270 posts tagged with Relationships.
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Heart-Shaped Red Pill

The couple never forgot how lucky they were, or as Fidden put it, “how difficult it must be for someone who is single and who also has this understanding and awareness and these truths.” Where would such a person find love, especially given that they are even more ostracized from society than Aine and him? Then it hit him: “Wow, what a fantastic business idea! Let’s go and do it! So that’s what we did.” Longreads investigates the loves lives of Truthers, with a little help from Rob Brotherton, conspiracy theorist theorist. Another take from Vice is a little less sympathetic. [more inside]
posted by Kitty Stardust on Nov 30, 2016 - 37 comments

It descends upon us every October like a sexy fog

It runs (in the northern hemisphere) from November to March, though culturally it kicks off when Starbucks change their menu to pumpkin spice; people who would rather be single or promiscuous start looking for someone to attach themselves to for the cold winter months. How to handle ‘Cuffing Season’
posted by acb on Oct 15, 2016 - 74 comments

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll plotz

Anon and his hermit crabs is an emotional roller coaster and might even be true. [more inside]
posted by Johnny Wallflower on Aug 31, 2016 - 21 comments

For Men* Who Desperately Need Autonomy

Nora Samaran writes on men, autonomy, and how it is created, not taken. "Emotionally immature men who believe that autonomy is something you take, rather than something you create, may live their lives in a continual nightmare of ‘needs they can’t meet’ that they never come to understand." Part Two: The Tricks of Shame and Hope
posted by Shepherd on Aug 2, 2016 - 68 comments

I have also been corresponding with what I think is a robot at Hotmail.

The Emails of Natalie Portman and Jonathan Safran Foer by Jonathan Safran Foer [The New York Times] For over a decade, the Oscar-winning actress Natalie Portman and the author Jonathan Safran Foer have amassed countless email exchanges about family, creativity and angry koalas — until earlier this year, when their epistolary archive mysteriously disappeared. On the eve of her ambitious directorial debut, the old friends start anew, reconnecting online to reflect on how the times have changed, and how they have changed over time.
posted by Fizz on Jul 14, 2016 - 83 comments

It doesn't matter

Like This: A Love Story by @priya_ebooks
posted by Potomac Avenue on Jun 21, 2016 - 11 comments

The good news is that it doesn’t matter

[A] hopeful, generous, infinitely kind gamble taken by two people who don’t know yet who they are or who the other might be, binding themselves to a future they cannot conceive of and have carefully avoided investigating. Alain de Botton explains why you will marry the wrong person.
posted by gottabefunky on Jun 5, 2016 - 59 comments

Unforgettable: Becoming an Amnesiac’s Memory

“Do you remember us,” I asked. I was conscious of my voice. It failed, just a bit, on that “us,” but I was trying to keep the terror to myself.
“Technically, yes,” he said.
Caitlin Myer writes for Electric Literature about her experience of her lover losing his memory. (Includes some fairly mild NSFW text, but Your Workplace May Vary.)
posted by Stacey on May 12, 2016 - 8 comments

Additional Love Languages

The Five Love Languages is a bestselling book that discusses the five essential ways that people “speak and understand emotional love.” The primary love languages include Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch, but many readers are unaware of the remaining seventeen categories, which include the following....
posted by sciatrix on Apr 28, 2016 - 26 comments

50 shades of pray

Perhaps the only kink you might not find in San Francisco, Christian Domestic Discipline is a community of women looking for a theological reading of sex and submission. [more inside]
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory on Apr 14, 2016 - 46 comments

What women find in friends that they may not get from love

Female friendship was not a consolation prize, some romance also-ran. Women who find affinity with one another are not settling. In fact, they may be doing the opposite, finding something vital that is lacking in their romantic entanglements, and thus setting their standards healthily higher. (SLNYT)
posted by quiet coyote on Feb 28, 2016 - 24 comments

“Social media is 95 percent of what happens in all relationships now"

Selfies, Dating, and the American 14-Year-Old. "As crushes go from real-life likes to digital “likes,” the typical American teenage girl is confronted with a set of social anxieties never before seen in human history. Nancy Jo Sales observes one 14-year-old as she gets ready to embark on her first I.R.L. date."
posted by zarq on Feb 26, 2016 - 53 comments

My Autistic Brother's Quest for Love

Randy is 27, one of 3.5 million Americans on the autism spectrum. He suffers from what is officially called PDD, or pervasive developmental disorder. "My brother has always wanted what most of us do: love. Someone to care about. Someone who will care in return. Someone other than our mother." A loving sister chronicles her brother's search for a lasting relationship.
posted by narancia on Feb 25, 2016 - 13 comments

It’s just not worth it.

