Activity from occhiblu

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If you don't *deal* with this anger now -- not just getting away from it, but actually feeling it and processing it and exploring it -- it will stay with you till you do. [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by (bra)
Ask MeFi comment - 8 days ago

"I'm sorry, you just come across as really desperate when we're not having sex. I'm not into that. Try to relax on the next guy you meet." That way you're still a bit caddish, letting her make it your fault, but you've also been honest… [more]
favorited 45 times, recently by mekily, blueberry, kryptos, SailRos
Ask MeFi comment - 3 months ago

I agree with everything everyone said above (especially Andrew Cooke). And I would add: You had some really shitty stuff happen to you. People you trusted treated you horribly. You don't deserve that. OF COURSE you have every reason to be… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by stockpuppet
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

From Kate Harding: You, dear male reader, are totally not one of those men. I know this, and I appreciate it. I really do. But here’s where all this victimy girl shit concerns you: * every time you don’t tell your buddies it’s not… [more]
favorited 198 times, recently by y2karl, lalochezia, eritain, Amy NM, dorothyisunderwood, librosegretti, jklaiho, tzikeh, The_Auditor, Kutsuwamushi, skycrashesdown, a fiendish thingy, Nossidge, virago, parudox, palomar, Drexen, languagehat, dogheart, QueerAngel28, jonnyploy, Schadenfreudian, quiet coyote, frecklefaerie, mercredi
MetaTalk comment - Last year

I suspect that women often have a hard time reading men because we read into men all the neuroses, overanalysis, and second-guessing that we're doing ("He said X, but if *I* said X I'd actually mean Y, so does he mean Y or does he just want me… [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by stockpuppet, (bra), krakenattack
Ask MeFi comment - Last year

I've found that having a tablespoon of flaxseed oil in the middle of the afternoon kills a lot of my junkfood cravings, makes me eat less in general, and makes me crave healthier foods. Seriously, I go from "Mmmmm, ice cream!" to… [more]
favorited 8 times, recently by BibiRose, 4bulafia
Ask MeFi comment - Two years ago

The only way I've been able to do this is pick one culinary tradition and more or less stick to it, with the exception of fancy dinners. I learned to cook studying Italian cooking, and it's pretty easy to pick the staples for it: Olive oil,… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by chaiyai
Ask MeFi comment - Two years ago

As everyone said, use the entire weekend. The first first time will probably be nerve-wracking, and increasing comfort definitely increases pleasure. If you're a guy, the piece of advice I would give is use your hands on her. She's unlikely to… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by shadowy_world
Ask MeFi comment - Two years ago

So, in fact, you're really only out $25, correct? You're not even out the $25, really, since you had already planned on paying that. The DJ did not cost you any extra money. There's no reason other than spite to be taking back money… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by heathrowga
Ask MeFi comment - Two years ago

It's hard to know what exactly will help your friend, but here's a nice list of general suggestions from a hospice: How to help friends and families facing a serious illness When someone we know is facing a serious illness, we often feel… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by saltypup
Ask MeFi comment - Two years ago

I write (often arbitrary) deadlines on my week-at-a-glance desk calendar. I need to see something on paper for it to register in a real way, I've found, and being able to mentally space things out over the course of a week helps. As for checking… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by chaiyai
Ask MeFi comment - Two years ago

At performance eval time, bring the book. The book represents your unique intangible value to the workspace I would definitely keep this in mind, even if you don't create a log book. At several of my last jobs I was the one who tended to… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by tealcoffeecup
Ask MeFi comment - Over two years ago

Oh, god, liquorice, I am so so so sorry. My mom died about a year and a half ago, from pancreatic cancer. There's no such thing as "being ready" to lose your mom. It sucks, and it sucks some more, and then it keeps sucking. You learn… [more]
favorited 14 times, recently by sundaymorninglight
Ask MeFi comment - Over two years ago

That is to say, the assumption that many men seem to have that they have more insight into women's issues than women do, is problematic. Again, the "I have more insight than anyone else" thing is certainly not restricted to men, or to… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by photoelectric
MetaTalk comment - Over two years ago

