HOOAH! "The world's most powerful military has devoted its considerable resources to making an energy bar, and the results are impressive." Finally, you too can enjoy the delicious cuisine of the U.S. Military without having to join.
posted by XQUZYPHYR on Nov 27, 2005 - 59 comments

Sure, you could defend the country, but Houston needs a good defense even more! Say, do you want to shirk your commitment to the armed forces but flat-out desertion is too controversial? Become a pro athlete instead! West Point is revising its rules to stipulate that student athletes who join professional sports teams can avoid active duty. The taxpayer-funded military academy will now allow student athletes to reduce their active duty time if faced with the unbearable burden of being offered multi-million dollar pro contracts.
posted by XQUZYPHYR on May 1, 2005 - 33 comments

According to UPI, the United States has been offered by coalition partner Morocco its tide-turning force of 2,000 monkeys trained to detonate land mines. It wouldn't be so unbelievable if the U.S. wasn't already training dolphins and sea lions to do the same. Considering the carnage already happening to humans in Iraq, this news doesn't inspire thoughts of happy endings for our animal friends.
posted by XQUZYPHYR on Mar 27, 2003 - 28 comments