How to Pick a Life Partner. From afar, a great marriage is a sweeping love story, like a marriage in a book or a movie. And that’s a nice, poetic way to look at a marriage as a whole.
But human happiness doesn’t function in sweeping strokes, because we don’t live in broad summations—we’re stuck in the tiny unglamorous folds of the fabric of life, and that’s where our happiness is determined.
So if we want to find a happy marriage, we need to think small—we need to look at marriage up close and see that it’s built not out of anything poetic, but out of 20,000 mundane Wednesdays.
This is the second of two posts. The first one tells us why we suck at picking life partners
. [more inside]
posted by storybored
on Jun 27, 2014 -
"Objectifying men who objectify women in 3 easy steps:
1. Man sends crude opening line via internet.
2. Draw him naked.
3. Send portrait to lucky man and enjoy results."
I bring you: Instagranniepants. Very NSFW.
posted by Pronoiac
on Apr 27, 2014 -
Comedian Aziz Ansari has posted a subreddit
asking for relationship and dating experiences. Ansari and NYU professor Eric Klinenberg are using the subreddit as part of their research for a new book on modern romance in the US and elsewhere. [more inside]
posted by sweetkid
on Mar 7, 2014 -
Automate your love life.
Facial attractiveness is surprisingly uncomplicated to quantify. Essentially, evolution has us seeking partners that are as “normal” as possible. Anything that is unusually big or small, any ratio that differs from \phi, or about 1.618, hurts the score. After the face(s) are identified in the image, a mask of 25 anthropometric proportion indices is overlaid and mean compliance is measured. [more inside]
posted by kandinski
on Nov 21, 2013 -
For my generation, a proper grounding in dating chutzpah, like the teaching of English grammar, had been removed from the curriculum. I'm not sure Michael Gove is the man to put that right. A lot of men my age went into the world thinking that the only way you got a girlfriend was to find a way of copping off with someone at a party. And the level of drunkenness often required by both individuals in order to make that happen can impair judgment of mutual compatibility. I'm not saying I approve of arranged marriage, but it sometimes works better than getting hammered, having a cry, drinking through it, throwing up and then returning to the party's chaotic closing minutes saying to yourself: "Right, who's left?" Which is why I usually stopped at the throwing-up stage. David Mitchell on online dating
posted by ersatz
on Aug 5, 2013 -
Nicolas Guéguen is a researcher in human behaviour
who runs curious and somehow whimsical experiments. With the help of a small army of "confederates", he studies the effects of various stimuli, including dogs
, fireman uniforms
, bust size (inflatable)
, hair color
etc. on the courtship, sexual, helping, chivalrous, tipping, buying, hiring, compliance or eating behaviour of unsuspecting victims. Because not all experiments are successful, he has also published one failure
in the Journal of Articles in Support of the Null Hypothesis
Selected papers are listed below the fold. [more inside]
posted by elgilito
on May 17, 2013 -
Political Identification: communist
"Dear Bloody Red Heart,
I have recently started seeing a communist woman, and I really like her, but my problem is that I still have overwhelmingly strong feelings for the communist woman I had a thing with in the summer, and who has gone to fight the good fight in other lands. Should I tell the comrade I’m currently seeing about my divided affections? As we are not yet in full communism, I fear I may not have enough to go round…
From: Bloody Red Heart"
Always remember that information is power, and functions as such." [more inside]
posted by the man of twists and turns
on Apr 2, 2013 -
Right now, though, you can google “polyamory” and get a whole lot of nearly-identical polynormative hype articles, and you can meet up with locals who’ve read the same articles you just did, and you can all get together and do polynormative poly exactly the way the media told you to. And if that’s all you ever bother to do then essentially you are selling yourself short. You are trading in the monogamous norm for polynormativity, which relatively speaking isn’t all that much of a stretch, and stopping there because you may very well think that’s all there is (and you already racked up a whole bunch of cool points anyway). You aren’t encouraged to really think about this stuff without any imposed models at all, which means you never get to figure out what actually might work best for you. As such, the most fundamental element of polyamory—that of rejecting the monogamous standard, and radically rethinking how you understand, make meaning of and practice love, sex, relationships, commitment, communication, and so forth—is lost in favour of a cookie-cutter model that’s as easy as one, two, three. The deepest and most significant benefit of polyamory has become increasingly obscured by media representation, and as a result, is getting farther and farther out of reach for anyone who’s just starting out. the problem with polynormativity
, at Sex Geek
posted by davidjmcgee
on Jan 28, 2013 -
RelationshipFilter: Date Lab
from The Washington Post
and Dinner With Cupid
from The Boston Globe
are both columns that follow couples before and after their first blind date.
posted by OmieWise
on Dec 20, 2012 -
From the mid 40s to the mid 50s Coronet Instructional Films
were always ready to provide social guidance for teenagers on subjects as diverse as dating
, preparing for being drafted
, and shyness
, as well as to children on following the law
, the value of quietness in school
, and appreciating our parents
. They also provided education on topics such as the connection between attitudes and health
, what kind of people live in America
, how to keep a job
, supervising women workers
, the nature of capitalism
, and the plantation System in Southern life
. Inside is an annotated collection of all 86 of the complete Coronet films in the Prelinger Archives
as well as a few more. Its not like you had work to do or anything right? [more inside]
posted by Blasdelb
on Nov 1, 2012 -
After having spent one too many years not interacting with the opposite sex, I began to feel like I would never find a partner, and so it is with a sense of urgency that I've decided to invite people to contact me here. [more inside]
posted by grobstein
on Oct 22, 2012 -
Internet dating destroyed my sense of myself as someone I both know and understand and can also put into words
. It had a similarly harmful effect on my sense that other people can accurately know and describe themselves. It left me irritated with the whole field of psychology. I began responding only to people with very short profiles, then began forgoing the profiles altogether...Internet dating alerted me to the fact that our notions of human behaviour and achievement, expressed in the agglomerative text of hundreds of internet dating profiles, are all much the same and therefore boring and not a good way to attract other people. [more inside]
posted by latkes
on Oct 22, 2012 -
The problem is that the fedora
has become a go-to accessory for a peculiar subculture of love-entitled male nerds whose social inexperience and awkwardness manifests in a world rocked by a gender revolution—a tectonic shift in the makeup of formerly cloistered, rule-bound clubs. They aren't bad people – they simply need a place from which to draw a sense of manhood, if not from women.
posted by rhiannonstone
on Oct 2, 2012 -
"Is online dating a different experience for men than it is for women? To find out, I conducted a 4-month experiment in the US and UK using 10 dummy dating profiles. Here's what happened...
posted by surenoproblem
on Jun 30, 2012 -
Is online dating destroying love? We are doomed, perhaps, to be unsatisfied creatures, whose desires are fulfilled only momentarily before we go on the hunt for new objects to scratch new itches. Which suggests that online dating sites will be filling us with hopes – and disappointments – for a good while yet. [more inside]
posted by modernnomad
on Feb 7, 2012 -