The other thing I would point out to you is that if you create a situational excuse ("Key doesn't work right now, job's busy right now, etc."), then you're giving her the opening to ask this sort of thing again in the future. It tends to… [more]
favorited 6 times, recently by Faint of Butt, sbergus, helloilikebooks, shadowy_world
Ask MeFi comment - Over two years ago

In my (slightly bitter) experience, guys who have dumped me for high-maintenance (in the relationship sense) women have seemed to be attracted to the idea that a relationship wasn't "passionate" unless there was constant… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by edithkeeler
Ask MeFi comment - Over two years ago

I think there's a difference that comes in when you live in a huge tourist destination, though, too. I moved to Italy and suddenly a huge number of "long lost" "friends" decided they just had to catch up! Maybe they could sleep… [more]
favorited 3 times, recently by mattwan, Rosie M. Banks
Ask MeFi comment - Five years ago

scody and grumblebee: This thread talks about some of that "I define myself by what I like" vs. "I define myself by who I am" thing. And I'm going to go ahead and be slightly pretentious and quote myself from it: According… [more]
favorited 12 times, recently by bendy, tabbyMage, Hawk V, kiki_s
Ask MeFi comment - Five years ago

A fascinating (at least to me) page on Which side of the road do they drive on? has this to say: What about pedestrians? The rules about which side of the road people drive on are clear, but there are also "rules" that govern how… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by myotahapea
Ask MeFi comment - Five years ago

I left the East Coast because I was tired of living around a bunch of people whose default behavior seemed to be grumpy and whose main ambitions and interests were financial/career. I was fed up with being asked what my job was all the time, and… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by MountainDaisy
Ask MeFi comment - Five years ago

Just saw this link, thought I'd throw it in here, even if the thread's a bit old: Vive la France! But not "la Mademoiselle!" A French feminist group called les Chiennes de Garde (literally, "the female guard dogs") has… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by InTheYear2017
Ask MeFi comment - Five years ago

There's also a question of what gets considered "philosophy." Men ruminate on mankind and it's philosophy; women ruminate on womankind and it's shoved into the special interest section. [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by dostoevskygirl
Ask MeFi comment - Five years ago

This might not be a viable option for you, but most meditation is, in many ways, designed exactly to allay these sorts of fears, to help you differentiate between your thinking mind and your self, and to help you stop identifying so much with your… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by icosahedron
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

Also, My analyst does not seem to think that explaining the process to me is necessary seems pretty much standard for psychoanalysis. The analyst isn't there to explain anything or to explicitly teach you anything (unlike other therapy… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by Bob Regular, Blitz
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I just want to say that it's in no way obvious your girlfriend is "an idiot" or trying to fuck you over in some way. Women get caught up in abusive situations no matter how smart they are, and this attitude that she's somehow retarded for… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by oogenesis
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

The usual book recommendation in these situations is Gavin De Becker's The Gift of Fear. I think it would be a good start for you and your girlfriend to read. It addresses the issue of restraining orders that Amizu mentions, as well as exactly… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by oogenesis
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

On kind of a meta note: To some extent, I think de-cluttering involves recognizing that regret is part of life, and being OK with that. Yes, I've given away books that I now often wish I still owned. But I've also screwed up relationships, made… [more]
favorited 22 times, recently by Iris Gambol, fourpotatoes, squeakypup
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

There have been several studies showing that heart surgery patients are very often clinically depressed after the surgery, that doctors often ignore this emotional component to the procedure, and that patients who get psychological treatment… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by Violet Hour
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

EB, you're completely misunderstanding me on that last quote. I don't say "I'm in a bad mood" and then blow up. When I feel myself getting frustrated and about to snap at someone, I realize that blowing up at the person in… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by oogenesis
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I think the issue is that I'm advocating expressing anger at the appropriate people and in constructive ways. Lashing out at random people simply because they're likely to forgive you for it is wrong, whether you're male or female,… [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by oogenesis, snowleopard
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I would say, too, that the idea that any women who's really upset "must have PMS" tends to reinforce the idea (even, maybe especially, among women) that anger can never be rational and must always be tamped down so as not to interfere with… [more]
favorited 3 times, recently by oogenesis, yueliang
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I was thinking about this some more: I think there's really huge pressure for women to act "nice" all the time, and to take every else's feelings into consideration before expressing your own emotions (I'm assuming the poster is a woman,… [more]
favorited 7 times, recently by oogenesis, yueliang, inatizzy, snowleopard
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I think you're putting yourself on the wrong half of the classification, here, by classifying your inability to classify yourself as dysfunctional. Really, a lot of schools of psychological thought would claim that what you're doing is healthy,… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by mmmbacon
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I like vanoakenfold's analogy a lot, but I'm not sure the conclusion that you rule out feelings is necessarily true. A more moderate approach might be to recognize that your feelings are all welcome and valid, but they don't define you. You miss… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by houseofleaves
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

