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Seven hours they had talked and they could have gone on until dawn.

We were each other’s firsts. I was 16, a stressed-out immigrant kid, she was the daughter of Colombian Catholics who were quite fond of the church’s policy on pre-marital sex. So it took us quite a while to awkwardly, semi-defeatedly concede to each other that we had run out of excuses to avoid sex. “This weekend?” I said grimly. A very sweet Guardian piece called "My parents helped me to lose my virginity" by novelist Boris Fishman.
posted by jbickers on Sep 12, 2014 - 12 comments

Because you aren't being you

A lot of women out there are afraid of being something. The template for us is pretty clear: We are meant to have clean skin, a pleasant demeanor, and a nice rack. I'm not speaking up against nice racks, Lord knows. But there are lots of ladies around me, everywhere I go, who hesitate to say what they're thinking and feeling. They go with the flow, they never make waves. And eventually, they don't even seem to know what makes them who they are. They live to serve. They read the books that other people are reading. They say the pleasant things that other people are saying. They never put their needs first, unless it indirectly serves someone else — a manicure, some highlights. They make sure everyone around them is 100 percent satisfied. Like grocery-store managers. Like customer service reps. Like masseuses who also give free happy endings. Ask Polly on "Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?"
posted by shivohum on Sep 9, 2014 - 170 comments

objectification and its effects on women

"If a woman is objectified in a relationship, the research indicates, it's more likely that her male partner will sexually coerce and pressure her." [more inside]
posted by flex on Aug 28, 2014 - 106 comments

"I once loved a girl..." - Suze and The Twerp

Tomorrow is a long time
Suze and The Twerp
Ballad In Plain D – Bob and Suze
We were both overly sensitive and needed shelter from the storm
Previously: I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Aug 24, 2014 - 2 comments

occasionally, she wears flannel.

when my boyfriend proposed, I cried — more like panic tears. but I wasn't certain I should end it — until I met her
posted by yeoz on Aug 18, 2014 - 115 comments

"Identity is always something to be cherished."

I Am Loveworthy: How a Transgender Woman Found Love. (Previously, by the same writer.) Useful resources for participating in the discussion: Ohio U's Trans 101* : Primer and Vocabulary guide; GLAAD's Transgender Media and Education Program
posted by Lexica on Jul 13, 2014 - 18 comments

Eventually Pam Fires A Rocket Launcher At Them So They'll Shut Up

"When True Blood premiered on HBO almost six years ago, in 2008, the final Twilight book had just been published, breaking records left and right. The gleam's come off since then, off vampires in general and but especially this show, but I believe it still has some things to tell us. Things about philosophy, America, the existence of faith in a secular world. People fucking all kinds of different ways. Sometimes all of these topics at the same time." Jacob Clifton recaps and reviews the Six and a half seasons of True Blood so far, trying to suss out what we can learn from Sookie Stackhouse's many boyfriends.
posted by The Whelk on Jul 9, 2014 - 61 comments

Look what I can do with my two hands.

Roxane Gay, author of An Untamed State and the upcoming Bad Feminist, has a lot to say about relationships and sexuality and self esteem. Also about how to bake a pie and a killer summer pasta recipe.
posted by Stacey on Jul 9, 2014 - 11 comments

Cheatbook

New research finds a correlation between social network use and divorce rates. "We don't know whether Facebook is causing divorce or divorce is causing the use of Facebook," said a study author. A Facebook spokesman says it's "ludicrous" to suggest a link between the social network site and divorce. [more inside]
posted by stbalbach on Jul 8, 2014 - 104 comments

"Can you deal with the fact that I'm not in love with you?"

Without You I'm Nothing: The Believer looks at the memoirs of the wives and girlfriends of rock stars.
posted by The Whelk on Jul 4, 2014 - 20 comments

Who's Fucking?

Several couples reminisce about when and how they started fucking: Josh and Debra, Zack and Evan, Isaac and Doris.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Jun 22, 2014 - 29 comments

contempt, they found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart

science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
posted by and they trembled before her fury on Jun 17, 2014 - 91 comments

Alan spilled water on me while I was trying to sleep.

