How the Mast Brothers fooled the world into paying $10 a bar for crappy hipster chocolate [more inside]
Have you recently purchased a bar in Brooklyn, but are completely bereft of original ideas? Firstly, congratulations on joining the thriving Brooklyn bar scene! Secondly, relax! You can use this handy tool to generate a name and menu for your fine establishment – absolutely no imagination neccessary!
Artisanal water is a thing. Products include Fat Water, which contains 2 grams (20 calories) of Bulletproof XCT oil (related: buttered coffee chain). More conventionally, Whole Foods recently sold three stalks of asparagus in 16 oz of water for $6 for a short while. There is artesian Norwegian water, which some allege is “identical to the municipal water supply”. In Texas, Scottish artisanal water is free (though must purchase $2,900 meal to accompany). There is Canadian glacier water, poured by water butlers in Ireland but costing 53 Canadian dollars per bottle. In a Los Angeles bistro, you can drink Berg, a “glacial water from western Greenland” harvested from 15,000-year-old glaciers and displaying “sweet” and “smooth” tones ($20 per 0.75 liter bottle). And finally the Timmy Brothers explain their artisanal water journey (“It’s like opening up a Mark Twain story, except without the racist parts”).
The Timmy Brothers: Water Makers (SLVimeo)
Flotsam General Store: A Post-Structural Online Shopping Experience. A new thing by H. Jon Benjamin (previously) and Eugene Mirman (previously). Here's how it works: You send them money. They send you a sack with things in it. What things? Things they've made. No really what things? You'll have to order a sack to find out. [more inside]
EAT CELEBRITY MEAT: BiteLabs grows meat from celebrity tissue samples and uses it to make artisanal salami. "If it's just a joke—as any half-concious participant in the age of viral marketing ploys and social media hoaxes immediately assumed it to be—then its creators are willing to take it pretty far."
Bacteria from personalities has been used to make human cheese as part of an exhibition on synthetic biology in Dublin. This included cheeses grown from bacteria from various belly buttons, noses, armpits, tears, mouths and toes. If that's a bit too strong for you, then other exhibits in the show include humans reproducing dolphins for food, and mice cloned from Elvis Presley's DNA.
I’ve always written high-quality sentences, prepared with the finest grammatical ingredients. In the coming year, I’m raising the bar even higher: I’ll be offering only artisanal words, locally grown, hand-picked, minimally processed, organically prepared, and sustainably packaged... - by Michael Erard, reprinted at Medium
"So long as you stop thinking in terms of crafts and aim to practice a trade instead, there is more work for humans than people realize... When people talk about saving work or jobs, they mostly talk about saving sexy, income-generating conspicuous production packaged as creative work, in a debt-fueled de facto leisure society." Writer and speaker Venkatesh Rao weighs in on the difference between "Sexy Jobs and Schlub Jobs," and what it means for the future of work. For a slightly different take, see The Death of the 'Prestige Economy'…
Simpsons series 24 episode 7 (The Day The Earth Stood Cool) aired last night, being the hipsterification of Springfield, complete with urban nomads, artisanal donuts, Homer's new attire, the Decemberists, Marge being confused by The Onion, and gentrification. [more inside]
Poems While You Wait A group of Chicago poets, led by Dave Landsberger and Kathleen Rooney, sets up shop at festivals, markets, libraries—even a planetarium—and writes "artisanal" poems on demand, in front of their customers, with proceeds going to a literary non-profit. And they're not the only ones.
Artisinal Pencil Sharpening That is all.
DB Clay, the Portland based artisanal wallet maker, illustrates their financial fall and rebirth in a 20 minute artumentary.