We were each other’s firsts. I was 16, a stressed-out immigrant kid, she was the daughter of Colombian Catholics who were quite fond of the church’s policy on pre-marital sex. So it took us quite a while to awkwardly, semi-defeatedly concede to each other that we had run out of excuses to avoid sex. “This weekend?” I said grimly.
A very sweet Guardian piece called "My parents helped me to lose my virginity
" by novelist Boris Fishman
A lot of women out there are afraid of being something. The template for us is pretty clear: We are meant to have clean skin, a pleasant demeanor, and a nice rack. I'm not speaking up against nice racks, Lord knows. But there are lots of ladies around me, everywhere I go, who hesitate to say what they're thinking and feeling. They go with the flow, they never make waves. And eventually, they don't even seem to know what makes them who they are. They live to serve. They read the books that other people are reading. They say the pleasant things that other people are saying. They never put their needs first, unless it indirectly serves someone else — a manicure, some highlights. They make sure everyone around them is 100 percent satisfied. Like grocery-store managers. Like customer service reps. Like masseuses who also give free happy endings.
Ask Polly on "Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?"
Several couples reminisce about when and how they started fucking: Josh and Debra
, Zack and Evan
, Isaac and Doris
Young people in Japan are increasingly abstaining from romantic relationships and sex
. The media refers to this phenomenon as sekkusu shinai shokogun
, or "celibacy syndrome". [more inside]
Master Bedroom, Extra Closet: The Truth About Gay Marriage
"In the fight for marriage rights, gay activists have (smartly) put forward couples who embody a familiar form of unity... But not all gay unions are built on the straight model, particularly when it comes to the issue of monogamy... The gay rights movement has made a calculated decision to highlight the similarities, not the differences, between straight and gay love on the road to marriage equality."
Right now, though, you can google “polyamory” and get a whole lot of nearly-identical polynormative hype articles, and you can meet up with locals who’ve read the same articles you just did, and you can all get together and do polynormative poly exactly the way the media told you to. And if that’s all you ever bother to do then essentially you are selling yourself short. You are trading in the monogamous norm for polynormativity, which relatively speaking isn’t all that much of a stretch, and stopping there because you may very well think that’s all there is (and you already racked up a whole bunch of cool points anyway). You aren’t encouraged to really think about this stuff without any imposed models at all, which means you never get to figure out what actually might work best for you. As such, the most fundamental element of polyamory—that of rejecting the monogamous standard, and radically rethinking how you understand, make meaning of and practice love, sex, relationships, commitment, communication, and so forth—is lost in favour of a cookie-cutter model that’s as easy as one, two, three. The deepest and most significant benefit of polyamory has become increasingly obscured by media representation, and as a result, is getting farther and farther out of reach for anyone who’s just starting out. the problem with polynormativity
, at Sex Geek
"Men across all cultures reported higher sex drives and less restricted sexual attitudes than women, but women were consistently more variable than men in their sex drives. Another important, if not entirely surprising pattern, suggests that these differences are not entirely biological, and are due in some part to social and cultural ideologies." An io9 article looks at the results from a number of sex surveys.
Guys don't want casual sex
: "This stereotype 'tells us that guys are primarily interested in sex, not relationships... This contributes to the notion that guys are emotional clods who are incapable of connecting with their partners because, hey, they’re just guys, and guys are only interested in sex.'... the Wake Forest University professor lays out the current data on young men’s sexual desires and behavior to make a case against this insidious stereotype." Salon interviews Andrew Smiler
, author of Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male
. [more inside]
The Geek Social Fallacies of Sex.
(Probably SFW in itself, depending on your W - no naughty images - but links out may go to NSFW content) Holly Pervocracy (previously
), a feminist sex blogger, revisits Michael Suileabhain-Wilson's
classic but contentious Geek Social Fallacies
Why do most people assume that all nonmonogamous relationships are destined to fail? Because we only hear about the ones that do. If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a divorce or breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren’t monogamous, because they don’t want to be perceived as dangerous sex maniacs who are destined to divorce. Monogamish Couples Share Their Stories.
From 1999 to 2003, the largely-female UK comedy trope Smack The Pony
had a series of short skits based on video dating ads. Youtube user myLastTears
has edited them together into a supercut: 1
- 4 [more inside]
Angry Jane Doe:
"I have started to sleep around. I sleep with men I am not dating. I sleep with men and refuse to date them, actually. I come to their houses, fuck them, say thank you for a nice time, and don't let the door hit me on the ass on the way out. You might think this is a pretty good deal, but it is not. Because I fuck and tell. Because I'm pissed." (NSFW.) [more inside]
An easy way to have sex without having to communicate.
The Forty Beads method, invented by sex therapist Carolyn Evans
, relies on tokens that allow a husband to give his wife a bead (by putting it in her "beadcatcher") when he's "in the mood," with a 24-hour deadline for "redemption." (Evans also says the roles can be reversed
for those low-libido husbands/high-libido wives).
Sex Is Cheap: Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they're failing in life.
Remember this thread
from last weekend? Here is another interesting take on the dynamics of modern heterosexual relationships.
Cheating, Incorporated: The Infidelity Economy.
"Looking to sneak around on your spouse? Got a little cash to spend? The CEO of Ashley Madison
, a website whose own backers don't even want to be associated with, is happy to take your money.