You see them everywhere—exhausted young women pouring all their spare energy into organising, encouraging and taking care of young men who resent them for doing it but resent them even harder when they don’t. You see them cringing for every crumb of affection before someone cracks and it all goes wrong and the grim cycle starts again. You can fritter away the whole of your youth that way. I know women who have. - Laurie Penny, Maybe you should just be single [SL NewStatesman]
posted by melissasaurus on Feb 14, 2016 - 255 comments

"Happy Valentine's Day!" the woman threatened.

"[E]ver since noticing a beautifully wrinkled and mysteriously sensual older French woman at a friend’s party, and, having inquired if she was the wife of the frizzy-haired, balding older man with the huge, horn-rimmed glasses next to her, and being informed that, “Nooo, she’s his mistress. They’ve been lovers for many years,” I’d decided that loverhood was what I aspired to." "The Magic Trick," by Carolita Johnson. (SLTheHairpin) [more inside]
posted by MonkeyToes on Feb 11, 2016 - 12 comments

one weird trick that makes a novel addictive

Catherine Nichols on the technique of adaptation. [more inside]
posted by flex on Feb 8, 2016 - 27 comments

It was never about the glass

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Sink
posted by Dressed to Kill on Jan 22, 2016 - 252 comments

Define 'interesting.'

When an NBC producer fell for celebrated surgeon Paolo Macchiarini while filming a Dateline documentary special about him, she thought her biggest problem was a breach of journalistic ethics. Then things got really interesting.
posted by zarq on Jan 6, 2016 - 131 comments

Swipe right on monogamy

Swipe right on monogamy [more inside]
posted by triggerfinger on Dec 23, 2015 - 71 comments

"There's the Jamaican bobsled team, so TAKE THAT, stereotypes!"

Black Folk Don’t...” is an open conversation that invites everyone to take a second look at the grey areas between us all, no matter the race, and most importantly to do it with a sense of humor. This documentary web series is a special presentation of BlackPublicMedia.org, directed and produced by Angela Tucker, with support from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Did you know that black folk don't… [more inside]
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey on Dec 17, 2015 - 14 comments

priorities matter.

The Tail End: "No matter what your age, you may, without realizing it, be enjoying the very last chapter of some of the relationships that matter most to you." (via) [more inside]
posted by flex on Dec 13, 2015 - 35 comments

I love you, see you tomorrow

The Last Message Received. This is a Tumblr chronicling people's final communications with one another, for reasons mundane, mysterious, dramatic or tragic. It may make you a bit misty.
posted by zeusianfog on Dec 6, 2015 - 45 comments

How to spot manipulative behavior

How to Spot Manipulation - PsychCentral
How to Pick Up on Manipulative Behavior - Basic guide from WikiHow
Are You Being Manipulated? Keys to Hidden Aggression - Good Therapy.org
Psychological Manipulation Resources - Band Back Together
Eight Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation - cassiopaea.com
Subtly Controlling Behavior - Abuse and Relationships [more inside]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Oct 29, 2015 - 92 comments

love in the regime of choice

By analysing the language of popular magazines, TV shows and self-help books and by conducting interviews with men and women in different countries, scholars including Eva Illouz, Laura Kipnis and Frank Furedi have demonstrated clearly that our ideas about love are dominated by powerful political, economic and social forces. Together, these forces lead to the establishment of what we can call romantic regimes: systems of emotional conduct that affect how we speak about how we feel, determine 'normal' behaviours, and establish who is eligible for love – and who is not.
posted by divined by radio on Oct 28, 2015 - 23 comments

How Friendships Change in Adulthood

The voluntary nature of friendship makes it subject to life’s whims in a way more formal relationships aren’t. In adulthood, as people grow up and go away, friendships are the relationships most likely to take a hit. You’re stuck with your family, and you’ll prioritize your spouse. But where once you could run over to Jonny’s house at a moment’s notice and see if he could come out to play, now you have to ask Jonny if he has a couple hours to get a drink in two weeks. [more inside]
posted by ellieBOA on Oct 26, 2015 - 61 comments

The Spiritual Ordeal of Marriage

National Magazine Award Finalist Katy Butler describes a heartfelt experience attending the Art and Science of Love, a Gottman workshop, with her "almost husband". "I remember the cautionary words of Wendell Berry in an essay on marriage...'Some wishes cannot succeed. . . . Because the condition of marriage is worldly and it's meaning communal, no one party to it can be solely in charge. What you alone think it ought to be, it is not going to be. Where you alone think you want it to go, it is not going to go. . . . When you unite yourself with another, you unite yourselves with the unknown.'" John Gottman's well-known research on successful marriages.
posted by storybored on Oct 3, 2015 - 20 comments

Don't you just hate things?

