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Santa's Death Panel

Abandoned in a hat in the middle of a snowdrift as a newborn, rescued by a woodsman and guarded by a lioness, stolen and raised by a wood nymph, instructed in the ways of all the languages of the animals as a child, on the threshold of manhood he visited medieval Europe, feudal Japan, and Arabian markets to learn the inherent evil of humanity. For his insistence on toymaking, he was terrorized and repeatedly captured by a race determined to corrupt young minds, until his immortal protector came out to defend him with a laser-shooting axe which eradicated the malevolent culture. But can that same protector defend his ward's life to the likes of the Commander of the Wind Demons? The Life and Adventures of Santa Clause, a Rankin/Bass production, Part [1] [2] [3] [4] [5].
posted by Navelgazer on Dec 7, 2009 - 45 comments

Meet the man who pats tiger sharks while sitting on a whale

The Shark Whisperer [more inside]
posted by KokuRyu on Dec 6, 2009 - 37 comments

YOU SHOULD ALL BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

Vadim Ponorovsky, owner of New York restaurant Paradou, wants his customers emails for his newsletter. When the waitstaff failed to collect them he fired off a nasty email to motivate them.

Somebody sent it Gawker.

Ponorovsky explains what he was thinking to Grubstreet and Black Book Magazine.

The Waiter over at Waiter Rant weighs in.
posted by Bonzai on Nov 28, 2009 - 151 comments

Everyone's On LSD!

Autistics on LSD Elephants on LSD British Troops on LSD Spiders on LSD Cats on LSD Argentinians on LSD Childhood Schizophrenics on LSD
posted by jonp72 on Nov 27, 2009 - 78 comments

Homeowackopathy

Homeopathy has been discussed on the Blue before, but you've never heard it explained so well as this. You'll learn lessmore about physics than you've ever believed possible, and see how Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity ties in to homeopathic medicine, and Stephen Hawking's String Theory makes it all happen. [more inside]
posted by Vamier on Nov 9, 2009 - 241 comments

Cattle mutilation

A long-standing element of ufo/paranormal conspiracy theory, cattle mutilation has been reported in the United States for several decades. Here's some FOIA documents relating to the FBI's investigation (and discussions of whether they had jurisdiction to investigate) from the 1970's. All links are PDFs: cattle1.pdf, cattle2.pdf. cattle3.pdf, cattle4.pdf,cattle5.pdf.
posted by rmd1023 on Nov 3, 2009 - 30 comments

Or at least half of one.

Matthias Schlitte is a modern day popeye.

"...by only increasing the size of his one forearm and no other part of his body, he has allowed himself to arm wrestle in lower weight classes, even though his arm is as strong or stronger than much bigger men than him."
posted by lazaruslong on Oct 27, 2009 - 68 comments

Christmas taken care of.

HIV Clock. Masturbating dinosaur wall art. Kitten Head on Amputee. Regretsy posts some of the stranger items offered for sale on Etsy.
posted by permafrost on Oct 10, 2009 - 63 comments

"What have we got to lose?"

We welcome anyone to visit our town! There are no commandos in the streets. There is no fence or gate being built around Hardin. People are free to come and go as they please. APF is not running our town or our police force. [more inside]
posted by mek on Oct 1, 2009 - 128 comments

Ass, Backwards

It became necessary, one day, at Willet's Point, to destroy a worthless mule, and the subject was made the occasion of giving instruction to the military class there stationed. The mule was placed in proper position before the camera and duly focused. Upon the animal's forehead a cotton bag was tied containing six ounces of dynamite.....
Instantaneous Photography, 1881 style. From Scientific American, September 24, 1881: (a) Text (b) Engravings: Before the Explosion; After the Explosion. (c) Photographs: The Explosion. images from stereoviews.com; link via things magazine.
posted by Rumple on Sep 29, 2009 - 90 comments

The Poisoned Distraction of Music

Women of the world! Russ Lindquist, also known as russfloyd (Multi-Link Youtubery ahead), wants you to 'Know your Enemy'. [more inside]
posted by eatyourcellphone on Sep 26, 2009 - 19 comments

