We've got this viral marketing thing licked

August 4, 2008 6:12 PM

Maybe, like me, after seeing all those UV-assisted bodily fluid hotel room exposés, you don latex gloves before using the remote (or lampstand, or doorknobs...) at your hotel. Then this "advertisement" (SLYT - Single Licking Young Temptress) from Extended Stay Hotels (plus more here) will have you gagging after the first ten seconds. Arousing, disgusting, arousing, disgusting, profiteering...oh, internet, why do you torment me so?
posted by ericbop (23 comments total)

No.
posted by ardgedee at 6:21 PM on August 4, 2008

Fail.
posted by iamabot at 6:22 PM on August 4, 2008

I hereby resolve never to stay at Extended Stay Hotels.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:22 PM on August 4, 2008

Boing Boing already did this, not that I read Boing Boing.
posted by Science! at 6:22 PM on August 4, 2008

Also, they did a little digging. I don't read Boing Boing!
posted by Science! at 6:23 PM on August 4, 2008

What.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:24 PM on August 4, 2008

When I realized that she was in the bathroom I had to close the window. Is there some kind of tagline at the end?
posted by Dreama at 6:24 PM on August 4, 2008

I would have thought that on your first day at your new cleaning job you'd at least be given a sponge. If I were her I'd quit.
posted by ob at 6:26 PM on August 4, 2008

No. No. No.
posted by loquacious at 6:27 PM on August 4, 2008

Countdown to Extended Stay Hotel Reaction Videos with people vomiting, fainting, etc: 3...2...
posted by DU at 6:27 PM on August 4, 2008

Hey Mister! You've got some cream on you! Stay there and I'll lick you clean, you filthy outsider!
posted by stavrogin at 6:29 PM on August 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

You're worried about the couple who slept in that bed before you at a hotel? The sheets have been changed since then. Some lady went in there and moved stuff around. Maybe cleaned a little bit. Yeah, a UV search can find all kindsa stuff, but at least an attempt at cleaning is made between inhabitations. That's more than you can say about most places you go.

I'll let you in on a secret. There are microbes living on your skin even as you read this. They are all over you. When I was a kid we liked to call'em "noseeums" and they are everywhere. Think bathing helps? Not really. Keeps the numbers down a bit, maybe. Even if you shave every inch of your body, and sponge yourself with scathing alcohol every day, that's not 100% effective.

There are bacteria inside your body, symbiotically co-existing with you like friendly parasites from a B-movie. They need you. You need them. Every once in awhile, they forget how much they need you, which is why you get a tummy ache.

Any time you're in a public place? The people who were where you are before you, they shed skin. They shed hair. They left tiny microscopic (and sometimes macroscopic) bits and pieces of themselves behind. Sometimes they get on ya. More often than you imagine.

Public parks and shopping malls don't have maids.

People breathing in a movie theater? Sharing the same air. If someone sneezes in the first rail? By the end credits, you probably have their disease. In fact, in your lifetime, there's a very good chance you have breathed in one or more air molecules that were once inside Julius Caesar.

Dirt? Guess what? It's dirty.
posted by ZachsMind at 6:29 PM on August 4, 2008 [5 favorites]

Who are these fucktards that actually sat around a table and came up with the idea of this commercial and actually thought it was a good one?
posted by MaryDellamorte at 6:32 PM on August 4, 2008

Well. Now they just need a overweight dirty old man doing the same thing on video. Sales would go through the roof I tell ya.
posted by nola at 6:32 PM on August 4, 2008

I thought her hand said "ecstasy," which would have made a lot more sense.
posted by Citizen Premier at 6:33 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Since I clearly can't read text in front of my face, I didn't realize it was an ad until the end. I thought it was a gross-out video, to make you think "ew, someone has licked the remote I just touched," and then when she went into the bathroom I figured it was a different kind of gross-out video.

Cue "I'll give her something to lick" jokes any moment now.
posted by Forktine at 6:33 PM on August 4, 2008

I'll give her something to lick.
posted by Science! at 6:36 PM on August 4, 2008

Because of molecules we are connected to the outside world from our bodies. Like when you smell things, because when you smell a smell it's not really a smell, it's a part of the object that has come off of it, molecules. So when you smell something bad, it's like in a way you're eating it. This is why you should not really smell things, in the same way that you don't eat everything in the world around you because as a smell, it gets inside of you. So the next time you go into the bathroom after someone else has been there, remember what kinds of molecules you are in fact eating.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:36 PM on August 4, 2008

Sure, I might use the spoon, open the fridge, hell I might even use the remote or phone, but lady, I dunno where you're from, but most people I know do NOT interact with the underside of a toilet seat, or for that matter the interior of the bowl.

Sorry to say, the joke's on you.
posted by mattoxic at 6:36 PM on August 4, 2008

Eh, I spent most of the last year and a half in Extended Stays. Cheap and decent, but by no means that clean.
posted by orthogonality at 6:39 PM on August 4, 2008

I hereby resolve never to stay at Extended Stay Hotels.

Yes. This is the proper way to react to advertising.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 6:41 PM on August 4, 2008

The "ad" would have been so much better if this were the soundtrack.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:47 PM on August 4, 2008

Excuse me, clerk?

Yes, I'm in room 73840 and there seems to be a steaming pile of SLYT failshit disguised as a trampy girl with poor risk judgment.

I demand the removal of it or the return of my $5.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:48 PM on August 4, 2008 [1 favorite]