Claire Meyer and Alan Linic, a twentysomething couple in Chicago, have been keeping a public record of every fight they have fought since August of 2013.
posted by SkylitDrawl on Jun 6, 2014 - 78 comments

How to Stop a Wedding

An illustrated guide. "Enjoy life with your bride or groom. Be aware, however, that you're never guaranteed a storybook ending. Someone who is likely to walk from a wedding may be afraid of commitment, and insecure in relationships. This could pose problems for your relationship."
posted by 912 Greens on May 7, 2014 - 89 comments

Friendship delivers what love promises but fails to provide

Friendship uniquely requires mutual self-knowledge and will. It takes two competent, willing people to be friends. You cannot impose a friendship on someone, although you can impose a crush, a lawsuit, or an obsession. If friendship is not reciprocated, it simply ceases to exist or, rather, it never existed in the first place. Andrew Sullivan's book Love Undetectable, illuminated via BrainPickings.
posted by Athanassiel on Apr 28, 2014 - 27 comments

Beating the Tinder Game

Blake Jamieson used his marketing background to game Tinder's system.
posted by reenum on Apr 20, 2014 - 65 comments

For Richer Or Poorer

Ask Polly: Will Our Class Differences Tear Us Apart?
I've been with my current boyfriend for three years. We're really great together—similar interests, senses of humor, great sex. I love him so much—the only issue is that of our respective backgrounds. He grew up in a tony suburb, went to prep school, then to a very prestigious college, and finally the very prestigious graduate school where we met. I went to public school in a bad neighborhood, put myself through a not-so-prestigious college, made a name for myself in my field, then got into that same prestigious grad school. Our families could not be more different. I didn't think it would matter so much, but something happened recently that I can't shake.
[more inside]
posted by the man of twists and turns on Apr 12, 2014 - 86 comments

Your clever relationship wingman.

BroApp. It's either hideously sociopathic or a thought-provoking parody.
posted by xowie on Feb 27, 2014 - 48 comments

You and you and me and baby makes four.

A Vancouver child has become the first person in B.C. to have three parents named on their birth certificate, under province's recent Family Law Act that features a provision permitting up to four parents. [more inside]
posted by mhoye on Feb 18, 2014 - 42 comments

Unhung Hero

Patrick Moote's marriage proposal was rejected in front of a large crowd at a UCLA basketball game. When he asked his former girlfriend why, she told him it was because his penis was too small, which led to him creating a cockumentary called Unhung Hero. [more inside]
posted by gman on Feb 17, 2014 - 151 comments

A Vimeo short about love and loss

I went through a pretty rough break up this year and it was not great. I wrote and made this in the midst of all that. It's a tombstone and love letter and I hope you enjoy it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Jan 14, 2014 - 14 comments

We had some good years

Over his long career, the renowned photojournalist Art Shay, 91, has taken thousands of photographs of kings, presidents, Hollywood celebs, and sports stars—chronicling people’s lives and news stories all over the world for such magazines as Time, Life, and Chicago. But his favorite subject of all was his wife of 67 years, Florence. Sometimes Florence would be the focal point of his photos—front and center, smiling, dancing, or reading. Life Through a Leica
posted by timshel on Jan 14, 2014 - 7 comments

Henry Rollins gets relationship advice from RuPaul.

Henry Rollins gets relationship advice from RuPaul [SLYT] in which we learn that "making room for other people . . . is as punk rock as hell."
posted by craniac on Nov 1, 2013 - 23 comments

Mixed Marriages in China a Labour of Love

Mixed Marriages in China a Labour of Love [more inside]
posted by modernnomad on Oct 23, 2013 - 17 comments

Love Him, Hate His Politics

Jeanne Safer writes about being "married to [Richard Brookhiser] with whom I violently disagree on every conceivable political issue, including abortion, gun control, and assisted suicide. I thought the recent government shutdown was absurd, infantile, and destructive; he was a fan. And not only is he a conservative Republican, he’s a professional conservative Republican, a Senior Editor of National Review, the leading journal of conservative opinion in the country."
posted by Jahaza on Oct 23, 2013 - 380 comments

No sex please, we're Japanese

Young people in Japan are increasingly abstaining from romantic relationships and sex. The media refers to this phenomenon as sekkusu shinai shokogun, or "celibacy syndrome". [more inside]
posted by acb on Oct 20, 2013 - 109 comments

A Relationship in Five Minutes

It was probably the cap on the toothpaste that did it. Matthew Flynn and Autumn Stein improvise a video that distils an entire relationship into 5 minutes.
posted by WalterMitty on Oct 20, 2013 - 9 comments

Those paid more than the value they create are thieves.