To the edge of human endurance, and beyond

Jure Robič raced on bicycles in his hometown in Slovenia, skilled enough to race with small Slovene teams but nothing professionally, supporting himself with a sales job for a bike-parts dealer. It was with the death of his mother in 1997 and his subsequent depression that Robič discovered his calling: ultra-endurance cycle races, in which he competes with a methodical madness. (1 page print version, via). [more inside]
posted by filthy light thief on Sep 25, 2009 - 23 comments

Haast's eagles were to NZ as Dingos are to Australia

Legends from New Zealand held that there was a large predator bird, known as pouakai, that was big enough to carry human beings off to its nest or den. Some people associated stories of Pouakai with the giant flightless Moa, extinct in 1773. Others thought it might be another extinct giant bird on the South Island, Haast's Eagle (Harpagornis moorei). The eagle, locally known as Te Hokioi, has been extinct for 500 years, overlapping with the early settlers by some 200 years. There was some speculation that the giant eagle was a scavenger due to partially protected nasal openings, which are benefit to protect nasal cavities when digging into carcasses, analogous to features found on accipitrid vultures. Recent studies have provide there is proof that the Haast's Eagle was a fearsome predator, with talons like tigers and the ability to dive on prey at 80 kilometers per hour (50 mph). [more inside]
posted by filthy light thief on Sep 16, 2009 - 22 comments

KFC Double Down

"God clearly did not mean for humans to eat chicken, bacon, and low-quality, gelatinous cheese at the same time." Nathan Rabin tackles KFC's Double Down combo.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey on Sep 15, 2009 - 113 comments

I took your purse and felt a connection.

The 20 most bizarre Craigslist posts of all time.
posted by miss lynnster on Sep 15, 2009 - 43 comments

Time is the universal frequency of synchronization, mathematically expressed as a ratio constant, 13:20

Welcome to the official website of the Galactic Research Institute of the Foundation for the Law of Time (via i09)
posted by fearfulsymmetry on Sep 10, 2009 - 42 comments

The U.S. Embassy in Afghanistan is guarded by gross perverts.

The U.S. Embassy in Afghanistan is guarded by gross perverts. (Photos!)
posted by Optimus Chyme on Sep 1, 2009 - 103 comments

I'm crazy. Crazy for feeling so blue.

Some guy named Spence Peppard takes a flying shot at Willie Nelson and Patsy Cline's Crazy.
posted by loquacious on Aug 28, 2009 - 50 comments

"This is the most fucked-up comic signing story I've ever read"

To clarify the "incident" at my Seattle signing. NSFW! - artist Alex Pardee deals with some crazy shit. (via)
posted by Artw on Aug 23, 2009 - 89 comments

Go topless... and let me tell you about some UFOs

The second annual National Go Topless Protest Day will be held this Sunday, August 23, in various American cities. It happens to be run by Raelians, members of a UFO religion founded by Rael, a former French sports-car journalist and test driver born Claude Vorilhon. (Coverage of last year's protest in New York City, which is, as one might suspect, NSFW.) Though the current "Go Topless!" site talks more about women's rights than Raelism, in 2004, Raelian women were marching topless not for the legalization of bare breastedness, but against "the repressive Myth of God." Don't remember the Raelians? This is just the most recent stunt by the publicity-hungry group that capitalizes on media-friendly controversy: in 2002, during the slow news week between Christmas and New Year's Day, they announced the creation of the first human clone, gaining what Rael estimated at over $500 million of free media coverage. In an interview, Rael unabashedly discusses his passion for publicity. [more inside]
posted by ocherdraco on Aug 21, 2009 - 63 comments

New World Order

Lady Gaga: Illuminati mind control puppet
posted by Artw on Aug 16, 2009 - 134 comments

The Government didn't warn us about the alien threat!

In august of 1979, Philip Schneider was working as a government Geologist building secret military bases when he became involved in an underground battle with alien Greys which left 67 secret service and military personnel dead. [more inside]
posted by jadayne on Aug 12, 2009 - 43 comments

Iä, iä, Cthulhu nom.

If French Fry Coated Hot Dogs* were too sane for you... Russian Haired Sausage!
posted by Anything on Aug 5, 2009 - 58 comments

Where do you get your health insurance from?

