chicken broth
1 1/2 lb skinless boneless chicken breast
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup plain yogurt
5 teaspoons curry powder
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 medium red onion, chopped (1 cup)
1 firm-ripe mango (3/4 lb), peeled, pitted, and chopped
1 cup red seedless grapes (5 oz), halved
1/2 cup salted roasted cashews, coarsely chopped
Preparation
Bring 4 cups water to a simmer with chicken broth in a 2- to 3-quart saucepan. Add chicken and simmer, uncovered, 6 minutes. Remove pan from heat and cover, then let stand until chicken is cooked through, about 15 minutes. Transfer chicken to a plate and cool 10 minutes. Chop into 1/2-inch pieces.
While chicken is cooling, whisk together mayonnaise, yogurt, curry, lime juice, honey, ginger, salt, and pepper in a large bowl. Add chicken, onion, mango, grapes, and cashews and stir gently to combine.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:05 PM on January 4, 2008 [5 favorites]
Curried chicken salad
Makes 6 servings.
Ingredients
1 3/4 cups chicken broth
1 1/2 lb skinless boneless chicken breast
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/3 cup plain yogurt
5 teaspoons curry powder
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 teaspoon honey
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 medium red onion, chopped (1 cup)
1 firm-ripe mango (3/4 lb), peeled, pitted, and chopped
1 cup red seedless grapes (5 oz), halved
1/2 cup salted roasted cashews, coarsely chopped
Preparation
Bring 4 cups water to a simmer with chicken broth in a 2- to 3-quart saucepan. Add chicken and simmer, uncovered, 6 minutes. Remove pan from heat and cover, then let stand until chicken is cooked through, about 15 minutes. Transfer chicken to a plate and cool 10 minutes. Chop into 1/2-inch pieces.
While chicken is cooling, whisk together mayonnaise, yogurt, curry, lime juice, honey, ginger, salt, and pepper in a large bowl. Add chicken, onion, mango, grapes, and cashews and stir gently to combine.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:05 PM on January 4, 2008 [5 favorites]
I'm eating organic mac and cheese that comes in a box. I did, however, remove it from the box and cook it first.
Yay me! Domestication.
This is obviously a hoax/satire/whatever, and it's offensive in its ham-fisted delivery of the same old tired "joke". Nelson and stephthegeek are correct- the vernacular is all wrong; the phrasings shift sloppily between stilted faux Victorian and modern casualness. I say put it out of its (our?) misery.
posted by stagewhisper at 8:06 PM on January 4, 2008
Yay me! Domestication.
This is obviously a hoax/satire/whatever, and it's offensive in its ham-fisted delivery of the same old tired "joke". Nelson and stephthegeek are correct- the vernacular is all wrong; the phrasings shift sloppily between stilted faux Victorian and modern casualness. I say put it out of its (our?) misery.
posted by stagewhisper at 8:06 PM on January 4, 2008
tkolar, those little crystallized parts are the best things about aged cheese!
If you say so. They don't appear to be adding anything to my taste experience -- mostly just an occasional gritty texture while chewing.
I will slow down and attempt to savor them.
posted by tkolar at 8:12 PM on January 4, 2008
If you say so. They don't appear to be adding anything to my taste experience -- mostly just an occasional gritty texture while chewing.
I will slow down and attempt to savor them.
posted by tkolar at 8:12 PM on January 4, 2008
well, it got me nicely toasted, so on that level it's a complete success
Having recently consumed the Anheuser-Busch 2007 Brewers Reserve recently, I understand completely.
(It was an acceptably dopplebock, but you do need to drink it warmer than normal bock would normally ask. I can't suggest you buy it, but if it's free, it's certainly drinkable.)
posted by eriko at 8:14 PM on January 4, 2008
Having recently consumed the Anheuser-Busch 2007 Brewers Reserve recently, I understand completely.