Quit. Quit early and quit often, not when something is hard, but when something isn't for you. That's the way you find your genius, (YT) says Prof. Deepak Malhotra, who gave this among other tips to graduating students at Harvard Business School in a speech on how to avoid the tragedy of living an unhappy life. [more inside]
posted by shivohum on Sep 22, 2013 - 48 comments

On Marrying a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse

As his wife, how do I respond? That he survived? That he’s brave? That he’s a hero for letting me talk about it? That I will stand beside him with a personal mission and public vow that nobody will ever hurt him, physically or emotionally, again, the way they did during his 30 months as a choirboy from 1988 to 1990?
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Aug 28, 2013 - 29 comments

Cheating on you, he could live with. Hurting me, he couldn't bear.

A Letter to the Wife of My Boyfriend
posted by SkylitDrawl on Aug 24, 2013 - 212 comments

Letting Go

The Big Father Essay. Some readers may find sections disturbing.
posted by zarq on Aug 21, 2013 - 6 comments

Communication not as a state of emergency.

Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique. Love and respect instead of entitlement. Find your core set of relationship values. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you. Build for the lovely unexpected. Fake it til’ you make it. Trust is better. Change through communication. Customize your commitments. The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy by Andie Nordgren.
posted by davidjmcgee on Jul 15, 2013 - 43 comments

truths about gay relationships on the road to marriage equality

Master Bedroom, Extra Closet: The Truth About Gay Marriage
"In the fight for marriage rights, gay activists have (smartly) put forward couples who embody a familiar form of unity... But not all gay unions are built on the straight model, particularly when it comes to the issue of monogamy... The gay rights movement has made a calculated decision to highlight the similarities, not the differences, between straight and gay love on the road to marriage equality."
posted by andoatnp on Jun 20, 2013 - 56 comments

Data Science of the Facebook World

Stephen Wolfram used the data provided by Facebook users to do some demographic analysis.
posted by reenum on May 6, 2013 - 7 comments

When your abuser or estranged relative dies

When your abuser or estranged relative dies - funerals, obituaries, & condolences. This is a practical, thoughtful and informative website created by two Christian women who are knowledgeable about dealing with pathological narcissists and sociopaths within a family context, in particular the topic of "Silent Partners". [more inside]
posted by nickyskye on May 4, 2013 - 29 comments

Queer African American Women and the History of Marriage

"Two women, Edna Knowles and Peaches Stevens, were wed in Liz's Mark III Lounge, a gay bar on Chicago's South Side, before a host of friends and well-wishers."--JET Magazine, October 1970 The Pop-Up Museum of Queer History offers a terrific post on the public rituals queer African American women have used to celebrate their partnerships since the 1920s.
posted by liketitanic on Mar 27, 2013 - 7 comments

Dear Valentine, I Hate It When You...

Save your marriage... with a writing workshop. Link to paper: (PDF)
posted by AceRock on Feb 13, 2013 - 3 comments

The Ben Franklin Effect; both not, and totally Rule 34 applicable.

The entertaining youtube channel Vsauce takes an interesting look at The Science of the Friend Zone. [via]
posted by quin on Feb 13, 2013 - 27 comments

Love 2.0

There is no such thing as Everlasting Love. Apparently all we have are "micro-moments of positivity resonance." Deflating the Love Myth, just in time for Valentines Day? [more inside]
posted by cross_impact on Feb 12, 2013 - 52 comments

"Don't you see? If no one were watching, I would not dance at all."

The Old Man at Burning Man. "When I mentioned to friends that I was going to Burning Man with my 69-year-old father, 'Good idea' were the words out of no one's mouth."
posted by zarq on Feb 9, 2013 - 65 comments

Intent counts here.