A simple question shows how complex the issue is. Chris at "Cynical C" asks his fellow citizens where they get thier health care (insurance) from and the incredible diversity of the current options and situations is immediately apparent. Quite spontaneously (but surely not unexpectedly), the question of "How much does it cost you?" becomes an essential part of the answers. Outsiders opine and tell stories and commiserate. [more inside]
posted by sid abotu on Aug 4, 2009 - 117 comments

My Frys sound funny

Fox has announced that due to a refusal to meet salary demands, the upcoming new episodes of Futurama on Comedy Central will be replacing the entire principal voice cast, having failed to reach agreements with any of the core team of Billy West, Katey Sagal, John DiMaggio, Maurice LaMarche, and Tress MacNeil. On the plus side, the lame imitations your friends have been doing for years can now be put to the test in the open casting call for cheaper sound-alikes.
posted by XQUZYPHYR on Jul 17, 2009 - 137 comments

And you thought I was sexy...

Corpse-eating zombie robots.
posted by sexyrobot on Jul 16, 2009 - 50 comments

so what is it or r u just going to ignore me ? i thought we were friends even tho i am ur ex?

"I'm dressed as a piece of chocolate because you're allergic to chocolate. But I'm a piece of chocolate you can have!" Psychotic Letters from Men.
posted by Optimus Chyme on Jul 15, 2009 - 159 comments

Gary the Landlord

Gary, I dropped off the key with Mike earlier today. Do you have any other reasons for holding on to my security deposit? Let me know, Gabe [more inside]
posted by jabberjaw on Jul 9, 2009 - 78 comments

Financial innovation, you say?

Madness is doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (SLBP)
posted by vivelame on Jul 9, 2009 - 29 comments

Minty, fresh [CENSORED], or your money back!

Internet nasties affecting network freshness? Try Censordyne! [more inside]
posted by cheaily on Jul 8, 2009 - 17 comments

Bloop Bleep Bloop Bleep Bloop Bleep Bloop wee wee wee wee CRSSHHH!.... ok that's a wrap.

Asteroids... the movie?
posted by geos on Jul 2, 2009 - 91 comments

Duct Tape FTW

There, I Fixed It - "Epic Kludges + Adventures In Home Pwnership"
posted by fearfulsymmetry on Jun 29, 2009 - 86 comments

The way you make me feel.

A journalist is filing charges against Big Pharma, the WHO, UN officials and Barack Obama, among others. For attempted mass genocide. Michael Jackson's death plays a part in this. [more inside]
posted by _dario on Jun 28, 2009 - 132 comments

One Gentleman's Quest to Find His Goddess

Mark is looking for his Goddess. From Mark's site: My Global Vision addresses and integrates a large number of disciplines. Its ultimate goal is to greatly reduce human suffering on planet Earth. It is deep, complex, and mind-boggling. [more inside]
posted by everichon on Jun 25, 2009 - 85 comments

When I'm six-six-six

If you thought The Beatles' incredible success had something to do with talent, hard work, good luck or a combination of the three, you'd be wrong. It was all Satan's work.
posted by aldurtregi on Jun 22, 2009 - 127 comments

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss

Ahmedinejad is declared victor in Iran presidential race. In spite of skepticism on the behalf of (among others) the Obama Administration, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei on Saturday told all Iranians to respect Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's victory.
posted by orville sash on Jun 13, 2009 - 581 comments

White-power gunman opens fire at Holocaust Museum.

White-power gunman opens fire at Holocaust Museum. [more inside]
posted by FatherDagon on Jun 10, 2009 - 466 comments

It's gonna be great, It's gonna be awesome.

The bar for utterly ironic chorus lyrics has possibly been out of the reach of normal people for now. Hard Place show considerable, erm, 'flair' as well as awareness of, erm....well. Um. This is too hard to describe. Justice can only be done by watching it. (SLYT + 1) via
posted by Brockles on Jun 6, 2009 - 34 comments

Never forget

Today marks the 5th anniversary of Marvin Heemeyer's killdozer rampage in Granby, Colorado. This resulted in the destruction of 13 buildings and an estimated $7 million in damage, a surreal heavy equipment duel with the police, and Heemeyer himself the sole casualty. Watch a fan-assembled montage of footage from the event.
posted by 7segment on Jun 4, 2009 - 55 comments