" (Previously on MeFi) [more inside]
Why does Team Jacob always have to lose? Because Eclipse is a movie about rejecting adulthood, not just as a person but also as a culture. It's about rejecting adult relationships between men and women, but also between people of different races and between people from the city (like Victoria's army) and people from Forks. It's about never crossing boundaries, never leaving home.
Rivers Cuomo Messes You Up Forever:
The six stages of breaking up with an ideal.
Recently, there have been a host of websites that delight in exposing the inanity and stupidity of our society. There is the granddaddy, Overheard in New York
, which recounts silly conversations heard in the Big Apple, as well as a host of similar
There are now a variety of such websites, dedicated to different aspects of our society. [more inside]
"Yes, I have four children. Four children with whom I spend a good part of every day: bathing them, combing their hair, sitting with them while they do their homework, holding them while they weep their tragic tears. But I'm not in love with any of them. I am in love with my husband
What makes married men want to have affairs?
A provocative look at an age-old question from New York Magazine
in Tampa, FL has issued a 30-day sex challenge
: If you're married, have sex every day
(PDF of daily workbook). If you're not married, don't have sex at all
(PDF of daily workbook). There's a blog
, there's a billboard
, there's a lot of press
. [more inside]
Furverts, Expectoration, and Body Inflation.
A handy guide to the other side of Valentine's Day.
, the Path of Masculine Power
, [parts of the site NSFW] was created by a 25 year old guy in LA, who put together his ideas on dating and life advice. The site has a number of his articles on various topics that might be interesting to both men and women such as Are Any of These 5 Energy Vampires Draining Your Life
? There are also informative links to Female Orgasm Mastery
with explicit instructions on how to stimulate the G-Spot
[NSFW], definitely [more inside]
Sex and the College Girl, by Norah Johnson
A view from an educated woman in the 1950s: "Two criticisms rise above the rest: people in college are promiscuous, for one thing, and, for another, they are getting married and having children too early. These are interesting observations because they contradict each other."
Miss Abigail's Time Warp Advice.
Miss Abigail dispenses wisdom from her collection
of vintage advice books
(published from 1822 to 1978). Topics include Minding Your Manners
, Looking And Feeling Good
, Around The House
, Frank Talk About Petting
, and much more. The advice ranges from the very useful to the hilariously quaint, with some unenlightened shockers thrown in for good measure.
Much of contemporary liberal thought rests on the idea of the Social Contract
. In this scheme, we agree to give up a certain amount of freedom in exchange for the protection and opportunity that society provides. Our individual lives mirror this. We defer to others when politeness requires it. We assert ourselves and our needs with pleases and thank yous. Most of daily life has some power dynamic to it, expressed with the subtlety that civilization demands. And what is implicit in daily life is made explicit in the role-playing of BDSM
, based on the idea of a Power Exchange
, where one party explicitly agrees to give up a certain amount of power to another. For most people who are into this, the “scenes” are circumscribed by rules, usually discussed beforehand, such as appropriate safewords, time limits, etc. For a small subset of this group, the typical safeguards are cast aside and the slave surrenders all aspects of his or her life to the master
. The female submissive Polly Peachum has written about this lifestyle in her essay “Violence in the Garden”
about her life as a 24-7 slave and the sexual dimensions of that relationship.
Don't date him girl! Good news for the paranoid.
Invasive site for documenting those unsavory men who have cheated on women. The rebuttal:
warning: flash site with annoying birds. bugmenot
Near Ovulation, Your Cheatin' Heart Will Tell on You
"New research from UCLA and the University of New Mexico suggests that members of "the gentler sex" may have evolved to cheat on their mates during the most fertile part of their cycle — but only when those mates are less sexually attractive than other men."
Uh, look, dude, it's not entirely impossible for you to get laid
. (NSFW, I guess, as far as text can be)
Because "honky" is fun to say,
and a lot of us could use some angry, profane, hilarious, and well-intentioned advice.
Ever wonder what women are really talking about?
Now's your chance to find out
! Learn the secret woman-language of Láadan
, and drive the ladies wild!
Attention Men: Woo your love tonight by transforming yourself into a 19th Century Gentleman.
Oh, who says civility is dead? Although your Maxim may tell you how to bring your mate into ecstacy during takeoff in an airplane restroom, perhaps it's time that we all take a hint from this Gentlemen's Guide to really well-bred Ladies
. Then, sweep her off her feet by learning to dance at An American Ballroom Companion's Dance Instruction Manuals
, which features plenty of videos
for you to study. Ladies, do you yearn for more old-school gentlemen in your life? Would you swoon? Because I need a date tonight.
Hookup vs. Dating
Seems that the 'hook up' is gaining popularity with girls (it's always been popular with boys) in high school and college these days. More and more women are looking to expend their sexual energy in a manner that they perceive to be safe and committment-free. Why didn't this happen when I
was in high school?
Hot Sex Tips And Sure-Fire Techniques For The Uncompromising Sexual Predator Of Today:
An irresistible Flash-requiring entertainment for men and women alike, built around the eternal quest of how to turn on the opposite sex.[As in "The Rottweiller suddenly turned on its owner and savaged both his ankles", that is.
No more Mr. Nice Guy. Nice guys have believed a myth, this myth is the essence of what I call the Nice Guy Syndrome. The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are good, they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life.
Are you a nice guy? Take the test
, if you are, better hurry, there are still therapy groups