Right now, though, you can google “polyamory” and get a whole lot of nearly-identical polynormative hype articles, and you can meet up with locals who’ve read the same articles you just did, and you can all get together and do polynormative poly exactly the way the media told you to. And if that’s all you ever bother to do then essentially you are selling yourself short. You are trading in the monogamous norm for polynormativity, which relatively speaking isn’t all that much of a stretch, and stopping there because you may very well think that’s all there is (and you already racked up a whole bunch of cool points anyway). You aren’t encouraged to really think about this stuff without any imposed models at all, which means you never get to figure out what actually might work best for you. As such, the most fundamental element of polyamory—that of rejecting the monogamous standard, and radically rethinking how you understand, make meaning of and practice love, sex, relationships, commitment, communication, and so forth—is lost in favour of a cookie-cutter model that’s as easy as one, two, three. The deepest and most significant benefit of polyamory has become increasingly obscured by media representation, and as a result, is getting farther and farther out of reach for anyone who’s just starting out.
the problem with polynormativity, at Sex Geek
posted by davidjmcgee on Jan 28, 2013 - 221 comments

It's a Samoan Thing. You Wouldn't Understand.

Ilana Gershon is a professor currently researching how people use the Internet to break up with their romantic partners, but before that she wrote an anthropological study about "strategic ignorance" in Samoan immigrant communities, all of which is just a complicated way of showing that she's the most unusually qualified person on the Internet to comment on the Manti Te'o hoax. (previously)
posted by jonp72 on Jan 23, 2013 - 51 comments

Sex and surveys

"Men across all cultures reported higher sex drives and less restricted sexual attitudes than women, but women were consistently more variable than men in their sex drives. Another important, if not entirely surprising pattern, suggests that these differences are not entirely biological, and are due in some part to social and cultural ideologies." An io9 article looks at the results from a number of sex surveys.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Jan 21, 2013 - 92 comments

How I Fell in Love with a Schizophrenic

Kas Thomas writes about his "all-in" relationship with Sally, a woman diagnosed with schizophrenia. Yesterday, my true love, Sally, had a psychotic break and went into the (mental) hospital, where she'll probably be for the next two weeks. Today, I'm writing as a means of therapy. Therapy for me. I knew going into this relationship that it would entail ups and downs, and hard work... [more inside]
posted by winecork on Jan 1, 2013 - 86 comments

Old Hansa

Networks of the Hanseatic League - The Hanseatic League was a late-medieval network of economically largely independent long-distance trade merchants which was based on trust, reputation and reciprocal relations. The informal cooperation among its members kept transactional, informational and organizational costs low, allowing the Hanse merchants to make good profits from the long-distance trade between the Baltic and the North Seas. Thanks to personal and institutional links with confederations of towns, the Hanse merchants were initially able to strengthen their international position of power. Since the late 15th century, however, the transaction costs of long-distance trade increased as a result of growing exclusivity and formalization efforts in the Hanseatic league. Moreover, changes in the European economic structure, triggered by the discovery of America, and internal conflicts ultimately led to the disintegration of the Hanseatic networks.
posted by infini on Dec 29, 2012 - 14 comments

“I have a tremendous amount of love and support in my life”

A remarkably non-sensational report on polyamorous families. Bookended by 50 Shades of Grey and Gigolos, this 20/20 "special report" on Sierra, Martin, Molly, David, Aaron, Romy, Mark, and J provides a lovely counterpoint to the usual moralizing hand-wringing one finds in media coverage of open relationships.
posted by smammy on Dec 26, 2012 - 14 comments

webs woven

The master map of all game companies and their connections
posted by infini on Dec 19, 2012 - 28 comments

"challenging Casanova"

Guys don't want casual sex: "This stereotype 'tells us that guys are primarily interested in sex, not relationships... This contributes to the notion that guys are emotional clods who are incapable of connecting with their partners because, hey, they’re just guys, and guys are only interested in sex.'... the Wake Forest University professor lays out the current data on young men’s sexual desires and behavior to make a case against this insidious stereotype." Salon interviews Andrew Smiler, author of Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male. [more inside]
posted by flex on Nov 19, 2012 - 122 comments

I will do everything in my power to help him through the transition process

"We discussed the danger of partisan division, and the need for us, all of us, to come together and find common ground after a very rough and divisive couple of weeks. ... It is no secret that Brad and I had two very different visions for you and whom you date. Tonight, you have spoken, and Brad has prevailed." --- The American People Have Spoken About Our Relationship
posted by New Frontier on Nov 7, 2012 - 19 comments

Like a vagina booger!

It happens after you've ran out of things to talk about with your partner, after you get your sh*t together and have talked about plans for a family. It is time to get engaged, send out the invitations, and start planning the wedding. NSFW audio
posted by Brent Parker on Nov 6, 2012 - 24 comments

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