Exactly What it Says on the Tin

30 Awesomely Bad Unicorn Tattoos [nsfw]
posted by Navelgazer on Jun 2, 2009 - 89 comments

Arthur Kade: Desperately Seeking Soul

Arthur Kade, Philly Celebrity In Training That’s what makes me Arthur Kade, people want to see the ups and downs of a rising star that is not interested in just being a celebrity, but a world class leading man who is human. [more inside]
posted by mygothlaundry on Jun 1, 2009 - 118 comments

I'm Lovin' It

"It's true that McD's hiring process and training is essentially getting you to breathe on a mirror, and, if it fogs up, you're in... but that doesn't mean we're all bad. Just that we're a mixed bag. A lot of the time, McDonalds is the only place that will hire teenagers or immigrants, regardless of their skills, especially in todays climate." McDonald's Talk [more inside]
posted by netbros on May 29, 2009 - 92 comments

The Biology Textbook That Wished It Was A Progressive Rock Album

This is your biology textbook. This is your biology textbook on drugs. Any questions?
posted by jonp72 on May 5, 2009 - 37 comments

Capitalism is evil, give me money so I can protest it.

I STEAL YOUR MONEY. Not for the easily-color-blinded. Plenty of good insane here. Click the big green X and go exploring. TORMENT is particularly busy.
posted by Devils Rancher on Apr 26, 2009 - 36 comments

Citizen Quazar and the Oath Keepers

Everybody knows about the Tax Day Tea Parties held earlier this month. Now, thanks in part to the FBI's arrest of a man calling himself Citizen Quazar, we have news of related events called Oath Keeper Rallies. Who are the Oath Keepers and what is their Oath? Will their next rally & oath taking (June 13 in Washington DC as part of the Gathering of Eagles Victory in Iraq ceremony) get any coverage from Fox? (via)
posted by scalefree on Apr 24, 2009 - 72 comments

The Founders of Gospel Mime: A New Dimension of Worship

Put your hands together for the animated ministry epileptic seizures of K & K Mime. Not over the top enough for you? How about ICCM (come for the Flash intro, stick around for the voice of God warning you about the IRS). Or how about Evangel Cathedral.net, feel free to skip the intro and enjoy the floor show, or Drum & Bass Ministries? All are the divinely inspired creative work of Sharper FX.com.
posted by furtive on Apr 20, 2009 - 21 comments

DROPPEDIT'S ONE-SHOE SCENES IN MOVIES AND TV

Women losing their shoes, mostly high heels, appear to be a common theme in movies and TV serials... This list one is the first, consisting of what I term “Prime” shoe loss scenes... [more inside]
posted by fearfulsymmetry on Apr 18, 2009 - 50 comments

This is the most impressive business card I have ever seen.

Your business card is CRAP! (SLYT)(via).
posted by ND¢ on Apr 16, 2009 - 121 comments

Ghost Pepper

Take the world's hottest peppers, rub them in your eyes and then eat 51 of them in world record attempt. Mere mortals blanch at one or two (language in this last link unsurprisingly NSFW).
posted by caddis on Apr 10, 2009 - 42 comments

Pseudoscientists Win Prizes When Pigs Fly

On April Fools Day 2009, the James Randi Educational Foundation announced the Pigasus Awards for 2008 for the worst in pseudoscientific irrationality. The Scientist award was given to Dr. Colin A. Ross for his claims that he can shoot electromagnetic energy beams from his eyes. The Funding Organization award went to Walt Ruloff and his co-producers for bankrolling the Intelligent Design documentary, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. The Media award went to cable channels such as Comedy Central that still run ads for Enzyte even though the company's owner is now serving a 25-year sentence for fraud. The Perfomer award was typically awarded in the past to cheesy psychics such as Uri Geller or Sylvia Browne, but this year the (dis)honor goes to actress/spokesmodel Jenny McCarthy for her antivaccination activism, a stance that inspired the Jenny McCarthy Body Count. Finally, a new award for "most persistent refusal to face reality" was presented to infomercial pitchman Kevin Trudeau, who continues selling his books on "natural cures" despite a judge slapping him with a $37 million fine for false claims.
posted by jonp72 on Apr 7, 2009 - 78 comments

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