Amazon-ian Warrior. An unassuming Canadian chap has been quietly submitting
ludicrous reviews of products sold on Amazon.com for nearly 5 years. For example, his detailed commentary on George P Joyce's
A Comparative Analysis of Two Alternatives to Chemical Aircraft Paint Stripping:
Joyce is an alchemist, taking the leaden medium of technical report writing, and transmuting it with his warm spirit, pouring his pen over the obscured voices of the chemical aircraft paint strippers like a mellifluous caramel gold; redeeming them in a universal chorus of aircraft paint strippers, their individual spirits vibrating like strings in a cosmic harp.
Part of the fun is seeing how many people rated each review as helpful; for example, he gets 100% approval for his comments on
Flautist Angel Statuette (
This 'flautist angel' is crude, eschewing classical representation to debase itself in the distortions of folk art. A freak frisson of masochism prompted me to order an item that believes human anatomy is modelled upon slurry running from a faucet. Look at it.) while virtually no-one was impressed by his analysis of
How Conservatives Won The Heart Of America (
Thought-provoking. I did not know that the "heart of America" is an actual item the Conservatives won in a game of squash in 1972; I assumed it was a metaphor.)
Since Amazon started adding RSS feeds and enabling comments on reviews, he finally appears to be starting to
reach an audience; those wishing to keep updated with his sporadic but fantastic work may appreciate this
handy Feedburner URL.
posted by rhodri
on Jan 22, 2007 -
56 comments
"I yearn for that kind of a backpacking trip minus the bears." "I was much the happy to know this man was tremendously eaten ferociously by the grizzly bear." "Not bad but not enough black chicks."
The work of these online reviewers may not merit their own
special edition, but they're special in their own way. Doc Savage reviews 200+ items on Amazon, most of which he hates, unless they involve black women and/or
Carly Simon. At Netflix,
HV from Duvall is not nearly as prolific, but gets 5 stars for sublimely anfractuous English. And
DJAkin over at IMDB has written nearly 500 reviews, although most of them read like
Jackie Harvey's Mad Libs. He (or she) may not be the next
A. O. Scott, but if you can find me a critic with a more sincere and unsnarked love of cinema, I'll eat my britches.
posted by sonofslim
on Jan 8, 2007 -
27 comments
MusicalGenius: What does a comedic genius stuck in lonely ol' Minneapolis do for fun?
He becomes an ice cream eating, elephant fanatic who opens a Mashed Potato bar, of course. (Amazon.com)
posted by MotorNeuron
on Mar 17, 2005 -
11 comments
Obligatory FadeToBlack Unintentionally Funny Site Post #3 Collect them all while there's still flesh on the bones of this decomposing Equine!
Really though, Amazon can be so precious--check out the customer reviews:
One day it just happened... I realized I was at a dead end. My job, my finances, my relationships - DEAD END. Surfing the net one evening, I was strangely drawn to this book on Amazon's site. Though the anal constriction theme was a bit odd, I thought, "Hey that goodbye depression thing is for me!" It suddenly came to me - what better way to pull myself out of a "dead end" than to liven my "end" up through this boot camp for the bootie? Whew! Almost as good as the ones for
The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women, for example. No, I'm
not linking that one!
posted by y2karl
on Apr 23, 2002 -
21 comments
Update on Bezos' recent clash of interests (shock, horror..)
book review..
[More..]
posted by Kino
on Jun 23, 2001 -
5 comments
