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The air-conditioner hummed like an over-sized bear eating a large salmon

Elizabeth Dorfman of Bainbridge Island, WA, is the 32nd grand prize winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which challenges writers to concoct the worst opening sentence of a hypothetical novel. The winning entry:
When the dead moose floated into view the famished crew cheered – this had to mean land! – but Captain Walgrove, flinty-eyed and clear headed thanks to the starvation cleanse in progress, gave fateful orders to remain on the original course and await the appearance of a second and confirming moose.
More notable entries from this year. [more inside]
posted by Shmuel510 on Aug 12, 2014 - 45 comments

Go ahead. Make him a vampire. Make them ALL vampires.

The Worst Muse is here to help.
posted by bswinburn on Jul 10, 2014 - 52 comments

Brilliantly Bad Books

There has never been another literary figure remotely comparable to “the divine Amanda” (whose real name was Anna Margaret Ross, née McKittrick). She was, many discriminating readers believe, at once the single most atrocious writer who ever lived and also one of the most mesmerizingly delightful. She was supremely talentless—she was wholly incapable of producing a single intelligent or well-formed sentence—and yet her incompetence was so sui generis that it constituted a kind of genius. [more inside]
posted by latkes on Oct 3, 2012 - 75 comments

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

The winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest have been announced for 2011. The contest challenges entrants to compose bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn on Jul 25, 2011 - 46 comments

like pornography, you know it when you see it.

BAD WRITING - the movie [more inside]
posted by philip-random on Dec 14, 2010 - 17 comments

Neurobull

Help, I'm a prisoner in brain fiction factory [more inside]
posted by fcummins on May 7, 2009 - 24 comments

'Bottles of wine, covered with dew, and otters.'

There was no way to simply say, "I read a really bad description in this book last night." I had to scan it and share it for you to understand just how bad it truly, truly was. It is the sort of bad that causes pain and must be shared with other people so you can feel better. Part 1, Part 2. This really is prose so purple that it verges into the infra-red. Some NSFW descriptive naughtiness.
posted by fearfulsymmetry on Apr 1, 2009 - 149 comments

Oh, those dual Stromberg carbs!

2005 Bulwer-Lytton winners announced! As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed...

Thus begins the winner of the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. The winning entry was written by Dan McKay, a Microsoft analyst from Fargo, ND.

One of my personal favorites received The Grand Panjandrum's Special Award: India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia, presented itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if it mattered because Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune and that idea was a chain of steak houses to serve the millions and he wondered, as he deplaned down the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one had thought of it before.
Previous year's winners MF linked here, here, here, here, and, of course, here. Is this a record? A sextuple post?
posted by jasper411 on Aug 1, 2005 - 17 comments

Every wonder why most Hollywood movies completely stink?

Every wonder why most Hollywood movies completely stink? It's 'cuz all the decent writers get put through the wringer like this guy, and give up. He hasn't given up yet, and does seem to at least be getting a lot of free Evian at the production companies pitches at.
posted by GriffX on Jul 18, 2002 - 21 comments

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