"The Disgustings" (12:12 ) is a short film starring Drew Droege and written, directed and starring Jordan Firstman. It's about two gay men living in Los Angeles who just happen to be completely, utterly awful. The Disgustings return in "Save The Date." (5:45)
posted by The Whelk on Sep 22, 2015 - 14 comments

Losing the language of love

Every relationship brings with it a private language built on shared memories and experiences. Maybe it's a joke shared on a date, maybe a saying or misspoken phrase that privately comes to represent so much more. Following the death of her husband, publicist/copywriter and blogger Virge Randall writes about life after losing the shared language of love.
posted by garius on Sep 16, 2015 - 56 comments

Right from the start it was both sexual & social: Ask Isadora sex advice

"Jewish grandma Isadora Alman pioneered the American sex-advice column, then found her work obsolete." - Jonathan Kiefer, Tablet. [Ask Isadora website / essays for Psychology Today]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Sep 14, 2015 - 9 comments

Should you text?

Should you send that text? Bustle has the answer with a handy flowchart. [more inside]
posted by Margalo Epps on Sep 5, 2015 - 24 comments

Breakups fucking suck.

Exes ask each other questions they never got to ask when dating. Two-part Youtube video that gets really real, really quick.
posted by Huck500 on Sep 3, 2015 - 49 comments

"The men in this town have a serious case of pussy affluenza"

"I call it the Dating Apocalypse,” says a woman in New York, aged 29. “Guys view everything as a competition,” [Alex] elaborates with his deep, reassuring voice. “Who’s slept with the best, hottest girls?” With these dating apps, he says, “you’re always sort of prowling. You could talk to two or three girls at a bar and pick the best one, or you can swipe a couple hundred people a day—the sample size is so much larger. It’s setting up two or three Tinder dates a week and, chances are, sleeping with all of them, so you could rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.”
posted by modernnomad on Aug 9, 2015 - 148 comments

It was the spinsters who made me.

"Historically, spinsterhood has meant a kind of radical unavailability to straight men, implying either rejection of them or rejection by them or both. This sought or unsought rejection has the potential to be experienced by women as a source of strength. It can mean making the choice not just to set your own terms on the marriage or meat market, but to opt out of the market altogether." [Briallen Hopper for LA Review of Books: On Spinsters.] [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on Jul 15, 2015 - 8 comments

There are no easy answers.

How to Love Your Father When He’s in Prison for Child Porn, an essay by Lindsay Popper. SFW. Some may find the content disturbing.
posted by zarq on Jun 19, 2015 - 61 comments

Leave Us the Counterpoint

"I like my music polyphonic. If you think I meant anything else, you know what I meant." So Lord Peter Wimsey tells Harriet Vane in Dorothy L Sayers's classic novel, Gaudy Night, this year celebrating its 80th birthday. But as Mo Moulton writes in her essay with personal interruptions on The Toast, "Of course he did mean something else, and not only Harriet but the reader understands exactly what: that his ideal relationship, like his ideal music, is produced by the combination of equals rather than the hierarchy of melody and harmony, or man and wife." [more inside]
posted by Athanassiel on May 20, 2015 - 17 comments

Twitter and other social media & the ability for users to tailor content

"Things Left Unspoken: Erasure in Online Discussion of Domestic Violence" - Trigger Warning: Domestic violence, mentions of violent actions, physical abuse, sexual assault. By Catherine [Kiran/Rin] Oliver at Model View Culture. [more inside]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Apr 10, 2015 - 3 comments

every time he said "you look beautiful," all I heard is "you look fat"

If I had still been at my heaviest weight, I never would have approached Brian. As a fat woman, I have been taught that there is an order of operations for love: First, you get thin; then, you can date who you want. Until you do the first thing, the second thing is impossible. So for many women who struggle with their weight, it becomes a fight not just for their health or well-being, but a struggle to just be worthy of the love so many people take for granted.
The inimitable Kristin Chirico (previously) for BuzzFeed: My boyfriend loves fat women. As a fat woman myself, I'm still struggling with how I feel about it. [SLBF]
posted by divined by radio on Apr 8, 2015 - 54 comments

"Fishfucker turned out to be a really nice dude."