(It was an acceptably dopplebock, but you do need to drink it warmer than normal bock would normally ask. I can't suggest you buy it, but if it's free, it's certainly drinkable.)
posted by eriko at 8:14 PM on January 4, 2008
Having recently consumed the Anheuser-Busch 2007 Brewers Reserve recently, I understand completely.
I like beer, it makes me a jolly good fellow
I like beer, it helps me unwind and sometimes it makes me feel melllooww...
posted by jonmc at 8:22 PM on January 4, 2008
I like beer, it makes me a jolly good fellow
I like beer, it helps me unwind and sometimes it makes me feel melllooww...
posted by jonmc at 8:22 PM on January 4, 2008
You want a brew named Schmaltz? Then this is the only one worth a good goddamn. I should know, I just polished off a bottle.
posted by Ber at 8:23 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by Ber at 8:23 PM on January 4, 2008
*Makes popcorn, sets up fake, de-flowered Victorian bride on lawn, waits for hillarity to ensue.*
posted by ZenMasterThis at 8:28 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by ZenMasterThis at 8:28 PM on January 4, 2008
Tonight I made cheese pierogies for dinner,fried or steamed?
Boiled, then fried? That's the way we do it.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:30 PM on January 4, 2008
The power was off over at the Safeway so I bought a bunch of froo-froo food down at Whole Foods so I could wait out the rest of this storm in overpriced gastronomic luxury.
Yeah, froo-froo is delicious, though some people add strange seasonings. I heard Nixon put ketchup on it and forced Kissinger to eat it.
posted by Tube at 8:32 PM on January 4, 2008
Yeah, froo-froo is delicious, though some people add strange seasonings. I heard Nixon put ketchup on it and forced Kissinger to eat it.
posted by Tube at 8:32 PM on January 4, 2008
Froo-froo with bacon.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:42 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by krinklyfig at 8:42 PM on January 4, 2008
Mmm, I almost had pizza, but I would have had to walk a block to get it. In the pouring fucking rain. That hasn't stopped since 1pm. I made fettuccine alfredo instead.
Oh, and as for the actual thread? Nice work jumping on the Snopes thing, since this had my radar pinging (do they ping in real life? or just movies?) like crazy.
posted by librarylis at 8:43 PM on January 4, 2008
Oh, and as for the actual thread? Nice work jumping on the Snopes thing, since this had my radar pinging (do they ping in real life? or just movies?) like crazy.
posted by librarylis at 8:43 PM on January 4, 2008
Who gave my ex-wife a time machine?
I did, right after I banged her. Then we travelled back in time and had a foursome.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:44 PM on January 4, 2008
I did, right after I banged her. Then we travelled back in time and had a foursome.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:44 PM on January 4, 2008
I ordered pizza, but I live in Brooklyn, so it ruled.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:46 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by Bookhouse at 8:46 PM on January 4, 2008
I've made this several times lately. It's simple, quick and really tasty.
Zucchini With Garlic, Roasted Red Peppers And Chives
Yields: 4
2 whole red pepper; roasted
4 cloves garlic clove; chopped
4 tbsp chives; chopped
5 whole basil leaf; thinly sliced
2 tbsp olive oil
to taste balsamic vinegar
to taste salt
4 whole zucchini; diced
Mix peppers, garlic, chives, olive oil and basil. Season with dash vinegar and salt to taste (pepper optional). Set aside. Steam zucchini until tender-crisp, about 5 minutes. Drain well. Add the zucchini to the bell pepper mixture and toss well. Serve immediately.
found this on rec.food.recipes
posted by krinklyfig at 8:50 PM on January 4, 2008
Zucchini With Garlic, Roasted Red Peppers And Chives
Yields: 4
2 whole red pepper; roasted
4 cloves garlic clove; chopped
4 tbsp chives; chopped
5 whole basil leaf; thinly sliced
2 tbsp olive oil
to taste balsamic vinegar
to taste salt
4 whole zucchini; diced
Mix peppers, garlic, chives, olive oil and basil. Season with dash vinegar and salt to taste (pepper optional). Set aside. Steam zucchini until tender-crisp, about 5 minutes. Drain well. Add the zucchini to the bell pepper mixture and toss well. Serve immediately.
found this on rec.food.recipes
posted by krinklyfig at 8:50 PM on January 4, 2008
I just discovered Les Savy Fav's Let's Stay Friends and, goddamn.