My general New Age-y view: Most relationships (romantic or otherwise) exist at a certain time, for a certain reason. My past relationships all taught me hugely important things, but once I had completely absorbed those things, the reason for the… [more]
favorited 5 times, recently by yueliang
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

Sure, and if you're treating it as a courtesy, then that's great. But I don't think it's necessarily my partners' responsibility to educate me on STDs -- educating yourself is part of being a sexually responsible adult -- and I was objecting to the… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by backtonature007
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

OK, except that basically means every man who's not a virgin should give that speech, which just means every woman should assume that every non-virgin she's about to sleep with fits the above criteria. [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by backtonature007
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

Yes, but the point is that your partners most likely could not know if they were exposing you. [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by backtonature007
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

Apparently this is a thread about how cool Riki Tiki is, all hip with the discharge and the like. And about how EB's a much better woman than any of the actual women on the site, and how by doing exactly as he tells us to do and feeling… [more]
favorited 6 times, recently by thegreatfleecircus
MetaTalk comment - Over five years ago

Also, while I think this is a bad situation, I don't think there's any cause for you to feel guilty. *He* is the one in the presumably committed relationship, not you. I don't think you should say no because otherwise you'd be guilty of something,… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by sweetjane
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

please help me craft a suitable reply that will let them know what I think of these bizarre, mafioso kind of wedding expectations Seriously, drop the racist slurs, to start with. They may be being obnoxious, but there's no reason to… [more]
favorited 7 times, recently by serathen, decathecting
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

The fact that clients would choose not to listen to a married woman seems to be what's screwed up. Her doing something to even out that disadvantage, while not great, seems like the lesser of two evils here. [more]
favorited 6 times, recently by LoonyLovegood, Oli D.
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

For some reason the comment I remember making about Paraguard and heavy periods doesn't seem to be showing up in those links. So: I got a Paraguard after not being on hormonal birth control for about 10 years (I don't like the way it fucks with… [more]
favorited 4 times, recently by WidgetAlley, Phire
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

If you want to contribute to making this world a decent world, then the burden is always on you. That gets a bit warped in dealing with gender issues, though, because for the most part, everyone's already putting a burden on women… [more]
favorited 8 times, recently by wonton endangerment
MetaTalk comment - Over five years ago

I (a woman) agree with naomi. When someone calls me or another woman a cunt, I instinctively want to cross my legs. It's like this "OK, bitch, you quit your yapping or I'll show you all you REALLY are" reduction. And I'm not trying… [more]
favorited 1 time, recently by Rissa
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

Is a statue of a sleeping man crouched down with a sombrero over his head offensive to people? Apparently, yes. If you're trying to take a poll to find out how many, and base your future actions on that number, then I would suggest that… [more]
favorited 9 times, recently by twist my arm, Miko, Ausamor
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

I like to tie it into the area's history. New England was settled by ambitious workers who wanted to create a new society free of excess, of showiness, of religious metaphor. Straightforward people, heavy on the work ethic, who tend to believe that… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by gemutlichkeit
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

To clarify: I certainly don't mean that I set out to "use men for all they're good for." I just think that certain people can only help each other so much, and then their various neuroses/hangups/emotional-blockages get in the way of… [more]
favorited 2 times, recently by onehundredand80, apartment dweller
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

You're framing the questions in the wrong way. Honest communication comes from talking (honestly) about how you feel, not from talking (at all) about the other person. "You do X, Y, and Z and it's annoying" is an accusation… [more]
favorited 14 times, recently by yueliang, icemill, Wolfster, eq21
Ask MeFi comment - Over five years ago

How do I stop grinding my teeth at night?
favorited 6 times, recently by sprezzy
Ask MeFi post - Over five years ago

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