Your Internet Friends Are Real: A Defense of Online Intimacy, by Kyle Chayka for TNR:
The perception that online relationships are somehow less real than their physical counterparts exemplifies what Nathan Jurgenson, a New York-based sociologist and researcher for the messaging platform Snapchat, calls "digital dualism." Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic in either space. "We're coming to terms with there being just one reality and digital is part of it, not any less real or true," Jurgenson said. "What you do online and what you do face-to-face are completely interwoven."
(Keep an eye out for a brief in-article cameo from our once and always fearless leader!) [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on Mar 5, 2015 - 55 comments

Hard Time Valentines

Four couples, who are homeless and living in New York, talk about their lives.
posted by roomthreeseventeen on Feb 15, 2015 - 5 comments

An Ex Axe

"I love you" – WHAT A LIE! LIES, DAMN LIES! Yes, it's like that when you are young, naïve and in love. And you don't realize your boyfriend started dating you just because he wanted to take you to bed! I got this teddy bear for Valentine's. He survived on top of my closet in a plastic bag, because it wasn’t him who hurt me, but the idiot who left him behind.
-- "I love you" Teddy bear
2002 Zagreb, Croatia
"I love you" Teddy bear is one of the exhibits at The Museum of Broken Relationships. [more inside]
posted by Room 641-A on Feb 12, 2015 - 11 comments

How many stars?

We Got Some of Our Ex-Boyfriends and Girlfriends to Review Us as Lovers(SLVice)
posted by josher71 on Feb 11, 2015 - 34 comments

To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This

Through a series of increasingly intimate questions, the author sees if she and her acquaintance can make themselves fall in love. (NYTimes link)
posted by amanda on Jan 11, 2015 - 130 comments

"Whatever the orientation, fans are passionate about their ships"

"Perhaps shipping also reflects the yearning for a small moment of control in a chaotic world. Children often react to their inherent powerlessness by retreating to the wide-open spaces of their imagination. They make their dolls kiss (or fight), and feel a sense of control that they lack in the real world. As fans, people may not be the author of the fictional worlds they love to inhabit, but when they ship, they can momentarily grab the wheel in the most exhilarating of ways — envisioning and championing relationships that demonstrate their own mastery of a created universe, and their true feelings about how love should exist in that world, if not indeed in their own." [via mefi projects; single-page format]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Dec 27, 2014 - 90 comments

Half of all marriages - oh, wait

"It is no longer true that the divorce rate is rising, or that half of all marriages end in divorce. It has not been for some time. Despite hand-wringing about the institution of marriage, marriages in this country are stronger today than they have been in a long time. The divorce rate peaked in the 1970s and early 1980s and has been declining for the three decades since." [more inside]
posted by showbiz_liz on Dec 2, 2014 - 95 comments

Portraits of love and sex in the 21st century

Everybody Sexts is collection of nude images (re-imagined as illustrations) that people sent via their phone, accompanied by the story and reasons why such explicit photos were sent.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Nov 23, 2014 - 53 comments

Slip Out the Back Jack; Make a New Plan Stan...

She Ate Combos: And 20 Other Surprising Relationship Last Straws Explained "Paul Simon crooned there are "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," and Megan Rosati claims there are 52, but that's not even the tip of the iceberg when you're talking about reasons for dumping someone. " [cached version]
posted by 724A on Nov 22, 2014 - 214 comments

They keep asking me more specific questions.

"And what they’re really asking me: is your first memory different from my own? Tell me, they are asking, under their breaths, tell me a story that shows how you and I are different."- a fictional story exploring conformity in sexual relations in a future society, by Debbie Urbanski.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Nov 14, 2014 - 7 comments

the law of "fuck yes or no"

"Fuck Yes!" or No - "Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?"
(Fuck Yes, No Less - "How many of us have been taught to let persuasion and doubt override our instincts? How many of us have been taught to live in the grey?") [more inside]
posted by flex on Nov 9, 2014 - 58 comments

pay attention, gals

Singaporean student Agatha Tan wrote an open letter to her principal after noticing major flaws with a sex ed program at her junior college. Specifically, the Focus on the Family-created program posited relationship advice for "guys" and "gals" and what they really think that seem to be directly cribbed from a joke book. Focus on the Family claimed that it wasn't designed as sex ed but as a "relationship education" program (here's Singapore's actual sex ed curriculum) and that it was supposedly based on research studies about the neurological differences between men and women. The principal says that the facilitators were "ineffective", and the Ministry of Education says that they will cease their working relationship with FotF soon.
posted by divabat on Oct 11, 2014 - 32 comments

Seven hours they had talked and they could have gone on until dawn.

We were each other’s firsts. I was 16, a stressed-out immigrant kid, she was the daughter of Colombian Catholics who were quite fond of the church’s policy on pre-marital sex. So it took us quite a while to awkwardly, semi-defeatedly concede to each other that we had run out of excuses to avoid sex. “This weekend?” I said grimly. A very sweet Guardian piece called "My parents helped me to lose my virginity" by novelist Boris Fishman.
posted by jbickers on Sep 12, 2014 - 12 comments

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