Oh, and I had Flint's for dinner. Which isn't as good as it could be, but really is perfect for a rainy evening, especially since it's right on my walk home from BART.
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:03 PM on January 4, 2008
Oh, and I had Flint's for dinner. Which isn't as good as it could be, but really is perfect for a rainy evening, especially since it's right on my walk home from BART.
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:03 PM on January 4, 2008
See, this is why I love this place. I take a phone call and come back to what I figured would be a dead thread and find the curried chicken salad recipe I've been looking for. And the zucchini looks tasty, too.
CynicalKnight: That was YOU? Thanks for the rimjob! Tell your mom hi!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:19 PM on January 4, 2008
CynicalKnight: That was YOU? Thanks for the rimjob! Tell your mom hi!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 9:19 PM on January 4, 2008
Speaking of sex, are there people who eat the rind on brie or similar cheeses? I've always trimmed it back [not circumcisionist] because I found the rind to taste pretty much like the glandular analog of a 9 volt battery if you know what I mean. Should I be more adventurous in trying rind?
posted by isopraxis at 9:20 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by isopraxis at 9:20 PM on January 4, 2008
but the block of Gruyere they sold me had ... well, crunchy bits in it. Like little bits of sand or something.
Former Whole Foods cheeseworker here. Yeah, you want the crunchy bits. A well-aged parmesan will have them as well. Lovely salty crunchy cheesey goodness.
posted by rtha at 9:29 PM on January 4, 2008
Former Whole Foods cheeseworker here. Yeah, you want the crunchy bits. A well-aged parmesan will have them as well. Lovely salty crunchy cheesey goodness.
posted by rtha at 9:29 PM on January 4, 2008
Bob: While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.
Charlotte: Okay.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:51 PM on January 4, 2008
Charlotte: Okay.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:51 PM on January 4, 2008
Dear Brownstone,
I never believed the missives you occasionally publish were the essence of verity, but a recent occurrence has altered my perspective.
I recently married a young maiden, and on our wedding night the most extraordinary events took place...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:53 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
I never believed the missives you occasionally publish were the essence of verity, but a recent occurrence has altered my perspective.
I recently married a young maiden, and on our wedding night the most extraordinary events took place...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:53 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
The black Shiner is eh.
posted by unknowncommand at 10:01 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by unknowncommand at 10:01 PM on January 4, 2008
Sanduiche Iche. The Passion of Ruth Lemos. (wait until about :50 seconds in -- also helps if your really, really high)
posted by Avenger at 10:04 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by Avenger at 10:04 PM on January 4, 2008
isopraxis: I eat it. I eat it with gusto. Note, however, that I'm the guy who gladly takes everyone's unwanted pizza crusts.
posted by invitapriore at 10:07 PM on January 4, 2008
posted by invitapriore at 10:07 PM on January 4, 2008
it's tempting jonmc, but is it as good as double bastard ale? - and honest, if i'm going for a kickass strong beer, i'm going with bell's expedition stout
---
I recently married a young maiden, and on our wedding night the most extraordinary events took place...
oh, sweet mystery of life at last i've found you ...
posted by pyramid termite at 10:08 PM on January 4, 2008
---
I recently married a young maiden, and on our wedding night the most extraordinary events took place...
oh, sweet mystery of life at last i've found you ...
posted by pyramid termite at 10:08 PM on January 4, 2008
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posted by tkolar at 6:20 PM on January 4, 2008